No Matter What You Do

38. Wrap

Iwrite the last sentence of my semester writing project. Then I toss my hands in the air and let out a “whoo-hoo!” I’m a child, but I have been working on it for weeks.

“What the hell?” Brandy says from her spot in front of her mirror. She is applying her makeup for her date with David. I urged them to get together, but the thought of them doing couple things kind of freaks me out.

“I just finished my nonfiction short story.”

“What’s it about?”

I know she’s only asking to look interested. She can’t even manage a glance away from her own face. That’s fine. “It’s about how I fucked Cameron into oblivion last night.”

Her eyeliner pencil clatters to the floor, and she turns to me, a nice black line across her temple. I smile at my laptop screen. “It’s about my parent’s divorce,” I say truthfully.

Brandy uses a wipe to clean the black off her temple and resumes her makeup. “Have you ever thought of writing about it?”

Here we go again with the lack of listening skills. “Brandy, I just said I wrote?—”

“No.” She pauses her routine and gives me her attention. I turn in my own seat to see her fully. “You’re a creative writing major. Make it into fiction. You might feel better about it. Might be therapeutic.” She covers her mouth with her hands as if I told her that Cameron just knocked me up yesterday. He didn’t, just to be clear. “You could write a book about this year. Shit, that would be so cool.”

A lightbulb goes off in my mind.

“You could change names and details. It doesn’t have to be exactly what happened, but think, you’ve got a lot of creative fuel to go on.”

I spend a whole minute digesting the full extent of Brandy’s suggestion. Write what you know. That’s what they say. An artist shouldn’t be limited to their experience alone to create art, but boy does it help with writer’s block. The amount of works I’ve started and given up on is insane. Since third grade. Not a single one finished. Maybe this is what I need to do.

Brandy is now curling her blonde hair that rests against her chest. It was so much shorter when we met. When we created our list. It’s only been a school year, but so often I forget just how much can happen and how much hair, like a person, can grow.

“You should do it with me,” I blurt.

“Shut up.” Brandy points her curling wand at me.

“You should. We came up with this list of stuff together, for the most part, I can’t do it all by myself.”

“Lainey, I can’t even write a lab report.”

“Lab reports are boring as hell. This would be fun! Do it with me.”

Brandy sets her wand down and bites back a smile. “Well, wouldn’t—what about your senior thesis?”

“What? In three years? Forget about that. This will be for us. Then we can get it published, and people will take us seriously.”

I make a face at her, and she releases her smile. “You think I’m the right person to do this with you?”

“Well. I really wanted to ask that weird nose-picker kid in my cinema class, but he told me to eat glass, so you’re second best.”

Brandy laughs and rushes to hug me. Nearly knocks me over, honestly. “Fuck!” she exclaims in my ear. I pull away from her, and she aggressively holds me closer to her. “I would be honored to do this with you. I love you.”

I squeeze the fabric of her blouse. “I love you too.”

A knock at the door pulls us apart. Brandy rushes to it and reveals both Mikey and Brazely standing in the hall. Mikey steps inside first and Brazely clears her throat. He motions for her to enter. I have to ask what is going on before either one of them says a single word.

“My finals are over,” Mikey answers. “And I just wanted to, uh, I wanted to stop by. I mean, I don’t know how you feel about me, but I’ll miss you over the summer.”

Brazely makes a snoring noise. “Hurry this along. I have things to say as well.”

“Mean and hateful things?” Brandy asks. “Sorry. It’s a reflex.”

That barely softens the scowl on Brazely’s face.

Mikey closes most of the distance between us. “And I’m sorry I made this year so awkward for us.” His eyebrows knit together and eyes slightly shudder. “I just hope next year we can be friends.” His words are hopeful and sincere. Just like he is.

“It takes two to mess up like we did, but it was me who made things awkward. Your person is out there, Mikey, and when you meet them it won’t be awkward, it will be right.” His lips tilt up sweetly. “And yes. Next year the slate is wiped. Friends.” I go in to wrap my arms around him, but Brandy beats me to it, squeezing him around the neck.

“You sweet, sweet man,” she says into his shoulder. “I’ll find you your mate just like I found Lainey hers.”

“Mate?”

Brandy releases him and nods in my direction. “Yes. Mate.”

I step around my crazy roommate and reach for Mikey. His arms catch me before mine have a chance to touch him. Instantly, his signature cherry scent envelopes my senses. “You and the cherries,” I say, just for him.

He tightens his grip. “You and the blonde wig and straw hats.”

I laugh. Good to know we can joke about it at least.

Before he leaves for the summer, he gives me a last look and holds up his phone. “I’ll let you know when I get back home.”

The longing in his gaze punctures my gut. Another heart I’ve been careless with. “Good,” I tell him and mean it.

Once he’s gone, Brazely motions for me to follow her out to the hallway. Brandy advises against it, but I go anyway. I can’t help but think things might be a little different between us now. The door shuts and Brazely wastes no time.

“I’ve had trouble sleeping the last couple nights,” she starts, tucking her hair behind her ears. “It’s gotten so bad my stomach hurts and this voice in my head keeps screaming at me. Telling me to stop being such a slutty bitch.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

At my words, she shakes her head. “Lainey, I did not tell Stef to go after you. I swear on my homeless aunt’s life. Even if I did…he does what he wants to do. I tried to confront him about you, but he played dumb. It might have made the situation worse.

“Ryland was different. He was telling people on social media you guys and Brandy got together. I found out through a friend who heard it from someone else. I won’t go into details, but I got access to the video and?—”

“It was you,” I say, anger rising to the surface.

Brazely swallows audibly. “I needed to ruin your relationship like I thought you ruined mine.”

“You were broken up before I met either of you. You ruined it.”

She winces but nods. “Taking responsibility has never been my strength.”

Mine either. Dammit.

“If I admit to myself that I screwed everything up then I had to find a way to fix it. To change. And I don’t think I can. Not after what I did.”

I completely understand what she’s saying and wish I didn’t. “Didn’t you two talk the night of Stef’s party? After we came back.”

“Yes.” A hint of a grin shows on her face but disappears quickly. “I’m on probation. If I’m good for a month she’ll consider it. I had to beg her to give me even that much.” Pink fills her cheeks. “Anyway…I just came here to explain and apologize. I’m sorry for all of it and I promise it won’t happen again. I have a lot at stake here.”

Her admission and remorse takes me aback. It’s as if I am looking into the eyes of her much nicer, more human twin sister.

She holds out her hand.

This is the girl who has publicly humiliated me on more than one occasion, told me I look homeless, and tried to sabotage my relationship. It’s also the girl who helped my best friend in a terrible situation when I was out of reach. The one who once had Tamara’s kind heart.

I take her hand in mine. “I wish you the best of luck.”

She offers me a tight smile. “Thank you” is her only reply.

I never thought I would be the kind of girl to go on a picnic. I also never thought I’d have a boyfriend to go on one with. Things change.

We sit on either side of a woven basket. Spread out on a Star Wars blanket are paper plates of strawberries, chocolates, and takeout pizza. Super classy, I know.

Cameron has taken us to some secluded park by his house that he used to enjoy with his parents. It’s grassy, small, and the spot we chose offers a decent amount of cool shade on this eighty-degree day.

We clink our plastic cups of lemonade and take a sip. “So, you and Brandy are gonna write a book?”

“Yes. I’ve already come up with the perfect characters.”

Cameron shoves a whole strawberry in his mouth and speaks mid-chew. “Am I in it?”

“Maybe,” I say flirtatiously.

“Do tell.”

I release a breath. “I was thinking a short and stout nerdy guy named Bob. His hobbies include collecting rocks and lady perfume.”

“No, I meant tell me about my character not yours,” he says with a smirk.

I drop my jaw and chuck a berry at him. He catches it then places it on the strawberry plate. There is a tickle at my bare leg and I brush it off as nerves. I don’t know, that’s what he does to me sometimes.

I notice his eyes move down to that place on my leg, and my chest feels like a small fire breaks out right in the core of my heart. “Can you stop looking at my bare legs, please?”

He grins. “I can’t.”

“And why is that?”

His stupid grin expands. “Because I really want to see how far that ant will go before you notice it.”

“What?!” Without my consent, my body bolts up from the grass, and I smack my leg. I don’t dare look down. I just smack and scratch at my leg like a psychopath trying to put out a fire. That explains the tickle on my leg. That tiny bastard!

“All right, okay. I think you killed it,” Cameron says calmly. “Actually, I think you really killed it. Massacred it, even. Damn, you’ll have hell to pay once his family goes looking for him.”

I examine my legs, and once I finally see them appropriately ant-free, I sit back on the blanket. “You gonna write this book?” I joke. “Alfred, the dead little ant whose family came for revenge because a college freshman committed his bloody murder.”

Cameron holds back a laugh and nods approvingly. “It sounds like you already did. But I do suggest changing the ending if you decide to publish it for children.”

“Maybe I want it to be a tragic horror-thriller story.”

“I’d buy five copies of that book.”

I smile like a toddler. “Thanks. I appreciate the support.”

We both laugh until we don’t. The park becomes quiet. Then Cameron verbalizes what we both must be thinking. “We’ll see each other this summer, right?”

My heart drops. It was just yesterday I told him I planned to spend half the summer with David in New York City with my dad.

“Well, duh,” I say. “When I get back, you’re going to take me on dates and drive me to the mall and buy me things and drive me places.”

“Right, right. Okay, well what are you going to do for me?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I was thinking I’d give you my undying love and access to my body parts.”

He makes a laughing sound in the back of his throat and leans into me. “Sounds like I have the better deal here.”

I give him a peck on the lips. “I disagree.”

Finals were a pain in my backside. I didn’t have many exam finals, but final paper writing has absorbed most of my hours. But today, I can officially relax, as it is the last day of finals, and my freshman year will be behind me. One thing I can tell you is how excited I am for the next three years, especially now that I feel more comfortable with myself and my surroundings. I heard rumors that Stef is transferring schools too, so that’s an upside. No one has updated me on the investigation or trial, so I have no clue if it’s because he’s being kicked out or not. I honestly do not care. As long as I don’t have to see his face anymore.

Brandy and I spend the midmorning packing the last of our belongings. When she finishes up, she walks up to me and hugs me from behind. The smell of citrus and strawberry suffocate my nose. “I’ll miss you this summer,” she says.

“Well, next year you, me, and Tamara will be living together, and we’ll be causing more chaos.”

She releases me and laughs. “I hope you’ll make time for me during your dad and Cameron-filled summer.”

“Of course!” I turn to her. “Best friends are more important than boyfriends. Also, I’m sure David will be inviting you to everything we do when we get back because he is officially obsessed with you.”

Her cheeks go pink, but she doesn’t deny it. It must be obvious to her too. “Upside, if things go well, we’ll be sisters.”

“Hey-o.” I hold up a hand and laugh. “Do not talk about marrying my gross, ugly brother in front of me.”

“He’s sweet and sexy, Lainey. And I can honestly say the least douchebag-y guy I’ve ever been with.”

“Well, at least he’s got that going for him.”

Brandy gives me another hug, and we both wait for our family to come help us move out. Reality hits me when Brandy brings the last of her things into the hallway. This year has been an escape from my parents’ separation. Now divorced and on opposite ends of the country, it seems they are getting along more. I’m also coping better with everything. Cameron was right about therapy. It turns out that holding things in and then blowing up on people is not a healthy way to deal with stress. Who knew?

Before seven in the evening, my belongings are packed into my mom’s car. Thank the lord that David has his own car to fill with his nonsense or else I’d be out of luck.

When we exit campus, David falling in behind us, my mother pats my knee. “How does it feel to have one year of college under your belt?”

I stare out the window and say, “I’m not sure.” It’s not even a lie. So much has happened that draws out multiple emotions. I chew on my lip.

“Well, I can tell you’ve liked it for the most part.” She grabs my arm.

I shrug and face the windshield. “Yeah. I did.”

An overwhelming feeling of sadness floods my heart. I’ll be back in a few months but when I look at it now, it seems like so much time has gone by so fast. Living it feels normal, but once it’s over, it’s like no time has passed.

I mean, my parents got a divorce, I made friends who actually care about my well-being, my dad moved across the country, my brother and I communicate more, and I’ve done most of those things on that list that Brandy helped me make. I wonder if she even cared to accomplish them herself or if it was just for me. I’ll have to ask her later. Either way, I can’t be mad about it because it brought me something I have never had before. Someone to love me. Not a familial love or a friendship love. A soulmate kind of love.

Just then my phone goes off, and I hurry to unlock it to a message.

Cameron

Thinking of you a shit ton. I’m in love with you. 3 3

I smile to myself and type out my response.

Me

I’m in love with you too but don’t tell my boyfriend. He gets very jealous. :/

Cameron sends back a skull and crossbones emoji.

My mom catches the grin on my face when I tuck my phone away and I let it linger for a while. I smile for more than just Cameron. If someone told me my first year of college resulted in any of this, I would have disregarded them. Call it self-deprecation. Call it my lack of faith in myself, but if I weren’t pushed, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. And I have Brandy to thank.

I turn back to my mom and admire the slight smile of her lips. She’s not happy to be so far from my dad but the stress and pain are no longer visible. She squeezes my wrist and sighs. “Lainey.” She quickly glances my way before focusing back on the road. “You, David, and your father…I will always love you. You’re going to grow up and do things I won’t always like and I can’t protect you from. But I need you to know that I love you and David no matter what you do. And I love your dad no matter what he does.”

I nod as I register her words. It dawns on me that I know exactly what she’s talking about. With my dad, my mom, David, Brandy, Cameron…I love them. And they love me in spite of the utterly terrible mistakes I make.

I cut off my train of thought before the tears threaten to spill over. I look to my mom. Her eyes locked on the road, her mind somewhere else. It’s in her furrowed brows, and her clenched jaw, and her fingers as they tap away at the wheel with one hand and tightly wrap around it with the other.

“I love you too.”

Her entire body relaxes once I say it and so does mine but we say nothing more. I just go back to staring out the window and waiting for what comes next.