39
Keltania
I can’t shake the vision—if that’s what it was—of Aphelian or blot out the things she said. She’s trying to manipulate me. Shit, she’s been doing it my entire life. And on top of all that, I had a chance to find out what she was really up to and failed—mostly. I know that she’d originally been trying to use Servis…but for what? What could a druid have to gain from the Winter Lord?
Whatever she wanted from Servis is the key to all this. She wants justice for what happened to her, to the druids, but what’s happening now has been in play for over a thousand years. She said so herself. Discovering the parts of their story lost to history seems like the only thing that will save us at this point.
Everyone knows now that I drank from the tear, and we all gather again to discuss strategy. I should tell them what I’ve learned from Aphelian, but to do that, I’d have to confess about the visions. Knowing Valen, it will just make him panic more. He’ll push for me to purge the magic, and we’ll be right back to square one. The others will assume I’m conspiring with Aphelian. I could tell Delkin, and I’m tempted, but he would probably feel obligated to tell Valen.
For now…for now I’ll sit on it. It’s not like it’s given any insight that will help us. And it hasn’t harmed me.
The room is full of chatter, everyone arguing that their plan is best, but I find it hard to concentrate on any one person. There’s an itching sensation in the back of my neck, and that same buzzing noise—the one that filled my head when I was in my room—returns. The noises merge together, and my vision grows hazy.
The room fades…
When my vision clears, I’m back on the craggy cliff with Aphelian.
“Dull, isn’t it?” she says. “They like to go on and on and on… Fae are nothing if not enamored with their own voices.”
“What the fuck?” I spin, wobbling. I steady myself before going over the edge of the cliff. “I’m not asleep. How am I dreaming?”
She sighs and rolls her eyes, looking at me as though I’m seven again and have just been caught stealing cookies from the kitchen in Lunal. “I told you, it’s natural for druids to come here. When we need guidance or we’re stressed and upset…”
“I’m not stressed and upset.”
“So you agree completely with their desire to wipe me from the living realm? It doesn’t bother you at all?”
“How do you—”
She shrugs. “I have my ways.”
“I agree that you need to be stopped.” It might break my heart to say it, but the Levina I knew is gone. “You must answer for your crimes.”
“So dramatic…” She tsks. “I don’t like it any more than you do, but we’re connected. You made that happen when you ingested the tear. We, Keltania, are the only two druids in known history to have ever held this much of our people’s power. That power—which I channeled through myself and you swallowed—binds us together.”
“Fantastic.” I school my expression, but deep down? Deep down, I want that connection. I need it. Since leaving Lunal, I’ve been afloat. Lost. I can’t go back, and it seems I can’t move forward. There’s no place for me in either direction. I might despise the way this power connects us, but I also crave it.
And I hate myself for that.
Her amused expression fades, replaced by one of despair. She moves to stand in front of me and takes both my hands. “I know you hate me for lying to you. I understand, and I cannot blame you. I will never ask for your forgiveness. But you must know that when I say I only want the best for you, it’s true.”
“Then stop what you’re doing. Give up on this pointless war—or whatever it is you’re doing. Stand for your crimes, and maybe the Fae will take mercy on you.”
“Mercy?” She gives me a look of disappointment I feel in my soul, then sighs. “Didn’t we talk about this before?”
Shit, I’m losing her. Desperate to make this work, I say, “I’ll—I’ll come back to Lunal. I’ll do whatever it is you want.”
She smiles sadly. “You, my dear, are far too large for Lunal. I meant it when I said you were destined for glorious things.” The smile fades. Her grip on my hands tightens to a point where I bite my tongue to keep from crying out. “But bedding a filthy Fae is not one of them.”
I yank my hands from hers. “If my relationship with Valen bothers you so much, then break the link between us.” I only half mean it, but I’m curious what her response will be. She loathes the Fae. If she truly cared for me, why orchestrate me linking myself to one—especially if she knew there was no turning back?
“Being linked to that disgusting Fae was a necessary evil. I hated that you had to do it, but we had no other choice.”
“Necessary how? What was the point of forcing that bond?”
“If you had killed him in Ventin, none of this would be happening. There would be no bond—no confusion! You would know your place, and we would be done with all this.”
“If you ever truly believed I would have killed Valen for no reason—even if I didn’t care for him—then you never knew me at all, Levina.”
“It doesn’t matter at this point. You can’t kill him. Not anymore. But you can lock him away. Bring his essence to the Dream. Imprison him…”
She stares at me for a moment, her eyes full of venom. Gritting her teeth, she grabs my wrist, her grip cold like death. She starts to speak, but the words are hollow, garbled.
Everything spins. I choke back the vomit that rises in my throat as the landscape whirls and noise blasts all around me. Incoherent words. Screaming. Crying. It’s unbearable—until there’s nothing but silence.
Silence, until…
“Tania?”
I rub my eyes as the noise returns to the room. Valen is staring at me from across the cavernous space.
“What?” I ask casually.
Delkin frowns. “I asked if you’re all right. You seem…”
“I’m fine. Tired. Are we set?”
“Well, if by ‘set’ you mean we still haven’t come to an agreement,” Gensted says with a glower at Suveo. “Then, sure.”
“Maybe because you Fae can’t get out of your own damn way,” I snap.
Everyone stares at me. Gensted looks like I’ve stabbed him, his expression a mixture of shock and hurt. But the concern in Valen’s eyes is worst of all.
“I…” Goddess, what is wrong with me? “I’m sorry.”
“Yes. Well, we’ll reconvene after lunch. I think everyone needs a moment to cool off.”
Hesitantly, they all start to leave. There’s an exchange of insults between Gensted and Suveo as they exit the room. Valen gives me a questioning look—I still haven’t moved.
“Coming,” I say, but I’m in no hurry to catch up.
Everything Aphelian said to me has turned me into one raw nerve ready to snap. Deep down, I know that’s what she wants. She’s survived a long time and mastered the art of manipulation.
I’ve lived my entire life so sure of myself. Of my duty, my skill, my past… Then, later, of Valen. Now? I’m not confident in what I see or say. I don’t trust my own thoughts.
I don’t trust myself .