Never Say Never: Gravel Hill Boys Book Two

49. Madison

We wereforty minutes behind schedule for our road trip and we weren’t even out of the city yet. Ian grumbled about me taking too long to get ready, but I was ready on time. It was his fault we were running late because when I came downstairs wearing my navy wool crested blazer over a cream cashmere turtleneck, camel-colored leggings, and my Fairfax and Favor riding boots, he asked to which house at Hogwarts did I belong.

Of course I had to go change. Hogwarts; give me a break. I was Gryffendor, of course. He claimed to be Ravenclaw, but he was Slytherin, I was sure of it.

Ian grabbed my hand across the console. “I was kidding, I promise. You looked stunning.”

Taking his eyes off the road since we were sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the Schuylkill Expressway, I noticed that while his words were sincere, his eyes still sparked with mischief.

I tugged my hand away and folded my arms across my chest. “No you weren’t.”

He laughed. “Okay, fine. But seriously, who wears a crest emblazoned on their blazer unless they go to private school?”

“Yes, and?”

We inched forward before coming to another stop. “Of course you went to private school. My bad.”

“I did, from kindergarten through twelfth grade, and before you ask, I did not wear a navy crested blazer.”

He snickered.

“Ours were purple and had a stylized B embroidered on the front pocket instead of a crest.”

The snicker turned into a snort, and despite how annoyed I’d been earlier, I couldn’t help but smile. Growing up the way I did, it was all I knew, but the more time I spent with Ian, the more I realized how terribly pretentious and insular my life had been.

Ian’s shoulders shook as he stared out his window, trying to hide how funny he found this. And while I might have been offended in the past, I didn’t believe he possessed an ounce of censure in his mirth.

“And where did you go to school growing up?”

“Ashwood Elementary and then the county high school.”

“You only had one high school for the entire county?”

“Just the one.”

“Where did you go to college?”

“No college. Beau and I took off for Nashville the summer after graduation, and I never looked back.”

“Wow.”

We’d begun moving again, so he gave me a quick glance and then put his eyes back on the road. “What do you mean by ‘wow’?”

“You’re a lot smarter than someone with only a high school diploma, that’s all.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. I read a lot, among other things.”

“Such as?”

He ran a thumb over his bottom lip. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I have a pretty high IQ. I may not always possess the best common sense, and I don’t have any fancy diplomas, but I know shit.”

“You know your IQ?”

Looking uncomfortable, he shifted in his seat and nodded. “Do you know yours?”

“No idea, but I’ve done okay.”

The tension drained from his shoulders and his smile was warm and genuine. “No doubt about it.”

I gave him a quick shove. “If you don’t want to tell me your IQ, just tell me this: Is it over 130?”

The bastard scoffed. “Um…yeah, but despite that, I didn’t do well in school. I have dyslexia and I was always bored. Couple that with being the class clown, and I’m lucky I graduated. The thought of going to college made my skin itch.”

“I loved school. It was my happy place.”

Ian looked at me like I had two heads. “Why? I couldn’t wait to be out of school. I hated it. Probably because I felt stupid. I didn’t want to be there.”

I knew why, but I wasn’t ready to admit that school was a place I felt seen and that I belonged. Time spent with my parents on holiday was time spent with my nanny. During the school year I still spent most of my time with my nanny, but my days were filled with praise and encouragement from my teachers. Going on holiday just meant I was lonely in a different part of the world. At least when I was at home I had my friends and my lessons. Other than the times I’d spend with Gibby at our villa in Champeaux, I preferred the familiarity of school and our home in Gladwyne.

Instead of saying all that, I chose to deflect. “You’re dyslexic, yet you always have a book nearby.” I said. “Isn’t it a struggle?”

“Sometimes. Not as much as when I was younger. I had to get extra help in school, one-on-one tutoring,. My family was always supportive, so there’s that. Usually, when I buy a physical book, I’ll also get the audio version and listen while I read at the same time.”

Supportive family. Must be nice. Then again, I didn’t have a learning disability.Would my parents have been supportive if I did? Probably not. I’d have had a live-in tutor in addition to my nanny.

My smile felt wobbly. “So you’re a hot, red-headed Albert Einstein?”

His smile was brimming with confidence. “Einstein? Hardly. But hot?” He licked his finger and put it on his hip, making a sizzling sound. “Fire, baby.” He followed that with a wink, and when I burst out laughing, he feigned being affronted.

When he looked at me, the warmth in his eyes heated me up from the inside out. That look must’ve been pretty powerful too, because Little Satsuma did a slow roll that was visible under my sweater.

“Your child says to stop bragging; you’re embarrassing her.” I grabbed his hand and rested it over the top of my belly where the baby was practicing dance moves.

Ian’s face radiated pure joy, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the same look he had the first time he stepped into his Ferrari. Or up onto a stage. Or heard his record on the radio for the first time. It was like a switch had been flipped and he went from playboy to papa-to-be in a relatively short time. Yes, we experienced some extreme hiccups in the beginning, but the transformation was impressive.

“I swear if there were a shoulder along this highway where I could safely pull over, I would, just so I can feel our baby.” He looked at me with wonder. “What does it feel like for you? Is it as magical from the inside as it is from the outside?”

Running my hand over my belly, I pictured a tiny foot pressing against the wall of my uterus, stretching and trying to turn over. “It is magical. At first, it was little more than a flutter, and I wasn’t always sure if was the baby or gas bubbles. Then it grew stronger, and it felt like the beating of hummingbird wings. The first real thump, though, was when I was lying in bed on my stomach and just about to fall asleep. It was so powerful that I knew in that instance, there would be no more sleeping on my belly until after this child was born. And even though it’s already been a few months, when I feel her move, it never failed to take my breath away in the best possible way.”

Ian lifted my hand and kissed it. Whenever he did that, I felt flutters, only these were in my chest. He continued holding my hand as speed picked up on the Schuylkill, and we were finally making headway on getting out of the city.

“You always say she. Do you know something I don’t?”

“I wouldn’t do that to you. I just feel like our Little Satsuma is a girl. At first I wanted to know so I could decorate the nursery appropriately, but whenever I was at the doctor and they asked if I wanted to know the sex, I couldn’t seem to say yes. I mean, this baby was a surprise, right? Why not have the sex be a surprise too? I think it’s more fun this way.”

I reached between the seats to give Finn a scratch behind the ear. I wasn’t ready to admit it aloud, but he really was a good dog.

“Do you want to know?” I asked. “You know if you asked the doctor to tell you privately, she would.”

“Nah. I want to be surprised too.” The look he gave me set off those flutters again, although they were spreading lower this time. “We’ll find out together. When Little Satsuma makes her grand entrance.”

“You keep referring to her as ‘she’ as well. Do you think we’re having a girl?”

“I kinda do. Crazy, huh?”

“Are you disappointed?”

“That it might be a girl? No fucking way. Why would I be disappointed? I don’t care—boy or girl—as long as it’s healthy. And I’m not just saying that because that’s what I think you want to hear.” He pushed the button to turn on the radio. “Alexa, play ‘You’re Having My Baby’ by Paul Anka.”

The first notes reverberated through the car and when Paul Anka began to sing, Ian crooned along loudly. He was so overly emotive that I laughed until my stomach hurt. It might be a long ride to his hometown, but it would be the most fun I’d ever had in a car.

We played Twenty Questions, Inky Pinky, and I Spy, before I conked out somewhere past Cumberland, Maryland. When I woke, we were already off the highway and all I could see were wide open fields of gold, a stark contrast to the clear blue of an azure sky. Enormous round hay bales sat in random rows throughout the field. We passed a tractor chugging along at a leisurely pace. Here and there a farmhouse popped up nestled near a community of barns, silos, and paddocks. Green pastures where cows or horses grazed dotted the landscape, and the trees had started to take on the colors of autumn.

I opened the window, ready to appreciate some fresh, country air. But when I took a deep breath, I gagged and stabbed the button to close the window.

“What is that god-awful smell?” It was so intense, I thought I might be able to taste it.

“That, my dear Sleeping Beauty, is the smell of manure.”

“It’s disgusting.” I covered my nose with the neck of my sweater. “Ugh. Please tell me your parents don’t live on a farm.”

“They don’t. They live in town.”

“Thank god.” I lowered the neck of my sweater and took a cautious breath. When the air was free of the aroma of cow droppings, I filled my lungs. “I should’ve asked earlier, but do your parents have room for us?”

“Since all five of us have moved out, they do, but they don’t even know we’re coming.”

I jerked upright. “Ian! You can’t just drop in on someone like that and expect them to put you up, even if they are family. It’s appalling.”

He laughed and told me to settle down. “We’re not staying with them, and they’ll be thrilled when we stop in. I promise.”

In my experience, people didn’t just stop in to visit. Although, that’s exactly what Ian’s family did to me. “What if they’re not ready for company?”

“We’re not company; we’re family.”

“You’re family. I am not.”

“Bullshit. Ma told you that you’re family.”

“She was just being nice.”

“She is nice, unless I do something to tick her off. But she’d never say something like that unless she meant it. You’re my baby’s mama, which automatically makes you family, Maddie, despite whatever relationship you and I might have. Besides, you get bonus points for being in a one-day-at-a-time relationship with me.”

I tried to hide my snort. “Who says?”

Staring ahead at the rural two-lane road, he grinned. “I says.”

“You have a big ego…” I settled my hand on the top of his thigh. “…among other things.”

“We’re almost there. You gonna make me arrive at our destination with a hard on?”

I stared out my window, hiding my own grin. “Maybe.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

We traveled through a small town that was little more than a few shops, a gas station, and a post office before the homes grew farther apart again. We hit more farmland, but this time, instead of wide-open spaces, there were a lot more hills and trees.

“Do you think it’s safe to open my window now?” I asked.

“Probably.”

I hit the button and closed my eyes. A cool breeze caressed my face and whipped my hair about. The air was fresh and sweet.

“All good?”

I filled my lungs. “Perfect.”

Finn whimpered in the back seat. He’d been so good on the drive, that I’d almost forgotten he was back there.

“We’re almost there, buddy. Just another minute.”

As if he understood what Ian was saying, Finn stood and wagged his tail, then barked in appreciation.

“You need another walk, baby?” I asked him. He pawed his bed and lifted his hind end to stretch.

“He likes you,” Ian said.

I ran my hand over Finn’s head. “He’s not so bad.”

Ian slowed and made a left onto a road that I would’ve missed, it was so hidden. The narrow gravel road wound its way up hill curving as we rose higher and higher.

“If you’re taking me camping, there will be words.”

He hooked his hand over my thigh and kept it there, which caused me to forget all my words.

“No camping this week. Maybe in the spring.”

“I don’t camp.” I sniffed. “I don’t even glamp.”

He chuckled. “We’ll see.”

I was about to tell him he was out of his mind if he thought he would ever get me to sleep in a tent, when the trees thinned at the top of a steep incline and we pulled up in front of the cutest little farmhouse. It was white with black shutters and a wide front porch. Colorful pots of mums lined the porch steps.

I needed to pee again, but I didn’t want to jump out of the car until I knew where we were. “Whose house is this?” I asked, assuming it belonged to one of his sisters since none of the guys in the band were likely to live this modestly.

He cut the engine and swung his door open. “Mine. C’mon, I’ll show you around.”

I scrambled out of my seatbelt as quickly as my cumbersome belly would allow. “As long as you show me the bathroom first.”

Ian was around my side of the car before my feet hit the ground. He took me by the hand and led me up onto the porch. While he unlocked the door, I noticed the sweet outdoor space. Bright red pillows decorated cream-colored Adirondack chairs. A matching wooden table with a potted plant and a vase filled with sunflowers sat between the two chairs. It would be the perfect place for a morning cup of coffee or a glass of wine in the evening. Too bad I couldn’t have either.

Ian flung open the door and said, “Go straight past the kitchen and turn left. The powder room will be right in front of you.

For as much as I wanted to take in the cozy little space, I didn’t want to embarrass myself by wetting my pants, which seemed like more of a possibility these days.

The powder room was tiny, but cute. Nothing more than a commode, a pedestal sink, and a small cupboard that I assumed held essentials. Atop the cupboard next to the window was a potted orchid. I washed and dried my hands and stepped out of the bathroom. To my left was a small laundry room and beyond that, a door leading outside.

“Did you make it in time?”

I rolled my eyes and nodded. “My bladder is about the size of a pea. That, or the baby is standing on it.”

He reached for me and took my hand. “You ready for a tour? It won’t take long.” He opened the door right across from us. “This is the primary bedroom. I put your stuff in here. There are two more bedrooms upstairs, so I can sleep up there if you want.”

“Why would I want you to sleep upstairs?”

“One day at a time?”

“Okay, but I still don’t want you to sleep upstairs.”

He grinned easily. “Your wish is my command.”

“As it should be,” I teased, “now back to my tour.”

The bedroom was painted a warm gold, and the bed was a queen-size four poster. But unlike Ian’s place in Savannah, this bed was more of a plain, Mission style, dressed in rust-colored bedding. Simple plantation shutters covered the windows, and matching nightstands, iron lamps, and a rattan chair and table completed the warm and cozy space.

The en suite was a decent size, with a double sink, wainscoting, and a bump out where a low chest of drawers and another rattan chair had been placed. There was no tub, only a shower. Another orchid sat on the counter between the two sinks.

Nothing about this place was like Ian’s house in Savannah. I’d only gotten the briefest glimpse of the kitchen and living room as I’d rushed through to the bathroom, but what I noticed was cute and colorful and cozy.

The more I looked around, the more nauseated I felt. Plants? Vases filled with fresh flowers? A space clearly decorated with someone else in mind? He’d insisted there had been no one else since we’d first hooked up, but maybe he’d lied to me.

“Ian,” I choked out. “Who lives here?”

“Me, sorta, but Bailey will be moving in soon.”

I was able to grip the arm of the chair by the window as my eyes filled, and I sat.

“Hey, hey,” Ian squatted in front of me. “What’s wrong?” He cupped my cheeks and ran his thumbs under my eyes. “Talk to me, darlin’.”

I gave him a hard shove. He looked surprised, but he didn’t budge.

“You’re telling me you want to take it one day at a time, and the other night we…we did things.” I choked back a sob. “I’m so stupid. You’re not interested in me. You’re only interested in the baby.” I tried to stand, but he wouldn’t let me. I brushed away the tears angrily and wiped my hand on my leggings. “It’s fine. I should’ve known. You’ve just been playing me.”

“Playing you? Is that what you think?”

I stood, and this time, he didn’t try and stop me. “Yes. That’s exactly what I think. Did you expect me to stay here in your girlfriend’s house? Sleep in her bed? You are out of your mind if you thin?—”

A hard mouth came down on mine, stunning me silent. One arm went around my waist, pulling me as close to him as my belly allowed, while his other hand cradled my nape, his fingers woven into my hair.

I tried to push him away, but he was a lot stronger than me, and there was a chance that I might not have been pushing as hard as I should have.

“Stop,” he said, breaking the kiss and speaking against my lips. “You’re so wrong, Madison. Bailey’s not my girlfriend; she’s my assistant and my friend. We already talked about this, remember?”

That meant nothing. “I remember. Your young and beautiful assistant.”

“Bailey? I guess, but I’ve never wanted to go there with her. And while I may not have the best track record in the past when it came to keeping it in my pants, she would be the first to tell you that she’d rather stick needles in her eyes than be in a relationship with me, other than that of two people who work together and who over the years also became good friends.” He chuckled. “To be honest, I don’t think she even likes me.”

I stared up into his sincere green eyes that held not a speck of deception. What I saw instead was something else that made me nervous, but in an entirely different way. I blinked, breaking the connection. “Then why is she moving in with you.”

“Bailey’s not moving in with me. She’s moving into this house, but not right away. I own this house, the land. Fifty acres. I bought it a few years ago as an investment. I refurbished the farmhouse, and I’ve been renting it out. My tenants moved out a few weeks ago. The timing worked out perfectly. Bailey flew up last week and took care of furnishing the place—for herself—because once my new house is built, she’ll be moving to West Virginia.”

“You’re building a house?”

“I’m not swinging a hammer, but yeah. It’s what I wanted to show you. The site is a little way up from here. It’s at the highest elevation on the property and has the best views of both the sunrise and the sunset.” He took my hand in his. “It’s why I wanted you to come home with me. I’d like you to come and stand on that peak with me. Maybe you’ll see what I see.”

“What do you see from up there?”

He dipped his head until we were only a breath apart.

“Our future, Maddy.” We just might be able to see the future from there.”

Our future?It suddenly felt as if I couldn’t breathe. A future with me?

“I-I’m not sure I follow.”

Ian gripped my shoulders. “You’re trembling. Come sit.” Not waiting for me to answer—good thing, because I was busy wondering what he meant—he led me into the living room and guided me to the sofa. He reached for a paisley throw and wrapped it around my shoulders.

“Do you want a fire?” he asked. “The heat was turned down pretty low. It’s chillier inside than it is out.”

“A fire would be nice.”

His smile seemed tremulous; I wasn’t the only one who was nervous.

When the fire was roaring, he replaced the screen and took a seat beside me.

“So…the future. I’m not sure where I should begin.” He chuckled nervously. “I like you, Maddie. A lot. You’re smart and beautiful. Successful. Ambitious. Kind. Even with your world getting thrown off course, you’ve still got it all together. I admire that. Me? I’ve been living my life like a raccoon on crack. Flitting about like a bumblebee, pollinating every?—”

I put my hand over his. “I get it.”

He nodded. “I may appear to be the happiest sonofabitch you’ve ever met, but honestly? I’m over it. Don’t get me wrong. I love what I do, and I have no plans to change that anytime soon, but the rest of it? The excess?” He chuckled. “I’m tired, or at the very least, tired of living that life. Getting to know you and getting ready for our baby is what makes me happy these days. Getting to be a dad?” His eyes filled. “Damn, Maddie, what a gift you’re giving me.”

He turned my hand over and ran his finger over my palm. “And it’s not just the baby. It’s you too. So if you think all the attention I’ve given you of late has been just because you’re pregnant with my kid and the minute Little Satsuma arrives, I’ll forget about you, that’s not my intention at all.”

I curled my fingers around his. “Then what is your intention?”

Ian took several deep breaths while playing connect the dots with his index finger over the freckles on my wrist.

“I know it’s too early to talk about forever; I get that. And I also know that I’ve behaved like a dick around you more times than not, but when I said one day at a time, I wasn’t being completely honest.”

My heart sank. Again.

“No?”

He shrugged. “Not really. One day at a time sounds like I need to be patient, and patience is something I have in short supply. But if you need time, I’ll manage. You can take all the time you need.”

My mind wanted to interpret what Ian was saying, but I’d formulated my own version of the truth with Connor. I wouldn’t do it again.

“Time for what, Ian?”

He glanced up nervously. “Time to figure out if you want to be a family—me, you, and Satsuma. A real family. A real future.”

My eyes filled and Ian’s face blurred. Again, I found myself unable to speak, so I answered him the only way I could in that moment.

With tears streaming down my face, I wrapped my hands behind his neck and kissed him with everything that I had.