Chapter 45
45
“ L ast night you were barely conscious and burned to a crisp, how are you standing in my room right now?”
“I gave in and let Archer heal me. Don’t ask him about it though, he has a hard time using his magic when his sister can’t. Now,” Thorne said, wavering as he stood, “tell me about those fucking marks on your neck.”
I closed the door behind me, stepping closer to him. “You bound me to a god, and I answer to him now.”
He swiped a palm through his hair. “I didn’t bind you to Alastor… If I’d had any other choice… You must know how much that killed me. I thought he’d say no. But he was the only one I could trust to fix what was broken. It was poison. Archer can’t heal that. His power accelerates the healing process and if he’d have tried…”
I nodded. “I would have had less time. I understand.”
I didn’t want to. I wanted to be so incredibly furious. And deep down, I was. But not with Thorne. With myself, for ever taking the bargain with the God of Shiny Muscles and Probably Grass or something.
“Tell me what happened.” His eyes locked onto my neck again and I couldn’t help but wonder if Alastor had known what these bruises would do. If he’d left them to send a message meant for Thorne just as much as they were a lesson for me.
“It was just a simple misunderstanding. It probably looks worse than it is.”
He closed the distance between us, moving slowly, his hands gently coming up to cup my face as he examined the bruises. “This is more than a misunderstanding. He hurt you.”
The dangerous edge to Thorne’s voice barely contained the rage simmering beneath the surface. I knew he’d go after Alastor if I let him, consequences be damned. But that would be the biggest mistake of his life. And he’d done enough.
“I’m fine, really.” I tried to pull away, but Thorne held me fast, his eyes searching mine.
“You don’t have to protect him, you know. Or me, for that matter. I can handle Alastor.”
I searched his eyes. “Don’t you see? This isn’t a game. It’s not even a fair fight. We cannot stand against the gods. Look at what happened. You were locked away without so much as a thought. And me? Now, I’m… I don’t even want to get into it.”
“Into what?”
My heart raced. I’d spoken without thinking. And I’d never be able to walk myself out of it if I wasn’t careful with my words. But he stared at me. Into my soul, rubbing his thumb over my cheek, drawing the answer further and further to the tip of my tongue as if I could just speak the truth to him. But I couldn’t, so I looked away.
Thorne sighed heavily, his thumb brushing over the bruise on my throat with a feather-light touch, tracing the pattern with a reverence that made my breath catch.
“You’re not alone in this. I’m here, whether you like it or not.”
I let my hands linger on Thorne’s chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat, the warmth of his skin, a tangible reminder of his strength. He was here. Alive and whole and right here.
“Paesha…” he murmured, my name a plea and a prayer on his lips. “Talk to me. Let me help you.”
The urge to confess, to unburden myself of the secrets I carried, was a physical ache in my chest. I wished I could.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
Thorne’s gaze held mine. Slowly, giving me time to pull away, he leaned in until his forehead rested against mine. His breath fanned across my cheeks, warm and intoxicating. This close, I could trace the faint lines of exhaustion and pain etched into the corners of his eyes. Even battered and weary, he was beautiful in a way that was so unfair.
“I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you’re facing, whatever Alastor has demanded of you, I’ll be right here. Beside you. Trust me.”
His words washed over me, a balm to my frayed nerves and battered heart. I couldn’t tell him though. Not fully. Even though the truth hung between us like a blade waiting to fall, the Keeper’s bargain was absolute.
Still, with Thorne’s strong body so close to mine, his scent wrapping around me like a caress, I allowed myself to lean into him. Just for a heartbeat. Just long enough to draw strength from him. His thumbs brushed my bottom lip as if he were remembering… longing for another kiss.
“I do trust you,” I whispered as he dragged me into a hug. “Maybe it’s you who shouldn’t trust me.”
“And why is that?” he asked, pulling away.
“Because I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.”
“And I’d rather spend eternity on my knees if it meant keeping you safe.”
“You don’t mean that, Thorne. We both know you don’t. You’re afraid to lose someone you care about, but you can’t sacrifice yourself for me.”
“Maybe that’s your problem, thinking you have to face all of this alone. Tell me something real, Paesha. Just one damn truth.”
“Why? What would that change?”
“It’s called trust. Maybe you’ve heard of it. You don’t open yourself up. Not to one damn person around you. At this point, I’m convinced you even lie to yourself.”
My heart began to race, recognizing this battle for what it was. “You think trust is just spilling your past to someone?”
He scoffed. “It’s certainly more than this endless push and pull. Why can’t you just let me in?”
“Because you don’t want to see what’s inside, Thorne.”
He moved toward me, refusing to accept the subtle space I’d put between us. “How would you know that?”
“What about you? You keep me in the dark just the same.”
“You’re deflecting.”
“And you are too.”
“Fine. What do you want to know?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest, the only sign I needed to see. He wasn’t really willing to open up. If he was, he wouldn’t have built that little wall.
“Why you’re willing to burn for someone you don’t know shit about. Why you care so damn much about people you know you can’t save at the end of this.”
“Maybe because I want to believe someone’s worth fighting for.”
“Someone, or me?” The words were out of my mouth before I thought about them.
“I should think that was obvious. Look at me and tell me you can see what’s right in front of your face. I think you can, you just won’t.”
“Don't turn this on me.”
He lifted a brow, moving closer. “Why not? I’ve tried to get close to you, but every time, it’s like you’re building walls before I can even knock on the door.”
“Maybe there are things I can’t just share. Maybe it’s for your own good.”
“Or maybe that’s just what you tell yourself so you can keep hiding.”
“It’s not hiding, Thorne. It’s survival. I’ve been surviving on my own since I was a child. ”
“Then survive with me. I’m right here, for gods’ sake.”
“I can’t. You don’t understand.” I said at last, my voice barely above a whisper as I held the brittle walls of my resolve in place. My secrets were my own, whether I wanted them to be or not.
“Then make me understand. If it’s the gods, if it’s Alastor?—”
“It’s not about him. It’s… it’s just not that simple.”
“It’s never simple with you.”
“And you don’t want it to be. Admit it. If I laid it all out, every bit of my past, you’d turn away.”
He moved closer again, daring me to step away. “Try me.”
“You think you know me, but you don’t.”
“Funny, I thought I did. I think that’s why I’m standing here, still fighting for you.”
“Then stop. Because one day you’re going to regret it.”
“Maybe I already do.”
My back was against the wall before I realized I’d actually taken the step. “Good.”
“Is it good?” he asked slowly, prowling toward me as he reached forward, pressing his hand to the bruises on my throat again. “Do you want me to walk away?”
I knew I needed him. And not just for the Keeper’s bargain, but for reasons far more dangerous to my heart. I couldn’t look him in the face and lie about that. Not as I broke my own heart to push him away, so I let my eyes fall to the floor. “Yes.”
He lifted my chin. “Tell me you don’t mean that. You can be mad. You can be mean. But don’t fucking lie to me.”
My throat tightened, unshed tears burning behind my eyes. I squeezed them shut, fighting against the swell of emotion rising in my throat. Fighting against everything inside of me. Why did he have to make this so hard?
“Paesha, please.” His voice was softer now, almost pleading. “I just want to understand. I want to be there for you, in whatever way you need me. But I can’t do that if you keep shutting me out.”
The bargain looming over me, caging me, sent a wave of anger through my veins. This man deserved an ounce of truth and I hated that I couldn’t give him that. Still I tried. Still I ran for the ledge of honesty and jumped, shoving so hard against the walls of the bargain, the words poured from me. “You want to understand? Fine. Let me spell it out for you. I’m not just here by chance or coincidence. I didn’t stumble into this mess. I’m here because I made a deal, a bargain with Reverius, the Keeper of too many things to fucking say. I’m trying to leave. I need to go home. I have to go and somehow you’re the path.”
I stumbled backward, wide eyed and confused. I’d said the words. How? Why now when I’d never been able to before? And then it hit me. Alastor. The realization rocked me. He’d tampered with the bargain somehow. That was the lock. And he’d broken it.
Thorne stared at me, his eyes wide with shock and something else. Hurt. He shook his head, stepping back as if he’d been hit in the gut. “You can change your mind. You can stay.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak. My heart raced, pounding against my ribs like a wild thing desperate to escape. I braced myself for his reaction, for the anger, the betrayal, the accusations.
But they never came. Instead, Thorne closed the distance between us in a single stride, his hands coming up to cradle my face with a tenderness that shattered me. His thumbs brushed over my cheekbones. “Tell me about the bargain.”
I knew what he was doing. Searching for the loophole to keep me here.
“If I don’t find a way home, back to a little girl that really needs me, then the worst of the worst happens. Eventually, all the realms will fall. And it will be my fault. She will go through so much anguish and be so angry she’ll burn the worlds. I have twenty two days, I think, and then I’ll forget. He’ll take my memories and only leave me knowing that I was responsible for all of it.”
I tried to break away, but he held me so, so close. “Then let the worlds burn, Paesha darling. I’ll carry you through the flames and we’ll stand in the ashes together. You’ll forget, but I will make you remember us.”
“Don’t you see? This… whatever this is between us, it can’t happen.”
His words were desperate. “How can you look at me and tell me you are walking away?”
“That was always the plan. Always.”
His beautiful, aching eyes narrowed. “Then change the fucking plan.”
The hurt on his face was breaking something I never knew I had within me. I reached for his face, stroking the stubble there. “I wish I could. I wish this were only about me.”
“It is.” He grabbed my hand, leaning down to place his forehead to mine. “Be selfish. Stay with me.”
“I won’t remember her, Thorne. I won’t remember. And I can’t accept that. I’m sorry.”
Slowly, I extracted myself from his arms, each movement an agony, like tearing away pieces of my own flesh. His hands slid down my arms, catching my fingers in a desperate grip. His eyes blazed into mine, filled with a maelstrom of emotions, anguish, desperation, and a longing so deep it stole my breath.
But as he’d always so masterfully done, he slid his mask back on. Indifference taking the place of everything simmering below the surface. He would never beg, and I would never break, and between us, it could never be. He saw the truth just as I did and accepted it in turn. Now stoic, and every bit the Lord of the Salt, he dipped his chin to me. Raised my fingers to his lips, kissed the wedding band on my finger, and walked out.