Epilogue
GABE
Six Months Later, Christmas Eve
Brody’s breath plumed in the frosty air, each exhalation curling upward like a gauzy ghost. He crouched beside the large snowball he’d been rolling, slapping at its sides with his gloved hands to smooth out the rough patches. Flakes clung to his lashes, and his blue eyes sparkled like ice under the muted gray sky. It was unusually quiet, the dense snowfall absorbing every sound except our occasional laughter and the muffled crunch of boots on snow.
“Want to help me get it in place?” he asked. “I’d hate to drop it after all this work.”
“Sure.” I smiled as I plodded toward him. The falling snow was lighter than it had been this morning—fat, lazy flakes that caught on our toques and melted against our faces. Before we wrestled with the snowball, I kissed him. His lips were warm, a stark contrast with the chill of the afternoon, and I loved holding him in my arms, puffy parka and all.
When I drew away, he lifted a gloved hand to my cheek, causing me to flinch as the snow clinging to it touched my skin. “The fuck?” I grabbed his arm and peeled his hand away, glaring in mock betrayal.
His laughter echoed in the quiet, filling the snowy hush like a bell. “Come on, you baby. It’s only snow. Toughen up, goalie.”
“I’m plenty tough,” I shot back, narrowing my eyes. “I’ve taken slapshots to the mask from guys who can bench twice your weight.”
He straightened, put on a puckish grin, and brushed the snow from his gloves onto my coat. “Yet here you are, undone by a little snow on your face.”
“Frostbite, more like.” I reached for him, but he sidestepped.
His mischievous grin widened. “Help me with this thing before it freezes solid. If we don’t get this snowman built soon, it’ll be spring.”
The snowball was heavy as we lifted it into place. When we let go, we stood shoulder to shoulder, panting more clouds into the air. I looked around, impressed by how wonderful my front yard looked when it was cloaked in the surreal beauty only a snowstorm could create. The trees, with their branches drooping low, wore thick coats of white, and the ground sparkled like it had been dusted with diamond powder.
I brushed the snow from my gloves and glanced at Brody. “Next time, we build an ice rink instead.”
He chuckled, leaning in a little closer. “You just want an excuse to show off.”
“Damn right.” I stole another kiss. “But I’ll settle for showing you up at snowman-building for now.”
His laugh rang out again, and my heart flipped when I noticed fresh flakes on his lashes. Snowstorm or not, this was perfect—the two of us, in our element, where the world felt peaceful and right.
“I love you, Gabe.”
My heart somersaulted. “Love you too.”
“Let’s get this guy built so we can go inside.” Naughtiness glimmered in his eyes when he added, “I promise to warm you up really well in there.”
“Oh yeah? Think we can get it nice and hot in the bedroom?”
“Might have to call the fire department.”
Heat surged inside me, so he could be right. “Good deal. What’s next?”
Brody studded the snowman’s middle section, the one we’d just hoisted into place, with black marbles we’d found in my crafts stash. They made perfect buttons, and after we stood back and admired our work, he tilted his head and stared at me.
“What?” I instinctually swiped my cheek, grimacing when more snow bit into my skin. “Is something there?” I tapped my cheek and pulled another face, making him laugh. To be honest, I made him chuckle whenever I could because I loved the sound of it. He’d laughed so much more since that day in Boston, and as much as I’d loved the old Brody, this happier, more relaxed version was even better.
“I was thinking we could model his face after you,” he said, “but we shouldn’t try. We can’t do that gorgeous mug justice so let’s choose someone else and do him.”
“He still has to be handsome, though,” I said.
“Definitely. Have someone in mind?”
We spent a moment pondering, and an idea popped into my head. “How about Harpy? He’s pretty, and we could take a pic and tape it on his locker.”
This was all in fun, of course, because we couldn’t mold snow to look enough like a real person to be recognizable. Still, it was always nice to aim high.
“Nah, not Harpy. Don’t want to jinx his roll.”
Harpy had scored at least one goal in each of the last eighteen games, and often two or three.
I snapped my fingers. “Got it. Let’s do Nick Johnson. Handsome, talented, and a hell of a nice guy.”
Nick came to mind because he’d recently exceeded 500 career goals, the traditional marker of greatness in professional hockey. Add that to his 812 assists, and he had accumulated 1,312 points during his nine years with the league. Nick was not only headed for the Hall of Fame, but for the highest echelons of hockey excellence.
“Brilliant.” Brody trudged toward the house, then looked back over his shoulder. “You start on the head. I’ll go get props.”
We certainly made the bedroom blazing hot, as Brody had promised. After a shower and bowls of soup for lunch, we stood in front of the living room window, admiring our snowman.
Brody squeezed my shoulders. “Nick looks fantastic out there in all his hockey gear.”
We’d gone all in, raiding our stashes of old equipment and doing our best to fix it up like a Barracudas uniform, complete with a big C on one side of the chest and an improvised 77, Nick’s number, on the other. To top it off, Brody contributed one of his old sticks so there would be no doubt to hockey fans about who was standing guard on my lawn.
I kissed his cheek and said, “I think I’ll take a picture and send it to Nick. We traded numbers once, and he messaged me after we won the Cup last year.”
“That was nice of him, considering we eliminated the Cudas in the second round.”
“He’s not a grudge-holder. I think he’s glad to see anyone do well.” I picked up my phone and nodded at the door. “Come on, we’ll make this quick.”
Brody insisted we take time to put on boots and parkas, and he was right. It was colder than it had been in a few years.
Back inside, after I sent Nick the photo and he replied with a laughing GIF and friendly message, Brody and I made cocoa and sat side-by-side on the couch near the fireplace. Otto curled up at our feet, and we got quiet. Eventually, I broke the silence. “A penny for your thoughts?”
He looked over, smiling. “Remember last year? How we were snowed in here?”
“Of course I do. That’s why we decided to stay in town this year. Those few days were important to our relationship, and we wanted to honor the memory.”
“They were critical. It was magic spending Christmas together.” He took a long sip of his cocoa and set the mug on a side table. “I was already in love with you, but that time solidified everything. And your gift was amazing. I look at it every day.”
“Yours was incredible too. I will always keep my Q close by.”
He chuckled. “The Q isn’t just a memory of our first date, you know. It describes you.”
“I’m a Q?”
“Well, Q also has the number ten on its tile.”
It took a few seconds before his meaning clicked into place, and I chortled. “You’re full of shit.”
“Not at all, goalie. You are most definitely a ten.”
I laughed again and dug my fingers into his ribs. We played for a moment, Brody cackling while I tickled him.
Digging in a little harder, I asked, “Ready to piss your pants? Say uncle, and I’ll quit.”
“Fuck off.” I could hardly understand the words because he was laughing so hard.
After another moment, when I was thinking he really might piss himself, he grabbed my hands and pinned them to his thighs. Fixing me in a ridiculously contrived glare, he shook his head. “You be a good boy, or you might not get any more sex until next year.”
My snort was so loud it made Otto jump. “I’d like to see you go without it that long. You’d be begging in a day or two.”
“Dream on, Gabe. I have reserves you can’t imagine.”
“I can imagine, all right. You blew your reserves all over the bed a little while ago.”
We laughed again, then stretched our legs out in front of us. Brody snuggled close and laid his head on my shoulder while we stared at the fire. As the minutes passed, I realized this was my idea of heaven: alone with my man, no pressure to get to practice or a game, with our love filling the house.
Maybe I should… No, I’ll do that later. After looking at the fire for another minute, I asked a question that had been nagging at me for weeks. “How much longer are we going to keep doing this?”
“Mm. I’m comfortable. Let’s stay like this a while longer.”
“I don’t mean that.” My stomach tightened as my pulse sped up. “I was talking about…”
“What?” He lifted his head and sat up enough to look at me. “What were you talking about?”
Why am I being such a dumbass? We love each other, so it’s worth putting the idea out there. “Why do we have two houses? We never stay apart anymore. We’re either at your place or mine when we’re home.”
A smile spread across his lips. “On the road too. I’m glad Criswell didn’t mind putting us in the same room.”
I rolled my eyes, thinking a little humor would be good. “It saves the team money. Since the pandemic, when everyone started getting single rooms, the hotel bill’s gone way up. He probably hopes the GM will use what they save on us to give him a bonus.”
“I don’t know. Are you forgetting the long talk he had with us? How happy he is that we found each other?”
I gave a two-note laugh. “And how he hoped we wouldn’t wear ourselves out so much we’d be useless on the ice.”
After another good laugh, Brody settled his head back on my shoulder. “I think we’ve come close a time or two.”
“More than that.” I snickered. “How about we say periodically ?”
“Sounds about right. Know what, though?”
“What?” I lifted my head enough to kiss his hair. Gleaming in the firelight, it was the color of a wheatfield on a sunny day.
“I like being worn out from you fucking me. It energizes me. After a nap, of course.”
“I like the sound of that,” I said. “Fucking the hell out of you does the same for me. In fact, want to go practice now?”
He laid a hand on my chest. “I’m still a little sore from our post-snowman nap. Wait a bit?”
“If you insist.” I shifted to accommodate the semi that had popped up just from thinking about fucking Brody. “Might need to jerk off to tide me over, though.”
“Mm. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Fucker.” Laughter burst from me again, loud enough to wake Otto from his nap. The little guy sprang to his feet, barking with the kind of indignation only a dog his size could muster. Brody grinned and lunged at me, his hands aiming for my ribs this time. My mad goalie skills kicked in, and I grabbed his wrists. As he struggled to pull free, we toppled sideways off the couch, landing in a heap on the rug. Otto scampered to the edge of the chaos, his tail wagging furiously as he barked support for whoever was winning.
“You’re terrible at this,” Brody teased, his voice breathless as I tried to pin him.
“Am not,” I shot back, twisting to evade his grip. We rolled again, narrowly missing a nearby table, which I shoved aside with a quick kick.
Otto darted forward, barking louder now, his little legs pumping like pistons as he tried to join the fray. “Calm down, buddy,” Brody said. “We’re not fighting.” Otto pounced onto his stomach with a triumphant yap.
By the time we settled down, we were sprawled on the rug, panting and flushed. Otto was happily nestled between us, his head poking out from under Brody’s arm. Feeling a little chilly, I leaned up, grabbed the throw blanket from the couch, and draped it over us. Otto immediately wriggled farther underneath, curling up between our feet like a tiny, warm heater.
The room grew quiet except for the soft crackle of the fire. Brody had turned on the Christmas lights earlier, and their glow reflected on the ceiling in shifting patterns of red, green, blue, and gold. I stared up at the show, my breathing synced with Brody’s. He snuggled closer, his arm brushing mine, and the world seemed far away.
I turned onto my side and walked my fingers across Brody’s stomach. “If you remember, I originally asked why we have two houses.”
“Mm-hmm.” He turned his head toward me. “If you want to change that, I’m all in.”
The Christmas lights reflected off his eyes, and I imagined they were showing his excitement at the idea. “It’s time,” I said. “Want to move into one of ours? Or we could sell both and buy one that’s ours from the get-go?”
I’d walked my fingers up to his chest, and he moved his hand up and laced his fingers between mine. “I love your house. So many of our good memories are here, and I’d hate to let that go. It’s bigger than mine, too, so there’s plenty of room.”
Emotions washed through me as I remembered all the times I’d been frustrated and unhappy in this house, wondering if I’d ever find a man who wanted me for me. I’d needed someone to protect, a guy I could trust to take care of me too. Brody had answered those worries in the best possible way.
“You have no idea how much you’ve changed this place,” I said, “and I’d love to live here with you.” Otto barked, making us snicker, and when I raised the blanket, he was looking at me. “And Otto, of course.” Letting the blanket settle again, I asked, “What do you say, babe? Live here? Make it our house?”
His eyes got teary, and he nodded. “Nothing would make me happier. What should we do with mine?”
“Sell it? We could use some of the money to make improvements around here. Maybe have that addition built I’ve been thinking about. We could put in an office for you and a game room we’d both enjoy.”
“Can it have a bowling alley on one side?”
I smiled, chuckling yet again. “You drive a hard bargain, Goldilocks, but whatever you want. It’ll belong to you, too, and we can absolutely put in some bowling lanes.”
“It’s a deal, then.” He sat up, pulled a couple of pillows off the couch, and handed me one. “Seal it with a nap?”
“Good call,” I said. “As long as we can get the bedroom real hot again later.”
“Absolutely. Can’t go to bed without fucking first.”
“You’re a man after my own heart.”
We relaxed onto our pillows and fell asleep. I’d never had such a nice Christmas Eve nap in my life.
Neither of us had any claim to culinary genius, so dinner was simple. We aimed for meals that were nutritious and tasty, and for Christmas Eve dinner, we worked together. I grilled salmon and made Nana’s potato casserole, while Brody added perfectly steamed asparagus and a big salad. By our usual standards, it was a feast, so we served it on the good china my decorator had chosen years ago. Even Otto got his own portion of salmon, plated on china as if he were royalty—which, of course, he was.
Candles bathed the dining room in soft light, and when Brody’s hair reflected the shifting flames, the strands glinted from honey to caramel and back again. My mind took a detour. It was hard not to think about all the times he’d blown me. He liked it when I wound my fingers through his locks and guided him up and down while he… Fuck, I have to stop. He’s sitting across from me this time, so there’s no way I could luck out and get another under-the-table handie.
I watched him, absorbed in his beauty. His eyes, usually a striking bright blue, now shimmered with golden flecks that seemed to catch and hold the flames from the candles. It was a trick of the light, I knew, but magic didn’t need to explain itself.
He caught me staring, and his lips curved into a small, knowing smile. My heart skipped a beat, and as so often happened when I was near him, I forgot anything that existed except us.
The food was delicious, and despite spending most of the meal lost in each other, we finished every bite. Dessert was a limoncello cheesecake with an amaretti crust from Scionti’s, our favorite restaurant in Buffalo. Though each creamy bite melted on my tongue, the cake was but a shadow of the real indulgence: watching Brody. My eyes rarely left his face, savoring every detail as if seeing him for the first time. The tang of lemon and the sweetness of the cheesecake blended with the sight of him, creating a beautiful harmony that filled me with so much emotion it was hard to breathe. Everything felt too good, too perfect, like a dream that might end at any second.
But this was no dream; it was reality. Brody had turned my life upside down, singlehandedly taking me from despair and resignation to the kind of joy I never imagined existed. Before we settled beside the fireplace again, I’d go to my office and get the ring. I had to do it tonight because I couldn’t wait another day.
Brody queued up a playlist of acoustic Christmas music, and the gentle strumming of guitars filled the air like snowflakes drifting down. We worked side by side tidying up the kitchen, but even dull chores felt special when I did them with my man.
In the middle of cleaning the pots, he pulled me into a slow dance in front of the sink. His hands rested on my shoulders, mine at his waist, and everything was us . The cozy warmth of the house, the winter wonderland outside, and the glow of the tree lights spilling into the room all became part of the music, creating an unforgettable symphony that celebrated our love. My heart swelled, full to the point of aching. This was it—the life I’d always wanted, and for the thousandth time, I marveled at how lucky I was to have found Brody.
When the cleaning was done, we went our separate ways, Brody to the bathroom and me to my office. I took the black velvet box from the desk drawer and opened it to be sure the ring was still inside. This would work, right? He’d say yes? I closed my eyes and sent out a prayer to the universe before heading to the living room.
Brody was already there. Logs blazed in the fireplace, and if possible, he was even more beautiful here than he’d been in the dining room. I grinned and tried to push my nerves aside. “Hey, stranger.”
He chuckled and stood, and when he held out his arms, I went to him. His strong hug calmed me. After a brief kiss, we took our places on the sofa, where we’d been earlier. Otto chose a spot under the tree next to the gifts, his shiny black fur reflecting the multicolored glory of the Christmas lights.
Pull for me, boy.
Brody seemed stiff, quite different from the way he’d been while we danced in the kitchen. He kept rubbing his hands on the legs of his jeans and wouldn’t look at me. I had no idea what could have changed in such a short period of time, and I hoped it was nothing that meant he’d turn me down.
“Gabe, I…”
I said nothing because if I did, he might not tell me what was wrong.
“Oh, fuck it. I’m such a dumbass.”
He’d mumbled the words, so I asked, “Did you mean to say that out loud?”
“No, but… Gabe… Shit. ” He got off the couch and knelt in front of me. Reaching for my hand, he raised his head and locked his eyes on mine.
Was he having doubts? Had I done something to hurt him? “What is it, babe? Just say it.”
He pressed his trembling lips together and then curved them into small smile. “I was broken when I came to Buffalo. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to put all the pieces back together, and I was convinced love was something I’d never have.” He swallowed hard and exhaled a long breath. “I was wrong. Running into you on that trail was the best thing that ever happened. It scared me to death, but it started something between us that’s still going strong.”
Why did he have to be on his knees to say this? I was about to ask him to get up and sit beside me when he started talking again. “I hope what’s between us lasts forever because I love you more than I’ll ever understand. You saw something in me that made me worth your time. You wanted to be with me, and even when we had our spat, you didn’t give up. That day in Boston, you gave me the greatest gift of my life: you showed me how to be whole. I got my past back, my self-confidence. That was the day I became myself again.”
My heart stuttered, then gunned into overdrive. Was he about to?—
“Sweetheart, I love you more than the day is long, more than all the leaves on the trees in summer, more than the stars in the sky. I don’t want to live without you, so…” He placed his free hand against his heart and took a long breath, then smiled again. “Will you marry me?”
The world tilted, and before I knew it, tears were running down my cheeks. I’d been waiting for Brody all my life, but I’d never envisioned it like this. I was the caretaker, and I was supposed to do the proposing. Yet if that was true, why did this feel so right? I would do anything to take care of Brody, but he saw my needs as clearly as I saw his. After all the years of bullshit, of being used by guys for their own purposes, I’d found the man who wanted me for who I am. Brody wanted to marry me, and with a start, I realized I’d damn well better give him an answer before he changed his mind.
“Yes.” It sounded more like a grunt than a word, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “Yes, I’ll marry you. But only if you marry me too.”
A quizzical smile appeared on his lips, making me realize how goofy that must have sounded. “That’s usually how it works,” he said. “I’ll even say I do first if you want me to.”
“Let’s do it, then. Soon, okay?”
He let my hand go, reached into his pocket, and held up a blue velvet box. When he opened the lid, my heart did a crazy dance. It was a solid gold band, the ring I thought I’d never have.
He shifted the box, and the gold shimmered when it caught the firelight. “It’s plain,” he said. “Solid, like our love. Wide, so it’s very strong. Will you wear it?”
“And it’s gold, like your hair.” I looked into his eyes and nodded. “I’d be thrilled to wear it, but only…”
I stood so I could get a hand into my pocket, then knelt beside him and held up the black box. “Only if you wear this.” I opened the lid to reveal a gold band. “Like you said, it’s wide and solid, like our love. Will you wear it?”
He swiped a few tears away as a huge grin took over his face. “Absolutely. Put it on me?”
We spent a moment slipping the rings on each other’s fingers, and then stood for a kiss. It was more than a meeting of lips or even hearts. Our souls touched in that kiss, and though I knew life wouldn’t always be easy and rings weren’t cure-alls, they were more than symbols of our devotion. They were evidence of our determination to see life through, to love each other until the end of our days.
Brody drew away and smiled. “I love you, sweetheart.”
My pulse raced. “And I love you. As long as I live, I’ll do everything I can to show you how much.”
“We’re going to have a great life.” His eyes sparkled, but there was more than hope there. That light was certainty.
“We already are, and it just got even better.”
He grinned. “Take me to bed, goalie? I need you.”
“You bet, D-man, but don’t count on getting much sleep tonight.”
Otto barked twice, wagging his tail and nestling by the tree, like he knew this night was special. I’d almost swear I heard him say, “Go have fun, dads. I’ll be here in the morning, ready to open presents.”
Brody’s smile was brighter than the tree lights glowing behind him. He took my hand and gave it a playful tug before leading me to the bedroom. When we stood skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat, I realized dreams don’t only happen when you’re asleep. They’re what you build together when you’re awake, and ours was just beginning.