No Vacancy (The Aveline Series Book 2)

Chapter 79

DARCY

My Dwight Schrutecostume was pretty much perfect from head to toe. I had a slicked middle part, glasses, a yellow button-down with a tie, and a pair of shoes shined by yours truly. Only a select few of the people of Aveline understood and appreciated what my costume was supposed to be. The others looked at me with side eyes, wondering why on Earth I hadn’t chosen something more obvious.

Peter showed up dressed as the bad boy from The Breakfast Club movie—I could never remember his name—and he looked me up and down when he saw me. “Dwight Schrute, huh?”

“Yep, what do you think?” I did a twirl, and Peter huffed.

“It’s okay, but it’ll never beat mine. I’m winning that contest this year.” He walked away and threw his fist up in the air, like at the end of the John Hughes movie.

I shook my head, laughing for two reasons. One, I knew there was no way Peter was winning with that costume, and two, nothing could ruin my good mood. I was more than excited to see Penn. It felt like it had been forever since he had been to an Aveline festivity, and even though we talked every day, I felt butterflies in my stomach knowing he would be there soon. I pulled out my phone, texting discreetly so none of the oldies would see me with it.

DARCY: When you get here, I’ll be the hottest one, wearing a yellow shirt.

PENN: I would expect nothing less. I’m pulling in now.

I looked up, watching the parking lot for his car when Lettie and Tuck arrived at the square dressed as Mario and Princess Peach.

“Hey! Nice costume.” Tuck laughed. “This has to be your best one. I guarantee you will win the costume contest this year.”

“I don’t know. I just ran into Peter, and he thinks his guy from The Breakfast Club costume is way better than mine.

“John Bender?” Tuck asked.

“Yes!” I pointed to Tuck. “That’s his name. I can never remember that guy’s name. Anyway, if I can convince Penn to come back next weekend for the contest, we might give you two a run for your money on the couple’s one. He could be Jim or Pam, or—”

“Michael Scott?” Lettie said, and I nodded.

“Yes! He needs to be Michael Scott,” I replied. I pulled out my phone. “I’m going to text him that.

“No,” Lettie said. “He is literally dressed as Michael Scott.”

I looked up, and walking across the square was Penn, wearing a suit and holding a mug that said “World’s Best Boss” on it.

I waved my hand, the goofiest grin on my face as he headed toward us.

“Oh, you guys are so going to lose the couple’s contest,” I said, gesturing to Tuck and Lettie.

“Hey now, back off. Peach and I are in it to win it this year.” Tuck leaned over and kissed Lettie. “We even have a costume for Anne and Gilbert. They are going to be our Luigi and Yoshi.”

Gilbert and Anne were Tuck and Lettie’s dogs who were more like their children. Gilbert was a massive Irish Wolfhound, and Anne was a bloodhound lab mix whose conception just happened to be one of the biggest scandals around town between Millie Jones and Henry Pearson’s dogs.

I scoffed. “A family costume? Oh, come on now. No one will stand a chance if you guys bring the whole crew!”

Lettie shrugged. “All’s fair in love and war, my dear!”

I laughed as Penn finally made it to us.

“I did not expect you to come in costume. This is even better than I could have imagined,” I said, wrapping my arms around him.

Penn held out my arms, taking in my look. “This is even better in person. I, well, I’m sorry...I can’t take you seriously in this.”

“I look hot, right?” I whipped my head around, making my best Dwight face, and all three of them started laughing. I made a few more impressions until we heard screaming from across the yard and a high-pitched, squealing voice.

“Get back here, you little rascals! Don’t you do it! Don’t you hit that pot!” There was a group of children running amuck with some plastic baseball bats, and Chi Chi Turner was desperately trying to catch one of them.

Tuck grimaced and gestured to the chaos. “I’m going to go wrangle the Donovan’s grandkids before they give Chi Chi another heart attack.”

“I’ll help,” Lettie said, as she and Tuck headed for the chaos.

I turned to Penn. “Okay, do you want to go throw water balloons at those kids?” I took his hand, leading him over to the booth.

“I guess?” he said, more of a question. “Remind me again why we want to pelt these kids so badly?”

“Oh, I’ll tell you alright. The Donovan’s have always been horrible. Think of a bunch of gremlins just running around and causing mischief. Every generation somehow gets worse, and there are always a thousand of them. Now, there are twelve Donovan grandkids, and they range from two to fifteen. Today, though, we are after the middle schoolers.”

“Okay, did these middle schoolers do something in particular to you, or do you just like picking on prepubescent children?”

I scoffed. “Okay, Judgy McJudgerson, you can just catch a bubble!”

“I’m sorry, catch a what?” Penn snickered.

I rolled my eyes. “Catch a bubble. It means shut up. Ugh, it’s another Lettie thing. Anyway, these kids are menaces, and I am seeking revenge.” I lifted my fist in the air.

“For?”

I sighed heavily. “They put a pile of dog crap on my doorstep and lit it on fire.”

Penn gasped. “They did not!”

“Yes. They did. They most certainly did.”

“Don’t tell me you—”

I cut him off. “What was I supposed to do? It was on fire! On my porch!”

Penn cringed and rubbed his hand along his jaw. “You stomped it?”

“Yep. Sure did. And ruined my favorite pair of Ugg slippers. So, now, I am going to do the adult thing, and I am going to pelt those little shits with water balloons.”

Penn began laughing, and I hit him playfully on the shoulder. “I’m sorry. That’s just hilarious. I thought everyone knew not to stomp on the bag on fire on the porch. It’s like pranking 101.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t know that! We didn’t go around collecting dog shit as kids! This was new to me.”

Penn pulled his lips together, holding back a grin. “I have to ask though...Are you sure it was dog shit?”

I stared at him blankly, unamused, disgusted, and immediately disturbed. “Well, I was!”

Penn and I were stopped before we got to the booth by several of the Black Widows—Hazel Baker, Flora Gibson, Bessie Edwards, and Norma Jordan. These women were like if the Desperate Housewives met the Golden Girls. They walked in a group, and they walked fast, always on a mission even when there was nowhere to go.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Penn Murphy gracing Aveline once again with his presence,” Hazel said as they all approached us.

They were all wearing their signature hats, a way of distinguishing them as superior from the rest of the ladies in town. Each one with a different colored flower that signified they belonged to the “club.” Their group was called the Silver Belles, and they weren’t aware the rest of the town had deemed them the Black Widows.

“I must say, I didn’t expect to see you back after the stunt you pulled,” Bessie chimed in. She walked over and touched the lapel of his suit, picking off an invisible piece of lint. “But it sure is nice to see that pretty face around here again.”

I moved in and blocked Penn from their claws. “Whoa! Listen friends, we are here to have a good time, and... Flora, hands off.” I noticed Flora’s hand on Penn’s shoulder. They were swarming him like vultures, and I knew they were minutes away from pecking him to death. “Ladies...Penn is not a piece of meat!”

“Those eyes are so blue,” Norma said, moving in closer.

“Those curls . . . so dark and luscious,” Hazel added.

“Jesus, ladies! Ever heard of personal space?” Flora had grabbed Penn’s bicep and squeezed, and my mouth dropped. “Unwanted touches! Penn, let’s go! Run!”

I grabbed Penn’s arm and took off running; we stopped when we got to the gazebo. I was out of breath and laughing, and Penn looked like a deer in headlights.

“What in the world was that?” he asked, breathing heavily.

I swallowed, catching my own breath. “The Black Widows.”

“How have I never run into them before? I mean, you’ve warned me, but this was not what I expected.”

“I told you, they are dangerous. You’re lucky I was here. One time they had Tuck tap dancing in the gazebo.”