Chapter 13
CHAPTER 13
Misha
For three days after that, Misha spent most of her time upstairs in Felix’s room. She still had her space, but the bed seemed far too big without his body next to hers, and she even brought a small suitcase up with her. Sometimes she came over late, others she went up with him early and let him walk her the short distance back to her own space.
It kind of reminded her of dating. She liked getting to experience something almost-normal like this with Felix after spending so much time long distance. It offered them the chance to truly see if they were compatible in an everyday setting, and she liked the late nights and endless kisses that filled her days.
“So do I get to see you soon?” Penny asked, her voice distracting Misha from her daydreams. This was the most they had talked in a good long while, and she partially assumed that had to do with Felix. His time off was ending soon, and if he was Laurent’s favorite guard, maybe they really were waiting for his return before traveling again.
“Why would I see you?” she teased, eyeing the stack of board games. Coming to the library was what she chose to do while Felix worked out. She tried to do that with him yesterday, thinking it would be sexy like on TV or in romance novels, but he was physically fit far beyond her limits despite the age gap. She was worn out barely a half hour in, and irritable, and it didn’t help his workout routine at all.
She opted for sleeping in and going to the library while he was busy instead.
“Oh, stop joking. Felix of course. Did you two work things out?”
Misha slowed her steps, trying to work out the pieces in her head. “Did I tell you we worked things out?”
“Well…” Penny’s voice trailed off, and Misha stopped looking to wait for her friend’s answer. “I got Laurent to pester Felix about his return, and he said things were getting better. So I’m assuming you had sex?”
Misha chuckled. Penny wasn’t a discreet type of person, and her bluntness was part of the reason Misha loved her. “We did.”
“Ooh.”
Misha could just imagine her friend celebrating on her end of the call.
“Was it hot?”
“Always,” Misha answered without hesitation.
Penny laughed. “Good. It’s good to hear you’re happy. So you’re going to come with him when he leaves, won’t you? Laurent is antsy to head out again.”
Misha stopped walking, pausing to lean against a shelf. They occasionally talked about his wife, and a lot about the past year. He even went so far as to stress that the next time she had questions, she should simply ask instead of hiring a hacker to do the dirty work. “I don’t know.”
“But, how do you not know? Felix already mentioned he’ll be back Saturday.”
Her heart tightened in her chest. They hadn’t discussed the date. She knew the deadline was coming and Felix was set to leave, but hearing him mention a date forced her back to reality. “He did?”
“Yes.” There was hesitation in her voice, and Misha got the feeling that Penny wasn’t supposed to be divulging as much as she was. She knew things were shared evenly between her bestie and Felix’s boss, so why she should hesitate didn’t quite make sense. “He seems confident that’s when he’s coming back.”
“But…” Misha let her voice trail. “Penny, that’s in two days.”
“I know! I know. I thought the two of you talked. I had hoped you would be coming along. I didn’t think that he hadn’t mentioned anything. Were you planning on leaving this weekend?”
“No,” she admitted honestly, playing back the past few days in her head. This morning Felix had gone to get her car once the roads were clear enough, bringing Gabriel with him. She hadn’t thought much of it, just that she needed her car back up the hill for the next time she wanted to go someplace. Her flowers from Mildred were all but dead after dealing with the storm, and she had pressed each one inside her journal to preserve. “I haven’t said anything to the Ranch staff or anyone else about when I want to check out.”
Penny hissed on the other end of the phone. “Oh. That’s not good. I just assumed?—”
“Not everyone can commit with their whole heart all at once,” Misha interrupted, her voice hard. “You and Laurent had months to figure yourselves out?—”
“Like one month?—”
“And you were equally committed,” Misha continued, hearing the building hysteria in her voice. “You both just knew!”
“Well, that’s why you hassled Zeke until he looked up and told you where Felix was, right? Because you wanted things to work out?”
“I wanted to know that there was something worthwhile between us,” she said, her cheeks burning at the admission. “I thought of him as more than a fling but he didn’t commit. We’ve talked a lot, and it was so good… I was thinking he felt the same way. All the things he said?—”
“Are words,” Penny replied. “Actions speak louder. You have two more days. Make a decision for you, not for him.”
Misha was quiet for a moment. “What if he doesn’t invite me to come with him?”
“Well, if you really want to stick it to him, I’ll invite you and we can make his life hell.”
Misha laughed with her at the joke, but it didn’t hit home quite as hard as she wanted it to. She wanted to be able to jest about the possible would-be-could-be options, but it hurt to think Felix was ready to go without even talking to her. She only really gave Penny updates, and if she also thought it was odd that he wasn’t inviting her, maybe that was a sign.
Maybe all they were ever meant to be were lovers in passing.
“Make him say exactly what he’s thinking,” Penny advised when the silence stretched on too long. “Don’t leave something left unsaid. Even if you two don’t leave together from the Ranch, you should leave on the same page.”
It made sense, but Misha still fought the idea with every fiber of her being. It almost felt silly to go all the way out to Rawhide just for another rejection from Felix, a lack of commitment even after he shared something personal, and just part ways again.
“Sure, yeah,” she grumbled, and barely listened when the call disconnected. The idea of playing games just made her stomach flip now, and after pacing around a little bit more, she left the library empty handed. If Felix was leaving Saturday, how much time did she really have left? She hurried out of the library, intent on going to confront him and speak her mind. That’s what she was supposed to be working on, and the voice in her journals sure sounded more confident about what she wanted than anytime she had to say the words out loud.
She took the long route back, hoping some walking and seeing all the happy couples would put her mind at ease. Turning the corner she backpedaled, taking a sharp breath before peering around again.
They were too far away, but she could see Felix speaking with Master Derek. Every time she saw the Ranch owner outside of his office, she did a double take, like seeing him out and about in the resort was surreal. They seemed to be in good spirits as they spoke, but they were also too far down the hall to eavesdrop without being seen. She could already hear the reprimand from both of them if she was caught anyway and could picture Felix’s grin when they would return to the room and he could deliver a punishment all his own.
She stayed put for several seconds until they parted ways. Panicked she turned and hurried back the way she had come, unwilling to see which direction the two men went. She didn’t want to be caught snooping like that, even if her nerves were positively frayed.
By the time she chanced a look back, neither man was pursuing her. Either could’ve turned off someplace behind her, but she had a feeling it wasn’t Felix. Even if things were back to being unsteady, he would still come and talk to her. Seeing no one there, she couldn’t help wondering what they might be discussing in the middle of the day.
“Have you seen Felix?” she asked in frustration the following day. They’d spent their usual night together, and he even agreed to a shower, but now tomorrow loomed like an ominous end, and she had no more answers than before. Misha was jittery as she looked around for Felix and having to ask made her feel more out of the loop than she truly was.
Sadie offered her a kind smile, her eyes flickering across Misha. “I haven’t seen him today.”
Misha nodded quickly as she hurried through the resort. She wouldn’t run, but the longer she couldn’t locate Felix, the antsier she felt.
A whole day later, and he’d said nothing about talking to Master Derek. Perhaps it was just a friendly conversation after all, but she couldn’t help wondering what it was about. She was being impossibly nosy, but Misha couldn’t help herself when Felix was giving her absolutely nothing to go on. He still hadn’t fessed up to Saturday and there was literally only one more day to go.
He was dodgy, which she hated. No amount of pestering drew a real answer from his lips, and she gave up before going back to her room. He didn’t text much that evening, and now her stomach was in knots waiting to see what would happen next. She was unintentionally messing up their final days all because he refused to give her a real answer.
Never mind, she decided this was all on him.
With dinner looming in the future, she worried he wouldn’t want to spend his final evening with her. They did try the Dungeon yesterday, but even that wasn’t enough to get him to outright ask her to come with or even ask what she planned to do on Saturday, this weekend or any time after. She just couldn’t wrap her head around how he thought, or what they were going to do now.
When Misha decided there was nothing else to possibly distract herself with downstairs, she groaned and decided to just head back to her room until closer to dinner. They didn’t have specific plans, but she knew when he liked to eat, so if nothing else, she’d go walk to his door and make sure he had to face her. She refused to be brushed off and ignored in the end after so many passionate nights.
Her door opened easily, and she looked at the mess all around the space. She would need to spend time cleaning no matter when she left, but if Felix was leaving, she didn’t know that staying would do her any good. Seeing him and finding out if they were meant to be had been the whole point. If he left, maybe it was time for her story to continue elsewhere.
She walked to the bed, reaching for the hem of the cardigan that she’d worn earlier to the library again. Even if Felix wasn’t around she still liked sitting there, and purposefully took his favorite seat when he was absent. She tugged off her sweater?—
There was a sticky note on her sleeve. It didn’t get there by accident, there was a piece of tape. She tried to remember getting close enough to have someone prank her, but other than seeing Gabriel and Samantha and Savannah, she hadn’t spoken to many people today. Tugging it free, she eyed the words written in a familiar script:
The most powerful words are written first, said second.
She stared, trying to not let herself be excited. A little arrow suggested she flip the note over, and there were more words printed on the back.
Sometimes I’m bad at both, but there are still things that must be said to you.
This had to be Felix. No one else at Rawhide knew about her weird attraction to writing out her thoughts and journaling, though a sticky note wasn’t quite what she had in mind. She checked her other sleeve, hoping there would be another, but unfortunately there was nothing.
Now what?
Misha set aside the rest of her things. There was nothing else to check around for, and she looked at the walls half expecting to see something else. Nothing stuck out, and for a moment disappointment clung to her heart.
Then someone knocked.
She tried to not seem eager, but it was impossible when she practically ran across the room to open the door. She so hoped to see Felix’s grinning face, and defeat hit her in the gut once more when there was no one there, and she feared she was being pranked.
Then she looked down. A piece of paper was folded neatly on the floor, and she looked around to see if someone may have dropped it. Surely anyone could pick up something left around like that.
She picked it up, heart soaring again when there were more words:
You hoped I could fix forever in a short amount of time, but that’s not how love and loyalty are made. If you want forever, it takes longer than days. My time here is numbered, but our clock doesn’t have to stop.
The romantic in her really wanted to gush over the riddles he’d given her. Like little teasers as she searched around. There was nothing on the first half of the outside of the card, but he’d written more when she flipped to the back.
I’m never going to be good at saying the right thing. And turns out, my writing skills are subpar too. But if you thought I could leave without you, that’s another thing I simply cannot do.
Her gaze shifted from the note, , looking around when there was nothing else to read. Felix was at the end of the hall, and when he noticed her looking, he paced over. It only took a moment to realize he had the same type of poppies in his hands as the night of the snowstorm.
His fingers dragged through his hair as he walked up, and she took the bouquet a little too excitedly. “I know it’s not a deep profession of love, but I’m not that great with starting these things.”
Misha snorted. “Well, this isn’t too bad of a start.”
He smiled back, a real one, not one of his smirks. “Good. Because I’ve spent the last two days trying to figure out how to ask you to come travel the world with me without sounding like a total sap, and even now I still can’t get it out without sounding needy.”
Slowly, she smiled. It was a genuine response, just like his words She reached up, cupping the side of his face. “I like you needy sometimes. This might be the only time I’ve ever seen you not be in total control.”
“I don’t like when there are things I can’t account for,” he admitted, his arm coming to slip around her slim form. “And I can’t control what you’re going to say to me wanting you to come with me.”
“What girl doesn’t want to travel around the world and see exotic places?” she joked, but from the intensity in his eyes she knew the jest didn’t work.
“You wouldn’t be able to stay in one place for long,” he agreed. “Laurent travels a lot, and I have to be on his security detail at all times. I don’t think she pays any attention to it, but Penny has a personal guard too. You would have one as well so there’s no conflict when it comes to protecting the group.”
She blinked, nodding slowly. “You want me to come with you? Really?”
“Well, it might be a way to inspire that brilliant mind,” he admitted, tapping the side of her head near her temple. “What better way to find out the type of designer you would want to be than to travel and see the work of fashion designers around the world firsthand.”
It was a dream, but she wasn’t sure she should admit to that out loud. “And when would we spend time together if you’re always working?”
“I am on the job anytime Laurent is out and about,” Felix agreed, and she momentarily despised the billionaire for needing so much security. “But I would always have you in the back of my mind, even if you aren’t with me. That’s why it would be important to have someone else along to guard you.”
“And your boss is just going to be okay with strays?” she asked with a scoff, because it all sounded too good to be true.
“My friend wants me to be happy,” he corrected. “I work for Laurent, but we were friends first. If having you with us will make me happy, that’s all he cares to know. He has his own jet, so we wouldn’t have any problems traveling around. Though it is easier to travel light.”
Misha swallowed, staring up into his eyes. “You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
“But,” she started, wetting her lips as she looked away. “Why did you wait until the last day?”
“I was trying to find a way to ask that wasn’t gloating,” he admitted. “And I wrote out the idea plenty of times and hated every one that I came up with. This one seemed the best, and I spoke with Master Derek about it just yesterday. He had noticed the growing connection between us and wanted to know how my leaving would affect you. I told him my idea.”
“And?”
“And he wished me luck making it work,” he replied with a smile. “Gabriel is pacing the other side of the hall to distract people. He’s probably done now, but I needed to wait for you to come out and pick up the paper. I didn’t want anyone picking it up by accident.”
She offered him a slow smile. “What? You didn’t want someone reading the words that are better written first?”
His smile morphed to a smirk at her jab. “Cute. You can teach me all about saying what I feel if you travel with me.”
Misha tried to make it look like she was thinking, but despite her words, her mind was made up the moment he asked her to travel with him, right from the start. “Do I have to teach the whole time?”
He tugged her closer, and she slid her arms around his neck. “No, Bambi, that’s still going to be my job, at least in the bedroom.”