Chapter 17 #2
“Does anybody have spare blue and red tights?” Bradley asks. “Mine have a run in them.”
“I have a pair of black fishnets,” Angela volunteers.
Bradley clutches his heart. “Spider-Man would never.”
“Darling, have you seen Tom Holland’s lip sync battle? I beg to differ.”
I forgo LARPing in favor of a visit to my preferred thinking spot.
Charlie isn’t the only one who needs to recalibrate.
I change into my swimsuit and let Gloria know where I’m headed in case anyone needs me.
Once in a blue moon, someone gets carried away during LARPing and needs to be … well, carried away.
The clifftop is adjacent to the forest and somewhat secluded from the campsite. It was my father who first showed it to me and encouraged me to jump. His penchant for taking unnecessary risks wasn’t all bad.
It’s a beautiful day. I gaze at the crystalline lake below. It feels good to be standing here again, despite the familiar tremor that ripples through me when confronted with my own mortality. A hero isn’t someone without fear, I remind myself. A hero is someone who’s scared but jumps anyway.
The sound of rustling leaves jolts me from my inner monologue. My mouth drops open when Charlie steps through the brush.
“Gloria said I could find you here.” He glances around. “I didn’t know this spot existed.”
“Glad to see you’re still here.”
“I wouldn’t ghost you, Cricket. I needed a minute to breathe, that’s all.”
“I got that.”
“Saw you talking to Patrick earlier,” he says. “You two seem to be getting along. Is a reconciliation in the offing?”
“I’m working on forgiveness.”
“Is that all you’re working on?”
The lump in my throat cracks wide open and unleashes a torrent of emotions. When I envision myself in a moonlit kayak gliding across the lake, it isn’t Patrick with his legs wrapped around me.
It’s Charlie.
“Does it matter? You decided that you and I can’t be a thing.”
“It doesn’t mean I want to see you back with someone who treated you like the gum under his shoe. Why would you ever consider that to be an option worthy of you?”
“I’m not worthy of you, but he’s not worthy of me? Is that how it works?”
He gapes at me like I solved a Rubik’s Cube in under a minute. “No, Courtney. That is not at all how it works. Your worthiness was never in question.”
“Then what was?”
“Mine.”
My hands close into fists and I feel my nails digging into my skin.
When did my life get so unbelievably complicated?
I miss when the only problem I had to solve at camp was how to clean the axes after Stefan dipped them in glitter.
Now I have another man who seemed to have potential playing tug-of-war with my heartstrings.
I’m not one of those women who enjoys the chaos of dramatic romantic entanglements. My ideal partnership involves a porch swing and two single kayaks because my grandmother once told me it’s important to maintain a certain amount of independence.
I’m almost afraid to ask a follow-up question. “And now?”
He sidesteps the question. “Gloria said this is your thinking spot. I thought I’d give it a try.” He leans over the side and whistles. “You really jump into the water from up here?”
“Every summer. It’s exhilarating.”
“Have I mentioned I’m not a fan of heights?”
“No escape rooms. No cliff jumping. Noted.”
“How about Patrick? Did he like it up here?”
“No, it’s too far to see his reflection in the water.”
Charlie grunts his amusement. “I am sorry about the escape room. It wasn’t my best moment.”
I nod. “I accept your apology.” I wait for a follow-up, that he was wrong about not wanting a relationship with me.
Instead he says, “Tell me what happened with Patrick. I know he was a prick, but I’d like to know the details.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve shared a lot about me, and I’d like to know more about you. That’s how relationships work, right?”
Relationships. I proceed with caution.
“He failed to tell me he was seeing someone when we got involved and then ghosted me after he left camp. No response to my texts or calls.”
“How did you find out if he didn’t tell you?”
“Angela. She has a sixth sense when it comes to cheaters. She worked her magic on social media and found evidence of a girlfriend.”
“Wow. And yet he had the balls to register again the next year?”
I nod. “I almost had a heart attack when I saw his registration come through. I thought it was a mistake, and then he didn’t show up. Of course, he now swears that they only became exclusive after he left camp.”
“And you believe him?”
“I don’t know what to believe. In the end, it doesn’t matter. The damage was done.”
“Why ghost you though? Why not tell you he was now in a committed relationship and apologize? It wouldn’t have been ideal, but it would’ve been the more honorable course of action.”
“Because he’s a coward.”
“Do you think less of him for that?”
His question surprises me. “Of course not. His fear isn’t the issue. It’s how he chose to handle it.”
“How do you handle it?”
I point to the edge of the cliff. “Leap of faith.”
“Sounds like that last jump broke you. I’m surprised you’d be willing to climb back up here.”
“It was the right idea. Wrong guy.”
Charlie inches closer to the edge and peers over the side again. “Wow. That really is a long way down.”
“But the end result is worth it.”
“Are you disappointed that I’m afraid?” His voice is steady, but I don’t miss the undertone of desperation. He needs me to tell him that it’s okay.
“Your feelings are valid, Charlie. I wouldn’t want you to commit to anything you aren’t ready for.”
“If it helps, you make me feel brave.”
My chest cracks open, overloaded with the weight of his vulnerability. “Come on then. I’ll hold your hand. We’ll do this together.” I extend mine, willing him to take it.
“You’re ahead of me, Cricket.”
“Then catch up.”
Charlie’s swallow is audible. It’s a big gulp without the drink. “What if I fail?”
“What if you don’t?” I wiggle my fingers, hope flaring in my heart. It’s a scary feeling, and I’m terrified to see what he does next, but he has to rise to my level because I refuse to lose the ground I’ve worked so hard to cover. And if he isn’t up to the challenge then he isn’t the man for me.
Better to know now, even if it kills me.