My Trojan Horse Majesty (The Russian Witch’s Curse #5)

22. Leonid

Chapter 22

Leonid

I ’ve killed thousands.

In fact, I’ve killed so many people that I’ve lost count of the exact number. But there’s only one person I truly cared about who died because of me. His death hurt more than all the others.

“I’ll stay here,” I say. “I’ll never use my magic again.”

Izzy turns toward me slowly. “Why?”

“You don’t even have to see me,” I say. “I can follow you around quietly, or, you know. . .” I throw my hands up in the air. “I don’t know, but I can figure this out.”

“It’s not because I despise you.” Izzy presses a hand to my cheek. “It’s because I don’t despise you that I need to find out.”

“You should despise him,” Abby says. “Why don’t you?”

Izzy turns around. “You don’t know him—none of you do. This bond has allowed me to see things you can’t understand. I can relate to him in a way no one else ever has.” She glares at Aleksandr and at Katerina. “You all betrayed him as much and as often as he betrayed you, and shame on you for it.”

Abby shakes her head. “But, sweetheart, he was going to kill Mandy, and he was demanding that Gustav and Kristiana also die when?—”

“You don’t know what he would have done. You just don’t. He’s never killed someone who wasn’t dark—he’s only killed villains. He healed Mandy instead of hurting her. I don’t think he’d have been able to do any of those bad things, but even if he would have back then, he wouldn’t do them now. He’s changed in his time with me.” She squares her shoulders. “I’ve seen his face—Baba Yaga showed it to me. She told me that my job is to help guide him in a way no one else ever has. I’ve seen all the light in his soul, only bounded by dark on the edges from decisions he thought he had to make. I believe in him, and I know that no one cares what I believe. Thanks to Tim, no one trusts my judgment, but I have to trust it. I have to, because that’s just who I am. I won’t hate myself for making a mistake, not anymore. Not when the stakes are so high and I know I’m right.”

“Let’s say we do believe you,” Abby says. “Let’s say you’re right about Leonid—it’s still too dangerous for you to try to break the bond.”

“Gabe’s bound to Gustav by nothing more than a magical twist tie,” Izzy says. “For all we know, if Leonid restores Gustav’s magic now, that connection might already be dissolved.”

I hadn’t even considered that. Could it have been that simple to sever their bond? If Lechuza only put it in place to prevent Gustav from using his magic, and I removed his ability to reach his magic. . .

“But before we look into all of that,” Izzy says, “Leonid and I are going to see whether we can break this bond between us. Then you won’t have to wonder whether I really love him. . .” She swallows.

“Love him?” Steve asks. “You barely know him. You met days ago.”

“Is it time, then, that determines how much you care for someone?” Izzy asks, echoing my words. “Did you love my mother because you spent enough time with her? It’s like a tree growing slowly, your love for her? And if so, how much time would I need to convince you? A month? Two? Six? A year?”

Steve frowns.

“Or, was loving her a choice you made, over and over? Did you find her attractive from the start, and then you served her, and the more you helped her, the more you did for her, and the more choices you made to put her first, the more that love grew?”

Abigail’s frowning, too.

“Leonid wasn’t raised like I was. He didn’t have a happy home. He didn’t have parents who loved him—not even one.” Her eyes are flashing as she dares them all to argue.

I hate this. Why’s she telling all of them about my parents. . .unless. Is she telling them this. . .because she wants to be with me? Is she trying to get them on our side?

“And these people right here, the ones you trust and admire?” Izzy rounds on Gustav and Katerina and the others. She jabs her finger at Katerina. “She used him. They all did, to some extent. He had lost everything, and they gained from his family losing power, and they didn’t care.”

“I hardly think,” Aleksandr says, “that his woes?—”

“You didn’t think about it. And you didn’t care about him, even though he was like you.” Izzy shakes her head. “Ignoring bad things is just as bad as doing them, or at least it’s close.”

“But he took what he wanted,” Kristiana says. “He always took it.”

“When no one will give you anything, what choice do you have?” Izzy asks. “In spite of not being given a loving home or model parents to follow, Leonid’s grown strong. He’s had his own, slightly off-center moral code that he’s stuck with for all this time.”

“Off-center is right,” Aleks mutters.

“But now he has me by his side to guide him,” Izzy says, but she’s not talking to the Russians anymore. She’s talking to her mom. “I know you hated Tim, and you were right about that. I wasn’t sure about myself or much of anything, especially with him beside me, telling me I was small and that he was great. In fact, I think I knew you were right about him, so I stayed away from you.”

“That hurt us more than anything,” Abby says.

“I don’t want to live or love like that anymore,” Izzy says. “But if we don’t break this bond, I’ll have to go to Russia with Leonid forever, just to stay alive. I’ll have to leave all of you again. I want to break this connection so I can be one thousand percent sure that my judgment and my decisions are based on what I want. That they’re based on what I know. So you think it’s a risk. You all do.” Only, she’s looking at me now.

“I think it’s a risk we shouldn’t take,” I say. Because if something happens to her. . . She’s right that I need her to guide me. I’m not sure what I’ll do without her.

“You think we shouldn’t do this, but that’s just exactly why we have to do it. I need to find out whether I really love you, or whether I’m just bonded to you.” Izzy shrugs. “I think I love you, but I need to know .” She points at her mother. “They need me to know beyond a doubt.”

This time, when she steps toward me, when her hand extends to me, I curl into her touch. The whispered words feel almost pulled from me. “It’s too dangerous.” I can’t risk her. She’s the only thing I have. She’s all I care about.

“What are you worried about?” She smiles. “You’ve already survived lots of times when people thought you wouldn’t, right?”

She doesn’t know the half of it, but I grit my teeth, because it’s different now. We’re not talking about my survival, but hers. “I can’t risk you.” My voice cracks on the next words. “I can’t.”

“Leo, I can’t ask my brother to stay bound to Gustav either, and I’d rather risk my life than his.”

“I wouldn’t,” I say.

She rolls her eyes.

“Besides,” I say. “I can check right now whether?—”

She shakes her head. “I have to know—for me.”

“Why don’t we try it first, me and Gustav?” Gabe frowns. “If the whole. . .” He karate chops his left palm with his right hand. “Leonid taking the power didn’t already kill our connection, then we can try separating. Then if we’re fine after, then you will be too. Right?”

Izzy shakes her head, and I know what she’s thinking. Even if they can separate, it might mean nothing for us. I doubt Gustav and Gabe are soul matches, judging by how Katerina’s practically crawling into Gustav’s arms.

“It has to be us,” Izzy says. “I have to know.”

I want to argue with her, but I can’t think how.

Abigail’s brow is furrowed. “Before we try this, I’ll go get Whitney, Nathan, Ethan, and?—”

The ground beneath our feet rumbles, and the earth shakes.

“There’s no time for that.” Izzy sighs. “We need to do this now.” She crosses the dozen feet separating her from her mom and hugs her. “I love you, and I’m sorry about before, but I need you to trust me now.” I can barely hear her next words. “Because if you don’t, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to trust myself.”

Her mother doesn’t let go, not for a very long time. When she finally does, they’re both crying.

“Tell them I love them, if I. . .If I can’t. . .”

“Stop,” Abigail says. “You’re going to be fine.”

Izzy nods. “I think we are, Mom, because he’s a good person, and good things happen to good people, right?”

Her mother sighs. “I wish that were true. I wish I believed he was good.”

Izzy’s head tilts. “You haven’t seen it yet, but he’s done a lot of hard things and a lot of good things. He’s also saved my life a few times, and he hated Tim on sight. You have that in common at least.”

Abby’s half-smiling through her tears, now. “Fine. If you say so, I’ll believe you, because I can’t lose you again. Not like we did with Tim.”

“Then how do we do this?” I ask. “I still think it’s a bad idea, but if you insist.” I shrug, because I can’t fight her. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fight her.

“I’ll walk away,” Izzy says, “since I doubt you’d be capable.”

I did collapse on the ground the one time I tried to leave.

“I’ll pick Izzy up and keep moving if she falls,” Steve says. “But how far should we go?”

Izzy shrugs. “I imagine you’ll know.”

“Keep us apart, though,” I say. “If you just bring us right back together, it won’t accomplish anything.” Why am I telling them how to do this successfully? I should keep my mouth shut.

But it might hurt Izzy more if we do it wrong. At the end of the day, that’s the one thing I can’t withstand.

While Izzy and her parents begin to walk away, Katerina strolls over. “What are you up to?” she asks in Russian.

“What do you mean?”

She frowns. “White knight doesn’t look good on you. It’s. . .” She snorts. “Frankly, it’s both disconcerting and ridiculous.”

“Noted.”

“You can’t really care about that girl.”

“Why?” I turn to face her. “Because I didn’t curl up and die when you didn’t care for me?”

“You never cared for me either,” she says.

“It’s a good thing,” I say. “If I had, you’d have shattered me.”

She rolls her eyes.

“She’s not like you,” I say. “She’s not like any of you.”

“Gustav grabbed Gabe’s arm when you first arrived, and he saw her then. He says she shines.” Katerina doesn’t look very pleased when she admits it. I’m surprised his powers worked well enough for him to see that, but perhaps it’s because I only took his access to the elements.

“She does,” I say. “But it’s not just her soul. It’s her mind. Her fearlessness. Her willingness to sacrifice. She’s brave, brilliant, and kind. It’s a rare combination.”

“You don’t deserve her at all,” Katerina says.

I can’t argue, but I realize that she’s distracting me. She came over to talk, at least in part, so I wouldn’t obsess over Isabel moving farther and farther away.

“What do you think will happen—” But before I can even finish the question, I black out.

At first, just like the other times, nothing happens. An absence of sensation or consciousness. But then pain blossoms, starting in my head, right behind my forehead, where I can usually feel all my magic. It’s like a strike of lightning has burned its way through to my brain, and it radiates outward from there.

Sharp, repeating strikes come faster, harder, and more intensely as they roll through me. I would scream if I had a voice. I would arch and bow if I had a back. But I’m nothing—just darkness, misery, and throbbing pain.

Until I wonder what’s happening to Izzy.

I’ve struggled with pain for the better part of my life. When I was young, I was beaten often by my own father. Then I was nearly killed on several occasions by men who hated or mocked him. Later, I was broken half-to-death by those who stole from us. And finally, I was beaten, attacked, and battered by a plethora of enemies. Many of them are standing beside me now, as I convulse on the ground, more than likely.

But the thought of her pain being anything like this allows me to step away from it. Once I’m outside of the suffering, once I stop fretting about it, I can sense what’s happening to my soul—and then I can follow that link to hers.

Her bright, shining, pulsating avalanche of light, beauty, and peace.

She’s writhing.

Her soul, where it’s bound to mine, is unraveling. Bits of light and magic are fraying and exploding and then dissipating until they’re gone .

Even without a voice, without a body, I cry out then, misery ricocheting away and outward, and I follow the threads back to myself, where I can finally sense it. . .my own magic. My own soul. My central being. I dig deep, and I tunnel out all my own power, and I shove it down the line, healing the shards of Izzy as they unravel, undoing myself to try and keep her intact.

There’s a giant explosion of light and power and energy, and then nothing but the deepest darkest black I could never have imagined.