My Heart To Heal (Forest Falls #3)

1. Nothing But Relief

Nothing But Relief

Missy

Five Years Ago

‘You’re pregnant.’

It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway.

‘I am.’ I swallowed hard, not knowing what reaction to expect.

‘ Marissa .’ The tone was pitying. ‘Oh, honey. I’m sorry.’

Sorry? I narrowed my gaze and tilted my head as I met my best friend’s eye. ‘Em, I’m happy about this.’

Her lips parted, her eyes widened, and she shook her head.

‘Missy, you’re not married. You live with your grandparents and don't even start me on your boyf…’

‘He’s happy too.’

I cut her off defiantly. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. I knew it all. I knew damn well there was no ring on my finger. I knew I was currently living with my grandfather and his wife, but that was temporary, and my boyfriend, well, he was...

It would be okay. I was sure it would be okay.

‘Happy? He’s happy?’ Emerson stood abruptly, picking up her purse. ‘Missy, I love you, I do, but if you have a baby with that fool, you will regret it for the rest of your life.’

‘He’s trying, Em,’ I lied, and she laughed.

‘Missy, the only thing that man is trying to do, is reduce you to a shadow of yourself or make you disappear beneath fresh bruises while he screws every woman in a fifty-mile radius.’ I pulled back as though she’d slapped me, not because what she said was a shock but because she actually said it. She blew out a breath. ‘You know it’s true, we all do. We see you, Miss. Don’t do this.’

Then, without another word, she turned away and left.

Emerson wasn’t the only one of my friends to dislike Bax; they all had, but she was the only one I had left.

One by one, over the time he and I had been dating, they had all cut me loose after trying and failing to get me to walk away. I just couldn’t seem to do it — he wouldn’t let me do it, and I didn’t want to be alone again .

I think it came from losing my parents and grandmother when I was so young; we were driving home from the hospital where we’d been visiting my grandpa, who’d just had surgery, when a drunk driver hit us from the side. My mom and Gram died instantly. Daddy and I were taken back to the hospital, and he died in surgery, but my car seat saved my life. I was only two at the time, so I don’t remember any of it or any of them.

My mom’s parents came to take care of me until Grandpa Ellis was out of the hospital, and then they left, only to be heard from on birthdays and holidays. He was all I had, and I would never abandon him.

The problem was that all of that left me with a crippling fear of being alone which meant even though I knew Bax wasn’t good for me, even though I knew he was a violent, cheating, abusive son of a bitch, I couldn’t seem to walk away.

I felt my shoulders tense as I forced a smile in Bax’s direction when he walked into our little apartment. We’d finally got a place of our own just before Jonah was born. It meant I had to go straight back to work to pay for it since Bax was between jobs, but Grandpa and his wife Roberta were a godsend and took the baby every day.

‘Hi, honey.’

He didn’t say anything or look in my direction, and I was used to that, but when he walked straight past his son in his little bouncy chair, my patience ran thin, and my nerves ran wild.

‘Bax, say hi to Jonah.’

‘Why? He can’t understand it.’

‘He’s your son.’

‘He’s a baby. Babies don’t do nothin’.’

‘ Bax .’ I started to tremble. I was terrified of his next move, but my baby meant more than anything he could do to me.

‘Jesus, will you shut the fuck up. I had a long day. I’m going to take a shower.’

‘A long day?’

That was enough. My anger overtook my fear, and I stormed out from behind the counter toward him.

‘You had a long day? You .’ I pointed at him and saw the anger flare in his eyes, but I had to hold it together. I couldn’t back down this time. I always backed down — he always made me back down. ‘ I have had a long goddam day, Bax. I have been on my feet all day, cutting hair. I drove Jonah to my grandpa’s, even though you don’t have a job and could be taking care of your son while I go to work to pay for all this. I picked him up, and I fed him, bathed him, got him ready to greet you when you walked your ass in here to the hot supper I still managed to prepare, but you had a long day?’

‘Watch your mouth, Marissa.’

His nostrils flared as he stepped in my direction, and I knew what he was thinking — what he was capable of. I’d seen that look on his face before, so many times, but not this time. This time was for Jonah.

He stepped closer, and I froze, swallowing, and he laughed.

‘There she is.’ He reached up and gripped my jaw roughly, squeezing, forcing my face up to his. ‘I thought you’d forgotten your manners for a second there.’ He grinned, and it was cold and harsh as his hand moved to my throat, and he gripped lightly at first.

‘Bax, stop.’

That made him laugh and squeeze harder as he walked me backwards and pressed me firmly against the countertop. Jonah stirred in his chair, and I prayed for him to be quiet — prayed for him not to make himself a target .

Bax held me against the wall with one hand and brought the other to the button on my jeans, and tears pricked my eyes. Not again, not now, please, I thought, but I stayed quiet because my cries and pleas only made him worse and drove him on.

‘You goin’ to be good to me, Missy?’ His lips moved against my jaw as he unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. ‘Show me how sorry you are for giving me attitude.’

As his hand yanked at the waistband of my jeans, the other one leaving my throat to make the job of undressing me easier, I reached behind me and grabbed the knife I’d been using to prepare dinner.

‘You need to stop,’ I said, my voice trembling as much as my hands as he looked up, and I brought the knife around, pointing it at his face and then, as he straightened, moving my aim somewhere between his chest and his stomach. Not this time, not anymore.

He laughed, a humorless, clipped laugh. ‘You goin’ to stab me, bitch?’

‘Not if you back the fuck away, Bax.’

He laughed harder now, but his eyes widened slightly, and that was what I needed, that flicker of uncertainty, maybe even fear that I might be capable of it. He knew he’d pushed me too far — who knew what I could be capable of at this point? He stepped back — I won .

‘I’m not doing this with you anymore.’ My voice trembled with all the emotions, the fear, and the adrenaline that ran through me as he grinned. I stepped back and held the knife up the whole time. ‘Get out of my apartment, Bax. Get the fuck away from us.’

‘Thank God.’ He laughed, a cold, dark laugh that made my entire body tense up. ‘It’s about damn time.’ He picked up the jacket he’d just taken off. ‘I was done with you before we even got started.’

‘Why’d you stay? Why did you…?’ I didn’t finish the question as I stepped close and I held my breath, waiting.

‘You made it too easy, you dumb bitch. You paid my bills, cooked my food, and opened your legs, and what can I say? I like the way you look after you take a beating like a dog.’ He laughed and walked toward the door. ‘I’ll be back for my shit — guess I’ll go and get my dick sucked for the second time tonight.’

He slammed the door behind him, causing Jonah to startle and cry. My breath rushed out of me in a silent scream, and I put down the knife, staring at it for a second, calming my shaking hands before I picked up my baby, holding him close, and I cried with him, but I felt nothing but relief .

I’d done it. Now, I just had to figure out what was next.