Chapter 7
CHAPTER 7
Misha
Misha,
The last time I wrote a love letter was before you were even born. It wasn’t a high school declaration of love, but some sort of drivel from elementary school to a girl who wore flowers in her hair. It was the longest relationship of my life at a solid two weeks.
I’ll never be perfect at this, but I’ll be an imperfect version of perfection for you. And I can work on the parts that matter most between us to make them perfect. I know my job is a lot, and most of the time I put it first. Leaving my position is not something I can fully commit to until I know where things are going between us. I might not have come to Rawhide intending to see you, but that’s alright. You’re not a stepping stone, Misha. You’re my endgame.
Unlike the diary pages she gave him, Felix was straight to the point. She’d read the page so many times since last night, folding and unfolding the paper, there were creases in it now like it was days not hours old.
She was used to being the fun time, the good time. The guys she spent time with in college were nothing special and not one of them wanted a future. Her parents’ money made it easy to attend a prestigious school for her degree, but their annoyance that she’d chosen fashion made it all feel like a bit of a waste. Yes she had a degree and possibly some positions to pursue, but it was hard to stay excited when no one wanted to celebrate with her.
Now she had Felix to consider too. She wanted to be his endgame more than he knew. That level of dedication and commitment was what she desired most in a man. Now if only the road to happiness was an easy one.
Like he’d suggested, she’d come to sit in the cafe that morning to grab a good cup of coffee and think things over before going to find him. He’d only sent her one text, a suggestion to take one of the bubble baths she loved and think about what she really wanted. The idea had great appeal to her sore body, and she’d taken the proposal in stride before settling into bed last night.
She put the paper in her pocket and was just finishing her coffee when two shadows settled over her table. She paused mid sip to look up at the visitors.
Twins. She’d seen the pair occasionally around the Ranch but didn’t know them. These were the same two Felix had pointed out last night. They seemed friendly enough, but until right now there was never a reason to talk. One looked nervously excited to be standing there, the other looked indifferent. “Um… hi.”
The happier of the two nodded to the table, her eyes beaming. “Hi! Could we sit? I promise I’ll take just a second of your time.”
Misha nearly snorted. It sounded like a sales pitch. “Alright then.”
The two of them sat, the less interested of the two slouching back while the talker sat forward. “Is this you?”
Startled, Misha wasn’t prepared for her to whip out her phone, much less to turn and show her a picture of herself from over a year ago. At first she thought maybe it would be a picture of her and Felix, but in this one she wore a costume.
Misha blinked. It was from the last disastrous ball she attended at Cloutier Manor. She always went with Penny to the Halloween ball, partly because it was fun and mostly because her bestie needed a buffer when it came to her idiotic parents. This was a selfie that Penny had snapped of the two of them when she wasn’t brooding about her problems that night, highlighting the exquisite ball gown that later got torn to shreds when she went and had fun with Laurent.
Those two were wild.
Other than her hair, Misha had to admit she looked exactly the same. They weren’t wearing masks in the picture, so it wasn’t that hard to imagine that the twins recognized her from social media. “Yeah, that’s me.”
The girl's eyes widened, and she dropped her phone a little too loudly onto the tabletop. “I knew it! See, Savannah, I told you.”
“You sure did,” the one named Savannah said with an eye roll. “When she recognized you, she nearly lost it. Couldn’t believe you were at the Ranch.”
Misha stared, unsure what to say. Most times there was a photograph of the two of them, people recognized Penny over her. “Well, here I am.”
“I was so excited to meet a fashion designer,” the first girl went on, clapping her hands. “I’m Samantha, by the way. I love Penny too, she’s got some killer artwork out there I’d love to have if I could afford it.”
Misha fought back a smile. Penny did do some amazing art, and Laurent ensured she priced it to show her worth. That was something Misha had yet to learn. “I see.”
“It’s your eye for fashion that drew me in, and I knew I had to have a custom piece of yours one day,” Samantha went on, surprising her. “I mean the cut on her dress is insane. I basically want my wedding dress to look like that but in white. Do you do customs yet? I told Sav that I’d be lucky to get on your calendar.”
“You don’t even have a boyfriend, or a Dom or a Daddy,” Savannah replied, exasperated.
“Well, if I get on the waitlist of someone famous I probably have a few years,” Samantha replied, eyes widening. She barely glanced at her twin, shaking her head. “Don’t mind her, weddings aren’t her favorite thing. She doesn’t care much about dresses.”
Misha nodded along, but she wasn’t really processing anything anymore. “I’m sorry… did you say you came to see me?”
“Well, yes!” Samantha looked at her like the question was surprising. “I want this dress. Maybe a little more forgiving in the chest since I’ve got more going on than Penny does there. This dress is my actual dream gown for my wedding.”
“Having a man first would help,” Savannah grumbled.
Misha wasn’t sure she was hearing correctly. She was a no-name designer with a degree and nothing else. Penny loved to have her make custom dresses because Penny was bougie and Misha knew exactly what looked best on her friend after using her as a model for years. She loved to make the dresses, she’d even made her own in that same photograph. But no one had ever sought her out because of those designs.
“Let me get this straight,” Misha said slowly, peering between the two of them. “You remember, somehow, that I designed that, and you came to find me to schedule for a wedding dress for a wedding that doesn’t exist?”
Samantha nodded, apparently missing why that sounded nutty to her. “Yes. Do you have a long waitlist? I’ve been gushing about this dress for more than a year.”
Something in Misha’s heart warmed at that. “I appreciate the fanfare, but I’m not a famous anything, Samantha. I designed that for my friend. I’m fresh out of college. I don’t have waitlists or even repeat clients right now.”
“Oh, perfect then!” Samantha replied, her hand tapping against the tabletop in front of her sister. “Then I will be the first one on your list! I will have a custom Misha design when the time is right.”
Misha’s eyes widened. Samantha even knew her name without having to double check it. It all seemed so… out of the box. “I have to ask, how did you find out about me?”
“Oh,” Samantha said, a blush pulling at her cheeks when Savannah snorted. “Well, I was originally following Penny’s brother Lucas on social media. He’s sexy don’t you think? I found his sister through that, and then you and your designs that Penny wears. They are stunning. The Cloutiers are nice but you have a talent of a different kind.”
Misha nearly fell out of her chair. In all their years she’d known Penny and designed clothing for her, no one had spoken to her like that, as if her designs themselves were worth something. Penny was always in the limelight even when she didn’t want to be, and Misha took her place in the shadows. Sometimes she shone on her own, but if Penny was around, most times people’s attention shifted to her. It had never really bothered her before, but this was new.
“Are you staying for a while?” Samantha pressed. “Because I really want your card if you’re leaving soon.”
Was she leaving? Misha didn’t know, and when she’d sat down with her coffee she’d thought she had some of the answers now that she had Felix’s note. After this she was lost and confused again. “I’m not leaving yet.”
“Yay!” Samantha said, grabbing her phone again. “I followed you everywhere I could find you. I’ll send you a message, okay? When you’re ready to start taking custom orders you let me know so I can book you! I’m getting my own Misha design.”
Nodding, Misha sat in wonder as the two women stared at her, Savannah’s interest growing just slightly the longer her sister talked. It was kind of cool since, outside of her friends, she’d never had a fan before.
“I’ll definitely let you know when that is,” Misha said, confidence sliding into her voice. This stranger had absolute faith in her abilities despite only seeing the designs she made for Penny. Next time they talked she would absolutely be thanking her friend for not only having a large social following, but a hot older brother that led Samantha to follow the Cloutiers in the first place.
Feeling rejuvenated, she stood. “You know what? There’s someone I need to speak to. Message me directly, Samantha. You’ll be the first person I book.”
Grinning, Samantha nodded and Misha waved the two of them goodbye. She didn’t know where she would start with a client, or if designing a wedding dress for an unbetrothed bride was even a good idea, but it didn’t matter right now. Someone believed in her without a shadow of doubt, and it was time she had that much faith in something too.
Starting with Felix.
Misha waded around, her text to Felix echoing in her mind as she waited in the heated pool. There were other members playing and having a good time, and she could spot lots of Littles having the time of their lives with the water slides. She preferred to stay closer to the edge of the pool, the water nicely molding her bikini tight to her body. Heated pools for frozen months like January were such a good idea, and aside from the library and perhaps the Dungeon this was her new favorite place.
“All wet already?”
She didn’t bother to turn, splashing the person who spoke. Felix chuckled behind her, and when she glanced back over her shoulder, she noticed that he had on swim trunks and nothing else.
That made her pause. She’d seen him in various states of undress, and last night she’d missed out on getting a full view of his handsome figure while she was bent over the loveseat. His swim trunks hung low on his built frame, his abs as defined as the muscles in his arms and shoulders. This was the first time since arriving at the resort that she got to see his full physique, and she admired the dark and intricate tattoos along his upper body and down to his wrists. Everything he had was well done, and she remembered him telling her once that he was very picky about the artists he let tattoo him. She couldn’t complain, not when he looked that delicious with a sprinkling of gray hair to boot. Without his shirt, she could see the mix of dark and light hair that created a happy trail, stopping at the low-hung waistband.
He grinned at her as she studied him, but Misha didn’t feel an ounce of shame. His eyes were just as ravenous as hers when he approached, making her heart beat faster.
He sat down, letting his calves fall into the water. “What’s that look for?”
Misha hesitated, wondering if it would sound as blunt and rude if she spoke the words out loud. But if they wanted more out of this, it was something she needed to be sure of, and math wasn’t her strong suit. “How old are you exactly?” She’d had a freaking hacker look into him, yet she failed to ask what Felix’s birth year was. What an oversight.
He stared for a moment before he threw his head back, laughing. His abs rippled with the movement, and when he laughed like that, he looked younger and more carefree than she’d ever seen him. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you.”
“You didn’t.”
Once he collected himself, he stared down at her in the pool. There were plenty of people around them but no one seemed to be particularly paying them any attention. “Thirty-nine. You’re the same age as Penny aren’t you? So twenty-four.”
She was a little surprised he knew Penny’s age offhand, but if Felix was as good of a guard as she’d heard, he’d know all the details he needed to. He was Laurent’s personal bodyguard, so of course he was up to date on Penny too now that she tagged along. “Yes, that’s right.”
He nodded, eyes drifting across the pool. “Are your parents close to Penny’s parents? I understand her father, Elliott, has an issue with the age gap between them. Is my age the issue here?”
She startled, pushing back to float away from the edge of the pool. Hurt burned in her chest, and she hoped it reflected in her eyes too. “No! I don’t care if you’re six or sixteen years older than I am. I met you as a woman and I expect you to treat me like one. Don’t go and make it weird.”
His lip twitched, and if he smiled right now Misha was sure she’d have to try and drown him or something. The damn nerve of this man. But instead of speaking he hopped into the pool, the water already moving from all the other people out enjoying the amenity. “It’s not weird. I don’t care if I’m close to your father’s age or not. I haven’t met him, and unless you want me to someday, I don’t need to for right now. Is he going to have an issue with this?”
She hesitated. “My dad is all business. He’ll want to know if I’m pregnant, which I guarantee I’m not, and he’ll want to have a prenup drawn up that I’m going to ignore.”
“Misha,” he said, that damn smirk trying to pop up on his face again, “I didn’t say I planned to marry you just yet. I wanted to know if I need to prepare to swing on your father when we meet is all.”
Her breath caught. That wasn’t a marriage proposal, not by a long shot, but he said yet and that meant there could be something between them in the future. It was the kind of commitment she wanted to hear, because she didn’t know when or if she wanted to get married someday.
Endgame.
She swam a little ways from the edge, eyeing Felix as she floated. “So if not marriage, what do you see happening between us?”
His eyes darkened and his gaze swept across her body. “I see you and me. I see a lot of what happened last night and infinitely more. And I see us building the life together that works for us if that’s what you want. If you just want me to be more available to fuck than I have been, I’m not sure how long this will go. You’re brilliant, Misha, and I love making your body sing the same tune as mine, but I can’t just be a booty call when you’re lonely. We haven’t had the chance to be more yet, but I would love to see where things could go.”
She stared at him. Guys always danced around what they wanted to say, and she couldn’t think of a single man her age who’d taken an interest in her anytime since high school who could lay out what they wanted in a single speech. Sure, it had taken some awkward dancing around each other over the past week to get to this point, and some fantastic orgasms that helped shed a layer of stress for her, but it was so to the point. He didn’t mince words and leave her guessing what he hoped for.
Swallowing, she thought of his note. It was to the point too and was the whole reason she wanted to see him today. “I don’t want to continue being… whatever we were. I didn't come out here to remain the same. I need more than a booty call.”
This time he did smile, hearing the emphasis of her words. “Yes, more. But we didn’t have the time to act on anything before.”
“Because of your job,” she reminded him.
“And your schooling for a time,” he replied. “You needed to finish your degree. You have to know yourself better than you know me before we can be something together. I know who I am, Misha. Do you know you?”
He leaned back against the side of the pool, and she just stared at him. “Of course I know myself!”
“Do you?” he asked, and he sounded honestly curious even if she wanted to be upset. “You’ve finished school, but you haven’t picked a direction since then. Maybe you don’t want to use that degree you got after all or haven’t taken every opportunity to get exactly what you want. Are you happy with who you are before considering me?”
She snarled. “I know who I am. I don’t need you lecturing me like I’m some confused child.”
He frowned, reaching out to touch her but she slapped his hand away, and he let it fall to the water again. “I’m not being condescending, I’m being honest. I know who I am before I am something to you. I’m a bodyguard, I’m happy with my career, and I have an insatiable sex drive that comes alive only for you. I don’t want to give up traveling for my career, because I’m loyal to my boss and friend. I intend to continue working for him.”
Her heart tightened. “So you will make no changes when it comes to me.”
“Do you know what changes you would want from me?” he challenged.
Misha bit her lip. She wanted to tell him to choose her, but that sounded like one of those desperate “pick me” girls and she was more than that. She wanted to be his priority, not his add on.
But was traveling the world with a hot bodyguard, his boss, and her best friend really that bad of a reality? She knew her forever didn’t include Rawhide, but she wasn’t exactly done with her visit there yet either. She wanted Felix and his beautiful words and sexy voice and hypnotic eyes.
Her thoughts drifted to the conversation she had earlier with the twins. Samantha saw potential in her designs even though she was still a nobody. She saw beauty in what she created and she didn’t have her own label or business or anything. Could she really create custom designs while traveling and not messing that up? She wasn’t even sure how much stress that could or could not add to the process for her.
Felix didn’t rush her for an answer, his hand moving to draw small circles across her bare stomach when she floated closer. It wasn’t sexual, more soothing, and she stared out across the pool as he did so, trying to collect her thoughts.
Unlike herself, Felix never seemed to be in a rush. He’d called her his endgame, yet she hadn’t even thought of a finish line. Getting with Felix wasn’t supposed to be the end. If he wanted her, he was supposed to be her beginning.
“I want to be a designer,” she said, pleased when her voice didn’t waver over that certainty. “I’m going to be one. School teaches the basics. I’m going to have my own line someday.”
He smiled, a real smile instead of one of those smirks, and trailed his fingers up and down her side. “I like hearing that.”
“And I want to travel,” she admitted, knowing that part was true. “I’ve always wanted to. I traveled some with my parents but they didn’t go many places that I wanted to. I want to see some of the fashion capitals.”
He hesitated a moment. “My work… sometimes we go to really extravagant places like that. We were in Paris this past summer.”
“I know,” she replied pointedly. “Penny told me. And she mentioned going to Milan and Rome and over to Tokyo this next winter.”
Traveling the world with your best friend isn’t the worst thing to happen. Misha knew that, and the more she talked about it, the more excited she got. Now she just needed to know that her ideas could match up with his.
Felix cleared his throat, and he stopped trailing his fingers across her skin. “I have the next week off. Laurent didn’t need to travel and basically pushed me to take some time off.”
“Yes,” she interrupted, “Penny mentioned you were a little moody.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Did she? Well, that’s not surprising. She might be the bluntest person I’ve met.”
Misha nodded. “So in a week… you’re leaving.”
“That’s the plan if I intend on keeping my job.” He wet his lips, looking away. “I like my position, like I’ve said. I owe a lot to Laurent and I don’t think I’ll find another boss who deals with my shit like he does. I’m not ready to part ways. But, as fun as traveling is, I’m not sure it’s the future you want either.”
She nodded again, looking away. Seven more short days wasn’t much time to figure out if they could do this. Coming to the Ranch was great in theory, but after talking to so many different people like Master Derek and even chatting earlier with the regulars like Samantha and Savannah as well as Sadie on the first day when she arrived, she began to understand that there was more to wanting someone than simply being there. She had to commit to his life and ensure that it matched hers.
Her mind drifted to his nickname for her, and Bambi echoed in her head. She wanted to be his good girl in bed and his everything anywhere else. If she tried to take him away from a job he loved, he might not be the same Felix she fell for. And what was the point of all of this if she changed him into someone new?
“We don’t have to make any decisions right now,” he told her, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her close. “Or even after this week. Long distance isn’t ideal, but if we make real efforts, it could work in the interim. Let’s just enjoy our time here at the Ranch. When do you leave?”
She hesitated. When she’d arrived, Master Derek asked the same thing before having her fill out the questionnaire. She didn’t have an end date, and he assured her that was alright and she could stay for as long as she needed. “I’m not sure. It’s open-ended.”
Felix nodded. “Good. Then you don’t need to be rushed by my deadline. We can get into it later if you want. But you brought me down to the pool…”
Misha knew exactly what he was doing. He was distracting her from the reality of their deadline, and right now she appreciated that. He had given her more than enough to think about for the afternoon.
Forcing herself to not get moody, she pulled back from him with a smile. “You do realize an indoor heated pool at a resort in winter is kind of a dream, right? I haven’t been down here yet because I was waiting for you. And I’m going to get to swim down here before we do anything else.”
He grinned, and part of her silently thanked him for not digging further. “Okay then, Misha. Let’s see how good of a swimmer you really are.”