Never Say Yes To Your Fake Husband (I said Yes #4)

13. Weland

Chapter thirteen

Weland

I saw myself coming home with my super hot husband and maybe getting a goodnight kiss. Or maybe being brave enough to give one. My brain was telling me to take it slow while the rest of me was screaming full tilt, high blast, pedal to the freaking metal that I dive in with both feet and get wet fast. Really wet. And not the kind of wet that involved water. Unless it was hot shower sex. Or hot do the dishes together and then have sex on the kitchen counter sex. Or maybe hot soapy water to clean the house and have astoundingly hot sex on various surfaces that will then need to be cleaned again sex.

I didn’t see myself coming home to the Greedy Gretchen Trio of Terribleness, but one look at them and then at Sterling’s jaw locked up so granite tight that it could nutcracker a heck of a lot more than nuts and at the haunted look in his eyes and I know . I know this is our worst nightmare coming to life.

“Stay here. I’ll try and talk them down.” He opens the car door and I scramble out the passenger side. There’s no way I’m leaving him to face this on his own. I try to shoot him a look of support when his eyes bug out at me getting out. I hope he understands it because I’m not sure I’m so good at telepathy or telegraphing or whatever it is I’m trying to do.

At least Sterling’s hands don’t ball into fists. He doesn’t go on the defensive like I expect him to. Apparently, my front doorstep isn’t a warzone. He must be really good at meeting with people who are grouchy and need to be talked down because he smiles. Yes. Smiles. Anyone would think he’s actually happy to see his cousins.

Meanwhile, I’m over here freaking the heck out on the inside, and just a little part of me is mourning the fact that I’m not going to have any type of sex at all now, which is probably good because it’s way, way too fast no matter what my body tells me I might want. Wants are not needs. I don’t need to have kinky, blissful, hot, amazing, blow-my-mind sex with the hottest man on earth. I’ll survive another day without it. I’ve survived an entire lifetime so far.

Regardless, my ovaries still want to go completely homicidal on these three for messing up my night.

Just saying.

“Joseph. Lucas. Toe-Toe.”

The cousins have arranged themselves from tallest to shortest. Oddly enough, they’re each just a few inches shorter than the other, like a set of stairs. They all have dark hair, dark eyes, and dark scowls. They’re also all wearing jeans and plain black T-shirts as though they agreed ahead of time that it’s the official uniform of assholes. With their arms crossed over their chests, they could be triplets.

“Don’t call me Toe-Toe!” the shortest one huffs. I don’t know if he’s the youngest. He could also be the middle child. It’s nearly impossible to tell. It’s crazy how different they look from Sterling. Not a single one of them is anywhere near as tall as he is.

Honestly, I get the sibling rivalry thing just looking at them. They’re not as tall, not as muscly, and certainly not as good-looking. They probably aren’t anywhere near as smart, naturally charming, good-hearted, controlled, or successful either. Sterling set the bar high in all he did. I can just see it.

“I’m sorry. Tony,” Sterling corrects. “It’s so nice of you to come all this way for…for what? Tea? Conversation? To meet my wife?”

“We found you, and we know you’re lying,” Tony pretty much shouts. He’s got a great, big, booming voice, and I can see what kind of effort he’s putting into it. All three brothers have blocky faces—hooded brows and square jaws. They would be handsome if they weren’t so foul and broody.

Toe-Toe. That makes me think about selling foot photos, and I have to try like heck not to let the bubbly laughter out. Must keep it trapped inside. Must keep it trapped. Keep it freaking trapped.

“We know your marriage is fake, and we’re going to prove it and get those shares that are rightfully ours.”

“Goodness,” I interject before Sterling can say something he might regret. Not that he will, but I’m scared if he does, it will be four years down the drain for both of us. I take his hand in mine and squeeze. My heart does a somersault just from that little touch, even though I instigated it. “I think we should all sit down. I’m not sure where you get the idea that we’re not really married, but I can assure you, it’s false.”

At least that much is true. Technically, we are legitimately married.

The second tallest one, maybe Lucas, lets out quite an evil-sounding laugh. It’s pretty maniacal. “We know you’re married for real, but the marriage itself is fake.”

I clench Sterling’s hand harder. “This isn’t a conversation for the doorstep, and we’ve never even met.” I don’t offer my other hand to any of them. “I think you all should come in if we’re going to hash this out.”

“You’re faking it,” the other one, maybe Joseph, growls. “I bet you don’t even know his middle name.”

Fuck, he’s right. I don’t. I didn’t even know Sterling’s first or last name until a few days ago. “He changed it a few months ago.” I try to sound confident. “To…uh, Blossom.” Yes. Yes, that is really what slips out. Blossom. Of all the names, it just had to be that.

Three sets of eyes pop out at pretty much the same distance. The three of them could be triplets. It’s kind of eerie and unnatural how much they mirror each other. “Blossom?” Tony scoffs. “That’s not real. That’s not a thing. If you think you can have one on us, guess again. We’re not going anywhere until we get answers.”

I raise my chin in the air a few notches. It’s probably remarkable that Sterling didn’t groan and wither on the spot. “Blossom. It has a special meaning to both of us, which we don’t have to explain to you. Ask me anything, and I’ll give you an answer. Anything at all. Then you’ll know we truly are married.”

That gets me a warning pressure as Sterling’s hand curls a little more tightly around mine. Right, so I’m getting a little bit ahead of myself here. I pretty much just promised the impossible, and the cousins are going to gleefully take me up on it. Challenge accepted multiplied by three.

The one I think is Joseph puffs out his chest. I probably only think that because I know he’s the oldest from Sterling’s story, and he’s the tallest. Tony is probably the youngest because he’s the shortest. That’s also likely the most ridiculous assumption anyone’s ever made. I’m pretty sure nature doesn’t work like that.

“Joseph, come on.”

No, it does make sense. Because that leaves Lucas as the middle one—middle height.

My god, this would almost be funny if it wasn’t so not funny.

“What’s his favorite sports team?” Joseph asks, giving me a look that says he’s got me now.

And shit on all the sticks, does he ever. I know nothing about sports. I would be hard-pressed to even name a single team as is, let alone pick Sterling’s favorite. I don’t look at him because that would make it seem like he was giving me cues, and I don’t want to give these three any reason to accuse us of cheating in their warped little twenty-questions game.

“That’s easy.” I pretend that I’m all confident. “Guitar. Piano. Drums. Or just acoustic guitar. Any combination of any instruments that make up any band is always going to win over sports any day. Sterling might be athletic, but music is always his first love.”

I want to cross my fingers right now. I want to cross my toes. I either said the right thing, or Joseph is wondering how I beat him at his own game because he positively looks like he’s going to have a stroke on the spot.

“Favorite animal,” Lucas grunts from between his brother.

“Also easy. My farty dog. Although, we just put him on probiotics, so now it smells less like he needs an exorcism every time he farts than before, so he might not be known as the farty dog for long. Maybe just a regular gassy dog. He’s super cute. If you come in, you can meet him.”

Tony literally starts pacing in the smallest square, then whips back around to us. “What’s his favorite food?”

“That’s always changing, but right now, it’s marshmallow peanut butter squares. I made a mean batch just this morning. There are some leftovers if you’re so inclined. I think your visit calls for a bit of sugar and sweetness. This family gathering is quite…quite a lot.”

I get three creased brows in response. Three darker-than-ever scowls. “Our mom would have enjoyed this,” Joseph snaps. “She liked a good rivalry.”

“She wanted to make those shares a competition,” Tony adds. “It had nothing to do with real romance.”

“She wanted the best man to win,” Lucas says, agreeing with his brothers and also working them up just a little bit more. The three of them seem to feed off each other.

“I’m sure Sterling has offered to buy out those shares at the maximum value,” I say sweetly. “You can all get millions of dollars for them, put aside whatever rivalry and bad feelings this has caused, and just be happy. Maybe try welcoming me to the family now that you’ve finally found me. This is exactly why Sterling never told anyone who I was. We wanted to keep our romance private since it would make things complicated and vicious. They were already complicated and vicious enough for you all before then, I think, although I’m not sure why. I’d really like to see you all be friends. You’re cousins, but you were raised as brothers. Brothers are supposed to love each other. They’re supposed to give up anything, even their own freedom, to save each other if that’s what’s needed. Above all, they’re supposed to be kind.”

One after the other, each of those dark frowns turns into a look of incredulity as if the concept of love and kindness is so foreign, and I’ve just spoken some kind of alien language.

Tony shakes his finger at us. “This isn’t over, and we’re not leaving town until we prove this is all a farce.”

“Great!” I try to appear genuinely thrilled on the outside, while inside, I’d like to give each of these doofuses a good punt in the bum so they smartened up. Mostly, I’m just really sad for Sterling. He must feel so alone if this is what his remaining family is like. Also, Greedy Gretchens is an astoundingly accurate term. “Hopefully, you’ll come over for dinner one night then. Are you sure you don’t want to come in now for tea? I have mint.”

“No, we would not like mint,” Joseph grumbles.

“Wait, I might like—”

Joseph cuts Lucas off with a sharp look. “We don’t like mint, and we don’t like you. We’ll be back. Come on, Lucas. Come on, Toe-Toe.”

They walk off, shaking their heads and mumbling. I distinctly hear Tony tell his brother to stop calling him Toe-Toe because it makes him look like an idiot.

Sterling doesn’t say anything until we’re inside and the door is shut. I almost half wonder if those three bugged the place. I wouldn’t put it past them, so I lean in very close to his ear and whisper in my lowest, softest possible tone. “Are we fucked now, do you think?”

There’s a long pause. It’s longer than I would like, but Sterling doesn’t disappoint. He responds exactly the way I hoped he would because I’m not ready to go down like this. I’m not ready to throw away the past four years, and I’m not ready for him to lose everything he’s spent his whole life working for. Mostly because I think it would kill him, and I can’t let that happen. Sterling might only really have been my husband for the past few days, at least in my mind, or however it goes, but that makes him family, and in my family, we fight for each other and protect each other. And as I said outside, we sacrifice for each other, and we stand together, even when the odds are stacked so high against us that it seems impossible.

“There’s not a chance in hell I’m going down without a fight. If they want a performance, they’ll get one. They’ll get the performance of a lifetime. If you’re in, I’m in.”

It takes me a minute to realize I’m still holding his hand. I don’t let go. “I’m in.”