Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
COLT
Nathan took the whole doing things conversation seriously.
Nathan Winslow
Farmer’s market today?
I rub my eyes and try to make sense of the message. It’s too early to make these kinds of decisions. Fine, it’s nine-thirty, but that’s early for a weekend.
Me
Sure. What time?
Nathan Winslow
Pick you up at 11.
Me
See you then.
I check the clock. I’ve got enough time for a quick breakfast and shower.
Nathan Winslow
The guys will be there, too. They want to hang out with you again.
Oh . Not only were we doing things now, but we were doing things with other people. Other people who happen to be very important to him. I groan and roll out of bed. I’m pretty sure Matthias and Aaron are not my biggest fans. I’m not sure my house has enough coffee to manage this. The Farmers’ Market better have a stand.
The whole thing is a test. I’ve met Nathan’s friends, but meeting them as some random guy is one thing. It’s an entirely different thing as the boyfriend.
Boyfriend? I guess we haven’t put a label on it yet. We’re taking it slow, but is it too soon to call him my boyfriend? I wish someone made a guidebook for this sort of stuff.
Nathan, as always, is right on time. I’m not clear on the dress code for something like this, so I wear jeans and a sweater. The weather is warming up, but some crispness still lingers in the air. As long as the clouds stay away, the sun should be enough to keep me warm while we’re out.
I hop in his car and lean over for a long kiss. I only left his place a few hours ago, but I miss how his body feels against mine. I wonder if there’s any chance I can talk him into coming up to my place and spending the day cuddled up on the couch. Preferably naked.
And that’s why we’d avoided going out.
Plus the fact that so far, those expeditions haven’t been successful. We didn’t give it a lot of chances, but still.
“So I think we’ll have most of the crew today. Tyler’s visiting his family, but the other guys will meet up with us.” He puts the car in drive and starts toward the downtown area. “I thought we could walk around and see what they have. Then we can grab some lunch and make a game plan. If we see anything we like on our first pass, we can return for it so we don’t have to carry it around.” He pauses and bites the bottom of his lip like always when thinking about something—or maybe only when overthinking. It’s adorable and uniquely Nathan. “Unless it looks like something might sell out. If it’s heavy, we can always return to the car. It might be a lot of walking, though.”
I reach across the center console and rest my hand on his thigh. “I’m sure it’ll be great. We can carry some stuff around if needed. I don’t mind.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t sound convinced, but I promise to ensure he enjoys this outing. It seems important to him. Maybe it’s a test of how well I get along with his friends. Especially since I’m no longer Colt, the guy I grew up with, but Colt, the guy I’m currently dating .
Dating. Thinking about it still fills my stomach with butterflies.
We park in the public lot, following the instructions of the parking attendant in the neon orange vest. As we hit the edge of the market, Nathan’s hand slips into mine, intertwining our fingers. I miss a step and struggle to catch up. I stare at our hands for a moment. It’s strangely intimate, which is weird to say, considering I had my cock in his ass last night.
“Is this okay?” He nods toward our hands and looks at me with concern.
“Yeah,” I croak, my mouth suddenly dry. I’ve dated some, but never where I could be open like this. The brief period in college when I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted without my family finding out didn’t last long—mainly because I spent the first two years trying to convince myself I liked women. That’s left little time for the kind of relationship where you hold hands in the middle of town on Saturday.
My brain is still trying to catch up when we find his friends. He nudges me as we approach them, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Hey, you guys remember Colt.” He doesn’t let go of my hand, and I squeeze it, hoping he gets the message. I’m not sure what the message is other than wanting him to know how happy I am.
Aaron and Matthias give me a quick nod. It’s exposing standing here holding Nathan’s hand, especially since the last time I spoke to them wasn’t pleasant. The three of them launch into a discussion about someone from college. It’s clear how much history there is among all of them. Nathan occasionally pauses to fill me in and ensure I follow the conversation. Honestly, I don’t care. I’m enjoying being here and enjoying the day. I can picture doing this every weekend. The trips to the market. The time with various friends.
This outing has turned into spending the day with Nathan’s friends, and while I’m not complaining, it does raise several concerns. They’re great guys with whom I can see myself hanging out with regularly. They can’t be my social group, though. They belong to Nathan, and if something goes wrong between us, they’ll side with him. I’ll not only lose Nathan but all the friends I’ve made. That would be quite the extra fuck you from the universe.
I try not to think about it. I remind myself things might not go wrong with Nathan. Our friendship is the longest relationship I’ve had, though I’m not sure you can count those years where our only contact was me liking photos on his Instagram .
We wander around the market for quite a while, stopping to look at things at each of the booths. We sample a few delicious homemade items but nothing I want to buy. I’m looking through a pile of art prints at one of the booths when Aaron starts complaining that he’s hungry.
“The lines for the food trucks are dwindling; it might be a good time to take a break,” Matthias agrees, though they exchange a look I can’t quite place. We walk back, making a few stops even though Aaron grumbles each time about his hunger. Eventually, we reach the picnic tables next to the row of food trucks.
“Why don’t you find a spot for us to sit, and I’ll bring you something.” When I nod, Nathan kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand before walking off with Matthias. It’s innocent, but I look around to see if anyone is looking. No one seems to be paying us any mind.
“Let’s go.” Aaron grabs my arm and starts pulling me toward an open table. “So, how are things?”
“Um... good.” I slide into the spot across from him.
“Things with Nathan are going well?”
“Shouldn’t you ask Nathan?”
“I’m asking you.”
“They’re good.” I don’t want to say anything to break Nathan’s confidence. I assume he’s talked about us, but not what he’s told them. “It took us a little bit to figure things out, but I think we’re on the right track now.”
“And you’re exclusive?”
“I’m not sure why it’s any of your business.” The universe wants to answer the question for me because Aaron’s jaw tenses up, and I turn to follow his gaze.
Oliver .
Oh, fuck. Why is Oliver here? There are enough people in this city that I shouldn’t be running into failed hookups when I’m out for the day. At this point, I can’t do anything else, so I wave. He waves back and walks over. Alarm bells go off in my head. I glance around, looking for Nathan.
“Hey!” Oliver says to Aaron and then looks at me. “Good to see you again.”
“Yeah, um, you, too.”
“Enjoying the market?” Aaron asks. He hates me. Why is he forcing this into a whole conversation? The rule is that we wave at each other and move in separate directions.
“It’s nice. I already have too many things on my wish list. I need to eat something before I make any impulse purchases.”
“Why don’t you eat with us?”
I give Aaron my best pleading face, but he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.
“Sure, thanks. Let me grab something, and I’ll be right back.” He starts to walk away, then turns back. “You don’t mind, do you?”
I mind a lot, but I hear myself say, “Of course not.” Oliver grins at me and walks away. Aaron says something, but my heart is pounding too loud to make out the words. I might be having a heart attack. I try to remember the signs but can’t think of anything. A hand on my shoulder pulls me back.
“You okay?” Nathan’s looking at me with concern. I don’t know when he returned to the table, but a big plate of fish and chips is in front of me. I’m sure it’s excellent, but my stomach threatens to revolt.
“Um... this guy I went on a date with months ago is here.”
Nathan stiffens up. “Oh.”
“Anyway, he saw us over here and came to say hi. And then...” I’m not sure I can describe what happened after that. I’m still trying to figure it out.
“I invited him to sit with us,” Aaron interjects. Both Nathan and Matthias turn to look at him, mouths open. Aaron shrugs. “He’s lonely and doesn’t know people in the city. I didn’t think it would matter.” How does Aaron know any of this? I should be grateful he’s taking the blame for the situation.
I lean in toward Nathan. “Do you want to go?” I keep my voice low so the others can’t hear. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I swear, I went on one sort of date with this guy at the bar. Nothing else happened.”
“I know.” Nathan puts his hands on mine. He’s still stiff, but his color looks a little better. “It’s fine. I’m surprised, is all.”
“Nathan.” I want to pull him into a corner and ensure he understands that he’s the only one I’m interested in. I want to kiss him and feel his body against mine so I can be sure everything is okay. Instead, I take one of the fries on my plate and put it in my mouth.
NATHAN
Do not freak out. Do not freak out. Do not freak out. I’m pretty sure this is like putting a Do Not Touch sticker on something. The more I tell myself to calm down, the more I freak out.
Logically, I know nothing happened between the two of them. It was before the two of us got together. It’s not like I’ve been a monk for the last decade. Still, this is the guy . The guy he was with that night. My heart is not logical.
“Hey.” The offending man walks over to the table, carrying a sandwich in one hand and a soda can in the other.
“This is Oliver,” Aaron says. “You’ve already met Colt and Matthias, and that’s Nathan.” He points to each of us, and I give him a questioning look. He nods at me and mouths something I can’t make out.
“Thanks for letting me join you. I’ve lived here for three months but still feel like a newbie. I didn’t know anyone when I moved here, so it’s been tough trying to find friends.” I totally don’t feel like an asshole for not wanting him to join us. Can’t he find someone else’s friends?
The conversation flows easily as everyone laughs and jokes around the table. The awkwardness fades after a few minutes, and I try to focus on my food and Colt. I slide a hand onto his thigh. His body is tight, and I feel the stress pouring off him. We didn’t have good luck with dates outside the house. Maybe Colt had a point with his whole, stay home and have sex thing.
“What do you think?” Colt bumps his shoulder against mine.
I shove a few french fries in my mouth to avoid answering right away. I’ve been so lost in my thoughts that I forgot to listen to the conversations. “Mmm...” I say around the food and give Colt a needy look.
“What do you think about spending a little longer here and then going to Matthias’s house? He wants to show off his new home theater setup.”
“It’s not showing off. I just don’t want to spend the night watching movies alone.”
“Sounds nice.” This outing is not what I planned, but a change of scenery and a little break will do us well.
The conversation wanes, and we get up from the table. As the other guys start down one of the aisles of the market, Colt holds me back. “Talk to me.”
“About what?” I sound like a petulant teenager.
“I can tell you’re upset. We can skip going to Matthias’s house if you want and go back to my place. Or your place. Just please talk to me.” Worry creases his eyes. I really am an asshole.
“I’m sorry.” I’m the one who insisted on this get-together, and now I’m fucking the whole thing up. “I’m just jealous.”
“Jealous? Of what? I was on a date with Oliver for less than an hour. Other than that, we exchanged a handful of text messages. All before you and I kissed. There’s nothing to be jealous of. You can read the messages.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and opens it up. I push his hand down and pull him into my arms for a hug. It only takes a second for him to soften into me.
“I don’t need to read them. I trust you. I always have.” I kiss his cheek before I pull back. “What do you want to do?”
“Well, honestly, my answer is to go back to one of our houses and lock the door, but as the new boyfriend, I think the correct answer to the question is to go hang out with the guys for a while to prove I’m not an asshole who keeps you from them.”
“Boyfriend?” I can’t hide my smile as I say the word.
“Was that not obvious?” It probably is, but sometimes it takes me a little while to pull my head out of my ass and work things out. Maybe it isn’t worth writing off this whole doing-things stuff just yet.