19. Brody
19 /
brody
January
In the gray light of dawn, Gabe and I were on our way to the airport. We’d given up driving separately because everyone knew we were neighbors, and who wouldn’t carpool when they could? Fresh snow blanketed the highway, and Gabe’s focus on the road was absolute. I didn’t want to distract him, so I leaned back and surrendered to my endless overthinking.
Since Christmas, we’d fallen into a new rhythm that felt less like dating and more like a real partnership. The team schedule hadn’t let up—road trips, practices, and home games blurred together into a relentless grind—but we always found ways to carve out time for each other. At home, there was no need for secrecy; on the rare nights we spent away from each other, I felt like I was missing a part of me.
Around the team, our stealth had reached espionage-level precision, but the cloak-and-dagger act was running thin. The constant ducking around corners, timing exits and entrances like military operations, and feigning casual indifference whenever a teammate walked by was exhausting. Add in the lonely nights on the road and time purposely spent apart to keep people from getting suspicious, and it was an unacceptable way to live. Gabe suggested that we just do us and let the boys figure it out for themselves, but I was still thinking about it.
It wasn’t the team; they were great guys. I was the problem. I couldn’t escape my fears of casual jokes turning into cruel taunts, the locker room getting weird, or, worst of all, shadows of Boston resurfacing in the form of more beatings. Our relationship was working fine now, even if the situation wasn’t ideal.
Gabe swore the Warriors would never be like the Beanies. He was so confident about it, and he was itching to tell everyone about us. He’d even joked about announcing it over the arena’s PA system during a game. “Maybe after a big save,” he’d said with a grin. “What do you think, babe? Right after the crowd noise dies down?”
I’d laughed, but the truth was, I was terrified. My fear wasn’t only about me; I didn’t want bad things for Gabe, either. He’d been in the league too long, and he’d earned too much respect from our teammates for me to drag him down.
So, the Warriors were completely in the dark. They ribbed us about being “road husbands” or “joined at the hip,” but it was all lighthearted. None of them actually knew . A few weeks ago, while we were changing for our morning skate, Holky elbowed Logan and said, “Must be nice having a neighbor who doubles as your emotional support animal. These two always show up rosy-cheeked and goo-goo-eyed.”
Logan, without missing a beat, had replied, “Jealous much? Maybe you should apply for a road-wife position, Holky. I’m single now.”
Holky had grinned. “Sorry, bud. You’re more of a second-line kind of guy, and I deserve top-six treatment.”
I’d rolled my eyes at their antics, thinking, if only they knew . But that was the thing—they didn’t. They saw Gabe and me as close friends, nothing more. Despite Gabe’s assurances that the team would celebrate us like we’d just won the Cup, my stomach churned at the idea. Every time I thought about telling them, I heard Murphy’s sneered insults from Boston and felt the phantom sting of my teammates’ punches. It was impossible to forget the taste of blood and the shock of spitting out teeth.
Still, Gabe had a point: the Warriors weren’t the Beanies. Since I’d been in Buffalo, no one had made a single comment about Boston or the rumors that followed me from there. They probably assumed I was bi, but no one seemed to care. At the start of the season, a couple of guys had tried to set me up—one with his wife’s sister and one with his dental hygienist—but those offers dried up months ago.
The idea of coming out to the team seemed dangerous. My mind reeled as I thought about what might happen if I broke the news, even though there was a growing voice saying it would be all right, that maybe we should tell them and face the razzing that was sure to come. Maybe the voice was right. None of them would turn on Gabe, and once we told them we were the real deal, they wouldn’t want to risk his wrath by being shitheads to me. Best of all, we could stop sneaking around.
“What’s on your mind this morning?” Gabe asked.
I put on my best no-biggie face. “Ah, it’s early, and I’m still trying to wake up. Dreading the flight and wondering what Dallas will be like tonight.”
“Pardon me, Goldilocks, while I call bullshit.”
“The fuck?”
“You were plenty awake when you sucked the soul out of me in the shower, and you know the Thunder will be out for blood. Want to tell me what’s really behind that worried look on your pretty face?”
“Don’t call me pretty,” I snapped, trying to change the subject.
“Aw, babe.” He didn’t fall for my diversion tactics. “Being pretty doesn’t mean you aren’t one of the toughest D-men in the league.”
“Fuck off.”
“Okay, handsome. Or would you prefer beautiful, breathtaking, lovely? How about sexy? Or comely … that’s it. When you get worked up, you like to come all over me—which I think is insanely hot, by the way.”
“Shit!” I choked the word out through a laugh. “Are you a fucking Scrabble dictionary this morning?”
“At least you’re smiling now. Seriously, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I mumbled. “Honestly.”
“Well, you really are pretty. Did you see the sign that girl was holding up at the game the other night? ‘Tanner’s a beauty.’”
“She was talking about my game.”
“She’d like to have some of your game, more like.”
We could have gone on like that all the way to the airport, but I wasn’t in the mood. After a loud sigh, I asked, “Do you ever think about how much easier it would be if we told everyone?”
He glanced at me before turning his eyes back on the road. “Told who what?”
My pulse kicked up a notch, and my voice was too loud. “You know what I’m talking about. Telling the guys about us being together. I know you want to.”
He put on his signal and pulled out to pass the car in front of us, saying nothing until we were safely around it and back in the right lane. “We’re keeping it quiet until you’re ready for them to know.”
“But you don’t like keeping it quiet.”
“Do you? Of course I’d rather tell them, but you have understandable reasons for playing it safe. I’m okay with it, Brody, for as long as you need.”
“Maybe I’m not.” I waited for him to react, but he didn’t. “I sneaked around with Wesley for months,” I said. “What good did it do? They still found out, and we know what happened.”
“It won’t be like that here.” Gabe’s voice was soft and reassuring. “Nobody will care, but right now, no one even suspects. We have time.”
“Someone will figure it out. A reporter, management. Maybe one of our teammates will pull his head out of his ass.”
“If they do, we’ll?—”
“I’m sick of acting like we’re criminals doing something we shouldn’t be. I love you, and this isn’t a game.”
He put on the signal and eased the car into the emergency lane, the rumble strips buzzing beneath the tires. After clicking on the hazards, he turned to face me. His movements were slow and deliberate, and when he held out a hand, I took it. His grip was steady and warm, everything I needed to calm me on a cold morning by the side of the road.
His eyes locked on mine, shining like sapphires in the dim light. “I know this isn’t a game, Brody.” His voice was low, every word heavy with meaning. “You’ve turned my world into something so wonderful, it’s hard to think it’s real. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up and just look at you. I can hardly breathe because I can’t believe I get to be the one beside you.”
My heart quivered. What could I possibly say to that? If I told him I did the same thing, he might think I was making it up.
“And when you’re awake? Every time you look at me, the ground shifts, like the universe is reminding me how lucky I am.” His lips curved into a soft smile, and his eyes glowed with reverent warmth. “You stop my heart when you touch me, and when I touch you, that same heart pounds so hard I feel like it might burst. You’ve made me believe in things I thought were impossible and realize I don’t have to settle for anything but the best. You make me want to be better, not only for you, but for myself.”
I wanted to say something to let him know how much his words meant to me, but I was trying so hard not to cry that my voice wouldn’t work.
He raised my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “You’re my dreams come true, all rolled up in one package. I can’t even imagine being without you. When I think about what you went through, all that abuse that still lives inside you, I have to go to another room so you won’t see me break down. I would do anything for you.” He let the words settle, and when I nodded, he went on. “Yes, it’s hard to keep our relationship a secret, but I’d rather sneak around for the rest of our lives than pressure you to do something you’re not ready for. You went through hell last year, and that will never happen on my watch. Never. You got that?”
Gabe’s words cracked something open inside me. As much as I loved him, I hadn’t fully grasped the depth of his feelings. This wasn’t just love, unless I never understood all that love can be. Gabe put me first over everything in his life. He never asked for more than I could give, and he offered everything he had in return.
Tears pricked at my eyes because I finally understood. This wasn’t him trying to placate me. He wanted me to feel safe, to be whole, and to have everything I needed, even if it meant not sharing what we had with the rest of the world. How had I not seen this before? How could I keep holding back when he loved me with the kind of selflessness you only hear about in the movies?
“I want to tell them.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized it, but I didn’t even consider taking them back.
Gabe’s eyes widened so much they looked like moons. “You mean the team?” His voice was cautious, but I couldn’t miss the glimmer of hope in his eyes.
My heart stood still as the Beanies’ taunts ran through my head, but it was different this time. “Last year, after management figured out the guys had turned on me, the head coach said he couldn’t have me on the team. He said I was upsetting the other men when I looked at them, and having me in the locker room was unacceptable. You know the whole story, but did you know that after our lawyers got involved, and the league learned how bad things were, they circulated the news to all the owners that they could get me for nothing? You know that, right? Getting me cost the Warriors a whole third-round draft pick two years from now.”
Gabe rubbed the back of his neck. “I know you’re scared of all that. It’s why we should wait.”
“No, I’m not explaining it well.” I looked outside, trying to collect my thoughts, and when I turned back to Gabe, I tried again. “What happened hurt me so much I thought I’d never get over it, but you’ve changed everything. I’m better now, and you’re the main reason. I know the Warriors aren’t the Beanies, and you’re right, things won’t be the same as they were in Boston. I’m nervous about telling them, but being honest about who I am—about us —is the only way I’ll ever finish healing. I need to let the guys know how much I love you. I need to experience how different things are here, and that being with a teammate doesn’t have to end up a disaster.”
He leaned closer and peered into my eyes like he was trying to be sure I meant it. It was a long moment before he asked, “Are you sure?”
I let his hand go and placed mine on his chest. “As sure as I am that this heart is beating for me, and that mine beats for you. I want to tell them, and I don’t want to wait.”
“Okay. You mean today?”
“When we get to the airport, if there’s time.”
“All right. Follow my lead?”
“I will.”
The console was in the way, but Gabe leaned across it for a kiss. He cradled my face in his hands, and when the kiss broke, I knew everything would be fine. Gabe was my man, and we could do anything together.