Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
“Police have confirmed this morning that the unidentified female body found in an industrial area was a victim of foul play. Unconfirmed reports that this may be the work of the throat slayer, a killer that could be tied to seven other murders of women around the city. Police remind women to be vigilant in their travels, to not trust strangers and to not walk in unpopulated areas alone at night.”
The newscaster’s voice pierced my brain. Light streamed into my bedroom. I groaned and made stabbing motions towards my alarm clock radio before I finally succeeded in turning it off.
My head throbbed. As I rolled over, I became alarmed that I might throw up again. Memories bleeped through my mind, like a bad movie. The party. Kissing Jackson. Julie and Jackson flirting. Matt and his coworker. Violent barfing. The fight between Matt and Jackson. Matt leaving. So much anger. So much hurt. I couldn’t even process what I had heard last night between the two of them. I couldn’t digest it.
I staggered out of bed and into my bathroom. Everything looked pristine. The towels neatly folded on the rack. The toilet looked spotless. I shut my eyes. Jackson at some point had cleaned my bathroom. Matt couldn’t care less if I had been sick, but somehow Jackson had found the time to clean my bathroom in the middle of the night? He must have done so when I was lying on the couch downstairs. My behavior last night had been reprehensible. Why was Matt acting so crazy? I couldn’t even wrap my mind around the trouble between us. I had kissed Jackson, and only God knew what Matt had been up to. He hadn’t come home last night. I knew deep in my heart there was trouble brewing, but I honestly did not want to see the truth.
I showered and walked downstairs. Jackson stood in the kitchen, looking fresh in his t-shirt and jeans. Pulled low over his eyes was his favorite baseball cap. I glanced around the spotless room and noticed his big black duffle bag at the door.
My hands jammed into my armpits. He was leaving too. I lifted my chin and walked to the island. Green eyes looked at me. So serious.
My voice scratched. “Thank you for helping me last night.”
He regarded me with an intensity I didn’t know how to decipher.
“Did Matt come back yet?” I tried again.
He shook his head. I stared up at his face unable to determine his thoughts. He let nothing show.
“Why are you leaving?” My voice sounded desperate even to my ears.
He looked down at the floor. “I think it’s better for you and Matt.”
“Who did he leave with last night?”
“That’s a conversation you need to have with him.”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“You should talk to Matt.”
“What was last night about between the two of you?”
“You need to ask him that.”
“I'm asking you.”
Green eyes met mine. No response. Just blank.
“Do they train you to be like that?” Hurt laced my voice.
“Like what? ”
“Not showing how you feel?”
He stared back at me.
“Where will you go?”
Nothing. He inhaled through his nose. Emotionally unresponsive.
Anger bubbled up inside of me. For how stupid everything was. For the fight between him and Matt. For how this man who stood before me made me feel things I didn’t want to feel. For the cold fear I felt every time I thought about Matt and me. And for the anxiety that drenched my skin when I thought of Jackson walking out the door. If I could make Jackson stay, I might be able to reverse this curse in my life. However irrational, if Jackson didn’t leave, then maybe, somehow, everything else would work out.
“You’re not going,” I marched to his duffle bag. It made no sense, but I dreaded being alone with Matt. I refused to face what would happen if Matt and I had too much time alone together. Terrible things would happen.
I attempted to pick up the duffle bag but staggered under the weight. I managed to lift it a couple of inches off the ground. I panted with effort.
He appeared beside me.
“What could you possibly have in this bag to make it weigh this much?” I grunted. When it became too heavy, my weak arms unwillingly dropped the bag back on the floor.
“Emily.”
“No,” I put my hand up. “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I'm bringing your bag upstairs, and you can forget about leaving.”
“Emily.”
He showed no emotion. I clung to the duffle bag handles.
“Why is everyone leaving!” I yelled. “Why does everyone leave me?”
He crouched down on his haunches in front of me and looked up at me. His beautiful features were swimming in my tears. “Who left? ”
“Everyone. My mom. My Dad. My granny. Other stupid people. Matt. And now you. No one wants to stay. I just thought if one person stayed here things would work out.” Tears poured down my cheeks. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you.”
“Where is Matt? What’s going on with him? Why is he gone all the time?” My voice cracked. “I don’t understand this.”
I dropped to the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees and put my head down. I lifted my face and looked at him. “But I understand why you want to leave.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I'm crazy. And messy. I don’t blame you. I want to leave me too.”
His eyes were shadowed beneath the brim of his baseball cap, hiding his expression.
The words poured out of me in a torrent. “I tried to kill you, but you still helped me pick wedding invitations. You saved me from getting run over. My stupid friends, even the married ones, all hit on you. And then I kissed you. Right before I barfed on you. You cleaned up after my big stupid party, and no one would blame you for wanting to leave. But you should know that you might be the greatest house guest I have ever had and maybe one of the nicest friends too.”
He just crouched there, watching me. No expression.
I hiccuped.
“I’m not leaving because of you. I'm leaving for you.”
“If you want to do something for me, then just stay.”
A long, sad pause hung between us.
“Sorry. I'm so stupid,” I gulped air into my lungs. “Now I'm making it worse. I’m just embarrassing us both.”
He lifted his hat up and put it back on his head. “Emily.”
A soft knock sounded on the door. Jackson and I looked at each other. The rolling door slid open. Irene, Matt’s mom, stood in front of us. She took in my huddled form, and tearful face with Jackson crouched beside me and his duffle bag .
“Oh sorry,” she said, “Is this a bad time?”
Jackson stood up and walked over to her. I wiped my face and watched as she presented a cheek for him to kiss.
I scrambled to my feet, and she gave me a look that was hard to read. “I'm so sorry to drop in on you like this. I heard that Jackson was in town.”
I shook my head. “Of course. I didn’t think. I should have invited you myself.”
She looked down at the bag and then up at Jackson. “So are you coming or going?”
Jackson looked at me. His expression was hard to make out.
I wiped my face. “Why don’t I make some coffee? Did you drive here?”
“No, I took the train and yes, I would love some coffee.”
I started moving to the kitchen. Jackson had set up the new coffee maker, and now it was my turn to stand and stare at it. I had asked for a coffee maker with gadgets.
He appeared behind me. “I can make the coffee.”
I sat down at the island while Irene and I looked at each other. I had hoped that Matt’s mom and I would become close friends, but she wasn’t the warmest woman I had ever met in my life. I vowed to give her another try.
Irene looked at Jackson, “How long are you stateside?”
“Three months.”
“Matt told me that you were here.”
“I should have called.”
Silence hung in the air.
His voice was low, “How’s the house?”
“Oh, things are good. I might need to have the shingles replaced this year. My neighbor gave me the name of two contractors.”