Chapter 20
20
Bonus Chapter
Ig n ora n ce Is n ’t Bliss
W hen Eva stepped inside, she was greeted by the sight of Belial leaning against the wall in all his looming intensity. His arms were crossed, and his jaw was set. She got the sense his patience was running thin, and she really didn’t want to find out what happened when it finally ran out.
Then again, she could guess. The sight of him bursting into flames was probably going to give her nightmares for a while.
“You’re ready to go, then?” he said. “The hellgate’s ready.”
“I just need to grab my stuff,” Eva replied quickly. “And put my cat in his carrier.” She shot a look at Raum, who was still seated at the dining table beside Meph, Thelonious in his lap. “Just give me five minutes.”
“Fine,” he growled. “Just hurry up.”
She nodded and scurried away, eager to escape his intensity.
“Chill out,” she heard Ash say to Bel before she slipped back into his room. She paused in the doorway to listen. “Don’t scare her.”
Eva bristled slightly. It was true she was a little nervous, but she didn’t need Ash fighting her battles, and she didn’t want him making her look weak to his brothers. The last thing she wanted was for Belial to know she was afraid of him.
“I’m not,” Bel said defensively. “I’ve been perfectly nice.”
“You wouldn’t know nice if it hit you in the face with a shovel.”
“Funny, because hitting you in the face with a shovel is exactly what I’m going to do if you don’t get your shit together in the next five fucking minutes so we can leave.”
Ash mumbled a parting insult, and then she heard him stalking down the hall toward her. She hurried into the room, looking for something to do with her hands so it wasn’t obvious she’d been eavesdropping.
She settled on making the bed, which took all of ten seconds. When she straightened again and spun around, Ash was standing behind her. He’d closed the door, and for some reason, that made her heart race.
Which was stupid. They’d been alone on the balcony two minutes ago. She’d had sex with the man multiple times. He’d kissed and touched and licked every inch of her body.
She did not need to be thinking about that right now.
They stared at each other, a beat of silence passing.
He broke the connection first, stalking over to the dresser and setting the headphones he’d been using atop it. The speaker she’d lent him was beside them. He suddenly tugged his tank top over his head, giving her a view of his muscled back, long hair spilling over it. Her mouth went dry.
“What are you doing?” she croaked.
“Just gonna change my shirt before we go.” He balled the old shirt up, tossed it onto a pile of black fabric in the corner, and then pulled open the dresser drawer and started digging through it.
She stood there and stared at his back, watching the play of tiny muscles as he moved. Mesmerized.
With a mental smack, she dragged her eyes away, trying to remember what the hell she was doing here. Getting my stuff so we can go. Right. Stuff. She had stuff. She’d brought a backpack full of haphazardly packed clothing, yet she was still wearing Ash’s T-shirt.
Whatever. It was comfy and smelled good, and she didn’t feel like changing.
She grabbed her bag from the floor and stuffed yesterday’s outfit into it. When she straightened, she found Ash watching her, a fresh T-shirt in his hands that he had yet to put on.
Their eyes met and held yet again. She cursed him for drawing her into those indigo depths. She cursed him for being so damned attractive. Her gaze wandered down his bare torso against her will.
And then she realized the skin was perfectly smooth and unblemished. Even the scar she’d seen yesterday was gone.
“You’re really healed,” she said, remembering the sickening smell of burning flesh as Raum had cauterized the wound. She hadn’t doubted his brother’s word, but it was still a shock to see with her own eyes.
Ash looked down at himself, sending his hair swooping forward. He brushed a hand over where the wound had been. “Yeah. Usually I’d have a scar for a few days.” He frowned. “I don’t know why it healed so fast.”
Because I fed you my blood, probably. But she wasn’t telling him that.
“I’m glad you’re okay.” Her voice was slightly breathless, and she winced.
He looked back at her. “Thanks. I—” He swallowed. “You too.”
“I wasn’t hurt.”
“You were scared.” He glanced away. “I don’t like it when you’re scared.”
Damn it, he was not cute. “I wasn’t that scared,” she said, suddenly remembering his earlier words to Belial. “And you don’t need to protect me from your brother either.”
He frowned.
“I’m not scared of Belial.” Lie. She totally was.
Understanding dawned. “Bel is a dick. I was just reminding him to watch his step around you.”
“I can handle him.” Actually, she highly doubted that was true, but she was putting on a brave face, and “fake it till you make it” was still the best advice she’d ever heard.
“Eva.” His eyes were suddenly beseeching. “I—”
“Did you get the speaker to work?” she interrupted, gaze landing on the device on the dresser. She wasn’t ready to hear anything more about feelings right now. Demons weren’t the only ones capable of being overwhelmed by emotions. She still wasn’t ready to let go of her anger and sense of betrayal, but it was hard to stay mad when he looked at her with those big sad eyes.
His head turned to look at the speaker. “Yeah. I figured it out the first time I called you. The night we first— Yeah.”
She coughed lightly and pretended not to feel the wave of heat that washed over her at the memories of his moans distorting her phone speaker. She’d never thought she’d be into phone sex, but damn, it was extremely hot with him. “What did you listen to?” she asked to distract herself.
“Herbie.”
She chuckled. “Herbie Hancock, Miles Davis, Oscar Peterson... You really like the old-school guys, huh.”
“To be fair, the last time I was on Earth, they weren’t old school.”
She blinked. Damn, that was too weird. But then that would mean... “You haven’t heard any new music since when? The seventies? Eighties?”
“Eighties, I guess?”
“Oh my god,” she breathed, and she couldn’t help it. Her eyes lit up with the possibilities. “Old school is brilliant, but you need to listen to some current innovators. Shit, I have so much music to show you!”
His eyes lit up too. “Yes, please.”
“Some of my favorite modern jazz artists are piano players. I know a few with a style that reminds me of yours. Honestly, Ash, it’s amazing you’ve got such a unique style without having any current influences. You’re going to die when you hear—”
“Are you two fucking ready yet?” Belial’s voice boomed from down the hall.
Eva smiled sheepishly, realizing they’d been distracted. Ash smiled too. That smile. He was so damn pretty, she could stare at him for hours and not get bored.
“Later,” he said. “Show me later.”
She nodded. “You’re going to love my parents’ house. They have a sweet music room with a grand piano. It’s way nicer than mine.”
His eyes lit up again at that.
“We can jam ‘My Funny Valentine’ again.”
“I’d like that,” he said eagerly. Adorably.
Stupid, Eva. He’s a demon, remember? A demon jazz pianist. She snorted a laugh at the absurdity of it all, and he frowned.
“What?”
“Nothing. You’re just... an anomaly. Or an enigma, I don’t know. Maybe both.”
He looked more confused, if anything.
“I mean, a demon musician? That sounds crazy to say out loud.”
He shrugged and looked away, and was he... blushing? She couldn’t tell, but his expression seemed shuttered and he was avoiding her eyes. “Demons can’t be musicians,” he said.
“That’s a stupid statement,” she replied. “You’re a musician. And a demon. Ergo, a demon musician.”
“Yeah, but like I said before, demons don’t have souls, so they can’t—”
“And that’s bullshit. I’ve seen you play. You’re incredible. I don’t care who or what you are. That’s a fact.”
He looked intently back at her, and yet a-fucking-gain, she found herself caught in the trap of his gaze.
He stepped closer, and she was suddenly painfully aware of the fact that he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and that he was still just as stupidly gorgeous as always, and she still hadn’t developed any method of resisting him.
If he’d been charming, flirtatious, she’d have been able to brush him off, but it was his awkward vulnerability that robbed her of all her defenses.
He seemed so confused by her sometimes that she knew he was being completely open with his emotions. He didn’t understand them well enough to hide them, and damn her, but she found it endearing.
He reached up, fingering a curl that lay over her cheek. When he brushed it back, tucking it behind her ear, a shiver raced down her spine. The curl sprang free again, so he tucked it a second time.
“You’re so pretty,” he said, gaze wandering all over her face. “I could look at you forever.”
Her cheeks heated with a blush. “Ash...”
“I noticed you from across the club, even before I knew you could see through my curse. You looked so vibrant. You drew me in and I couldn’t look away. I’d never seen anyone like you. I’d never heard anyone play like you.”
Her heart fluttered dangerously. The curl sprang free from behind her ear again, and when he lifted his hand to tuck it once more, she couldn’t help it. She turned her face into his touch.
He cupped her cheek and then dragged his thumb over her lower lip. A small breath escaped her.
He repeated the soft stroke, and something low in her belly clenched. He stooped and tilted his head. There was only a small gap between their mouths now. She wanted him to kiss her so badly.
“Show me,” she whispered before he could.
He blinked in question.
“Your other form. Show me.”
If she was going to do this again, she wasn’t going to be in denial. She wasn’t going to pretend he was something he wasn’t.
Right now, his enormous, red-skinned form lived in her hazy memory like a nightmare. She still couldn’t quite reconcile the man in front of her with that form, and she knew she needed to if she was going to give into... whatever was happening between them. She still wasn’t ready to define it.
“Eva...”
“I want to see.”
He hesitated, searching her gaze. She couldn’t give him the assurance he probably sought. She couldn’t guarantee that she wouldn’t flinch away from him in fear. In fact, she probably would. A part of her wanted a chilling reminder of what he was because she wanted it to scare her away.
There were so many reasons not to get involved with him, so many reasons it was a terrible idea to start a doomed relationship with a supernatural being from Hell that was destined to spend the rest of his immortal life on the run. Maybe seeing that terrifying, red-skinned form again would be the wake-up call that she needed.
And maybe Ash understood that, because his expression changed. That open, earnest, slightly hungry look shifted to one of acceptance with a hint of sadness. She loved how easily she could read him. She probably understood what he was feeling better than he did.
But then... she watched as the black of his pupils bled out until it filled both of his eyes. And he wasn’t quite so harmless anymore.
In fact, he was frightening. Deadly. She sucked in a breath at the sight of that void-like blackness staring down at her.
And then she gasped again when a sharp, black claw curved out from the thumb still pressed against her lower lip. He started to drop his hand, but she caught his wrist and lifted it to study.
His hands were still those gorgeous piano-player hands. Long fingered and elegant, with strong veins on the backs. But the claws that curved from the tips of his fingers were decidedly impractical for playing an instrument and definitely made more for ripping out someone’s throat.
The artist was gone; this was the demon. The killer. The thought sent a chill through her.
As if to emphasize her point, she watched as the hand she held in her grasp suddenly morphed to a deep, blood red. Startled, she dropped it and looked up, back into his face, only to find the change to his skin had taken over his whole body.
Her breath caught, and her heart started to pound. She was truly staring at a supernatural being that shouldn’t exist. But he did exist, and the proof was right before her eyes.
He wasn’t human.
He wasn’t fucking human.
Yes, she’d seen Ash fight the Hunter, and she’d seen Belial burst into flames. Yes, Ash and his brothers had told her about the supernatural world, about angels and demons and Nephilim and Watchers and demon hunters and ancient battles.
But here and now was when the last shred of her denial and disbelief finally fell away.
She waited for the fear and panic to hit.
It didn’t.
All of this was really fucking real and it was happening to her, and it was happening right now. And she would never be the same again. The entire course of her life had altered, and she didn’t know what that meant yet.
But she did know she didn’t want to go back.
That empty feeling, that sense of longing, that confused, baseless searching... Maybe this was where it had always been leading. Maybe she’d had an intuitive sense that this was real all along, and that was why she’d always felt like some part of her was missing.
She didn’t believe ignorance was bliss. Ignorance was ignorance, and she would much rather know and face hard facts than live in the dark.
Ash was still missing his wings, she realized. And his horns. And his height. He’d been enormous before: as tall as Belial. She was glad he held off on the remaining changes, however. She wasn’t sure she could handle everything at once.
“Eva,” he said softly. His voice hadn’t changed, but she remembered it being deeper when he was bigger, which made sense. “Say something.”
She took a breath.
And then she whispered, “Kiss me,” before she lost her nerve.
He didn’t need to be told twice. He bent his head and took her mouth with such possessive intensity that she melted against him without a second thought.
He backed her up a few steps. Their lips parted. His tongue snaked between them, and she let out a breathless moan as it swept against hers. She reached up and threaded her fingers into his silky hair, bunching it up in her hands. Strong arms enveloped her, and he pulled her firmly against his body. His hard, muscular, familiar body.
God, she hadn’t realized until this moment that she’d missed him. She’d been mourning the loss of him after finding out what he was, and yet, he was still right here. Kissing her just like he had before, when she’d been falling hard and fast and telling herself it was too early to start envisioning a future with him.
But he was still the same Ash. Red skin or not, he was still—
His claws pricked against the skin of her back as he dug his fingers into her, and her mind blanked.
Okay, so he wasn’t completely the same. But she was finding it harder and harder to care, and her resolve to stay away from him was slipping, and—
“I told you to hurry the fuck up!” Belial boomed from outside the door, and just like that, the spell was broken.
They broke apart, both of them breathing heavily. Her hand flew to her chest, clutching at her racing heart.
The black bled from Ash’s eyes and his skin returned to a warm tan, and suddenly, he looked human again. But he wasn’t, and she would never think of him as such again.
Everything was different now, and she had to decide what she was going to do about it.
“We’d better go,” he said, giving her one last heated look before turning away. He looked like he wanted to devour her, and she wanted him to.
It was a good thing Bel had interrupted him. Not just because their lives were in danger and they needed to run away, though that was a fairly valid reason. But because Ash needed to sort out his feelings for her before she let things go further between them.
Until he could admit that he wanted her for reasons beyond her ability to see through his curse, she couldn’t give him more. She had too much self-respect for that.
They needed to have a conversation, she decided. A real heart-to-heart. Ash was going to hate it, and she smirked to herself at the thought.
But not now. Now, they had to go.
Ash tugged the T-shirt still in his hand over his head and then went to the closet and grabbed a jacket and donned it, pulling his long hair out from under the collar.
“You need me to carry anything?” he asked.
“I— Um. No. I’ve got it.” She picked up her bag and swung it over her shoulder.
Their gazes met again, and she could tell he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. He turned away and opened the door, and the two of them stepped back into the hallway.
Meph, Raum, and Belial were waiting in the living room. There were flames sparking in Belial’s eyes again, and she immediately tensed.
“You said five minutes, not five fucking hours,” he growled.
“Shut up, Bel.”
“Did you tell her?”
Ash frowned. “Tell her what?”
“About the gate.”
“What about it?”
Oops. “Belial told me to ask you how a human can travel through a gate,” Eva explained.
“You didn’t even ask?” Bel asked her.
“I forgot.”
“And you couldn’t tell her yourself when it came up?” Ash rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”
“Why?” She narrowed her eyes, looking between the two demons. “How does it work?”
“You’re not going to like it,” Ash said warily.
“Just tell me.” She raised a brow. “You already told me a bunch of stuff I didn’t like. What’s one more thing?”
His mouth twisted, but he obliged her. “Hellgates are Sheolic magic, which means only demons can use them. But if a human ingests demon blood, they temporarily take on some demonic abilities, which means they can travel by gate.”
Eva’s mouth dropped open. “You’re not telling me I have to... drink your blood?”
His expression said it all.
She looked at Belial. He nodded. She looked over at Meph and Raum. They shrugged simultaneously, which would have been funny under any other circumstance.
Horror filled her. “No way!” she exclaimed. “That’s disgusting and so freaking wrong on so many levels.” She jabbed a finger at Ash. “There is no way you’ll convince me to drink your blood, so go on and give up that idea right now because it is never happening!”