No Pucks (Gods Versus Monsters Hockey #1)

6. Anthony

SIX

ANTHONY

M y pulse races as I finally close the door behind Cox. I cringe calling him that in my head. He might be his father’s son, but he’s nothing like his father.

I’ll need to watch him closely and see if he plays like his dad. He won’t last long on my team if he does. I might get fired, but I won’t coach an insufferable puck hog who’s only playing for himself and out to injure even his teammates.

I dig through one of my boxes and find a bottle of vodka and a glass. I sniff the glass before shrugging and filling it. At this point, if I die from some infection from a dirty glass, would it be that bad? The alcohol should kill anything. I pour myself three fingers and drop into my chair.

What the fuck am I doing?

Is this even a good idea?

A lot stands between me and rebuilding my life back to any semblance of what it was before. If the divorce hadn’t left me nearly bankrupt, would I even have interviewed for this job? Being in the same city as Logan’s father is bad enough. Why did I think I could coach his son knowing he’ll come to games? Because in my mind, when I imagined this scenario, I hadn’t fucked his son, which would make ignoring the guy a lot easier.

None of this is a good idea. I still haven’t even begun to process the grief from the loss of my career, let alone how to start moving on from everything since, including my marriage breaking up. Not that I miss my ex, but there’s a reason I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with anyone for the last two years until Logan, and look how that turned out.

It wasn’t a perfect night like I’d told myself for months. No, it was just my soul craving contact and connection after losing my wife. Probably my ego, too. Mine got bruised when she cheated. It felt good to be wanted and by someone younger. That’s all that night was. This lingering attraction is just because I built it up in my brain.

I shoot the vodka and pick up my phone.

Anthony: Are you in surgery tonight?

Krista: I’m on call.

Anthony: Does that mean you can sit in a bar and support me?

Krista: Does it need to be a bar?

Anthony: A coffee is not going to cut it tonight.

Krista: I’m rolling my eyes but also putting on clothes.

Anthony: Where are we meeting?

Krista: Where is your place again?

Anthony: Union Square

Krista: Swanky. Your life can’t be too bad if you’re affording living there.

Anthony: I’m not broke, just fifty percent lighter and on a budget.

Anthony: Where are we meeting?

Krista sends me a location only a few blocks from the Gods’ practice facility, so I grab my coat and lock my office behind me. I check the distance again when I get out on the street. My leg aches, but it doesn’t hurt. I’m just not used to being on it for so long, or on skates for that mater, I tell myself as I opt to walk in the unseasonably cold weather instead of getting an Uber.

Another reason Florida is better—it’s not fucking cold in September. Hell, it’s not this cold ever. I grit through the last block, knowing I shouldn’t have walked. I at least should have gone back for my cane. I find Krista standing outside the bar with a lit cigarette between her lips.

“Krista!” We have been friends since college, and it’s nice to be back in the same city.

She jumps and drops the butt, putting it out with her foot. “Fuck. You scared me. I thought you’d be in a car.”

“Is that the excuse for smoking now?”

“I thought I’d have more time to put it out.” She rolls her eyes.

“You’re a damn trauma surgeon. I thought you quit.”

“We both have vices to get through our lives. I did quit for a while, but my job is stressful.” She softens and then pulls me in for a hug. “I’ve missed you. I’m glad you’re back.”

I squeeze her. “Maybe not for long.”

She pulls back with a questioning look.

I shrug and nod to go inside. I hold the door, and she follows. It’s a nice little place, kind of a cross between a coffee shop and a bar, with big armchairs and bookshelves. I instantly feel at home. We sink into seats in the back near a large fireplace, and I pick up the menu.

“What’s up? You’ve been back for weeks and you just call me?” She doesn’t bother with a menu.

“Not even letting me get a drink before you quiz me?”

“Their espresso martinis are great.” Krista looks up as the waiter approaches. “Can I have a triple espresso?”

“Damn, trying to be up all night?” The guy blinks at her. “It’s eight P.M. Are you sure?”

“I’m on call at the hospital.” She gives him a tight smile, as if she has to do this all the time.

“What department?” the waiter asks.

“Emergency.”

“So you really mean it.” He jots it down on the little paper then turns to me. “And for you?”

“I’ll take an espresso martini.”I toss the menu on the table and pull off my coat, quickly getting too warm by the fire.

“You trying to stay up too?” the server asks.

“Damn, so much judgement. No…but my friend said they’re good.” I make a face at Krista when he leaves. “Talk about the third degree.”

“He must be new. They’ve never given me a hard time here before. If the place serves coffee this late, can’t they just assume people want it at this hour? They aren’t hurting for business.” Krista leans over, eyeing the waiter’s ass. “He looks like your type.”

I glare. “What makes you say that?”

“Because he’d be mean to you like your ex-wife.” She grins the entire time she’s saying it, smug as fuck.

I hold up my middle finger. “I’ve turned over a new leaf, and I’m only accepting applications from nice, optimistic people, like me.” I cringe, realizing I’m describing Logan.

She laughs. “What took you so long to call?”

“Don’t act like time means anything to you. I’m not even sure you know it’s been a couple of weeks.”

“It’s not my fault I have time blindness and work weird, long hours so days blend into one another. I did have your move in date circled on the calendar. Why are you being a recluse?”

“I’ve been trying to get my head ‘round being back.”

“How’s that going?” She searches my face.

I lift a shoulder. “I might have fucked it up already.”I’d considered not telling her, but what was the point? She’d get it out of me eventually.

She sits up, frowning as she looks me over. “What could you have done in a couple of weeks? The term just started! Wasn’t your first practice…” She checks her watch. “Today?!”

I wipe a hand over my face, shutting up because the judge-y waiter is back.

He sets our drinks down in front of us. “You both got so quiet. Were you talking about me?”

I flick my gaze up to him. “No, we wrapped that up real quick. We do have lives too.”

The waiter stares for a second then bursts out laughing. “Touché. I like you.” He walks away before Krista or I can get a word in.

Krista giggles. “I like him.”

“I’m undecided.” I pick up my drink and sip it. “He makes a good martini. I like him for that.”

“Stop stalling. You have a drink. Now, spill.”

I sink lower in my chair, muttering over my glass. “So demanding.”

“I have to be at the hospital in an hour. I don’t have all night.”

“I’m getting to it!” I am stalling, but not because I don’t want to tell her. I don’t know how to explain out loud how I fucked up this bad.

“That bad?” Krista pulls her feet onto the chair, getting comfortable.

“That bad.” Where do I even begin?

“You can tell me.”

I sigh. “You need to hear me out, because I think saying it out loud is going to sound worse than it is.”

Her brows raise, but she doesn’t say anything.

“I had a one-night stand when I was here interviewing for the coaching spot. I only knew his first name and—” I exhale heavily not sure how to even say this. Thankfully I’m interrupted by her before I can admit it.

“He? So you took the plunge?”

“Shhh.” I glance around. “Yes, he.”

“And this is the first?” She is the only other person in my life who knows I’m bisexual, and that I never acted on it because of my career.

“Yes.” It feels a little better admitting it to her, like I didn’t have a secret keeping me from my best friend anymore.

“Is he, like, threatening to blackmail you? Do you care?”

“Worse.”

Her eyes widen as she tries to work through what could be worse.

“He’s on my team, as a freshman—” I hold up my hands before she can get a word in. “No judgement! Let me finish. He’s an adult! And I didn’t know. But that’s not the worst part,” I mutter the last bit.

“That’s not the worst part?” She whistles.

“His dad is Cox.”

She gives me a blank look.

“The asshat who ruined my career?”

“The one who’s been giving you hell since college?”

I nod.

“That fucking douche is his father?!” She sticks her tongue out. “But it’s a little funny you fucked his son. Didn’t Cox Sr. play for the Monsters in college? Why is his son playing for the Gods if he’s a legacy there?”

“No idea. But he is, and can you imagine what Cox Sr. will do if he finds out I fucked his son?”

“What can he do?” She keeps laughing.

“His wife’s father owns the Dragons. They are hockey royalty. You don’t think he could get me fired?”

“Jesus. That is a bit much. But why would the Gods’ care what an ex-professional hockey player thinks of their coach?” She thinks I’m being dense.

“Because a coach fucking a student is a big no-no,” I spell out for her.

“But he wasn’t a student when you fucked him,” she argues.

“Right, because fucking a guy before he’s in college is better, even if he was eighteen.”

She makes a face. “Does he look young?”

“He looks like any other guy between twenty-one and twenty-five. He was in a bar drinking, so I assumed… My head wasn’t in a good place, and it was nice to not think about Shelby and the divorce.” I keep rambling, trying not to be a complete ass. “I know that’s not an excuse. It’s just where I was at. I didn’t think I needed to ID everyone before I fucked them, but now I will.” I cringe. “Who is in a bar drinking at eighteen fucking years old?”

“It’s pretty common here with rich kids, and he sounds pretty rich.”

I look at the ceiling. “How would I know that?”

“You went to school here. You know how it is.”

“Twenty some fucking years ago, and I wasn’t in bars.” I’d been too focused on hockey. “He shouldn’t be out either. He needs to focus.”

“I bet no one in his life has ever made him focus. He’s obviously talented, and look at who his parents are.” She has a point.

“College hockey is different. The Myth League is different. If he wants to be drafted, he needs to focus.”

“You don’t have to tell me, but will he listen to you after…?” She drops her gaze down my body.

I shift in my seat and feel my cheeks heat. “He has to.”

She laughs but holds up her hands. “Hard to take direction from someone who’s had you naked is all I’m saying.”

“He wasn’t the one in charge then,” I snap, scowling at her.

“Calm down, grumpy. I’m just playing devil’s advocate.” Her brows rose to nearly her hairline when what I said clicks. “It’s like that, is it?”

I cough avoiding eye contact. “Are you surprised?”

“A little… You’re so…grumpy.”

“Wouldn’t that prove my point even more?”

She tilts her hand side to side. “It might be good for you to get fucked hard. Could fix your mood.”

“My mood doesn’t need fixing.”

“Just because the mood is twenty years deep doesn’t mean it doesn’t need fixing.”

I glare.

“So you fucked him and it was…?”

“Kind of?” I make a face, and it gives me away. I could kick myself.

She’s instantly curious. “Kind of what?”

“Nothing. It was hot.” I want to say amazing, but I don’t dare until I figure out my own feelings about the entire situation.

“Did you embarrass yourself or something?” She looks me over judgmentally.

“Fuck you. I perform quite well in bed, thank you.”

“You never know. Guys your age and all.”

“My age!?” I hold up both middle fingers. “I’m in my prime.”

“Okay,” she says sarcastically. “Now tell me what your ‘kind of’ bullshit means.”

“Is it sex if there’s no penetration?”

“Did you get off together?”

“Yes…”

“Then you had sex. Lesbians don’t need a dick to have sex,” she says like I’m an idiot.

“Alright, that’s true. That makes sense.”

“Why was there no…” She makes a circle with her fingers and uses her other index finger to mimic penetration. “You not into it? No judgement if you aren’t.”

I sigh. “I am into it, but I’ve never…”

“Fucked someone? I know that to be false.” She stares at me, confusion on her face.

I drop my voice. “Fucked a guy.”

“You know it’s not that different, right?” She leans in like she can’t believe how I’m feeling.

“It’s not a vagina, Krista.”

“So you’ve never had anal?” Shock colors her tone.

“Of course I’ve had anal.”

“Then what’s the issue?” She blinks at me repeatedly.

“It’s different.” I can’t put a name to my hesitation. I don’t know what’s going on with my head.

“So you freaked out and, what? Left?”

“No! We both enjoyed ourselves—more than once.” I’ve never been big on kissing and telling, even when the guys on the team encouraged it. It feels wrong, and I’ve never liked anyone in my personal life, even my best friend, knowing that stuff.

“Confirmed bisexual. Excellent. Welcome to the club.”

“I’ve always been bisexual.” I set my drink down and push my hand into my hair.

“I know, but that was in theory. Now, we are in practice.” She nods to herself like it sounds good out loud.

“Fuck off. I’m no less a bisexual than you are just because I haven’t been with a dude.”

“I know, but I like to give you a hard time.” She holds up a finger before I can speak. “So, into men and in charge. That opens a lot of doors. You can at least have a lot of fun until Cox ruins your life.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, returning to my drink.

“So I’m going to need all the updates on that— with details—when you go finish the job.” Her eyes get big and round as she nods.

“What?” I ask, caught off guard. “Why would I tell you?”

She scoffs, lifting her chin with an attitude. “At least let me live vicariously through you since I don’t have any time to date.”

“No time or no inclination?” I ask, happy to have the focus off me.

“Both. Have you tried dating recently?”

“It can’t be that bad…” It has been quite a few years since I last tried it.

“It is. Dating apps are the worst. I can’t be assed. Most of the guys on those things just send me dick pics or get sexual three lines in. That’s fine if someone is looking for a hookup, but, like, can we not when it’s clear someone is looking for a relationship.” She lifts her shoulders.

“Is it really that bad?”

“Maybe you should try it.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to jump into the deep end. Plus, if I show I’m interested in men it’s going to be all over the gossip sites, especially with me back in the news coaching the Gods.”

“I didn’t think of that.” She frowns. “What are you going to do with the guy?”

“What should I do?”

“Keep things professional. Set boundaries and don’t let him cross them.”

“That was my plan.” I push Logan’s little fucking challenge out of my head.

“Good. It should be easy then.”

Spoiler: It’s not easy.