Not A Chance (Heartstrings #2)

28. Indie

“I had to tell you this, goalie, but I’m not into being blindfolded. It’s just not one of my kinks. I hope it’s not a deal-breaker for you,” I drawled.

Theo’s low chuckle followed my words. The fact that I wasn’t wearing a blindfold was beside the point. For some insane reason, I’d agreed to keep my eyes closed after Theo had asked me to during the last ten minutes of our car ride to wherever this so-called “date” was taking place.

“Imagine that. Rocky Layne doesn’t like to be out of control. I can’t believe it.” His humorous snark slithered into my heart, filling in the chasms that had lived in my chest.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I’d like to think I know at least some of your kinks by now, baby. But please, do elaborate for educational purposes.”

Yeah, like the little bit of voyeurism on that video call.

An inelegant snort that would have my childhood etiquette coaches expiring on the spot escaped my nose. I bumped my shoulder against his in a faux scolding.

Whoever invented feelings must have been a sadist. All this gooey warmth that swam in my veins whenever I so much as heard Theo’s voice, let alone when he put his hands on me, was uncomfortable enough to make me nauseous.

It was a type of euphoric sickness that made me consider if it should be bottled and classified as an illicit drug.

How did Abbie do it all the time? She walked through life with literally every emotion plain as day on her face. I shuddered inwardly at the power of the feelings she carried so close to the surface of her skin.

Jesus Christ. A void so large that Nietzsche would have approved had lived inside me since before I hit puberty. I’d chucked so many inconvenient emotions in there over the years I was a master at feeling almost nothing. Hell, by this point, I’d probably made that dark space sentient by feeding it so many thoughts and should name it.

But here I was, not being able to go a minute without some sort of alien implantation flaring up and making me feel things .

My phone buzzed in my pocket with a text, interrupting my current existential crisis. It was probably my father again. So far, I’d dodged two phone calls and answered several texts with vague, unhelpful information.

I knew I was playing with fire, but I just wanted to stay in this bubble of freedom with Theo for just a little bit longer, without the problems that were waiting for me back home catching up to me.

What would it be like to be completely free of my family’s demands and rules? It was a thought that came to mind more often now that Theo was in my life again.

I’ll call my father tomorrow. Whatever he wants can wait another twelve hours. Just let me have this moment with Theo all to myself.

The cost of my defiance was the combination of fear and misplaced guilt that robbed me of some of the contentment I felt when I was with Theo.

The roughness of Theo’s palm brushed against mine, long calloused from years of brutal hits from hockey pucks slamming his gloves against his skin.

The dry warmth of his skin said he wasn’t nervous about this bloody date at all, as if it was just an everyday occurrence that he took out his sister’s best friend without waiting for the bottom to fall out of this mess.

I’d grown so attuned to everything about him in such a short time. Beside me, he smelled subtly like his shower gel. I also knew if I pressed my face into his neck, I’d get a hint of the fresh, clean scent of just his skin.

Shit. I should be committed right now for waxing on about his goddamn smell.

How’s convincing yourself that you’re not completely obsessed with him going? Like you’re not the same hopeless idiot you were at nineteen?

My inner voice was a nuisance that was getting harder and harder to ignore.

It was more inconvenient having Emery’s sweet, optimistic insistence to finally go after something that made me happy.

“You do everything for everyone else, Indie. What is it that you want?” It was her eternal refrain when it came to me.

Why was everyone put out so much when I was just trying to make their lives easier?

Because you never look at what you need, girl.

I wanted to open my eyes and distract myself with something other than the sensations Theo’s proximity was creating and the uncomfortable truths rolling around inside my head and heart.

“Are you sure you can’t give me a clue?” I asked in my sweetest voice .

“Only a minute more. I promise, Rocky.” He chuckled, not at all affected by my persuasion attempt.

He stopped for a moment, the cold, damp, late-November Toronto air weighing down the molecules surrounding us like a warning that winter was coming. He guided me to the side slightly, and I felt a blast of heat, which meant we were heading indoors. Less than a minute later, I felt a familiar chill wash over my skin, accompanied by an ever-present scent of industrial cleaners and dirty hockey gear.

My eyes flew open, and I looked at Theo’s smiling face.

“You brought me to… work?” I squeaked in surprise.

I scrunched up my nose, confused.

“Baby, we’re here to right a horrible oversight and check something off that list of yours at the same time.” He grinned.

Shock zipped up my spine at the thought of him reading my life to-do list that lived its rumpled life in the inner pocket of whatever bag I was carrying. It was super embarrassing that he knew how much I’d missed out on in my childhood.

“When the heck did you see my list?” My cheeks heated.

It was only the deeply ingrained sense of control I’d honed through years of rigid social training throughout my childhood that stopped me from stomping my foot like a toddler. Or worse, crying from the cringe feeling of wanting so badly to be “normal” that I’d made a list to try to achieve it.

“Hey. Hey.” Theo’s hands gently grabbed both my shoulders, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t need to be embarrassed. It fell out of your bag when I was rifling through your kitchen looking for painkillers when you were sick. I wasn’t snooping… much. But I’m not sorry that I found it.”

“Hmnph.” I crossed my arms, not wanting to admit that I may or may not be pouting slightly. How did Theo get me to drop my guards like this?

“That list is about the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Theo continued. His smile was sweet.

Apparently, I’d been having more of a moment than I thought, seeing as I hadn’t noticed Theo move from my side to right in front of me.

“But… skating isn’t on my list!” I blamed my slow processing of the situation on the minor humiliation I was experiencing. I may have been drunk when I wrote it back in college, but I’d read it over so many times when I was feeling down that I knew it by heart.

“It is,” he argued.

“Is not,” I shot back, just barely refraining from sticking out my tongue at him.

“Check again.” He grinned, confident in his position. He moved his hands off my shoulders and nodded at my bag as if I didn’t know the exact location of my own list.

When I didn’t move, he crossed his arms and gave me a wry smile. “Humor me. Please?” His posture suggested that he would be willing to wait me out.

Geez. Maybe I was rubbing off on him or something. Why did he care about this so much?

Keen to settle this, I opened my bag and retrieved the list.

I held the familiar wrinkled paper in my hand, scanning down my handwriting until I got to number twenty-four, where the penmanship changed.

Scribbled in a different color were the words:

24. Learn to skate with the best (and hottest) teacher in the world.

My god, he’d written his own item. Gah.

I looked up under my eyelashes and gave Theo a sweet smile. “You’re right. It’s on there.”

When I didn’t say anything else, Theo tilted his head like those confused puppies that go viral on social media and smiled warily back at me.

“That’s it?” he asked.

“Yep.” I shrugged. Our previous interactions had him expecting more from me, as he should. I was busy cooking up a way to drive him crazy.

“Huh. Should we get this show on the road, then? We have the place to ourselves.” Theo gestured to the empty arena behind him. “No one will bother us.”

I straightened my shoulders slightly, now meeting his gaze full-on. “We could…” I paused. “There’s just one problem.” I held our eye contact for a few seconds before I looked down at the list in my hand.

His shoulders relaxed. “Baby, don’t worry that you don’t have skates. I ordered some for you.”

Oh, you poor, sweet man. “No, Theo. It’s not the skates.” I brought the list back up to reading level and recited the words. “It says here, ‘Learn to skate with the best (and hottest ) teacher in the world.’”

I made a show of looking around us and widened my eyes to give off an air of complete innocence. “So when is Campbell going to get here? Or is Andrews coming?”

It took a couple of seconds for him to realize the burn I’d just given him, but then an honest-to-god growl came out of Theo’s mouth. He stepped forward, gripped my waist, and tugged me until our bodies were pressed together. Taken off guard, I let him manhandle me.

He leaned down until our foreheads were pressed together and spoke his next words with his lips brushing mine on every syllable.

“No, Rocky. No one else is coming. You’re mine. Haven’t you figured that out yet?” Theo nipped my bottom lip before he continued. “And it’s too soon to joke about any kind of shit with Andrews, eh? I know Campbell doesn’t have a chance in hell with a woman of your caliber. But I’m not ready to hear about the kid who was attractive enough to catch your eye. You feel me?”

Instead of letting me reply, he captured my lips with his. There was no slow buildup in this kiss. Theo thrust his tongue into my mouth and owned every inch he could reach. His lips were probably illegal in forty-eight of the fifty states, and that’s why the NHL sent him to Canada to play. His kisses were so intoxicating that he was a matter of national security.

My hands moved up around his shoulders to grip the hair at the back of his neck. He may have caught me on the defensive with his initial attack, but I could give as good as I got.

Another growl rumbled in his throat as I tangled my tongue with his. We battled for control of the growing heat between us.

But if we didn’t stop, I was going to end up fucking him against the hallway of our workplace, and that couldn’t happen. And I was weak enough for him to admit that the only thing that made me pull back was the sliver of rationality around the security cameras.

Not finished yet, Theo chased after me as I withdrew from the kiss. He chose to repay me in kind by diving to one side of my neck and nipping the skin above my jugular with enough pressure that I wouldn’t be surprised to find faint teeth marks in the morning when I looked in the mirror.

Theo very gently bit my chin on his way to the other side of my neck. Now, his feral kisses had mellowed to long sucks with his tongue. It felt incredible, but we should stop.

I realized that I was still pulling him closer to me with my hands at the back of his neck, so I slid them to his shoulder and rasped out his name.

He pulled back with a dazed look on his face that showed me that we’d both gone further than we intended to with our little battle of wills.

“You didn’t answer me, baby. You feel me?” With his eyes more focused, a smirk formed on his mouth. He pushed his hard length against my belly button.

“I feel you, baby . But we can’t do this here. It’s my job and yours too.” I reached down with one hand and gripped him over his jeans. He rutted his denim-covered cock against my hand for a second before moving back with a groan.

“Fuck, you’re right. We’re here for you. And I can’t lie, I can’t have my girlfriend out there in the world not knowing how to skate. But damn, baby. I want to take you back to your place so badly,” he rasped.

Girlfriend . Did he just call me his girlfriend?