Nevermore (The Never Sky #2)

Chapter 1

1

I ’d paid the grave digger three extra coins to bury him at night.

I’d fallen to my knees and begged every god to keep the sky clear. Wearing white for the first time in my life, I hoped the light from the stars and moon would shine so brightly, he could look down upon this rotting world from Death’s court and see my sorrow. See my aching soul and know my heart only beat for him. Yearned for him. Needed him. But there was no light at all. And, in answer to my prayers, it’d poured that night.

The rain had lashed against my body, soaking through the delicate fabric of my gown. It clung to me like a second skin, a cloak of despair. The grave digger worked diligently. His shovel sliced through the mud with a sickening squelch and each heave of dirt upon the coffin was a twist of the knife in my chest.

I’d stood sentinel as the hole swallowed him up. My love, my heart, my reason for drawing breath. Gone. Consigned to the depths of the cold, uncaring earth. The gods had forsaken me. But then, they’d made no promises in the first place.

Tears mingled with the rain on my cheeks as the final shovelful of soil had thudded into place. The grave digger, his task complete, slunk away into the shadows, leaving me alone with my grief. I sank to my knees, unbothered by the ruin of my dress.

“My love,” I’d whispered, my voice raw and broken. “Wait for me in Death’s court.”

Years passed, each one a heavy burden upon my soul. The pain of losing Ezra had dulled to a constant ache, soothed only by the presence of a child we’d taken in. But my heart never forgot the way it felt to watch from the shadows as Death’s Maiden slid that blade across his throat. When the opportunity arose to see him again, to find him in Death’s Court, I took it, leaving those I’d loved the most behind, but I hadn’t died and, as it turned out, I didn’t belong in the realm of the dead.

In the chaos that had followed my journey here, I hadn’t taken the time to remember the true depth of my relationship with Ezra. I thought the moment we were reunited, I might’ve burst from joy and everything would come crashing back to me, but instead, I’d treaded lightly, my mind taking precedence over my heart. Protecting me. Reminding me I never wanted the pain of losing someone I loved so much again. Even if it was with him. I’d learned to build walls after he died. I’d just never expected he’d stay on the outside of them too.

Though something between us remained. All of our shared dreams. A treasure chest of memories. The first time we’d kissed. The first time he’d confessed his love to me, eyes nearly glowing with anticipation as I uttered those words back in the middle of a rainstorm.

“Walk with me,” Ezra said, pulling me away from the thoughts running rampant in my mind, away from the guilt.

He held out his hand, knowing I would take it. And I did, still comforted by his touch. The ever-present chill of Death’s Court felt a little less biting with his hand in mine. We walked beneath the starless sky, our path lit by the glow of two moons haloing the ominous castle in the distance. But each step was like ripping a piece of paper a little further in half. I was confident my soul was actually ripping. That somehow being here was breaking me. It was wrong. All of it. I couldn’t tell a soul though. I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable. Still, I needed to leave. Desperately.

I looked up into Ezra’s eyes, just as vivid as they were in life, stormy with an undercurrent of softness only those closest to him had been privy to. I forced myself to concentrate on the feeling of his fingers wrapped around mine, the aura of familiarity they radiated. That connection was still there. Still beating. Maybe the dissonance gripping me by the throat, pushing in on my nerves, slowly strangling me, wasn’t him at all, but this place.

He cleared his throat, pausing to swipe a lock of dark chestnut hair from my face. “I’ve decided we won’t stay in the castle. I’ll ask Orin for our own space.”

“Ezra,” I began, placing my hand on his chest. “We should’ve made that decision together. I know you mean well, but I can’t stay here. You know I’m not… I haven’t died. I can’t explain it, but my soul knows I don’t belong here. Every day, it’s getting darker. I have to find a way home.”

He gripped my hands. “We don’t know the rules. Give me time.”

“I promised her I’d come back.”

“You promised me things too, Paesha.”

I knew that tone. The one that was meant to be protective. The period at the end of a statement. But I couldn’t let it go just because he wanted me to. “She’s only a child.”

“She is not you!” he barked. “I know you look at her and see yourself. The innocent girl sleeping in an alley, the depravity of your childhood. You remember your fear and your pain. You look at her and you remember your father and that’s what kills you the most, isn’t it? But you have to stop. She isn’t your responsibility, and you know that. She’ll be cared for. Ro promised.”

“Ezra.” Tampered fury flared in my chest as I dropped my chin. “Don’t make this harder than it already is. You won’t like the outcome.”

“Don’t you love me?”

That pit in my stomach grew. “Of course I do.”

He looked at me long and hard with those eyes that always saw all of me—the girl who loved him, the woman who wanted to live… and leave. His voice was soft. “But it’s not enough.”

“I can’t explain it. It’s like something inside of me is broken. Or sluggish. It’s not right. I’m not meant to be away from her. Quill isn’t my daughter, but there’s a bond there, and leaving Thea and Elowen to care for her isn’t enough.”

Running a hand down my arm, he sighed. “I think you’re just scared for her. She’ll be okay, and you know it.”

I’d forgotten how much talking to Ezra about something I didn’t agree with was like talking to the broad side of a building. He heard me all right, but he didn’t give a shit about what I was saying. And usually, after I rolled over in an argument, it would all come around that he’d been right in whatever the conflict was anyway. Or that’s how it seemed when I was blinded by his love. But now? Now I kind of wanted to punch him in the dick.

The rose-colored glasses I’d worn had come off, and the small bits of him I’d made excuses for, the pieces of him that commanded control, were suddenly suffocating.

I’d needed that when I was younger. Someone to guide me. Someone to make the hard decisions in life. But after his death, though it’d taken time, I learned to live for myself, rediscovering the independent little girl that’d been abandoned on the streets of Requiem when I was far too young to survive.

And then I had Quill. A doe-eyed, little magic wielder with far too much innocence in a world so dark. A beauty abandoned by her parents just like I had been. She helped me learn to smile again, to find joy in the simple things. In her happiness, mostly. She’d been a light. She’d been healing. And like an asshole, I’d left her behind, chasing what I thought I wanted instead of realizing what I needed was right in front of me. I needed Quill just as much as she needed me, and each hour that passed was filled with silent regret. I wasn’t her mother, yet I’d abandoned her all the same.

But what could I do? How was I supposed to tell him I didn’t want to be here? How the fuck was I supposed to get home anyway? It’s not like there were more enchanted mirrors just thrown about.

Silence fell over us like a thick blanket, muffling everything. He had no idea the woman I’d become without him. And honestly, neither did I, until now. The tension was shattered as a brilliant light exploded across the court. It filled every crevice and corner, lit the dead fingers of every branch surrounding us. The chill that had constantly nipped at my skin was replaced by a breathtaking warmth.

Ezra looked around wildly, shielding his eyes from the light. “Run.” His command echoed through the trees, but I found myself rooted to the spot. He snatched my arm, his fingers biting into my skin. “Paesha!”

I jerked free just as the glowing form struck, snatching him by the neck and hanging him in the air. Ezra went limp. A scream sliced through the realm, and it took several seconds for me to realize it was mine.

I whipped around, heart racing as I searched for help. For Orin to come running, but everything was still and silent. I turned back, blocking the light, squinting to try to see the details of the massive figure holding Ezra above the ground.

“Stop. Please,” I begged. But the glowing figure didn’t answer.

Instead, Ro stepped out from behind him. The one person I was counting on most to keep Quill safe until I could get back. Fucking perfect.

“You can’t be here. You have to be with Quill. You promised.”

With her chin high, she gripped the edges of her golden gown, looked behind me, then bowed in a graceful dip. “Kneel before your highest god, Reverius the Supreme Sovereign, the Unerring Arbiter of Beginnings and Endings, and the Keeper of All Realms.”

Shadows billowed along the ground as Orin, a man that’d been like a brother to me, a man that’d held me through my grief and lifted me on the hardest days, filled my periphery, falling to his knees. Deyanira, always close behind him, followed suit, though I knew that stubborn, protective nature of hers was likely fighting it.

I saw no more, heard no more words beyond the stillness in those dangling legs. How could I have come so far and not loved him as he’d deserved? How could I have longed for his arms, yet forgotten how to find comfort in them?

When Ezra dropped with a thud, he scrambled backward, loosening the dread circling my heart. Of course he couldn’t have died a second death. He slowly took a knee beside me, his eyes squeezed tight, hands trembling with obvious fury.

The searing light radiating off the figure burned so bright, my eyes quickly tired. The voice of the sovereign rattled me to the core, shaking my bones and causing every nerve to tighten. Whatever words he said in those moments were lost to me. I didn’t care about who he was or why he’d come. Until Ro’s eyes locked onto mine and she spoke within my mind.

Focus.

Fuck off, I retorted, though I wasn’t sure if the weird mind chatter worked both ways. Judging by the defiant curl to her lip, I’d have bet it did.

Still, her command worked as the big, bad god’s words to Orin became clear, shooting through the fog of misery that’d been there so long, I hadn’t even noticed it. “The final gift is a portal…”

A portal.

My eyes snapped to Ro. Get the hell out of my head.

So demanding. She smirked and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to punch her in her perky little nose.

The god of things, or whatever his name was, swiped a glowing arm through the air and a large door appeared in the forest. The void between the frame rippled, revealing a glimpse into Requiem. “This is the world from which you come.”

My heart stopped. Actually stopped beating.

Now you see.

I glared at Ro but said nothing back, fully consumed by the decaying streets of home only paces away. But the vision rippled and changed into a vast ocean. The change was like a laceration. Like dangling food before a starving man and then ripping it away.

“This is another of your charges,” the god of god things was telling Orin. “The Astral Seal is a world with great order and balance far vaster than your Requiem.” Again, the picture changed. Mountains and forests and winding rivers stared back at me.

Go back, I begged.

The Keeper of Memories doesn’t care for the fleeting thoughts of mortals, girl. He cannot hear you.

What part of ‘fuck off’ didn’t you understand? Was it the fuck part? Should I spell that bit out for you?

Ro’s trill of laughter echoed through my mind.

I cleared my throat to rid myself of the sound. His name. What was his name? “Reverius, Keeper of Realms and Sovereign of Sovereignty things, can we please see Requiem again?”

“Unerring Arbiter of Beginnings and Endings, Supreme Sovereign,” Ro said, eliciting a glare.

“That’s what I said.”

“These other worlds are not for you, Huntress,” the glowing god answered. “But this one is, and I can see your heart’s desire.”

The Syndicate house appeared before us, my home for so many of my healing years. But it wasn’t the house that nearly swept me to my knees. It was the backs of Elowen and Althea, the women that lived with us, as they held hands and stared into Quill’s tidy bedroom. My whole heart, my precious girl, lay in her bed with her dog snuggled in a tiny circle beside her as she shook with tears.

“Oh, gods,” I breathed, stepping forward to reach a hand toward Quill.

And it ripped me to shreds to see her sorrow and know I was the cause. I’d left her. Just as her parents had. Just as Ezra had when he’d died. Just as Orin and Deyanira had. A never-ending cycle of abandonment plagued her, but I knew my absence would be the worst for her to endure. Because not being with her was the worst for me too. Gods, I hated myself.

“Your realm has fallen,” Reverius said quietly, yanking me back to Death’s Court. “With no present ruler and your Fera in distress, there can be no peace.”

“Fera?” Deyanira moved like a wraith, coming to stand at my side. She knew that little girl was my weakness. She knew I’d stared into those big, blue eyes and promised her I’d come back.

“Quill is rare,” Ro answered. “Special. She is known as a Fera, which means the bearer. At a baser level, her unique power allows her to bear the emotions of others, sometimes carry them when they grow too heavy, and ultimately manipulate them, should she choose it. Her power has been lost for a millennium. And with eternal mourning, she will bring down that world, and the rest will follow. Because sadness is only a root from which anger grows.”

Oh gods. I couldn’t blink. Couldn’t breathe. How many nights had Quill curled up beside me as I drank too much and mourned the loss of Ezra? How much of my pain had she had to bear at such a young age?

“No.” Deyanira balled her fists at her side, ever the fighter, as she snapped at Ro. “You said you were going to help her. That was our bargain.”

“I’ve been called back to Etherium.” Ro tucked her dark hair behind her ear. “I’ll still help as I can, but my role is vast and demanding.”

Deyanira shifted forward. Her fingers twitched as she reached for her dagger. But it was immediately swept away with dark shadows. Orin’s protection. Still, she fought. “You’re such a liar. I did all of this for you, and you’re just… leaving?”

“Such is the way of gods,” the glowy one said.

Deyanira cleared her throat, shooting him a glare. He’d done something to steal her words.

Heart aching, I shuffled forward, determined to take the heat off her, but also desperate to get home. “Tell me how to go back. Can’t I just walk through this?”

I knew those words would be hard for Ezra. I likely loved him. But even as we were trying to adjust to this new normal, my heart and obligation was curled in a ball crying. And if it couldn’t be stopped, if she was left to sadness as no child should be, she would bring the worlds down. She would change into something else. Something born of my abandonment. I forced myself to look into Ezra’s storming eyes. I expected a torrent of emotions. The betrayal and hatred. But of course it wasn’t there. Because Ezra wasn’t a monster. I had loved him for a reason. I’d mourned him for a reason. He was good. And kind. And everything I ever wanted back then. Staring into those eyes, I hesitated. It was only a second, but it was there, the depth of my love for him stirring within me. I should have cherished these moments more. Realized it was Death’s court poisoning my mind and not reality. But the life in me felt so anchored to a realm of the living, it was too hard to accept the realm of the dead. “I’m sorry, but I will come back to you. Wait for me here and I will come back. She needs me.”

“Seventy years is nothing compared to an eternity together,” Ezra answered, pulling me into his arms. “I would wait a thousand lifetimes.”

The promise of eternity with him wrapped around me left me feeling uncertain. As was my prerogative, I had no idea if I truly wanted that. Maybe I did. Maybe it was only my desperation to leave that made him so undesirable. Maybe I was actually terrible for thinking that. I kept my eyes down as I turned back to Reverius ready to walk into that portal.

“I’ve allowed the gods to return to Requiem. There is no immortality among humans anymore. No need for Maidens. Humans will live and die by fate alone, as it should be. There is no path back for you, Huntress.”

I straightened, nearly choking on a breath. “What?”

“You stand in a realm of the dead, living. The Aurelian Gate is only for those touched by Death. Deyanira was marked by him at birth, but you cannot return to Requiem. Should you try to pass through, you will simply die and return here.”

“That…” I shook my head. “You’re supposed to be the supreme god of the fucking realms. You’re telling me that little girl is going to burn it all down, and there’s nothing you can do because… why, exactly? You’re the master of beginnings or whatever. You can create worlds, but you can’t just send me back to save everyone? What the fuck?”

“Tongue,” Ro snapped.

I responded with a solid middle finger.

“There is a way,” Reverius said, his authoritative nature consuming the air around him. “But all magic comes at a cost.”

“Then pay it,” I snapped.

“Why should I? Perhaps the Ether calls to me, Huntress.”

“Bargain with me, then,” I said, stepping toward him, desperate to change his mind the only way I knew how. “Let me try to save the worlds you damn so easily.”

“Speak your terms, Huntress,” the god said, the edges of his form darkening, if only slightly.

I was about to do something reckless. Something that went against the very nature of my resolve. Something I’d vowed to never do again after being trapped in a bargain with my old boss for years. “Send me back and I will pay the cost. Whatever it is, I will pay it.”

“Paesha,” Ezra and Orin said in unison.

Ezra continued, “Absolutely not.”

Deyanira shifted at my side, whispering, “You can’t mean that, Paesha. It’s too dangerous.”

I spun with a glare. “Everyone dies, Maiden. Everyone. Not just die. They cease to exist. You, me, Orin, Ezra, our family. The Syndicate, every soul across the realms if what he says is true. Tell me you wouldn’t make the same deal, pay whatever the cost to save them.”

I hardly saw her slight nod before the world around me stilled. The god’s presence wrapped around me like a silken cocoon, separating me from my friends, though I could still feel them beside me. I tried to move, to search the blinding light for an explanation, but I couldn’t.

Couldn’t move.

Couldn’t breathe.

Couldn’t blink.

What is this? The words were meant to be internal thoughts, but the shiny asshole answered as clearly as Ro had, rattling my mind.

Blissful privacy, Huntress.

Could you maybe blow out the giant light so I can see the form I bargain with?

Are those the terms?

You’re lucky I can’t roll my eyes right now. Those are not terms. That was simply a request.

Denied.

Prick.

His stoic voice lost all sense of formality. So, we’re insulting gods now?

Look, you’re in my mind. I can’t be held responsible for my thoughts. If I spoke them aloud, then fine, damn me to purgatory or whatever. But here, there’s no tiptoeing for comfort.

Fair enough, though sadly, we don’t have a lot of time for this… riveting conversation. There was a falter in his voice, followed by a flicker of light.

I knew what he was doing. I’d seen the Maestro feign weakness to quicken the pace of a lopsided deal. The less time you had to cover the terms, the more likely you were to miss the giant net falling over your freedom. But I’d already agreed to the cost. However entrapping the net was, I’d already been caught.

Then speak the terms and let’s get this over with.

You can leave this realm of Death behind, Huntress, but you can’t go to Requiem. You will have to start in Wisteria, in a city called Stirling and find a way back to the Fera. But it won’t be easy. The paths between worlds are twisted and tangled and meant only for gods and realm walkers to travel. And since the fall of the realm walkers, only the gods are able.

Then how did I get to Death’s Court?

The amount of power the goddess used to bring you to this realm was vast. She will feel the loss of that for centuries if you’re successful. Otherwise, she will fall with the rest of us, and it will not matter.

Maybe you should care more.

Seek the path, Huntress. Start at the place they call the Hollow.

Who are they? Be more specific.

A deep, exasperated sigh followed. The people of Stirling. Now focus if you want any chance of survival.

Oh, so now we care about survival. Got it.

If you find the path, don’t let yourself forget the reason for walking it. You must save the realms for the Fera.

The weight of his words fell onto my soul like the burden they were. But then I realized what he’d said.

For or from?

Perhaps both. As for the bargain’s terms: if you have not returned to the Fera in seventy-five days, you will lose all your memories and be stuck in Wisteria forever. The worlds will fall to peril and it will be because of your failure. There will be famine and death and warfare beyond anything you can imagine. You will know you are at fault, but you’ll never know why. When you return to the present, you will only speak your agreement to these terms and nothing else, so others may bear witness. None can know of this bargain or where you come from. Only me. You’ll walk obediently forward and through the Aurelian Gate.

And if I don’t agree? I needed a minute. Just a minute to think this through, to comb through the terms and make sure I completely understood what I was agreeing to. But I was not afforded that luxury.

I could hear the god’s evil tsk in my mind. I could even feel the hint of a smile on lips I’d never seen as he answered. Oh, my dear. Don’t you remember? You’ve already agreed.

Shock slammed into me as the veil fell and I was once again standing within the decay of Death’s court. I turned, staring only at Ezra. My heart hammered in my throat. My vision faded to only him as I spoke the only words I was allowed. “I agree to your terms, Keeper.”

“What terms?” Orin demanded, surging forward. “What did you do?”

But before he could get to me, before I could be stopped and the deal broken, I spun and took a single step backward. Silently I mouthed, “I’m sorry,” just as Quill’s sweet face flashed into my mind and the portal swallowed me whole.