13. Ethan
13
ETHAN
Two weeks later…
“ W hy is this radio not charged?” I slam the radio into the charging station, and a piece of the plastic casing flies off.
“Fuck.”
I grip the sides of the charging bench and take a slow breath before turning around.
Suzie’s watching me with an amused look on her face, Alex’s eyebrows are raised right up his head, and Amy, the new girl, looks terrified.
“Um, I think that was me,” she whispers.
I glare at the new girl until she turns red in the face. “Radios go on charge as soon as you come back. If we don’t have our comms, we’re on our own out there.”
She nods quickly. “It won’t happen again.”
At that moment, Landon strides into the room. He’s the assistant fire chief for the local fire station, but he also volunteers for search and rescue. He’s been stopping by a lot lately.
His gaze sweeps over us and rests on Amy. His brow furrows into a deep crease.
“I told you you weren’t suited for this work.” Amy’s an old friend of his daughter’s, and he’s got a bee in his bonnet about her working here for some reason.
Instead of cowering, Amy stands taller and juts her chin out at him. “And I told you it’s none of your business.”
The girl’s got sass, I’ll give her that. I hide a smirk, because it’s not many people who have the balls to stand up to Landon, even when he does deserve it.
It goes some way to ease the frustration I’ve been feeling. It’s not fair to direct it at Amy and the radio, but ever since that wild night with Lucy, I haven’t been able to lose the feeling that something’s not right. But taking it out on my co-workers and my equipment doesn’t help.
I pick up the radio and the plastic bit that flew off the case and carry them both into the staff room to see if I’ve done any permanent damage.
Suzie follows me and flicks the kettle on to boil.
“You want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what? There’s nothing to talk about.”
She tips instant coffee into a mug and adds cream just the way I like it, then brews up one of her weird Earl Grey teas.
“Ethan, you’re like a brother to me, but you’ve been a pain in the ass ever since you got stranded with a certain schoolteacher two weeks ago.”
Trust Suzie to get it in one. The damn woman’s too observant. She sets the drinks down on the table and slides into the seat next to me.
“Did something happen up there?”
I sip my coffee and burn my tongue on the hot liquid. Damn thing needs more cream.
I consider lying to Suzie, but she’s the closest thing to family I’ve got on the mountain, and maybe a woman’s perspective will help.
“You could say something happened.” I say it vaguely, because I’m not going to go into the details.
Suzie smiles and sits back in her chair. “I knew it. She’s a sweet girl.” She takes a sip of her tea, and her gaze bores into me. “So what’s the problem?”
I’ve been asking myself that for the last two weeks. Once the guys turned up with the stretcher and we carried Lucy out, there wasn’t any time to speak to her. An ambulance was waiting, and she went straight to the Hope Medical Center for a checkup.
That’s the last I saw of her, being wheeled into an ambulance. Just before the door closed, she sat up on her elbows and her gaze found mine. Then the doors slammed shut and off she went.
I thought I could put her behind me, but the last two weeks have been agony. I think about Lucy every waking moment, and at night there’s no relief. She haunts my dreams. I dream she’s sleeping next to me, and when I wake up and find myself alone, it rips open the wound all over again.
“The problem is…” I hesitate, not wanting to give away any of the details of what happened between us and the contract we made. “The problem is I fell for her, and she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
Suzie frowns. “She told you that?”
I think about the night together. What we agreed at the beginning and how my feelings changed. But did hers?
“Kind of.”
Suzie raises her eyebrows at me, unconvinced. “So, you’re here moping around because you think she doesn’t want you, but you’re not sure?”
I scratch the stubble that I’ve been too lazy to shave off since Lucy. When she puts it like that, it sounds lame.
“What happened to the guy who had sworn off women?”
I shrug. “I met Lucy.”
“Then why don’t you go to her?”
Suzie makes it sound so simple. But when your heart’s been hurt before, when you’ve been betrayed by one person, how do you make yourself vulnerable to someone else?
“I don’t know if I can be in a relationship,” I say truthfully. “When my ex cheated on me, I swore that was it. No more women for me. I was better off on my own, and I believed that until two weeks ago. Now I’ve found someone I want to be with, but what if I can’t?”
Suzie nods slowly and sips her tea. She knows about betrayal and forgiveness, and I hope I’m not bringing up old wounds, but she’s the one person whose advice I trust.
“How did you forgive Jack? How did you let him in?”
She sips her tea and takes a while to answer. “It wasn’t easy. I fought my feelings for a long time. But ultimately, the thought of not letting him in was too bleak.”
I consider her words. And I know she’s right. Lucy might not feel like I do. It might be hard for me to let her in completely. But if I don’t try, then I lose her completely.
I hate that my ex-wife has left me so uncertain, but I don’t want to let her win. I want to give love another chance. I want to put myself out there and make myself vulnerable. I need to tell Lucy how I feel even if she shoots me down. Because if I don’t take this chance with Lucy, I can’t bear to spend the rest of my life wondering if I could have found happiness with her.
I push the chair back so abruptly it falls to the floor with a clatter. “Thanks Suzie.”
She looks at me wide-eyed as I bolt for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“You need to call in Alex to cover my shift. I’m going to get my woman.”