Never Will I Ever

Seven

Kaleb

A few more days pass without incident, and the end of the week means a nighttime group activity. Tonight is campfires and s’mores, and even at almost twenty-one years old, it’s gotta be my favorite pastime of coming to summer camp at Alpine Ridge. Even if it’s something that isn’t a guarantee here, thanks to fire bans usually coming into effect by the beginning of July. But we had a wet spring this year and plan to take advantage of the opportunity for roasting marshmallows on the fire until the forest dries up and we can’t anymore.

Of course, wrangling a group of eleven-year-olds to sit still—even for snacks and treats—is a lot harder than it seems. I don’t know if it’s because I’m young enough for them to see me as cool but not old enough for them to truly respect me when I tell them to do something. I just know it’s frustrating as hell, especially when they want to try testing my patience.

Liam and Jordan in particular have been doing it constantly this year. Of course, knowing I’m Day and Cole’s older brother is the most likely reason they think pushing the limits won’t get them in trouble in the first place.

“Do you think your parents are gonna let you come back here if one of you loses an eye from running around play-fighting with sticks?” I ask the two of them when they’re busy swinging their marshmallow-tipped sticks at each other like they’re swords. But my point does little to sway them into behaving, because they straight up ignore me.

“If you two don’t sit down and listen, I’ll walk you back to your cabin right now,” Avery says, not even looking up from where he’s shoving marshmallows on Elijah’s and Max’s sticks. And while I expect them to ignore him just like they did me, I’m shocked to find they actually do as he says without any complaint.

Well, I’ll be damned.

After everyone has their s’more and no one is asking for seconds, I lean over toward Avery and murmur, “How’d you do that?”

Avery’s eyes flick up to meet my gaze. “What do you mean?”

Doing my best to keep my voice low and not disturb the moment of peace and quiet, I elaborate. “Get them to calm down so fast.”

A frown furrows his brow together and he shrugs. “I don’t know. I just told them what I wouldn’t wanna hear at their age.”

“I do the same thing and it only works half the time.”

“Maybe it’s because they know you’re a pushover,” he says nonchalantly.

My jaw drops open, and before I think better of it, I give him a playful shove on the shoulder. “The hell I am.”

“Keep telling yourself that, LaMothe,” he taunts before moving toward the empty spot on the opposite side of the fire.

I watch him, wondering how the hell the person I’m seeing in front of me is the same guy who used that photo to out one of our teammates. It’s like I’m staring at the version of him I thought I knew freshman year, and it doesn’t compute properly in my brain as I take the final vacant seat between two of the kids.

All of us settle in, the crackling from the fire and the soft whistle of the wind floating through the trees creating a calming effect over the group. It’s one of my favorite things about being out here every summer. Being one with nature. Feeling so small and insignificant inside a much larger whole.

It puts my soul at ease.

But not as much as it normally would, and I know the reason is sitting directly across from me.

The light from the flames illuminates his entire face, casting a warm glow over the sharp lines and planes of his nose and cheekbones. A bit of stubble has grown in on his jaw and cheeks, adding a more rugged look to him than I’m used to seeing. Aging him a bit too, so he looks more mid-to-late-twenties rather than only a few months older than me.

And I hate how much more attractive it makes him.

I know if I keep looking at him that way, he’s bound to catch on. Or worse, catch me in the act, and that’s going to cause more issues, which is the last thing—

“We should play a game,” Jordan says, breaking through my thoughts.

I’m all for a game, especially if it means escaping being put on the spot to tell ghost stories like last year on fire nights. I’m not much of a storyteller in general, and games are the perfect way to save me from a repeat embarrassment.

I lean forward, elbows resting on my knees. “What kind of game were you thinking?”

Jordan glances at Colton, then to Liam. “That TikTok game might work, right?”

“TikTok game?” I ask.

“The ‘put a finger down’ one,” my brother supplies as he looks at me. “You know the one.”

I can’t help the laugh that comes bursting out. “You’re talking about Never Have I Ever.”

“No, it’s called Put a Finger Down,” Liam insists.

“Yeah, but it’s based on Never Have I Ever.” I look between all the boys, each of whom are staring at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. “You just say ‘never have I ever’ and then finish the sentence with something you’ve never done. And anyone who has done it has to put a finger down. Last person with at least one finger up is the winner.”

“Why would you say a bunch of things you’ve never done?” Jordan asks, face all scrunched up in confusion.

“Sounds kinda lame,” Liam surmises, looking around the fire for confirmation from his friends and peers. Which he gets from a good majority of them.

Fucking kids these days.

And yes, I understand how much even thinking that sentence makes me sound like my grandparents.

“It’s more fun this way, I promise.” My gaze instantly shifts to Avery across the fire, and I give him a pleading look for some kind of backup here. Lord knows he’s played this at least once in his life.

Of course, in a shocking turn of events, there’s no backup to be found.

“Don’t look at me.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m not involved in this.”

That’s what he might think. “Oh, yes you are. You’ll be playing too.”

A deep frown draws down the corners of his lips. “For real?”

“Absolutely. Participation in camp activities is mandatory.” I arch a brow at him. “I take it you’ve got some skeletons in the closet you’re reluctant to share?”

Avery’s scowl deepens, and with the fire casting an eerie glow across his face, he looks more like a murderous psychopath ready to run rampant through the camp with a chainsaw than a regular ole college student.

Or ex college student, rather.

But he doesn’t complain or make another peep as the boys take their turns going around the campfire. They’re listing off things so ridiculous—never have I ever been to the moon or seen an alien, being two of them—and no one has put a single finger down by the time it gets over to Avery on the opposite side of the fire.

“I don’t think you’re understanding how the game works,” he mutters, looking at one of my brothers who is seated beside him. Not that I can blame him, because Dayton just said “never have I ever died.”

Then again, Colton is the twin who got most of the brains while they shared a womb.

“Never have I ever attended summer camp,” Avery says, and I watch as every single boy puts a finger down. Myself included.

“You need to put a finger down too,” Dayton grouses when he notices Avery still has all five fingers up.

“I work here. I’ve never attended one. There’s a difference.”

A lot of eyes roll at his technicality, and they keep going right around the circle.

Now that the boys understand the goal better, they get a little more competitive and ruthless. Some of them purposely start going for each other, trying to get their friends out. Some of them try coming for Avery and me too, saying they’ve never graduated high school or played college baseball before.

Elijah, who has been very quiet and keeping to himself since his little runaway incident, even gets in on the fun. He stares Avery dead in the eye as he says, “Never have I ever worn boat shoes to go hiking.”

“You’re dead to me,” Avery says as he puts down his third finger, and I can’t help but chuckle at the entire exchange.

Meanwhile, I’m still sitting here with only one more finger to go, and at this rate, I’ll be the first one out. And while it’s just all fun and games with a bunch of kids, my competitive side just can’t help it.

So when I see both of my brothers sitting there with two fingers left, I go in to even the score a bit.

“Never have I ever had a twin.”

The death glare Dayton and Colton give me as they each go down to a single finger could melt ice. But the kids, my brothers included, seem to be having a good time with it, and that’s what matters most. Of course, there are still a few off-the-wall statements just to be funny as we circle around again for the second time, but I’ll chalk it up to kids being kids.

It moves to Liam next, who honestly looks ready to jump out of his seat with excitement for his turn; he’s practically overflowing with anticipation. And I’ll take that any day over the lot of them being bored.

“Never have I ever…” Liam says, eyes flicking around the campfire deviously. “Kissed another boy.”

The instant his words register, a cold sweat breaks out over my skin.

I’m comfortable in my sexuality, having learned a long time ago that being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s one of many reasons I’m out to my entire family: brothers, aunts, grandparents and all. Even some of my friends back at Foltyn, like my roommate Daniel, are aware of it. It’s nothing I’m trying to hide from the world, even if I’m not out screaming it from the rooftops.

It’s simply part of who I am.

Broadcasting it in front of Avery is something entirely different, though. There’s no telling how he’ll react, but if past circumstances are anything to go on, I know it won’t be good.

Which is why I have every intention of lying in front of all these kids, if only to save my own ass.

Except, I catch the way Colton and Dayton glance over at me, waiting expectantly for me to put a finger down. Because they’re smart enough to know I should be.

Fucking shit.

Slowly, I lower my last remaining finger to my palm, effectively knocking me out of the game. But doing it as discreetly as possible does nothing to stop the few gasps echoing around the campfire.

“Wait, you’ve kissed a boy ?” Liam says, his nose a little scrunched up. “You’re not supposed to.”

I quickly gather myself, answering to get ahead of any negative connotations that the boys might associate with the queer community. “Who says you’re not supposed to?”

“Like, everyone.”

I shake my head. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. You can kiss whoever you want, as long as you have their permission.”

“But doesn’t kissing another boy make you gay?” asks Max.

My lips roll inward on instinct, and fuck, I don’t really want to go here right now. Especially when I can feel the heat from Avery’s attention locked on me. But to hell if I’m going to let any of these kids think there’s something wrong with having a sexuality other than straight.

“Why do you say it like it’s a bad thing?” When Max or none of the other boys answer, I continue. “But no. There is such a thing as an innocent kiss between two people who happen to be the same gender. It doesn’t automatically make you gay. Plus, there’s bisexual, for one, which is when you like boys and girls.” I pause, debating about diving deeper into things like pan or ace, but then decide better of it. It’s a topic for another time, probably when they’re a bit older.

“So which one are you?” This comes from Jordan.

My teeth sink into the fleshy part of my cheek before I say the words I told myself I’d never be ashamed of.

“I do happen to be gay.”

From the silence that descends over the fire and furrowed brows all around, it’s clear they’re processing. Hell, I’m doing my best too, but it’s almost impossible when I feel Avery staring at me.

I don’t have to look at him to confirm it; the heat from the roaring fire has nothing on the scorching blaze his eyes locked on my face are creating. It burns holes right through me until I’m seared to a crisp.

And when I do finally garner the balls to meet his gaze from across the fire, I swear I might burst into fucking flames.

I’m a goddamn glass house, and my brothers just threw rocks at all the windows and walls, breaking and shattering them pane by pane. It was an accident, nothing malicious behind their expectations to out myself. Because, to them, it wouldn’t be outing myself; they were simply waiting for me to tell the truth.

Too bad the truth is going to have massive repercussions.