No Vacancy (The Aveline Series Book 2)

Chapter 35

DARCY

Beingcringy was harder than I thought. I was coming on strong, and I had to get past the fact I was growing increasingly embarrassed with every passing minute. Penn looked honestly frightened with that last statement, and I was having difficulty not laughing at the absurdness of it, but I kept myself together.

“I’m just kidding you, silly goose! This is our first official date; do you think I’m crazy or something?” I laid down another card.

“Oh,” Penn said, relief filling his voice. “No, I figured you were kidding.”

“I am having a great time, though. So, who knows.” I giggled loudly, feeling myself crumble on the inside with every sentence. This seemed much easier for Andie Anderson. “UNO!”

Penn smiled and put down a green two, and I slammed down my blue two on top of his. “I won!” I jumped up, deciding to make a spectacle out of the card game. “In your face! In your stupid-ass face!” The next thing I did made me want to jump off a bridge into freezing water. I thrust my pelvis gesturing the “suck it” sign with my hands.

Penn smiled through his discomfort and placed his hands on his knees. “Yeah, you did. You won.”

I sat back down, chugging the rest of my beer, and when I had finished, I let out the world’s longest burp. This had to be the most mortifying thing I had ever done to myself. It was true I was loud and chaotic, but I had never gone to these lengths to make myself unappealing. And here I was, pulling out the stops and watching Penn’s face stare at me in disgust. I wanted to shout, “This is all your fault! You made me do this!” But I had to remember this was for the greater good.

This was for Aveline.

I stood up, gesturing to his beer. “You want another one?”

Penn took a sip. “Um, no, I’m still working on this one.”

“Okay, well I’m getting one cuz I’m not a little bitch!” I stuck my tongue out before heading to the kitchen. I stopped when I got to the fridge and closed my eyes, pulling my lips tight and fighting back a laugh. I hoped to God he left town soon because I had no idea how I was going to continue this charade.

To my surprise, Penn stayed, and we played another game of UNO. I decided to kick up the questions a notch and see how much he was willing to endure. I sat on the couch, my legs crossed in front of me. “So, do you have any STIs? Or have you ever had any?”

“Excuse me?” His eyes were wide, and he ran his free hand over his chin.

“Sexually transmitted infections or diseases? You know, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes. I need to know if you have any of those. Granted, we aren’t going to have sex anytime soon, but I like to ask all my prospective lovers about their history before I pull the trigger.” I pulled out my phone and opened the notes tab. “If you want to just give me dates and treatments, I’ll write them down.”

Penn chuckled uncomfortably. “Jesus, Darcy. I don’t and never have had any sexually transmitted diseases, okay?” He laid down a green five.

“What about infections? Those aren’t the same thing,” I clarified, swallowing hard and pulling my lips together.

“No, nothing. He’s fine. He’s always been fine.”

I began typing into my phone furiously.

“What are you typing?” he asked, pointing to my phone.

I looked up, raising my eyebrow. “Wow, someone is a little on the nosy side. You really would fit right in here in Aveline.”

He scoffed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his hands over his face. “No, but you just said you were going to mark down any STDs I have, and I told you I’ve never had any, so what are you typing?”

“Oh, just that you refer to your penis as ‘he.’ It’s good to know for when I name him.” I clicked off my phone like nothing had happened and laid down a red nine. “UNO!” I slapped my last card down on top of his and did another victory dance.

“You won again; good game,” he said, looking defeated. I had a sneaking suspicion the exhaustion on his face had nothing to do with losing the game and more to do with the fact he was meeting a very new side of me. One I’m sure he had no idea what to think of.

“Okay, now I want you to sit back because I have the most epic idea.” I ran to my bedroom and grabbed a hairbrush. This was going to be the nail on my coffin. I said a prayer and looked at Bernie, whispering, “Close your ears, Bern. This is going to be bad.”

I took a second to compose myself before putting on a bubbly persona and jumping out of the doorway into the living room. “Ready for a Taylor Swift concert?”