Negotiating Tactics

Twenty-Four

Alex

“What in thename of our heavenly father is that godawful smell?” I said as Birdie walked into the dining room.

It had been a few weeks since I’d confronted Noah, and I was doing my best to pretend I was A-OK.

Birdie wasn’t buying it, but she hadn’t moved in for the inevitable interrogation, though I knew it was coming.

She deposited two open containers on the table and looked at me quizzically.

“It’s kung pao shrimp. You know, your favorite dish?” she said, looking at me through wide eyes.

I started to speak but then cut off, my mouth thick with saliva as I fought back the urge to vomit. I raised a hand, shook my finger, and then rushed to the bathroom.

I would hate to ruin Birdie’s amazing wallpaper, so I focused on hitting the toilet as I emptied the contents of my stomach.

I rested there for a moment, letting my heart slow, and then washed out my mouth and wiped my face with the monogramed towels, the W stitched in the thick cotton instantly turning my thoughts to Noah, though that wasn’t a hard feat.

Trying to stave off that train of thought, I chuckled at my surroundings, still not quite used to this level of casual opulence.

When I returned to the dining room, Birdie, saint that she was, had removed the shrimp. Good thing, too, because the very thought of it had me close to running back to the bathroom.

“Should I order something else?” she asked, looking at me through suspicious eyes.

“No,” I said. “I really like that outfit. You look great!”

She did, the peach and gray skirt and gray sweater making her skin glow. I, on the other hand, was wearing sweats and looked incredibly out of place in Dominic and Birdie’s penthouse, though, like always, Birdie made me feel at home.

“Thanks, Alex,” she said, though she still looked suspicious.

Aunt Clem walked over to me and handed me a bottle of seltzer.

“It’ll calm your stomach,” she said.

Aunt Clem had decided we should meet at Birdie’s today, saying she wanted a change in scenery.

I was happy to go anywhere.

The last few weeks had been awful, but I was trying my hardest to come out of it.

Still, every day was a struggle.

There was no place in my home that didn’t remind me of Noah, and my tiny one-bedroom apartment felt impossibly empty without him.

But I was determined to get over my heartbreak.

Determined to get my life back, broken heart be damned.

Aunt Clem settled in one of the dining chairs and looked at me with a level stare. “How far along are you?”

My brows lifted. “How far along in what?”

She huffed. “I never had any myself, but I’ve been around enough pregnant women to know one when I see one, Alex,” Aunt Clem said.

My brows shot up, and my eyes widened. “Aunt Clem, are your support hose too tight?” I said.

She laughed, then lifted one of her small feet, the thick black orthopedic shoe making her thin legs look positively tiny.

“They are a little bit snug, but that doesn’t mean you’re not pregnant,” she said, her eyes never wavering from mine.

“Aunt Clem, I am not preg?—”

I looked at Birdie for support, but then cut off when I saw the even expression on her face.

“You were saying?” Birdie finally said.

“I wasn’t saying anything,” I said, taking a sip of the seltzer water and feeling immediate relief.

A fact I steadfastly refused to analyze.

Aunt Clem looked at Birdie. “No, she wasn’t saying anything, especially if she was about to try to deny that she’s pregnant.” She faced me. “So how far along are you?”

I pursed my lips. “Aunt Clem, I am not pregnant,” I said, proud of myself for speaking the last word.

“You have been tired,” Birdie pointed out, her expression so neutral I knew she was just humoring me.

“Of course, I’m tired. I’ve been working like a crazy person,” I countered, having thrown myself even harder into work, desperate for any escape for the pain of what Noah had done.

And the pain of living without him.

“Which is out of the ordinary how exactly?” Birdie said.

“And, you know,” I said, on the defensive, pressing on like I hadn’t heard Birdie, “there’s the not too small fact that the man I thought I loved—” I cut off, swallowing the tears threatening at the mention of Noah.

I took a deep breath and then started again. “You know, after what he did,” I said.

Birdie gave me a look, one that I didn’t quite understand.

“What is that look?” I said, lasering in on her reaction.

“I don’t have anything to say,” Birdie said.

I shook my head. “Oh, hell no.” I smiled then looked at Aunt Clem. “Sorry, Auntie.” I looked back at Birdie, determined not to let her get away. “You obviously think something, so go ahead and say it,” I pushed.

Birdie arched a brow, the expression familiar, the one that told me she was thinking, weighing exactly what to say next. But knowing my best friend, I had no doubt she would tell me exactly what she thought, though she would choose her words with care. “Well, as far as I see it, Noah did you a favor. There, I said it.”

“You know, you sound just like you-know-who right now,” I said, pointing a thumb at Aunt Clem, trying to ignore the constriction in my chest.

Aunt Clem laughed. “If you-know-who is me, you’re right, and she sounds like me because I’m right. That no good daddy of yours took the money. That proves that he wasn’t worth your time to begin with.”

Of all the people I’d known, few were as good-natured as Aunt Clem. None of that showed now. She was as serious as I’d ever seen her, even when she’d been in the hospital.

“He’s my father,” I said weakly.

“Exactly, which means that nothing, least of all a few pieces of silver, should have been able to keep him away from you. But,” Birdie said, “you know what. Never mind.”

“No, go ahead,” I said.

“No, Alex. I don’t want to cross any more lines than I already have or say something that’s going to affect our friendship. Because I’m here for you no matter what. So we don’t have to talk about it,” Birdie said.

I looked at her then sighed.

“That’s why you’re my best friend.”

“Why is that?” she said.

“Because you tell me shit even when I don’t want to hear it. And it sounds like this has been on your mind for a minute. I couldn’t possibly feel any worse than I already do, so let’s get it all out on the table.”

“I don’t want this to affect our friendship,” she repeated.

“You think you can get rid of me?” I said.

Birdie smiled, then walked around the eight-person table to sit beside me.

Aunt Clem was a few chairs down, but I could still feel her compassion.

I looked at Birdie, and she squeezed my hand.

“I haven’t wanted to say anything because I know how much emotion is wrapped up with your dad. Especially after Ms. Angela passed,” Birdie said.

I started to tear up then, thinking about how much of a wreck I had been after I lost my mother.

Thinking about how it hadn’t been my father who had comforted me.

No, that had been Birdie and Aunt Clem, and for all these years since I’d lost her, they had stayed by my side.

“Go ahead,” I said.

Birdie smiled at me, the expression full of the angst I felt, and reached for my hand. “Alex, he hurts you. He might not mean to do it, but no matter what, you get the short end of the stick. I don’t know why he does what he does, or if he’s even aware of it, but he treats you worse than I would treat a stranger.”

“He has never hurt me,” I countered.

I sounded feeble, weak, but the reflexive desire to protect him, the need to cling to the hope that had been there my entire life, was impossible.

“You mean he’s never hurt you physically, but you can’t pretend that he’s never hurt you. Every birthday he missed, every phone call he didn’t return, every year that he dropped out of your life… All the times he parachuted back in just as you had gotten used to him being gone. That’s hurting you. It’s evil as far as I’m concerned,” Birdie said.

I looked at her, incredulous. “Evil?”

“It is,” Aunt Clem interjected. “And you might not see it now, but I see it. There’s not much in this world that people can rely on, but you should be able to rely on your family. He’s never been there for you. You share blood, but he’s never been your father.”

I wiped at the tear that had escaped my eyes, and Birdie let my hand go.

But I still felt her support.

“It’s true. And, you haven’t known Noah that long, but he’s never let you down like that,” Birdie said.

“You can’t compare the two,” I said.

“I know you can’t. Not really. But think about it. What Noah did was presumptuous and shady, but some of that we can chalk up to genetics,” Birdie said.

I laughed. “Yeah, it does seem to be something that runs in the family.”

After all, I knew how Birdie and Dominic had come together, so at least two of the Wilder brothers had that trait in common.

“But—and I say this from personal experience—they are reliable. Noah might have gone overboard, but you can trust him, and he’ll be there for you,” she said.

“So, I’m just supposed to overlook that shady-ass shit he pulled?” I shifted my gaze guiltily. “Sorry again, Aunt Clem.”

She nodded at me and then picked up for Birdie. “Of course, you’re not supposed to overlook it. You’re supposed to extract as many gifts of guilt out of him as you can. And then you take him back and you kids go be happy with your baby,” she said.

I tilted my head. “Gifts, Aunt Clem?”

“Everybody loves gifts. And you know, getting at his pockets might be the way to help him understand that he needs to talk to you before he goes all off with his half-cocked plans. But once you get him in shape, he’ll be a damn good man for you,” Aunt Clem said.

I started to laugh. “Aunt Clem, I never knew you were into giving dating advice,” I said.

She laughed but then turned serious.

“I’m just an old lady, but my point is valid, and I love you like one of my own, so I can’t hold my tongue and let you miss out on what could be the love of your life,” she said quietly.

Before I started to cry, I looked at Birdie, who stared back at me with soft eyes.

“Let’s put Noah aside for the moment. What about the baby?” she asked.

“Yeah, the baby,” I said, sinking back into my chair.

There was no use trying to deny it. As we’d been talking, I thought back, and knew exactly when it had happened.

I’d go to the doctor to confirm, but I was sure.

“I’ll take care of the baby,” I said.

I meant it too.

It’d be tough, probably harder than I could imagine, but I’d figure it out.

“You know you won’t be alone, right?” Birdie said.

I looked at her and gave her a hug.

“I know,” I said, wiping my face.

Then, I stood.

“Well, the one bonus of you two getting all in my business is I don’t have to play canasta,” I said.

“Consider this your one gift,” Aunt Clem said.

I laughed, then left, needing some time to think.

The walk home passed in a blur as I tried to figure out this new reality.

Obviously, I’d have to put my practice on hold, but I could make it work.

As soon as I figured out how I wanted to handle things, I would tell Noah.

Apparently, a conversation that was going to happen far sooner than I had anticipated.

I was both surprised—and strangely not surprised at all—to find Noah sitting on my couch looking like every fantasy I’d ever had come to life.

My stomach flipped, but I tried to ignore the feeling by plastering on an overly bright smile.

“A few weeks, and you’ve resorted to a life of crime. I need to find my umbrella,” I said.

He gave me the faintest smile, but the expression was gone in a blink. “They finally fixed the ceiling,” he said.

I locked the door, stepped out of my shoes, and dropped my keys and purse. “I didn’t have much to do these last few weeks, so I bitched until they got it done,” I said.

I felt weary, anxious, ecstatic, my heart twisting with so many emotions, I didn’t know what to do. So, I simply stood there.

“I’ve been very busy,” he said, looking from the ceiling to me, my heart skidding when we made eye contact.

“You’ve decided what you want to do?” I said, knowing that Noah had felt at loose ends. After a lifetime of work, he was still adjusting to slowing down and trying to decide if it suited him.

He stood, and it took everything inside of me not to throw myself into his arms.

“Yeah. I’ve decided,” he said, his voice low and certain like it so often was.

“And what did you decide?” I asked.

My conversation with Aunt Clem and Birdie, and the realization of how profoundly my life was about to change—all of it left me more raw than I had expected.

I’d known I would see Noah again but hadn’t had time to prepare.

And I had no idea how to handle it.

“Well first, I’m going to make things right with you,” he said.

I snorted. “And how, exactly, do you expect to do that.? Are you going to pay my father to stay in my life or something?”

I sounded angry, disgusted, and I felt it.

But not at Noah.

The realization that he paid my father stung, but that my father, the man with whom I shared a name, had taken the money—and that I wasn’t even surprised that he did—hurt worst of all.

Noah’s eyes darkened, and he met my gaze.

“I should have been upfront, but I’ll tell you now. There’s no amount of money that I could ever give him that will turn him into the kind of father you deserve,” he said.

There was a certainty to his words and an underlying kindness that made me tear up.

But I refused to let them fall.

Pride probably, or maybe an understanding that I never wanted to shed another tear over my father.

“What then?” I asked, steering the subject to what I hoped was more stable ground.

Doubting that, though, because if Noah told me he was leaving, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it.

He nodded at the envelope on the table.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“You’re the lawyer. Read it,” he said with a little chuckle.

I picked up the envelope and flipped through the papers.

“A deed?” I asked, immediately recognizing the paper, though I didn’t focus on the address. “For what?—”

I trailed off as I scanned the page and read the address.

“My building?” My voice was barely above a whisper, the shock not letting me speak any louder.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Were you the cash offer that George was trying to fend off?” I asked.

“No. But I should have made sure my bases were covered. An oversight on my part, but I tracked the new owner down and bought the building from them.”

“Why?” I asked, my face twisted in confusion.

Noah looked at me, his expression serious.

“Look, Alex, I fucked up. I wasn’t wrong, but I should have been upfront with you. And because I wasn’t, you got screwed out of your dream. I understand if you never want to see me again, but I needed to at least make that part right. I’ve done that, so I’ll respect your wishes, even though I don’t want to,” he said.

I went quiet for a moment, considering his words, but then he continued. “So, the paperwork is there, and I’m ready to sign it over to you.”

“I don’t have the money for that,” I said.

He huffed. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, Alex.”

“I…” I trailed off again and looked at the envelope, then looked at Noah.

Was surprised by the words that came tumbling out of my mouth.

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

His eyes widened, and I had never seen him look more shocked.

I felt a stabbing sense of disappointment but girded myself against the feeling.

I loved this baby, even though I had known about it for less than two hours.

“You don’t have to have anything to do with the pregnancy or the…baby. I just wanted you to know. You can make whatever choice you think is appropriate,” I said.

“What?” he said, his expression one of pure disbelief and confusion.

Seeing his confusion sparked my own. “Which part are you asking about? The pregnant part or the not have anything to do with it part?”

“The not having anything to do with it part. You think I would…” He stared at me with intense eyes, with anger I had never seen from him.

Whatever defenses I thought I might have were nothing in the face of Noah when he was like this. But I would try my best.

I squared my shoulders and met his eyes. I blinked, staring up at him, knowing I probably looked like an idiot.

I sure as fuck felt like one.

To my surprise, Noah’s eyes softened, and he huffed out a rough breath. “It doesn’t matter. When are we getting married?”

My eyes widened with shock. “Noah…”

I trailed off because I didn’t know what to say.

It would be so, so easy.

If nothing else, I knew Noah was a man of his word, so I could marry him and allow him to give my baby a life that I could never even have dreamed of.

But it would all be based on a lie.

And that was something I couldn’t allow.

“Alex, whatever happened between us is not important. Not anymore. We have other things to think about it now.”

His expression was blank, unreadable, having retreated to the kind of distance I couldn’t hope to pull off.

I envied him.

Wished that I could detach from my emotions so completely.

But I couldn’t.

“We’ll talk later,” I said.

“No, we won’t,” he responded.

His brows were furrowed, and I could see him digging in.

Getting ready to fight me.

I couldn’t let that happen.

Wasn’t sure that I could withstand him.

“I’m tired,” I said, turning away to break eye contact, knowing it was a defeat but needing whatever distance I could find.

“Sit down,” he responded, his voice soft but his intention clear.

For once, I didn’t have the strength to fight him.

I sat on the couch and couldn’t help but smile as he wrinkled his nose.

“We’re definitely getting rid of this thing now,” he said.

I laughed.

He shook his head.

“We can talk about the couch later. When did you find out?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Today. If you could even say I found out. Aunt Clem actually told me,” I said.

“No surprise there,” Alex said. “So, you don’t know for sure?”

I looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. But I stopped, deciding that was a road I did not want to go down.

“I haven’t confirmed it,” I finally said, “but I know.”

He nodded.

“Okay. We’ll make an appointment to get things confirmed and go from there,” he said.

“So, you’re backing off this getting married thing?” I asked, knowing I sounded suspicious but unable to hide it. The Noah I knew never backed off of anything, so I had a hard time imagining he’d do so now.

Noah locked eyes with mine, his eyes glinting with stubbornness. “Call me when you make the appointment,” he said.

Then he stood and looked around my small apartment.

I desperately wanted to know what he thought but was too much of a coward to ask.

“Get some rest, Alex. And call me.” He said the last with a firmness that promised retribution if I didn’t do as he asked.

“Okay,” I responded.

He pulled me up from the couch and hugged me tight before seeming to remember himself and letting me go.

But not a second later, he put his hands on my shoulders and locked his eyes with mine.

“We’ll get through this, Alex. Together,” he said.

Then, after a hard kiss on my lips, he left.