16. Peter
16
Peter
M y walk didn’t take as long as it normally did. I didn’t want to walk and walk and walk until everything felt numb. In fact, I had what I wanted.
He’d even made me tacos.
There was nothing I could find walking around Cider Landing that’d make me feel better than being with Everett. I could only hope that it was okay for me to need him like that. I didn’t want to be too much. I didn’t want to make his life worse .
When I slipped in the back door, he was still in the kitchen, sitting at the round wooden table by the window and turning his phone over in his hands. He looked up at me, eyes wide, when I came back inside.
“Hey,” he said, making a move like he’d get out of his seat before he second-guessed himself. “How are you feeling?”
I shut the back door and leaned against it. A glance at the clock on the stove said I hadn’t even been gone half an hour.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Sad. Kind of okay. I changed my mind.”
“About what?”
“Can I have a hug?”
He was out of his seat one second, and his arms were around me the next. I didn’t think Everett could fly on his own, but he sure was fast.
For a few minutes, I just let him hold me like that, and I pressed my face against his chest and—and I didn’t cry this time, but it was still nice to have him hold me.
“If I ask you some stuff, will you answer honestly no matter what?” I asked without lifting my face, my voice a little muffled with my nose pressed into his chest.
“I promise I’ll try?”
I nodded. That was good enough.
“Are you glad I’m here?”
Everett’s arms tightened around me reflexively. “Yes, Peter. God, I’m so, so fucking glad you’re here.”
I nodded again, my throat working around a lump. “Is this...am I too—too much for you?”
“Not even a little bit.” Now his voice was muffled, his mouth pressed against the top of my head. “Not for one second. I know it’s a lot, but you’ll never be too much for me. Can you hang on just one minute?”
Feeling awfully pitiful, I nodded. When he stepped away, I shoved my hands into my pockets.
He moved around the kitchen fast, piling the plate with tacos. Some other time, I wanted to make them with him, laugh over dripped salsa and the mess of shredded cheese. Right then, I just felt heavy.
When he was done, he wrapped an arm around me and led me into the living room. He sat down first and patted the spot right beside him. I squirmed in close, and he lifted the plate out of the way.
“Do you want to put your legs in my lap?”
I nodded, and when I pulled them up, he cupped his hand on my knee and adjusted them closer. I curled toward his shoulder, and he pulled the throw blanket over us both before settling the plate on my lap.
“Hungry?”
I nodded again.
He picked up a taco and let me take a bite before he took one of his own. They weren’t huge, and I finished it off with one last bite from his hand before he said anything else.
“You won’t ever be too much for me. It’s okay for this to be hard. It’s going to be. But I don’t mind hard things, Peter. You’re worth it. Always have been.” He smiled at me like he meant it, and I blinked too fast and looked down at the plate.
So he held out another taco, and I wasn’t going to say no to that.
“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Peter. Ever. There’s been some other good stuff, but nothing that even compared to how happy you make me.”
I blinked. But he’d gone out and done so much . “Are you serious?”
“Completely. You’re—I care about you, a lot. We have fun, and you always listened to me, and you’re so fucking smart. I want to talk to you all the time. You have no idea how many times I’ve wished I could just call you and talk to you about stuff that happened to me or—or just hear how you were doing.”
“I—” I twisted the edge of the blanket between my thumb and first finger. “I didn’t realize you missed me that much.”
“Well, I did. All the time. I don’t ever want to lose you like that again. But I know this is hard and I—I maybe did something? I think it’ll be good, but if you’re not ready, I totally get it.”
I reached out and took the taco from him to finish off the second one. “What’d you do?”
“I called someone we can talk to. I think they can help. If you want to, we can go tomorrow. It’ll just be talking, nothing major, and if you don’t like it, we don’t have to go again, but they help lost children—kids who come back.”
“Okay,” I said, taking another bite.
“Okay?” He seemed to doubt I meant it.
I shrugged, a weak smile on my face. “Talking to somebody can’t hurt. Who is it?”
I expected to feel stranger, walking into a building with my name on it, but it wasn’t really my name. I was just Peter, not Peter Hawking. Weirdly, I didn’t want to take the guy’s life away from him.
I’d always wanted this one, with Everett. Peter Hawking could keep his.
It was a little weirder to sit on a couch beside Everett, looking at Dr. Liza Hawking, whose hair was the same shade as mine, whose eyes were a familiar hazel.
“It’s really nice to meet you, Peter,” she said, her voice calm and placid, almost comforting. “And you, Everett. Peter’s lucky to have a friend to help him through this transition.”
Everett swallowed. His face went pink.
I reached for his hand. “Everett’s my best friend. The very best.”
I felt better when he squeezed my hand back.
Dr. Hawking nodded. “That’s wonderful. Is he why you came out of the forest?”
I bit my lip, looking down at my lap, not sure how to answer that. When I was silent for a long time, Everett spoke up.
“I lived in Cider Landing for about four years when I was a kid. Peter found me in the woods, and that was it. We clicked immediately. Back then, I didn’t even realize there was anything different about him.”
When I looked up, Dr. Hawking was looking Everett square in the eyes, nodding. “That’s pretty normal around here. Sometimes kids will find friends their parents think are imaginary. They’re the kids in the forest. When you’re playing, everything seems so normal.”
“We grew up together,” I said, “but then?—”
“My family moved,” Everett continued when I stumbled.
“And I got stuck again.”
“And when was that?” Dr. Hawking asked.
“When I was fourteen,” Everett said.
“You too, Peter?”
I nodded.
“And you were stuck until . . . ?”
“A couple days ago.”
“That must’ve been really confusing and hard. Growing up is hard enough, but to start and stop like that...”
I nodded. “I didn’t fit anymore, with the other lost kids. But I—I wasn’t sure what else to do.”
“You were out there for a long time. Was it the only home you ever knew?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sure the other kids in the forest appreciated you staying with them.”
“I guess so. Maybe.” I hadn’t thought about it like that, but I hoped the kids liked me, that me being there had been good for them. Mostly, it had been for me. They were my family.
I’d just missed so much.
“If it’s okay with you both,” Dr. Hawking said, “I’d love to talk to Peter alone for a little while.”
I stared down at where my fingers laced with Everett’s. I didn’t want to let him go, ever really, but right then, it felt...okay.
Everett was staring at me when I looked at him, and I realized he was going to take my lead on this. I could ask him to stay, and he would.
“That’s fine,” I said.
“Okay.” Everett stood up when I let him go. “I’ll just be right outside in the waiting room.”
“Okay.”
He gave me one more smile before he slipped out.
“He’s a really good friend, isn’t he?” Dr. Hawking asked.
“The very best,” I repeated.
“Are you staying with him right now?”
I nodded.
“And are you happy there?”
“I don’t know that I’ve ever been happier. I mean, all of this makes me kind of sad, but having Everett? That could never make me sad. I always want to be with him.”
She nodded, and then she went quiet for a second. I didn’t know if I’d said the wrong thing, but I’d definitely told her the truth, so I wasn’t going to worry about it.
That was all we did for most of the hour—we talked.
She’d ask me questions about the kids in the forest and what they were like. She wanted to know what it was like meeting Everett for the first time, and why I started to grow up.
It was like we were getting to know one another, but it was also...nice, like talking about some of this stuff made it feel less tight and hard in my chest.
When I started feeling kind of tired, our time was up. Dr. Hawking stood up with me and led me to the door of her office.
“It’s been really nice to meet you, Peter. I’d love to talk to you again soon.”
“Yeah, that’d be nice,” I agreed, sticking my hands in my pockets.
“Could we talk again on Monday?”
I nodded.
“Great. Same time?”
“I think so, if it’s okay with Everett.”
“I’ll double check with him.”
She opened the door, and he was sitting there in the waiting room just like he’d promised. He got up when we came out, fidgeting a little like he wanted to ask about what he’d missed but didn’t think he should.
“Everything okay?” he said.
I nodded. I felt kind of empty and tired, but not bad.
“I don’t have any more clients today,” Dr. Hawking said, “so if you have a couple minutes, I’d love to have a word with you, Everett.”
“Oh, um, yeah. Sure.” He patted his pockets, almost like he thought he’d forgot something. “Will you be okay for a minute, Peter?”
“Yup.”
I sank into the chair he’d been sitting in. It was pretty comfortable, still warm from his butt.
Everett had a cute butt.
I smiled as I leaned down in it. I’d just shut my eyes for a minute until it was time to go.