Too Many Maybes
TOO MANY MAYBES
CAM
I’m not sure how long I stood staring at the door, but I remained there well after Rachel had peeled out of the driveway.
“So sorry that took so long.” My mom’s voice cut through the silence. “Cam? Where’s Rachel?”
I shoved my hands in my pockets and returned to the kitchen. “She left.” I sat on a barstool, defeated and angry.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I think I’m going to go home too.”
Mom pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest. “No, you’re not. I want to know what happened.”
“What happened? Just when I think I can be straight with her and speak my mind, she starts shouting, gets mad at me, and storms off.”
Mom grabbed her keys, her purse, and reached for my hand. “Let’s go. I’m starving and we need to talk about this.”
We went to one of our favorite places, The Henry, a business I truly admired. It almost felt like you were eating in your best friend’s home. Rustic art pieces and shelves lined with books adorned the restaurant’s walls. Mismatched high-back chairs sat around odd-shaped oak tables, and plants tucked in every corner gave the impression of dining in a cozy living room. We sat at a small table in the corner, and I told my mom about the run-ins I’d had with Rachel and the Prick. I wasn’t sure what frustrated me more: that fact that Rachel was having to work with the Prick, or the fact that I really did care so much about it. About her .
Mom grabbed a few pieces of the truffle popcorn we ordered as an appetizer. “Cam?”
I took a larger than necessary gulp of beer. “Yes?”
“You know, I share Rachel’s curiosity. Why don’t you ask her out? Why are you still afraid?”
Yet another conversation I didn’t want to have. But this time there was no avoiding it. My mom had always been one of the most persistent and determined women I know. It’s what helped her build a real estate empire and what made me always strive to do better. If only I didn’t have to discuss my love life with her. “I don’t want to go through this all again,” I finally said.
“All what?”
“That first pull of the attraction, the first dates, first kisses, and you think it’s something, and then it all goes to shit.”
Mom almost choked on her bread. “Dearest, that is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Are you telling me you’d rather live the rest of your life a single man?”
“Maybe.” I leaned back in my chair. “It would be easier.”
“Easier? Yes. Good for you? No.”
I scratched my head and was thankful our entrées arrived so I could eat more than speak.
“I know that you are drawn to Rachel,” Mom said in between bites of her salmon. “So it’s not a question of attraction when it comes to her.”
“How do you know?”
“I saw it tonight when you looked at her.”
“Nothing ever gets past you, does it?”
Mom tilted her head. “You know it doesn’t.”
“I’m definitely attracted to her and that’s exactly what scares me.”
“You’re overthinking this, Cam. Ask her to coffee and then if that goes well, you ask her to dinner. Take it slow and easy. If it doesn’t work out, I and your friends will be right here so support you through it.”
Of course it made perfect sense. I could casually ask Rachel out and see how it goes. Take it slow. Only I didn’t want to take it slow with Rachel. She had ignited a fire in my body, and now I felt like I was being consumed by the ever-churning embers. Maybe I was trying to prove to myself that I had more self-control this time around. I had no control when I surrendered to Britt, and it ruined me.
“Ask to go for a walk if coffee is too much.”
I pushed my food around on my plate. “She actually asked me to be her plus one for a wedding coming up this weekend.”
My mother glanced up from cutting her vegetables. “Oh. And what did you tell her?”
“I said, maybe.”
She shot me a disapproving look. “You should go.”
“I need to think about it.”
“Stop saying maybe. Rachel’s a special lady. I want you to accept that invitation, Cam. It will be good for you.”
I nodded, knowing that I still had two days to decide, and that I would decide Friday sometime in the middle of the night.
“Have you thought about what you’re doing for your cousin’s wedding?”
I shut my eyes. I had pushed the sight of that invitation out of my mind. My cousin Jill was my favorite cousin growing up, and she made a smart match in her fiancé Trent, but I had not yet replied to their invitation to Grand Cayman for their wedding either.
“Am I going to have to find someone to go with you?”
“No. I’ve got a lot going on right now with the businesses and going alone to the Cayman Islands appeals to me zero.”
“Take Rachel,” Mom said as she sipped her Manhattan. “It would mean so much to me if you went to support your cousin.”
The sound that came out of my body after I choked on a bite of my burger startled the people sitting next to us. I guzzled my water, then my beer. “A minute ago, you were telling me to take it slow, and now you want me to invite her to a destination wedding? Mom, I love you, but?—”
“She invited you to be a plus one, maybe you should do the same. Rachel could go to Jill’s wedding … as your friend .”
She winked at me, but I knew she was dead serious.