46. Madison
Ian insistedon accompanying me up to my floor and walking me to my door—like a date. I knew he couldn’t stay, he had to take the dog out, but there was a pet area on the roof where he could let him run and play for a bit and also take care of business.
Would it be too soon to invite him to come back? Maybe watch a movie? After the disaster of my last relationship, I didn’t have faith in my ability to read clues. Ian seemed interested in me. He’d suggested we take things one day at a time. But what did that mean? Did it mean to be civil until the baby came? Or did it mean we were trying a real relationship on for size?
Did I want a relationship with him? Other than that night at the Four Seasons and the massage that ended in two orgasms a couple weeks ago, the man had been driving me crazy for the past few months.
Then again, it was hard to argue with two orgasms.
Ian unlocked my door and I stepped inside. “Do you need anything before I take Finn out? Tea, milk, turn-down service?”
I sat my purse on the console in the foyer and turned on the lamp. “I’m good. But…”
He leaned against the doorframe and waited.
“Do you want to come up after? Watch a movie or something?”
A slow smile spread across his face. “You mean it?”
My throat was suddenly too dry to speak, so I simply nodded.
“You’re not too tired?”
“I’m not tired.” Did that sound breathy?
“Can I pick the movie?”
I laughed. “Fine. You can pick the movie.”
Ian placed his hand on the side of my neck and ran his thumb under my jaw before leaning in and placing a kiss on the tip of my nose. “I’d like that. If you’re sure.”
Our lips were just inches apart. “I’m sure.”
His lips met mine, and one of us—I think it was me—emitted a little moan. “I guess I’ll see you in a little while then.”
I scampered up the stairs as fast as my belly would allow and into my room. I brushed my teeth and then my hair, and debated whether or not I should change my clothes. I had nothing sexy that would accommodate my belly other than my regular clothes. And while I often saw pregnant women wearing stretchy pants and tops with their bellies completely exposed, I had no clue where Ian stood on something like that.
Unwilling to chance it, I dug through one of the racks in my closet searching for a dress I’d found a few weeks ago. So frustrating! I wasn’t used to not having beautiful clothes that I wanted to wear. I yanked at hangers, choosing and then discarding each item. I found the dress, an adorable blue and white floral print with bare shoulders and a ruffled skirt. I considered it for all of two seconds before it landed on the floor in the discard pile.
“This is ridiculous.” I stalked around my closet, waiting for something to jump out and declare itself the winner. When that didn’t happen, I settled on an aubergine knit dress that Gibby had sent me from Paris. It had long sleeves, was mid-calf in length, and buttoned up the front to allow for nursing later if I went that route. Was it sexy? Sadly, no. Did it matter at this point? No.
One quick spritz of Tiare and a deep breath later, and I was on my way downstairs where I found Ian in the kitchen making popcorn. His eyes widened when he saw me and I could almost feel his gaze on my skin. He cleared his throat and went back to the air popper I didn’t know I owned.
“I knocked, but since you didn’t answer, I let myself in.” A look of uncertainty passed across his face. “I hope that’s okay?”
“Yes, of course.” I nodded at the popcorn maker as I took a seat at the island. “I think I owe you a debt of gratitude. I don’t think I realized how busy you’d been while you were here. Seems I have a fully outfitted kitchen. Not to mention that incredible nursery.”
I was about to offer to reimburse him but caught myself before I did. Ian didn’t work for me. No one was paying him to be here to take care of me. He’d dropped out of a tour to be here for me and this baby. Offering to pay him back for any of it would be an insult.
What he needed from me—what he deserved—was to know he was appreciated. That I cared. That everything he’d done for me…for us…hadn’t gone unnoticed.
I traced a line of gold in the Calacatta marble countertop as I watched this beautiful man move about my kitchen with ease. Dark jeans, black henley, sleeves rolled up, exposing the sexiest arms I’d ever seen, and unbuttoned just enough to allow a peek at the light sprinkling of chest hair that covered his well-defined chest.
“What do you want to drink,” I asked, wanting to help. I found the glasses after looking in only two cabinets this time and filled one with a blend of apple juice and cranberry seltzer. “There’s beer and wine in the pantry fridge.”
“I’ll get it,” he said, helping himself to one of the craft beers he’d stocked when he’d been staying here.
Ian followed me into the living room, setting the popcorn and his beer on the coffee table, which still wore the padded corners he’d fashioned. I’d grown so used to seeing my furniture baby proofed that it had become almost invisible to me now, and a reminder of one more thing he’d done to show he was stepping up.
It was time for me to let go. Give in. Let down the walls.
Before he could sit, I planted my feet and stood before him.
He smiled down at me. “What do you need?”
Here goes everything. I took a deep breath. “You, Ian. I need you.”
He stilled. His eyes darted across my face, searching. His nostrils flared, but he didn’t move. This could be the biggest mistake of my life, or the first step toward what I’d always wanted.
Stepping closer, I curled my fingers into his belt loops and tugged. The scent of leather and spice surrounded me. I let my head fall to his chest. If he was going to reject me, I didn’t need to watch him do it. Hearing it would be bad enough.
His large hand curled along the side of my neck. Callused fingers wove into my hair while his thumb lifted my chin until he could see into my eyes.
“Say that again.”
My heart beat so hard against my chest he would’ve been able to feel it if my belly hadn’t been in the way. I ran my upper teeth over my bottom lip, stalling. “I said I need you.”
His eyes locked on mine and it was like he could see deep into my soul, right into my most vulnerable places. Afraid to break the spell, I refused to blink, and fell head first into verdant pools flecked with amber and gold.
He stared at me intensely and my body trembled. “I’m going to kiss you.”
“Okay,” I whispered softly.
His lips quirked up on one side. “Oh, darlin’, I wasn’t askin’.”
His mouth crashed down on mine, plundering. Tasting and exploring. His tongue swept inside, dueling with mine. Our teeth clacked, and my jaw ached, but I loved it. I held onto his shirt, while his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me as close as my belly would allow.
He broke away. “You okay? I don’t want to get rough and hurt you, but damn, girl.”
“I’m perfect.” Linking my hands around his neck, I pulled him back. I was better than perfect.
Never had I wanted a man the way I wanted this one. Ian Donohue had ruined me for any other man.
Seconds later, Ian’s hands cupped my bottom and lifted me off the ground. My arms clung to his neck and my legs wrapped around his waist. Were it not for my belly, I envisioned my core settling exactly where I needed it to be. I was finally about to get a replay of the best sex of my life, and my body was working against me.
“Don’t worry, I got you,” Ian panted between kisses.
“Am I too heavy?”
“What are you? A buck twenty?” He laughed. “Hardly.”
“I don’t know what that means,” I answered, my head thrown back while Ian’s mouth moved over the column of my throat.
His only answer was a low chuckle that morphed into a growl.
“Ian,” I breathed.
“Hmm?”
“Take me upstairs.”
His lips stopped moving, and I could feel his swallow. “Are you sure?”
“I am so. Very. Sure.”
His arms tightened, and while I’d expected him to put me down so I could climb the stairs, he had no intention of letting me go. I just held on tight and trusted him to keep me safe.
Once in my room, he gently lowered me to the bed. He ran his hands up against my sides. His thumbs caressed my breasts. He lowered his mouth to mine. A breath away, he asked again, “Are you really sure?”
I stared up at him. “With all that I am, Ian. I’m sure.” But then a moment of panic seized me. “What about you?” I searched his eyes. “I want this, but I’m not sure I’m in the right headspace for something casual.”
He cupped my face. His thumbs under my jaw, he tilted my head until our eyes locked. “I’m in, Maddie. I am so far in you’re all I see anymore. You’re with me at night when I close my eyes and in the morning when I open them. My thoughts are on you all the time, and before you ask, it’s not just the baby. Our baby brought us here and connects us, but when I look to the future, there are three of us.” His nose ran the length of mine. “Maybe four. Or five.”
His eyes were shiny and his words were sincere. They settled inside and touched the most fragile parts of me.
“Four or five?” The thought of so many children terrified me, but not as much as it might have before Ian. Or without Ian.
He ran his tongue from the juncture of my neck and shoulder up to my ear. “Maybe six,” he said, his soft beard brushing the shell of my ear and sending goosebumps down my arm.
Giggling, I tugged at the hem of his shirt and lifted it. “How about we start with one and see how it goes?”
“Whatever you want, darlin’.” And then he kissed me so hard, I was glad that I was already lying down.
What followed was a flurry of hands and arms, lifting and pulling until Ian stood before me in nothing but black boxer briefs while I was left in a black lace bra and matching panties. He stepped back, running his hands over my swollen belly, getting a good look at how much it had grown since he’d last seen it. The lights in my bedroom were low, but the look on his face was one of awe, reverence. His eyes filled as he leaned over and kissed my belly.
For a moment I worried that he might no longer see me as sexy, but as some sort of Madonna figure carrying his baby. But before I could fall too far into that psychological hellscape, he rose, captured my mouth in a bruising kiss, and with a flick of his fingers, unclasped my bra with one hand while the other dove into the back of my panties where he squeezed my ass hard enough to leave a mark.
“I’ve wanted you so much for so long, this first time is going to be quick, but I promise to slow down the second time around.” He lowered the straps of my bra from shoulders and tossed it to the floor. “You need to tell me if I get too rough or if anything makes you uncomfortable.” His thumbs flicked my nipples, and I squeezed my thighs together, desperate for relief while he waited for me to answer.
I bobbed my head. “I will. I promise. Now fuck me.”