Chapter 30
My head was a mess.All I could think about was York. The way he was so ready to defend Shelly without listening to anything I had to say bothered me. Yeah, I wasn”t a saint, and there was no way I could attest to having high morals, but ninety-five percent of the time I didn”t go around killing random people. Thinking about it was a whole other case.
I groaned. The girls had been right there. I should have sent them to their room but I hadn”t been thinking clearly. My first reaction was to protect them, to get them away from Shelly. My stomach tightened. What if York knew she was disciplining them? Was he okay with it? I sure as shit wasn”t, but at the end of the day, York was their father.
And I wasn’t.
Tattooed fingers snapped in front of my face, pulling me out of my own head. I blinked a few times, shaking free of my own melancholy. I should check the camera feed but every single time I did, I got even more upset. Staying home and forcing York to listen to me was out of the question. We only had tonight to take care of the problem before my stubborn ass boss went out and did something stupid.
”Damn, it”s like no one”s home,” Gin said.
He came up on my side, knocking into my shoulder. We”d talked a bit after wrecking havoc but nothing like what we”d done in the past. I knew giving him some time would be best, but right now, I needed my twin.
”What”s up?” I lifted my head and realized for the first time that we had multiple cars worth of people pulling up. It wasn”t just the Vitales but the Fellaci brothers were there, the O”Brians, and even the Bianchi’s.
”You had the Bianchi”s fly in?”
Benito shrugged. ”Amadeo only sent us Nicolo and Ricardo. They were already on their way. Just so happens they get to take part in the festivities tonight, but those two alone can take on half the damn city.”
A small guy headed our way and I recognized him as Jack O”Brian, the only son of Declan O”Brian, the current head of the Irish mob. He was flanked by Cian who had a wrap sheet just as long as Giancarlo”s. Finnian on his left, the second to Declan, and lastly the one labeled as ghost, Ronan. I remembered every little detail that came across my desk while being an FBI agent.
”Thank you for coming,” Benito greeted them all. Harlow was at his side, just as intimidating as his husband.
”Aye, Benito, are we going in or what? My hard-on is going to disappear at this point,” Niccolo taunted, his smile infectious.
I should be up there. Giancarlo was already standing next to him, Silvy in his hand. They were ready to go like a bunch of lunatics.
Cian whooped and ran over to them. ”You two are my kind of guys.”
”Maybe you should have left the crazy ones at home,” Harlow said.
A man with bright pink hair and light brown skin came barreling toward Harlow. He got the jump on Benito’s husband, picking Harlow up to his dismay.
“Who’s that?” I asked. And why in the fuck wasn’t Benito killing him?
The man put Harlow down; he was a few inches taller than both of them. Benito knocked knuckles with the man who was smiling, while fixing brass knuckles on. I recognized the crazy in his eyes, it was the same in all of ours.
“Quincy Adachi, he”s Harlow’s best friend,” Enzo said.
Nodding, I watched them for a minute, but they switched languages, leaving me lost. I pushed off the car and headed toward Gin. I needed to get my head in the game even as the hurt weighed down on me.
”What”s up with him?” Cian asked. He looked between Gin and me. ”Holy shit, there are two of you.”
Gin grinned. ”Yeah, but you can tell us apart. Paolo is a bat man where I”m a one hammer kind of guy. And he’s more polyamorous, where I’m monogamous.”
Both guys admired Gin”s hammer as he talked about Silvy. I tried to stay engaged but it didn”t last long as my emotions continued to ride me. They had no place in this war, but regardless of what York said, my humanity made it impossible to brush off the hurt.
”Leave one or two of the guys alive,” Benito instructed.
”How alive are we talking?” Cian asked.
”Enough to talk. We have a few men who can get even the hardest people to spill their guts.” Benito took charge, stepping forward like the leader he”d been brought up to be. I”d follow my brother into the jaws of hell and fully believe we”d rule it by the end of the war.
One of our men brought a bat to me. It was different from the last. The handle fit against my palm nicely. Holding onto the bat gave me something to do with my hands. Now, I just needed to bash a few skulls in and I”d feel even better.
We split up. Benito and Harlow lead one group. Enzo and the O”Brians were together. The Felleci”s lead one, Bianchi”s lead another, and I was with Gin attacking from the left. My blood was pumping and there was static in my ears. The night air was brisk the closer we got to winter. Some days were colder than others, promising a bitter season. Hopefully by then, the war would be done.
The first two men we saw walking around, I didn”t bother waiting. I charged. They saw me coming, guns out as they aimed for my head.
”Paolo,” Gin called for me, but I was gone.
My head was a mess. I went to the two with my bat. A few bullets whizzed by, burning through, nearly missing my skin. The thrill would usually excite me but I was stuck with two emotions: hurt and anger. Blood splattered, smacking me in the face as I swung my bat with reckless abandonment. I didn”t care who came at me or how many I took down.
Moving forward was all that I cared about.
With these fuckers gone, York would have to stay home. York being home meant I had time to fix us. I”d figure it out; I had no choice. I cracked a skull as more bullets whizzed through the air. I vaguely heard Gin, but again, I paid no attention. I was forced to pull my gun out a few times, but swinging the bat was what I needed.
I was so out of it, I hadn’t even bothered to name her.
The smell of blood and gunpowder filled the air to the point it felt like it clung to me like cigarette smoke. I”d get home and York would know if I didn”t get changed beforehand. He”d take one sniff of me and the look would be back, the one that screamed I was a man without an ounce of humanity.
I lost myself in the carnage and mayhem, letting it wash over me and draw out the turmoil that plagued my being. Everything became a blur as we stormed the hideout, wiping out any enemy that stepped in our way.
”Fuck, Paolo calm down,” Gin ordered.
I sucked in a lungful of air. It felt like I”d been drowning, moving without thinking, and killing anyone that came my way. Blood dripped from my lashes. I was so coated, it felt like a second skin. There was faint pain on my side and back leg but nothing that was beating the static that hummed in my head.
Gin snapped his fingers in front of my face. He was just as bloody as me.
”You good?”
No. But where did I start? Everything was wrong and right at the same time. Just when it felt like I was getting York back, reality slammed into me and took him away again. I couldn”t bear not having him. I”d meant it when I claimed him as mine. I”d lose what little sanity I had left without York.
”We done here?” Gin asked.
There was confirmation after a few minutes. My bat was gone and my knuckles were shredded. Looking down at them, the pain started to trickle in a little more. I flexed my fingers, stretching and pulling at the raw skin.
”Hey!” Gin knocked his head into mine, breaking the constant hum up.
I groaned, rubbing at my forehead.
”There you are. Fuck, Paolo.”
”My bad. I”m fine now.”
Gin watched me. He wasn”t the levelheaded one of us. The fact he was trying to bring me down meant I”d lost it for sure.
”Come on, we”re getting drinks,” he said.
I looked down at our attire. There was no bar, not even the one that we owned, that would sell us a drop of booze looking like we went through a blood waterfall. We moved around the bodies littered all over the floor. I wasn”t one to complain. After years of not killing, it felt good to scratch the itch, but a part of me would rather be in bed with York right now.
”Those two need a room,” Enzo said. He wasn”t as messy as he”d been the other night, but he was wearing a very severe frown.
“No consideration for the rest of us,” the man named Quincy said, shaking his head. He smeared blood on the side of his face as he shook his head at the two lover birds. “Ima head out. Tell Benito to hit me up on the next fun night.”
I looked over at where they had been looking and shook my head as well. Benito was practically devouring Harlow as they stood on top of bodies. I was happy for my brother but when my own love life was currently shit, I didn”t want to see how happy they were, covered in blood.
”Jager,” I said.
Gin groaned. ”Got some in my trunk. We”re going to be fucked.”
I hoped so.
Stumbling through the door,I grunted at the darkness that greeted me. No girls and York sleeping on the couch waiting for me to come home.
”Fuck you.”
”What, me? No offense, Paolo, but I”m a happily engaged man.” Gin laughed at his own stupid joke. His words were slurring just as badly as mine. We might have taken way too many shots after our little murder spree.
I didn”t have the mental capacity to roll my eyes. I”d do it tomorrow when I didn”t feel like the world was spinning way too fast. The light flickered on, and I back peddled, my hand covering my eyes.
”The hell is going on?”
York.“Fuck, I love that man,” I slurred.
I dropped my hand, looking for him, and nearly fell to my knees when I saw him. All night I couldn”t get him out of my head. Even after taking out my frustrations on the enemy, all I had thought about was my boss. Stumbling toward him, I realized York wasn”t looking just at me. He kept looking between me and Gin.
”So, you”re the bastard that”s been hunting us down, huh?” Gin asked. He laughed. ”Well, I”d say welcome to the family but if how he was tonight is any indication of how things are between you two, then I”ll keep my welcome for another day.”
York opened his mouth but Gin wasn”t done.
My brother grabbed me and turned me to face him. ”No more death stunts. Lost you once, not really trying to go through that shit again.”
I nodded. ”Yeah.” Before Gin could walk away, I grabbed him. ”I”m sorry I wasn”t there. That I couldn”t be there for you or Mom when you both needed me the most.” I choked on my words as I reached for him and clapped him on the back of the neck. “You mean the fucking world to me, Gin. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Gin looked away, his shoulders rose before relaxing once more. ”You know how much that shit hurt?” he muttered, his smile disappearing. “I lost my damn mind. Everyone stopped talking about you. It was like you didn’t exist anymore. I didn’t even understand why I couldn’t talk about you, just that it was an order. You were dead, and I couldn’t say shit. It was like you were this ghost that everyone else had forgotten.”
“I’m sorry.”
He waved a hand and dragged me in for a hug before he stumbled and we both ended up on the ground. We cracked up.
“We’ll make up for lost time.” He chuckled. “I’m just glad you’re home.”
My heart squeezed. I’d wanted this moment since the second I came back. “Thanks for giving me another chance.”
“What the hell am I supposed to do? Never talk to you again? Shit’s stupid as hell,” he muttered as he pulled out a pack of smokes. He lifted his head. “Yo, you got a light, fed?”
York glared at him. “No.”
“Awww, man. Your boyfriend’s no damn fun.”
“I’m not his boyfriend,” York said.
“Ouch!” Giancarlo held his chest and acted like he was having a heart attack. “If Ash ever said that to me, I’d lose my mind.”
“I’m trying really hard to be good,” I mumbled.
“Good on you.”
“I’m standing right here, you know,” York said as he reached down and took the smokes from Giancarlo. “You’re gonna burn the place down. And you”—he pointed at me—“is that blood in your hair?”
“Probably,” I said honestly.
“From?”
I shrugged. “Work?”
York pinched the bridge of his nose. “I swear to God, I am this close to losing my mind,” he said as he held up what looked like four fingers impossibly close to each other.
“That’s real close,” I said.
“Yes, Paolo. It’s close.”
Giancarlo burst out laughing again, and I tried to resist until I was dragged down with him. I became aware at some point that York had left and returned with a damp cloth. He scrubbed at the blood on my cheek and shook his head.
“Look at your goddamn hands, Paolo. Are you nuts? They’re all torn up,” he muttered.
Giancarlo and I exchanged a look. So, it’s not just me that notices him taking care of me, right?
Gin grinned and said everything without saying a word. Nope, he totally is.
We both grinned as York continued to berate me for risking my life and called me a moron. He was even more pissed that I’d told my guys not to let him go, but I didn’t care. All I could do was stare up at him, take in the frown and pinched brows, and think about how much I wanted him.
A knock on the door grabbed both mine and York’s attention. Giancarlo was too busy lying on his back, rapping Eminem, and stumbling over the words in his drunken haze. York went to the door, checked the peephole, and sighed before he unlocked the door.
Benito walked in, looking every bit as put together as he always did. “Where are they?”
York waved a hand. “On my floor, covered in blood and God knows what.”
They both came back into view and I waved. Giancarlo stopped rapping, rolled over onto his stomach and did the same like he was a middle school girl at a sleepover. I cracked up all over again.
“There’s something wrong with them,” York said.
“Yes, that’s how Gin normally is,” Benito said. “I’m afraid Paolo is on you.”
He blinked. “What the hell did I do?”
“You’re an agent, figure it out.” He bent over and grabbed Giancarlo, dragging him to his feet. “Ash told me to bring you home.”
“Ooh, I hope he’s ready to shove my face into a pillow.”
Benito groaned. “Stop telling me things.” He put Gin’s arm around his neck and steadied him. “Get some sleep, Paolo,” he said, and I shoved a thumbs up in the air. Finally, he turned to York. “Thank you for looking after my idiots. My brothers mean a lot to me.”
They stared at each other for what felt like forever before York nodded slightly. “I understand.”
“Get laid, Paolo! He likes you, I can tell,” Gin called from the doorway.
I was going to kill him.
Eventually the door closed, and I was left alone with my current and only obsession. Slowly, I started to stand up. York helped me to my feet, holding on to me tightly as I swayed.
“That trunk Jager was a bad move,” I muttered.
”Gianpaolo.”
I shook my head. ”Nope, you only call my full name when you”re angry with me.”
”I am.”
I turned slowly, trying not to fall on my ass. I righted myself and headed toward his room.
”Where are you going?”
”To bed. I had a long night.”
”I told you not to come back.”
”Tough shit. I told you I”m never leaving you.”
I opened the door and headed straight for the bed. York stopped me right before I made it.
”You think just because you come back, talking about love, that you can worm your ass back in my bed?”
When had I talked about love? My brain was fuzzy at best. I did in fact love York, there was no doubt in my head, but that didn”t seem to matter to him right now.
”I”m not going anywhere, so get over it.”
York punched me in the stomach and I doubled over. My knees buckled and I went down.
I laughed and blinked up at him. ”Hurt me all you want, sweet cheeks, but the only way you will get rid of me is by killing me.”
”Fucking hell, Paolo.” York tossed his arms up. ”Why me?”
”Why not?”
”I was just a mark, a way for you to get more information.”
”Never that. Yeah, if I got close to you, I”d get to find out all kinds of things but it wasn”t hard getting the information myself. From the start, I went after you because I wanted to.” I sat back on my ass and my back hit the bed. ”I”m a chicken hawk.”
York stared at me, his head tilting to the side slowly. ”A fucking what?”
”Even his confused face is cute.”
”Keep talking out the side of your neck and I will find a way to put you out of your misery.”
I grinned, ignoring the fact that I was speaking my damn thoughts. Fucking Jager did it every time. ”Promises, baby, promises.” I didn”t want to be on the floor anymore. The bed was calling my name. I got up, struggling with every movement. ”I hunt chickens.”
”This isn”t a conversation I want to have anymore,” York said.
I grunted as I stood up all the way. I turned to him and bopped him on the nose before he could react. ”But you”re the only chicken I want.” I fell back against the bed and jumped up to get all the way on. ”Lay down, York.”
”No—”
”If you go to the couch, I”m just going to crawl my way to you. You go in my room, I will drag my drunk ass in there. The girls room? I”ll even climb into bed behind you. I don”t give a fuck. There is nowhere for you to go, so get in bed.”
The silence that greeted my ears had me pushing up on my elbows to look at the man I was madly in love with. My obsession only seemed to grow by the day, and I was fully aware as to why. He was the one person that made me feel whole when I felt like I was losing all sense of myself. York recognized parts of me that not even my brothers could see. York Washington was my everything.
I had no idea when he took a piece of me but I wasn”t ever getting it back.
I didn’t want to.