12. Indie
Despite the uneasiness that haunted me through the work week, the following Saturday saw me crossing another item off my life experience list. Well, at least making a dent in my number one item. I was bringing a tiny, peach-fuzz-covered Chihuahua to my apartment. I’d wanted a dog so badly as a kid that this moment felt surreal. Not that she was my pet—something I had to keep reminding myself about—but I could pretend for a little while. I wondered how parents felt bringing babies home from the hospital. I couldn’t figure out who deemed me responsible enough for this living thing. I felt underqualified. I could barely keep a cactus alive!
I was afraid to move my arms lest I drop my bundle. She was double leashed, which I appreciated. The last thing I wanted to do was lose my temporary dog.
Jermaine had been so kind to drive me out to Hamilton, just outside of Toronto, to pick up Gizmo. His wife, Amy, had tagged along for the ride and kept me entertained with little anecdotes of the places we passed on the drive. Their family’s Morkie had come from the same rescue a couple of years prior.
The rescue operation was impressive. Two employees made the drive all the way from Texas to the Greater Toronto Area every month with a commercial van fitted with crates. Each with its own little rescue pup inside.
The pickup scene had been a whirlwind. I was sure that I’d listened to the answers to my list of questions, but hell if I could remember anything now that I was walking toward my apartment door.
Gizmo had been pretty quiet on the trip back. I’d read that rescue dogs take some time to decompress, so I’d just have to take it day by day.
But for now, she was all mine, a fact that was equally thrilling and intimidating.
Closing and locking the door behind me, I put her down to investigate the place. I’d already set up the pee pads, hoping her expertise in potty training prevailed.
Of the two of us, Gizmo knew more about potty training than I did at this point.
Letting her do the dog sniffing thing, I went toward the couch and sat down on the floor. I’d rolled up the existing rug, not wanting to deal with cleaning any accidents off something that wasn’t mine.
I sat back to watch her before snapping a picture of her staring at her new bed with a couple of toys.
Indie
*picture of Gizmo rocking a fuzzy pink sweater*
Well, she’s here and I have no idea what I’m doing. I hope you’re happy.
Emery
OMG you actually did it! So cute!
Abbie
She is so adorable! What’s she like? Are you having fun?
Indie
So far she has slept next to me on a blanket in my boss’s car and taken about 10 steps in the apartment. Not a lot of action yet. Why did I let you talk me into this?
Emery
Because she’s a genius! This is going to be sooo good for you.
Abbie
Hey. Admittedly, I totally crossed the line on filling out the application on your behalf. But she’s just so cute! You’re the one who could’ve said no and didn’t.
Indie
That makes me both an idiot and a sucker.
Emery
Nooooo. It makes you a kind person who’s just a little nervous about taking care of a pet for the first time.
At least she’s not a fish. Remember those goldfish my brothers had growing up? Jesus, thank god Mom had a marine biology degree with all the chemicals and ph balance stuff it took to take care of them. And cleaning the tank, ewwww. (barf emoji)
Abbie
Whether you admit it or not, you like taking care of things. And Ms. I’m-going-to-run-a-non-profit, you also like helping people, as much as you don’t advertise it.
Indie
So, yes. Idiot and sucker still apply.
Abbie
Keep us posted. You did so well with Mew. Maybe Gizmo can have her own Instagram account? That would be so fun! She could be a pup-fluencer.
Indie
Even “if” I liked that idea, I’d have to check what I’m allowed to post as her foster. I’m going to work on her voluntarily coming close to me first.
Abbie
I’ve planted the seed. You don’t stand a chance with that little fashion-forward canine. No “ifs” required.
Emery
She’s going to love you. Just like we do. (heart emoji)
Indie
Yeah, yeah. Me too.
Despite my flippant words, they knew just how much they meant to me, even if I couldn’t say it too often. It was as if the words were locked up in my throat. We’d never said anything like that in my house growing up. I’d never outright said those words to anyone.
Looking back at Gizmo, she had made it halfway across the floor, watching me all the way. I felt my heart lighten a bit at the thought that she was reserved but not petrified.
Just as she was almost within arm’s length of me, a loud thud hit the wall in the hallway just outside my apartment. The bang was followed by a low “fuck,” which could only mean Theo was on the other side of my obviously not thick enough front door.
The noise sent Gizmo scuttling back to her new bed.
Great. As if having Theo across the hall and at work wasn’t problematic enough, he was screwing up my first night as a dog parent.
Theo must be coming back from an extra gym session. There was no game tonight. Otherwise, I’d be at the arena running between the communications team and the media, lining up post-game interviews.
Unless he was on a date. My stomach didn’t like that idea at all.
Usually, I prided myself on my independence and competency to handle anything life could throw at me. When life, however, had literally thrown Theo Yao-Miller into my path, I’d done nothing but duck for cover.
I couldn’t even look at him most of the time. When I had to go into the locker room, I steadfastly kept my eyes from the far-left corner of the room where I knew his locker was.
I’d memorized the team’s schedule and Theo’s physiotherapy and conditioning schedule so that I could avoid being in the elevator or our hallway when he was coming home. I’d been lucky so far that he wasn’t like the majority of the single guys on the team heading to the bars to wind down after home games. And definitely to hook up, if the stories I overhead in the halls of the arena were to be believed .
Under extreme duress, I could admit that I really liked the fact that Theo wasn’t seeing anyone or out hooking up with randoms.
I was long past hoping for anything to happen between us. Wasn’t I? My nineteen-year-old self who thought she was in love with Theo was an idiot. I cringed when I thought of that Christmas morning six years ago. How could something feel so long ago that it felt like it didn’t even happen to you and simultaneously burn with the humiliation of rejection like it was yesterday?
I was usually much better at compartmentalizing than this. I couldn’t stand all these murky feelings inside me. I just wanted to get on with my life, not face my past at work and at home every day.
I felt lonely in a way I believed I’d conquered when I’d come to the conclusion that I wasn’t a priority in my parents’ lives. I was a mere prop to drag out when it suited them, then leave the time-intensive parts to the nanny they’d hired.
The only problem being you could only pay someone to take care of your child, not love them like they needed.
Believing myself immune to this discomfort under my skin—a living, breathing entity with a mind of its own—was easier when Theo was many hours away in Vancouver. Only seeing him through the occasional social media post over the years had allowed me to keep my feelings for him packed away in the back of my mind.
Coming back to the present reality of a very small, shivering dog in my living room. I glared at my door as if I could control time and space and prevent the boom that had set her back. I tried to modulate my tone to reassure Gizmo. How one reassured a dog, I wasn’t quite sure, but I hoped my tone came close to something gentle.
“It’s okay, Giz. That big noise was scary, but you’re okay. I promise.”
She cocked her head to the side in an expression of “who, me?” It was freaking adorable. I wanted to take her picture for the bio I would need to write for her, but I was afraid to startle her again by moving too quickly.
Moments later, Gizmo bravely set off on her second attempt to conquer the great expanse of thirteen feet of bare engineered hardwood between us.
The next morning, I was up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 a.m., freezing my butt off outside the building, trying to encourage a tiny, hairless Chihuahua to do her business.
I swear to god, I’d said “go potty” so much in the last twenty-four hours that I felt like I was evicting other words from my brain as a result.
I’d turned to pleading already. So much for my no-bullshit life policy. It had taken less than eight trips into the cold before I’d been broken by the five-pound tiny Elvis-like lip curl.
“Come on, Giz. Go potty. Look. I know you’re cold. But I promise today I’ll get you a warmer sweater—hell, a parka. Whatever you want. Just please go potty.”
It didn’t help that I thought it was going to be a “quick” trip outside to do her thing when she first woke up. In another moment of great wisdom, I’d only pulled on my new Tempests hoodie that Connor had given me (with his number on it, of course). I’d accepted because it was a nice gesture and activated that petty part of me who considered wearing it to work one Friday.
Currently, the little miss in front of me stood shivering, giving me a “what the hell is this nonsense” look with one front paw lifted in the air as if she was afraid she’d freeze to the ground. Every couple of seconds, she’d lift one of her back ones too. If physics allowed, she’d have had all four feet off the ground. However, when she finally realized we weren’t going in until she did her business, she gave in.
“You got a dog?” a deep voice rumbled from behind me.
No exaggeration. My soul left my body at the sound of those words coming from behind me. I could see it form a haze above me as I lay deceased on the ground.
Sorry, Giz. I won’t be much of a foster mom from the afterlife.
Back in the present, I whipped around to see the last person I wanted to encounter at this moment or any other.
“Indie?” Theo tried again since I hadn’t responded.
Trying to recover my voice while reattaching my soul to my body was an effort my already frozen nerves did not appreciate.
“For fuck’s sake, Theo. You scared the shit out of me.” I aimed a glare at him.
“Not my fault you didn’t hear me walking up over your chattering teeth. Did you learn nothing from Whistler a couple years ago when you went with Emery?” He smiled irritatingly.
I narrowed my eyes at his reference to the stupid incident of we-thought-we-would-be-warm-enough on our trio’s first solo getaway without adult supervision.
“How the hell do you know about that?” I narrowed my eyes at him, hoping to annoy him enough that he’d be on his way more quickly.
“I’m in the NHL, Indie. Not living under a rock. You underestimate how important it is to gather any and all intel to embarrass your siblings to use against them at a later date. Especially with the twins.” He was right there. Liam and Chase were masters at chaos.
“Forget that. You still scared me. Not cool, Mr. Goalie-of-the-Year. And this is not my dog. She’s my foster dog.” I sniffed, both because he was annoying and the cold was causing my nose to run.
As if he had a list of ways to further infuriate me, he set his workout bag on the sidewalk and crouched down, making his imposing figure as nonthreatening as possible. He held his hand up for her doubled leashes. Still in some sort of haze, I dumbly handed them over.
“Hey, girl,” he crooned. His voice took on a sweetness that set off a pang in my chest. The last time I’d heard him sound like this was when he caught me falling out of that goddamn tree when I was eight.
I didn’t want to hear it now.
“Theo, what are you doing?”
“Shhh, Rocky. Let me work my magic here.”
His confidence made me roll my eyes. Of course he would think that he was a dog whisperer as well as a world-class goalie.
Theo’s ass was a work of art in those black sweatpants, the cherry on the top of this encounter.
But in the next moment, disbelief caused my brain synapses to misfire. Surely, Giz had not just slowly walked over to him and stood between his perfectly muscled thighs and was letting him scratch her belly.
Maybe I had fallen when he scared me, and all of this was a hallucination resulting from a concussion. If so, I hoped the ambulance would arrive soon.
Theo then proceeded to pick her up and tuck her into his coat, leaving only her small snout showing. They were a two-headed monster of cuteness.
But hell would freeze over before I let that feeling show on my face, even if it took all my willpower not to take a picture with my phone.
“Aww. You’re just freezing, aren’t you, girl? What a mean mommy you have, bringing you out here in the freezing cold. And she’s freezing her gorgeous ass off in just a hoodie with the wrong number on it.”
I crossed my arms, scowling. The involuntary shaking of my limbs may have lessened the impact of my displeasure .
“Come on, baby. Let’s get you inside where it’s warm.” His voice was laced with honey.
He started walking toward our building’s entrance, leaving me to follow.
“You’re laying it on a bit thick, Theo. She’ll be okay,” I called out to my dog-napping neighbor.
Looking back over his shoulder, the quick flash of his grin had my breath coming up short. My cheeks heated, and it had nothing to do with the brisk wind.
“Who said I was talking to the dog?” he returned.