Neighbors With Benefits

55 - Jazz

55

Jazz

The person who walked into the living room wasn’t a man, I saw with a small sense of relief. It was Ms. Dermatt, the snoop everyone called Karen. She was holding a saucer and a cup.

“Sorry!” she said cheerfully. “Howard’s selection of tea is older than most of the residents of this neighborhood. But I made do with what I had.”

She set the saucer on the table next to me, then sat in one of the other chairs. “Howard, please sit down. It’s no wonder she’s afraid, with you standing there like you intend to stop her from leaving.”

He hesitated, then sat down next to her. “She called me Voldemort.”

Ms. Dermatt blinked. “Who is that?”

Voldemort—Howard?—glared at me. “A bad guy from a movie.”

Ms. Dermatt whipped her head toward me. “Why would you call him that?”

“I… I don’t do it,” I said defensively. “Other people do. This is the first time I’ve met Vol… err, Howard.”

She patted Howard on the leg. “I think you should apologize.”

The tables had turned so swiftly that I was almost dizzy again. I genuinely felt like the bad guy now!

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Howard, I’m truly sorry.”

He nodded once, but wouldn’t meet my gaze.

“Thank you,” Ms. Dermatt said. “How do you feel, dear?”

“Much better now,” I said, taking a sip of tea. “Thank you. I can’t believe I knocked myself out.”

“Howard couldn’t believe it either,” she muttered. “He called me all in a tizzy.”

“It was very nice of you to help me,” I told Howard. “But I really should be leaving, now.”

“We have something we wish to discuss with you.” Ms. Dermatt looked at Howard. “Did you tell her we want to discuss it with her?”

“I did,” Howard whined, “and she freaked out.”

“You probably didn’t ask nicely enough.”

“I only know one way to ask,” he grumbled.

“It’s not your fault, sweetie.” Ms. Dermatt took his hand and squeezed it.

“Sweetie?” I said dumbly.

Ms. Dermatt frowned. “Why do you sound surprised?”

“You and your boys next door aren’t the only ones in the neighborhood playing hide the pickle .”

“Howard! Language!”

“Sorry, Karen.”

I gave a start. “Wait. Your name really is Karen?”

“Of course.” She looked puzzled. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

I tried not to laugh. The guys were not going to believe it when I told them.

“Wait a minute,” I said. “You know about me and my…” I trailed off, still afraid to admit that I was having a relationship with three men.

“You and your harem of lovers?” Karen finished for me. “Oh yes, of course we know.”

“You’ve been a busy girl,” Howard said with a smirk.

Their smug knowledge of my love life pissed me off. “Okay, spare me your judgement. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? You want me to stop hooking up with my neighbors because you think it’s wrong?”

“No!” Howard blurted out. “The opposite!”

His reaction wasn’t what I expected, and it immediately cooled my anger.

“Those boys are always so angsty,” Karen explained. “I can’t even count how many failed relationships we’ve seen them go through since they moved in.”

“Fourteen,” Howard immediately said. “Dante seven, Sebastian four, Aiden three.”

“That’s not helpful, Howard,” Karen said.

“She’s right,” I agreed. “It just makes me think you’re a creep who spies on everyone!”

“The point I was trying to make,” Karen said firmly, “is that those boys have floundered around from failed relationship to failed relationship. They aren’t exactly quiet about it. They’re a moody group, bickering on the street where everyone can hear.”

“When Dante breaks up with someone,” Howard chimed in, “he rides his motorcycle through the neighborhood late at night. Very loud.”

“But since you moved in?” Karen said brightly. “They’re calm. They wave to everyone on the street. For the first time since they moved in, those boys seem genuinely happy .”

“Dante doesn’t ride his motorcycle at night anymore,” Howard said. “You can’t break up with them.”

“Why would… wait,” I said. “How do you know I was going to break up with them?”

Karen gestured toward the parabolic microphone by the window. “We heard you and that enlightened bisexual talking about it on your porch.”

“You know the nickname she jokingly uses on herself? You two really are a pair of snoops,” I said.

“Howard gets lonely,” she replied curtly. “It’s his only way of socializing.”

“Enlightened bisexual.” Howard giggled. “I experimented once when I was young. In the Navy, sometimes we—”

“That is not relevant at this time, Howard.”

“It might be!” he replied.

“I have to break up with them,” I said, if only to get this conversation back on track so I could leave. “The four of us agreed to keep it casual, but I’m developing feelings. And I can tell they are, too. This works if it’s just a physical thing between friends, but a real relationship with all of them? At the same time? It’s insane. I can’t believe I’m telling you all of this, I don’t even know you…”

“You have a concussion!” Howard reminded me.

“I do not understand what you are afraid of,” Karen said. “For what reason can you not have a serious relationship with them?”

“I thought you heard the conversation I had with Cat. I want a family someday. How would that work? I can’t marry multiple people. Eventually I would have to choose one of them. And then there’s all the societal pressure. Everyone would judge us. We would never be accepted. Oh my God, if my employees at Top Golf found out…”

“I cannot speak for the other residents of Philadelphia,” Karen said, “but we don’t judge you.”

Howard shook his head emphatically. “We don’t judge people. Or call them names like Voldemort.”

Karen held his hand. “Or call them Karen, as if the name is a pejorative!”

Ugh. There was the guilty feeling again. I was the bad guy here.

“I’m sorry,” I said in a small voice. “I have been unfair to both of you.”

“Thank you, but we do not need an apology from you,” Karen said. “Dear, a word of advice from someone who has been around a lot longer than you. The four of you are consenting adults. You seem to make each other happy. I know that is terrifying…” She squeezed Howard’s hand tighter. “…but you must not allow that fear to ruin something genuine. It’s too rare in this world to simply throw away.”

“Very rare,” Howard agreed.

“We’ve watched a lot of love on this street come and go. I can say, with complete honesty, that the four of you are the sweetest, happiest, purest relationship that we have ever seen.”

Howard was nodding along, staring at me with those big eyes.

“Do whatever you want,” Karen concluded. “You are an adult who can make her own decisions. But it would be such a shame to see a beautiful thing ruined by fear.”

“That’s really sweet of you to say,” I replied. “Kind of creepy, but sweet.”

Suddenly, someone banged violently on the front door. Howard jumped up and let out a moan of fear.

“Let us in!” shouted Aiden from outside. “Or we’ll knock the door down!”