45
Keltania
The fury ebbs and flows, and with each breath, my perspective changes. In an instant, I go from hating Valen and everything that he stands for to despising myself for allowing this to take hold over me. But it’s too strong.
My body chills, and I take a step back as the earth a few feet from me turns white. Ice crackles, creeping outward and up the trunks of the trees until each and every branch is encased. A second later, the entire thing shatters.
“Stop this!” Valen hollers. There’s an edge to his voice that wasn’t there moments ago.
He has a sword now. One made of ice, held together by his magic. I could tap into it. Fight fire with fire—or ice with ice—but I hold myself back.
The effort it takes to keep from killing him threatens to crush me. Another scream rips from my throat.
“Please, Tania. Come back to me.”
“My head…” I drop to my knees and thread my fingers through my hair. My thoughts are chaos, swirling between Aphelian’s memories and mine. Between her hate of the Fae and my love for Valen. “I can’t sort any of it out.”
“I know.” He pulls me close and wraps his arms around me. “I know you’re hurting. But we’ll figure it out.”
I focus on his voice, on the feel of him close, and reach out to the link between us. But no matter how hard I try, it remains muddled and far away. There are whispers of it now and then, but the power surging through me from the tear drowns it out. I choke back a sob.
“This has gone too far.” He stands and helps me to my feet. “We have to channel that magic out of you. Now.”
He keeps talking, but the sound of his voice is drowned out by a thunderous hum inside my head. Aphelian’s voice booms, “There! I told you. He’s trying to take back our magic. He can’t have you more powerful than he is. He’ll never be able to contain you!”
“No…”
“Tania?” Valen drops to the ground in front of me. “Stay with me—”
I grip his arms, desperate to stay anchored yet furious at the idea of losing the magic.
“Let’s get you home. Zana will know what to do about the magic.”
I rip myself from his grasp and stumble away. “You will not take our magic again!”
“What—”
I draw the blade at my belt—one of the knives he gave me when we first returned to the estate—and I lunge. Crashing into him, I knock us both to the ground, positioning the blade at his throat. “We won’t let you steal our power again.”
“I’m not stealing anything, Tania.” His voice is soft. Soothing. Yet it doesn’t quite reach the part of me that’s numb. “Think about it. I already have access to that magic, through our bond. I could use it as readily as you use Winter magic. But do I?”
I press the blade a hair closer. A single bead of blood trails down his neck, as well as my own, sharp and wet. Our bond…yes. We share everything. Injuries, emotions, thoughts—and magic.
“I haven’t touched the druid magic unless it was life or death. Because it isn’t mine to wield. It’s yours , and I would never steal it from you. You deserve it. Your people deserve it. I want nothing more than to see it returned to them.” He lets his head fall back and allows his body to go slack. “I know there’s a storm brewing inside your head. I know you’re confused.”
“Arrgg! Fight back!” I demand, at the same time praying he doesn’t. “Fight, dammit!”
“No,” he says simply. “If I can’t convince you of my intentions with words, with a voice you know deep down that you can trust, I won’t resort to violence. Not with you.”
I laugh. It’s me—yet it’s not. “We’ve spent months planning an attack on Aphelian, and now you’re suddenly a pacifist?”
“Not at all. This courtesy only extends to you.” He spreads his arms out across the ground. Like he’s offering himself up as a sacrifice. “Do it. If you need me dead to quiet that screaming in your head—if you think that will solve the problem—then I won’t stop you. Destroy us both.”
“You—” I shake my head to clear away the haze. If I kill him, then I kill myself. “You’re trying to trick me!”
“I’m not. I’m sure. Of myself. Of you.”
What are you waiting for? Drag him into the Dream. Imprison him forever…
…Wake up! You love this Fae!
I drop the blade and scramble backward on my ass in the snow.
Valen breathes out sharply, then stands and starts toward me.
“No!” I hold up my hand. “Stop! Don’t come closer. I don’t know if I can—”
He ignores me, closing the distance between us and hauling me to my feet. Before my brain can even register what he’s doing, he kisses me.
We’re not far from the estate when I slow my pace. Valen offered to shift and carry me back, but I refused, wanting to take my time. I still don’t trust myself. The magic is angry, and Aphelian, wherever she is right now, knows that I’ve left her.
“Bringing me back to the estate is a bad idea,” I tell Valen. What if she’s angry I abandoned her? Her response to that betrayal could be far more devastating than anything we can imagine. “I’m dangerous. Aphelian is still connected to me through our magic.”
“I told you, I trust you.” His confidence, his trust, floods the link.
“Then you’re a fool,” I snap. The parts of me poisoned by the magic rebel. How am I going to keep this contained? How will I keep them safe…from me? I sigh and shake my head. “Sorry… I—”
He slows, taking my hand. “I know this isn’t ideal, but we’ll get through it.”
“Whatever she’s doing, she believes it’s her destiny.” Anger, righteous fire, pain, and an insatiable greed for justice. The magic squirms, furious that I’m ignoring its purpose—my purpose? Aphelian’s…? I don’t know anymore. All I know is that it’s a constant fight to stay in control, but I intend to do it. For Valen.
He squeezes my hand, threading his fingers through mine.
Despite a part of me wanting to rip my hand away, I tighten my grip on his. We’re almost back. He’s the key to my control. He’ll keep me grounded if I can focus on us, on our bond.
“They’re not going to be happy to see me,” I say, stopping to lean back against a tree. I can see one of the estate’s peaks over the hill. “What happened is going to undo what little trust there was.”
“Forget what they think. They don’t matter.”
“They do,” I insist. “And Suria, after what happened—”
“Suria knows it wasn’t really you doing those things. She knows it was the magic.”
I snort. “Well, I guess now she’ll be pretty damn vocal about not letting you do it.”
“Do what?”
“Siphon the magic and use it yourself?” The magic churns at the mention of it. I breathe in deep, tamp it down.
“Why would she think I’d do that?”
“That’s what set me off, Valen. When she came in to talk to me. She said she wanted to give me a heads-up. That she overheard you talking to Celpin about asking me if you could take the magic for a short time.” I sigh. “I was confused and angry. I thought—”
“Tania, I never said that. Not to Celpin or anyone else.”
He…what? “Then where would she get that idea from?”
“Maybe she misunderstood something? Got the wrong idea? She was glaring at me…” He rolls his eyes. “Celpin and I did talk about the tear, but I never said I wanted the magic.”
A chill skitters up my spine, and it’s got nothing to do with the snow. “Why did you tell her? About us?”
He stares at me. “Has the magic fried your brain?”
“You didn’t tell her…”
“Of course not. I mean, she does know about us, but she figured that out on her own.” He rolls his eyes. “She’s a pretty smart kid. If an idiot like Gensted can figure it out, I shouldn’t have been surprised when she did.”
“But she said…” That odd feeling I got when she first appeared in Rotting Ledge… The way she looked at me. My gut insisted something was off, but I ignored it. Suria has powerful magic, and finding her was the win we needed in that moment. Too big a win…
Goddess. How had I missed it?
“We have to go!”