Never Say Never (Vitale Brothers Book 4)

Chapter 13

Antiseptic burnedmy lungs with each sharp inhale I took. The blinding white paint was overbearing, driving me out of my mind. It wasn”t enough that York”s blood was soaked into my clothes and clung to my skin. I scratched at my hands, wanting it off. I wasn”t squeamish, even a little bit, but for some reason having York”s blood on me made my skin crawl. I need to get it off of me. No, that”s not important. Where is York?

I looked around hoping to see a doctor or someone who could update me on my boss”s status.

A sharp sound grabbed my attention. Snapping fingers in front of my face wasn”t the smartest decision someone could have made while I was so irritable. I grabbed the police officers” wrists and twisted them, forcing them to bend in half.

”Shit, we need backup,” someone said.

Arms wrapped around me, pulling me away from the fucktard who snapped their fingers in my line of sight. I didn”t hesitate to flip the guy over my back. He crashed into the man in front of me. I let him go and both of them fell to the ground in a pile of limbs. I”d kill them right here and now if they continued.

”Wait, sir.” One of the other men in the waiting room stepped up to me, his hands open like he was trying to get a wild animal under control.

I blinked a few times, my heart racing, hands shaking. I”d lost control. I didn”t do this, I wasn”t that crazy teen anymore. Maturing taught me there was always a time and place for violence. In a hospital waiting room, nervous about an update on my boss, wasn”t one of them. A shallow breath was about all I could muster as I tried to rein it in.

Nothing was working. I wanted to break every single one of their necks. Find a baseball bat and crack their skulls open. Only then would the unease and rage leave me.

”Paul?” A sweet little voice carried over the static, clouding my ear drums.

I glanced over in time to see Navy and Nyra in their pj’s, standing there, watching me with wide eyes.

”Girls, what are you doing here?”

Shelly pulled both of them away from me. Her death was already planned. Executing it would be easy; she was a target that wouldn”t take any time at all. One moment she was there and the next she wasn”t.

”The hospital called,” Shelly finally said. ”What are you doing here?”

I stepped toward the girls, but the officers got in the way. I reached in my coat pocket ignoring the way they all jumped and got ready to attack. Flashing my badge, most of them eased up. The two I”d hurt, on the other hand, were eyeing me with fear. As they should.

”Agent Gallo, we still need to ask a few questions,” one of the uniform officers said.

”I”ll send over a report.”

”With all due respect, sir, but?—”

I got in his face and lowered my voice so that he understood I didn”t want the girls to hear. ”I will be in later once I make sure that my boss and his family are okay. You can stand here with your dick in your hand, or you can go do something useful like finding the bastard that attacked an agent.”

He stared at me. I could see the challenge in his gaze, but I wasn”t sticking around to push against it. I”d said what I needed to. Glancing down at my hands, I sidestepped to the hand sanitizer pump on the wall. I filled my hands with the cool liquid and scrubbed my flesh until it was red. Even then I added more. The blood wasn”t there anymore but I could still feel it; hot and sticky as it squished through my fingers.

I turned to the girls. The officers whispered amongst themselves but they weren”t my priority before the girls came and they weren”t my priority now.

”I want to go to Paul,” Navy said. She broke free and ran over to me.

”Navy, have you lost your mind? Get back over here. He’s a stranger!”

”No, he isn”t.” Nyra tugged on Shelly”s sleeve looking younger than she really was. ”Dad and Paul go on dates.”

We didn”t, but they sure as shit felt like dates.

”That isn”t true. Your father isn”t into...” Shelly gestured at me like I was an anomaly.

She was very wrong.

”Now, girls, we”ve been over this. Lying isn”t ladylike. We should sit and wait for news from your father.”

”We aren”t lying, are we, Paul? You and Daddy are boyfriends, aren”t you?” Navy asked. She stared at me expectantly.

I couldn’t disappoint them. ”Yes.”

It wasn’t a lie per se. We were men and happened to be somewhat friends. That had to count, right?

”What?” Shelly asked, eyes wide in utter shock. If I wasn”t so focused on York, I”d swear there was anger on her splotchy face.

”See?” Navy turned to me pointing for me to squat down.

I did just that, not sure what she wanted from me, but knowing I”d try and help. She placed both small hands on my cheeks and forced our eyes to meet.

”Is Daddy okay?”

Nyra ran over to me, abandoning her nanny. ”Is he hurt?”

I didn”t want to scare them, but I wasn”t sure what York would want them to know either. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, looking at both girls.

”You know how strong your dad is, right?”

Both of them nodded, hanging onto every single word.

”Then there is nothing to worry about. He got a little hurt, but he’ll be okay.”

Navy and Nyra”s eyes watered. Their bottom lips trembled as tears started to race down their cheeks. I looked up at Shelly, unsure of what the fuck I should do. She smirked as if me floundering with the girls was her favorite entertainment to date. I ignored her. She was no fucking help anyway. I thought about my own father. He would have punched me and Gin, told us both to suck it up. Men didn”t fall prey to their weak emotions. That wasn”t the right way to handle this. My mother, god rest her soul, was different. She”d hold us and encourage us to understand why we felt this way.

I took a seat on the cold floor and held out my arms to both girls. ”You don”t have?—”

Nyra was first to fall against my chest, a cry ripping from her small frame. She buried her face against my chest, soaking it with her tears. ”Will he be okay?”

As if Navy only needed to see her twin give in, she fell into my other side. She held on just as tight. I was awkward, but neither girl seemed to care, taking comfort from me as needed. I relaxed slowly, holding them both. My fingers tangled in curly hair as I soothed them.

”He will be fine. I bet he”s going to open his eyes and yell at me.”

”Why?” Nyra asked.

I shrugged. ”I”m always getting in trouble with your dad. It”s fun.” I smiled at them.

Navy shook her head, wiping her tears on my suit jacket.

”Girls, why don”t you come sit over here while we wait,” Shelly said.

Navy and Nyra snuggled closer in my arms. ”No, thank you.”

”They”re fine.”

”I”m their nanny.”

”Good for you, be their nanny from over there. They don”t want to move right now. You shouldn”t stress them out anymore, this is hard for them.”

Shelly balled her fists at her sides and took one look around the room. Other families were watching along with the nurses at the station. She settled down in a chair, crossing her legs.

Be mad.

Navy tugged on my shirt, dragging my attention back to them. I pulled out my phone and started up a movie app while we waited. I wasn’t the best with kids, but at least I could offer a distraction. When it worked, I sighed with relief.

Three movieslater and York came out of surgery. However, with it being so late, the girls went home to bed with Shelly. I stayed behind, watching over York and hoping he”d open his eyes soon. The doctor said nothing major was hit and the bullet had come out in one piece which was lucky for us. I”d take it, but nothing would settle the mayhem inside of me until I heard York speak.

Pacing was how I passed the time, my gaze never wavering from York in his hospital bed. He commanded a room. Everything about him was larger than life, but right now, in the white cramped hospital room, he looked small. His brown skin was paler than usual, making me even more uncomfortable. I thought about walking over to him and slapping him awake. Anything to get him moving again.

I’m going to kill Tony.

”Get up already,” I begged. I knew I was going to be in trouble but I didn”t care. I wanted him up and moving. ”You keep lying around and I might take advantage of you. I”m not opposed to a little sleepy time fun.”

When there was no reaction, I sighed and went back to pacing. The doctor and nurses came in and checked on him. No one had any updates for me, just that York”s vitals looked good and he was going to wake up soon. The sun had come up and set just as quickly with no change. What the fuck was soon? Two hours? Thirty seconds? Ten days? No one could tell me, but I could tell I was stressing them all out.

An hour passed and then another. Lack of sleep was catching up to me, but I knew the moment I closed my eyes, he”d wake up and I”d miss everything. I stopped at the wall and twisted around on my heels to start the cycle all over again.

”Paul?” York broke off into a fit of coughing, and I was at his side in seconds.

I grabbed a cup of water and offered it to him with trembling fingers. ”Slowly.”

York swallowed down mouthful after mouthful of water before he slowed.

”Enough?”

He nodded, his eyes fluttering shut for a second. ”What happ—” York opened his eyes and stared at me with suspicion and distrust shimmering in their depths. ”Paul?—”

”It wasn”t what you think it is.” Panic settled in the middle of my chest, making it hard to breathe. I couldn”t have York finding out who I was. What I was. Not now. I wasn”t ready to walk away from him. It was purely selfish; it had nothing to do with my family or the longevity of the Vitale name. My desire and obsession with York had grown out of control. It was pretty bad before, but I could have walked away at any moment. However, the second we started building genuine connections, things changed for me.

”What was it then? Tell me what you think I saw.” York glared at me as if he already had his mind made up.

My mind worked overtime. I should have spent all the time he”d been in surgery coming up with something. Instead, I”d spent it reassuring the girls and hoping I was fucking right, that he would be okay.

”I have my own connections.”

His brows dipped. ”You never brought that up in meetings.”

”I didn”t have anything yet. I”ve been trying to get them to trust me.”

”By learning Italian?”

Shit, how much had he heard? A sour taste coated my tongue as I continued to lie to my boss. This had never been a problem before. ”I”ve known Italian for years. Took it in high school. Even spent a summer vacation in Italy.” I shrugged, playing it off. ”It”s helped me secure a few informants.”

York opened his mouth but shut it as the door opened. Two very excited ten-year-olds rushed In. Their hair was done in two braids, each of them sporting a blue and white school uniform.

”Daddy!” they squealed in unison. The twins wasted no time in hopping onto the bed. ”Are you okay?” Navy asked.

Nyra’s eyes watered. “Does your arm hurt?”

”We were so scared.”

“Shelly still made us go to school but we wanted to be here.”

Their information and questions were all flying at once. I didn”t envy York, but I did envy the girls. I wanted to hop into the small hospital bed and lay on top of him too. I wanted to feel his pulse and breathing against my skin. Then and only then would I truly be able to breathe.

”Hello, girls. I”m fine, and you need a good education. I”m sorry I worried you two.”

Navy jumped off the bed and ran up to me for a hug. I didn”t hesitate for a second, giving her exactly what she wanted. Nyra was right behind her. York watched us with a strange look on his face. It didn”t erase the tension that lingered in the room.

”How are you feeling, Mr. Washington?” Shelly asked. She moved closer to the bed, placing her hand on York”s arm.

You”re dead. Get away from him.

My reaction was volatile. If it wasn”t for the girls being next to me, I would have sprinted over to his side and ripped her hand away from him. How dare she touch him.

He was mine.

York smiled at her. It was tense but it only added fuel to the burning fire under my skin. ”Thank you, Shelly, for always taking care of the girls.”

She beamed at the praise. ”Of course. They’re like daughters.”

Fuck, I wanted to bash her brains in. No, that would be too quick. Maybe I”d start on her ankles and work my way up. Force her to feel every bone shatter in her petite body.

York removed his arm just in time. I was barely holding back my murderous intent.

”Could you give me and Paul another second? There is a cafeteria on the second floor,” York said.

Shelly”s smile dimmed a little, and I had the sudden urge to punch the air in joy.

”Aw, but we want to stay,” Navy whined.

I gave both girls a fist bump. ”Working on the ice cream pitch still,” I whispered to them.

They giggled and nodded. ”We will be right back,” Navy promised.

Nyra ran over to her father and hugged him before jumping down off the bed and following Shelly out of the room. The moment the door closed, the tension thickened instantly.

”Paul, you”re a good agent, and I haven”t known you to ignore protocols or withhold valuable information.”

”That isn”t what”s happening either. Fuck, you”re acting like you don”t know me at all.”

York stared at me and as the silence built between us, pain settled in the middle of my chest.

”Ouch.” I rubbed at my chest not sure why I cared. This wasn”t my real life, but I couldn”t ignore the ache that was taking over.

”What I heard and saw leaves a lot of suspicion. With everything that is going on...”

”So, what, now I”m a suspect?”

York attempted to sit up, wincing the moment he moved. I was across the room in seconds helping him up without thought. He settled against the pillow and looked more like he was at the office than in the hospital.

”Everyone is a suspect.”

”That doesn”t give the amount of reassurance you think it does.” Fuck, this conversation was hurting more then it should. He was right. I wasn”t on the FBI’s side and I never was. I wasn”t a good man, fuck, I wasn”t even an innocent man. I killed and relished in it. Crime ran in my DNA. Playing at being a good human being was eating at my soul. But right now, as York stared at me as if he didn”t know me, I was filled with unease. Not because I thought I”d be caught and have to leave the FBI, but because I”d have to walk away from York and whatever was happening between us. I wasn”t ready to stop just yet.

”Paul, things are complicated. This incident has only made things worse.”

I nodded, backing up a bit. ”What can I do to get you to understand? I wouldn”t betray you.”

”Who were you talking to?” Paul asked.

”I can’t give you that. One of the reasons he speaks to me is because I swore not to disclose his name to any operatives.”

”Paul.”

I raised a hand. ”I know it sounds shady, but we both know no government agency is ever clear of mob influence. His name will never show up on any documents. All it takes is one whiff of a rat and they will send the hounds to hunt.”

York”s shoulders dropped, and I almost asked about his own snitch. Hunter was a mess this morning and I could only fathom what it was about. Marianna was their only way in and she was no longer an option.

”But what were you talking about?” York stressed.

I tried to think about what Tony said and how to play it off. Lying was second nature to me now, but this was harder than usual. ”All he was saying was Benito is cracking down on everyone. There are leaks everywhere. He was stressed about getting found out.”

My boss didn’t look the least bit convinced. ”It sounded like he was talking about the FBI, me in particular.”

I cocked a single brow and tilted my head. ”Did you hit your head too? Blood loss is no joke. What are you talking about?”

York stared at me with confusion written all over his face. ”He said the feds and?—”

”Yeah, they”re making each leader twitchy which has resulted in the crack downs within.” I reached out, stopping short of touching him.

He didn’t look convinced but he didn’t seem nearly as weary of me as he had before.

I pushed forward, needing him to believe me. ”The Acetos are even wiping out snitches. It”s the one thing all mob members can agree on.”

York frowned at me and I knew what his justice-filled mind was thinking. That no one deserved to die because they were trying to tell the truth. But nothing was ever that easy. A single truth from a snitch could lead to hundreds dying; some innocent and some not. It came down to who was important to you. He was the kind of man that would sacrifice himself for the world when I was the kind that would destroy the world for what was mine.

”Why didn”t you tell me?”

”Same reason you won’t inform the team who your informant is. Sometimes it”s best to keep these things on the down low until there is something to know. I haven”t gotten anything useful yet.”

”Okay.”

That”s it? He was just going to say okay after all of that? Did I apologize now? How in the hell do I get us back to normal? I wanted to touch him and crawl into the too small hospital bed and be close.

”I”m sorry he shot you.”

York glanced down at his arm. ”Yeah.”

I reached out still needing to touch him to make sure he was, in fact, fine. The moment I came in contact, it was a sudden relief.

”I might have told the girls we”re boyfriends.”

”What?” York winced the moment he tried to jerk around. He held his injured arm. ”What do you mean?”

”They were crying, and what was I supposed to do, say no?”

”Yes.”

I shrugged. ”We are boys and have a friendly relationship.”

York groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. ”That”s besides the point.”

I shrugged. ”Is it? They were scared for you and I gave them something else to think about.”

York blew out a breath. ”I”ll clarify things to them later. Thanks for helping.”

“Are you saying being my boyfriend is that bad?”

York lifted his head. “You don’t do relationships.”

I shrugged. “I might if you acknowledge our dates are actually dates.” I smirked at York as he floundered about. There was nothing sexier than when York lost his cool.

“That I don’t know. I mean, they weren”t, we were just having fun. And you said that’s all it was.”

I burst out laughing with the atmosphere cooling off. I relaxed a bit more. “Calm down, York, it was fun.” I moved in wanting to be as close as possible but making sure to keep a little distance. “And I want more fun.”

The mirrored desire in York’s brown eyes was enough to set me ablaze. If he wasn’t recovering, I’d jump him right now.

York cleared his throat. “Thanks again, for cheering the girls up.”

I waved him off. ”Any time.” And I meant it.

”Paul—” A knock interrupted me.

The doctor walked in a smile on his face. ”Glad you”re awake, this one was going to fall over from lack of sleep if you”d stayed asleep any longer.”

York looked my way, studying me again, before turning back to the doctor.

I knew our future was nothing pretty. We were on opposite sides of the law, and there was no future for someone like me and York. But for a split second, I could imagine a different me, a different life.

With York.