31. Theo
Unfortunately, the potential of taking a cooking class together never materialized. Indie and I had managed only a handful of days and nights together, never mind knocking anything else off her list, for the remainder of the month. Never had I felt the demands of my career more than those thirty days.
Now, in mid-December, I was home for a couple of days and actually sitting in Indie’s apartment in the daylight hours. It felt like a luxury.
With Gizmo on my lap (or a partial section of one thigh, for all the space she took up), I watched Indie open the blinds in her apartment with a huff.
“What’s wrong, babe?” I hadn’t pressed her on how hard the last month had been for her in our newly minted relationship, afraid that her answer would be that she missed me a lot less than I did her.
She glared at the window again and turned around, crossing her arms. The gray sky of the December morning framed her in its murky light .
She walked up to the counter and picked up a mug before putting it down again and pointing her finger at me.
“Here’s what I want to know.” Uh-oh. What had I done? I did the panic search of my brain to see if I’d annoyed her by doing any of her pet peeves recently. Towels on the floor? Nope. Spending too much money on dog toys when Giz only liked to knock over empty plastic water bottles with her paw? Nope (mostly, anyway). Toilet seat up? Nope.
“It’s December in Canada, right?” I nodded, even though I wasn’t following. Indie slapped her hands down on the counter. “Then, tell me. Where the hell is the snow?”
Her mouth formed an adorable little frown as she glanced out the window again. Oh, god, she was cute. My Rocky was mad because she’d expected it to be winter already.
It seemed to take her a moment to realize that her tone sounded like an eight-year-old wanting a snow day off school, and she mumbled, “Ugh. Never mind,” and moved over to the coffee machine to prepare coffee I wasn’t sure she wanted.
Carefully, sliding a hand under Giz, who startled at the feel of my cold hand on her peach-fuzz-covered skin, I lifted her onto a pillow before I got up to join Indie in the kitchen.
When I reached her, I pressed myself against the back of her body and wrapped my arms around her middle.
Indie so rarely gave me glimpses of her unguarded self, like she had just a moment ago. I wanted her to want to share more of her unfiltered thoughts with me.
I nuzzled my nose into her hair, which was still messy from our midmorning wake-up.
“You were hoping for snow, eh?” I mentally ran through her list and tried to remember if anything on it required snow .
She slowly measured out the coffee grounds and shook her head. “It’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”
I kissed the top of her head before gently grasping her shoulders to encourage her to turn around and look at me.
“It’s not. I get it. I still remember the first big snowfall after I moved up to Abbotsford. It was enough to slow down the city for a couple days. Shoveling the driveway of the rental house I shared with a couple of teammates, though, got old pretty fast.” I spoke quietly, hoping she would open up to me.
“Yeah, I guess I was thinking about how nice it would be to see why people go on and on about how great a white Christmas is. I figured, if I’m only here for the year, that was the thing I was most looking forward to.” She shrugged again.
Another thing we hadn’t talked about was the future. Not a single word about what would happen after this season.
How many things are you going to put off asking her about because you’re afraid to hear what her answers are?
I pushed my inner Jiminy Cricket aside and focused on the problem I could solve right now: Indie was going to stay in Toronto for Christmas alone?
The thought of her being alone thousands of miles away from home was another blow. The realization was like taking a slapshot to the chest without my gear.
She didn’t even sound sad about it. Just like it was a given that she wouldn’t be going home or that it hadn’t crossed her mind.
“Come home with me.” The words were out before I thought about them.
For all I’d missed over the years, I usually made it home for Christmas Eve or Day, depending on the game schedule.
Indie had stopped coming to spend Christmas with my family after that disaster Christmas morning when she was nineteen. In the years that followed, if the topic came up, Emery had said that Indie had other plans.
But had that been true? What if she had spent the last six Christmases alone ?
But did I want to take my words back? No. I wanted her to come home with me, as a couple, and for her to feel the comfort she used to in my parents’ house. Even if she had kept her distance over the past several years, I knew my dad and siblings still considered her part of the family.
Indie’s gaze whipped to mine. “What?”
I let my hands settle on her hips. Damn, I loved the feel of this soft-as-hell pajama set now that I knew I was the only one seeing her in it. I couldn’t stop my thumbs from making slow circles where they rested against her hip bones.
“You heard me, baby. Come home with me for Christmas.” I held eye contact with her as I repeated my invitation.
“This isn’t funny, goalie.” She crossed her arms, an uneasy expression on her face. Her lips tightened into a half grimace.
Another bruise of hurt formed on my heart, for her and myself, with her defensive stance.
My first instinct was to take it personally that she thought I was the kind of guy who would joke about wanting to take her home to my family. Because that’s what this would be, me taking her home. Not simply Emery bringing her best friend home for Christmas when Indie’s parents put their careers ahead of their daughter.
This was me bringing home the woman I was falling in love with—despite her efforts to keep this relationship as something manageable in her mind—for the first time. The person I saw involved in the decisions I was soon going to have to make about my future in the NHL and elsewhere in my life.
But this was not about me. She either couldn’t understand why I would seriously want her to come home with me, or it hadn’t occurred to her that this was something that I would want.
Both options absolutely shredded my heart because she deserved to believe in how much she was wanted. And not just by me. She had always had a true family in Emery and Abbie. I couldn’t believe that she didn’t see that?
“I’m not joking.” She tried to break out of the loose hold I had on her hips. I let her go, only to cage her in by moving my hands to grip the countertop behind her.
Indie huffed with frustration. “Come on, Theo. I’m serious. Move.” She pressed her palms against my chest and applied a little bit of pressure, not nearly the kind of force that would dislodge the obstacle of my body in front of hers.
I leaned into her hands and brought my forehead down to hers. Her eyes closed with my movements. Good, maybe it would be easier for her to hear me if she didn’t have to make eye contact.
“Come home with me. As my girlfriend. I don’t want to go back without you. It’s our first Christmas together.” This time, my words whispered in the intimate cocoon of the short distance of my lips to hers.
“I don’t understand why you are doing this.” Her words were barely more than a whoosh of air, nearly inaudible. But to my ears, they roared louder than the crowds that filled the arena on game nights.
If she reached inside me, gripped my heart with both her hands, and squeezed with all her strength, she wouldn’t have been able to match the crushing pressure in my chest at her question.
Fuck. What was it about her that could tear me apart so easily? How had I never seen how tender her insides were ?
I needed a minute to compose myself so I wouldn’t go off in a rage at the two completely useless, selfish fuckheads of flesh that she had to call her parents.
I kissed her forehead instead and let the anger at her history that I couldn’t change simmer down.
“Can you look at me, Rocky?” Despite the sadness for her childhood self, whose wound was still raw inside her, my nickname for her could still bring a curve to one side of her lips.
We parted only enough to be able to see each other clearly. I let go of the counter and cupped her chin with my hands so that she wouldn’t look away.
“This—us—is happening, baby. That means where I go, I want you with me whenever that is possible. You know what Christmas is like at my house. It’s Emery’s favorite. She goes all out every year because it’s the only time she can get us all in the same room at once. It’s the only time where we talk about Mom, and it’s like she’s…” My voice was caught in my throat with the sudden emotion. “There with us. And if you are really going to try this with me, as my girlfriend, then of course I want you there.”
“You’re lethal, Theo. Who could say no to that?” Her smile wobbled slightly, like her instincts wanted to hold her back from really feeling that she was wanted.
“Hopefully not you, Ind.” My gaze didn’t falter. I hoped she could see in my eyes that I was telling her the truth.
“Okay, but…” she started, and I groaned. Indie gave my pec a little pinch.
“Ouch! What’s that for?” That shit smarted.
She rubbed the spot where she had just assaulted and looked into my eyes. “It’s not my fault you can’t listen.”
“I can’t listen! Oh, that’s rich, baby…” I chuckled .
“Theo.” She brought out the don’t-fuck-with-me tone she’d used on the reporter, so I wisely shut up. “Emery doesn’t know, remember? Do you recall that we agreed that I could be the one to tell her?” Indie cocked her head to the side slightly with her questions.
“Yeah, of course I do. You can. What’s the problem? Just tell her.” She’d need to spell it out for me. “You know what? Hold that thought. Let’s sit down first.”
I was done talking in the dim kitchen against a cold granite counter. I wanted my arms around her for whatever she was about to say. I’d remind her how good we felt physically together to make sure she felt how wanted she was if she was going to try to put me off.
I led her to the couch and pulled her down into my lap before she could sit on the opposite side of Giz, who was still snoring quietly in her fluffy little bed.
“Much better. I’m sorry for interrupting. What did you want to say?” I kissed her cheek and leaned back to meet her gaze again.
I knew this little maneuver was working wonderfully when the tension smoothed out of her features and her eyes softened with affection.
“What I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted—” She paused, giving me a look of playful admonishment. I widened my eyes in what I hoped resembled a look of innocence. “It’s not simple just to tell Emery out of nowhere.” She sighed.
I waited for her to continue, letting her put into words whatever it was that she wanted me to understand.
“My friendships with Emery and Abbie are literally all I have, Theo. Those two women are the only people I would go to war to protect.” She brought one hand up to my cheek. “Until now.”
I sucked in a breath at the implication of her statement. I mean, I had heard her tear that reporter a new asshole weeks ago, but she didn’t know that. This was the first time she’d ever let me see a glimpse of the depth of her feelings. I wanted to tell her I’d heard her that day, but now wasn’t the time.
Somewhat stunned, I could only nod in response.
“I know there’s been stuff going on with Emery and your brothers. And I don’t know what things are like with you and your dad. I’m not asking you to talk about it. But if you needed any of them, they would be there for you in a second. I don’t have a family like that. On the other hand, I stay as fucking far away from my parents and their world as I can. So if I fuck up, it’s on me. I handle my own shit.”
She started smoothing my hair back from my forehead absently, lost in thought.
“You’re right. My family are good people… But do you really think that Emery is going to mind that we’re dating?” I watched her closely, keen to see any signs she was hiding anything.
“I don’t think so,” Indie admitted. “But, and it’s a major but, there is a chance that she will be upset. There’s a part of me that thinks she will see this as some sort of betrayal. Em was my first real friend and has been for two decades. And Theo, think about it: who’s she going to ultimately side with if things go wrong?”
“You.” There was no hesitation in my answer. I truly thought my sister would take Indie’s side in every outcome I could imagine.
She laughed and brought her other hand up to my head so she could rub gentle circles against the skin beside my eyes while her hands threaded through my hair.
“That’s a nice fantasy, goalie.” She leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead like I was a kid who’d said something adorable. “But the hard truth is, family comes first. Hell, even with my absolute shitshow of a family, that’s true. They just put the idea of the family name first rather than the actual people. But anyway, Emery would pick you. Then, poor Abbie would be stuck in the middle of a fight and forced to take sides. And there’s nothing that girl hates more than conflict.”
I wanted to say that she was more worried about hurting Emery and Abbie than herself, but I could see where she was coming from.
I also had some sense of self-preservation. Even if I thought I knew how things would turn out with Emery, there was no way to make Indie see my point of view.
It was the same reason why I never let myself get invested with my teammates in Vancouver, even after more than a decade with the Frost. Why invest in people I was just going to lose to a trade or retirement?
Yeah, and how did that work out for you? Thirty-one and just now seeing how you ensured your own loneliness all these years?
“So what do you want to do?” I wasn’t sure if I was just asking about Christmas and telling Emery.
“Theo, I said I would tell Em. And I meant it. I just wasn’t expecting to have a deadline put on it.” I grimaced at the idea that she saw the whole thing as something that she was now being rushed into.
But would she do it if she didn’t have this push? Seeing how concerned she was about the fallout, I was less certain than before I’d impulsively voiced the invitation.
She took a deep breath. “So yes, I will go home with you for Christmas. But…” She pursed her lips, considering. “I want to get a hotel room. I don’t want to have this conversation with Emery over the phone. I owe it to her to look her in the eye when I tell her. The Tempests schedule gives us an extra day before Christmas Eve that we can stay over, and I can tell her.”
Part of me had hoped she was going to call up Emery right this moment to get everything out in the open. But that was just me being impatient to feel more secure in our relationship. And from what Indie had said, it was the exact opposite of what she wanted and needed.
So I could continue being patient. I mirrored the way she was still holding my head by putting my hands through her hair and bringing her mouth to mine for a slow but deep kiss to seal my promise to wait for her to do things her way.
“Okay, Rocky. If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do,” I said after I pulled back from the kiss just long enough to let the words escape before returning my lips to hers.
Even if I’d had to collect every piece of good sense I accumulated over my entire life to navigate this conversation, her answering smile when she pulled back told me that I’d managed to say the right thing for once.