Monday, December 25th #4
“And even after everything, you were there. After the trauma, after the trial… you loved me through it. Even when I left. You loved me over distance. Steady. Never judging, always telling me I’m worthy of love, even when I couldn’t believe it myself.
I still think you’re full of shit most of the time, but I promise, I’m working on that. ”
More quiet laughter from the table, but I don’t look away from Cat.
“For a moment, it felt like maybe we’d turned a corner.
Things were good. But then my grandmother showed up, and there was…
I learned some truly unnerving shit. And I spiraled.
I spiraled and pushed you away in the worst possible way.
Baby, I know I left. I left you. Emotionally, mentally, I checked out.
More than once. And I almost didn’t come back.
But, god, Cat, I always wanted you. I always loved you. ”
My voice cracks on the memory like stained glass.
“I promise, I tried to get better, tried to figure it all out somehow, tried to… find myself. And you let me do that. You never demanded anything. You just let me heal.”
I pause, locking eyes with her.
“I still have healing to do. I know that. I probably always will. But you need to know something, Cat: you were never something I needed to heal from. You were, and are, my healing. You are the safest place I’ve ever known.”
She chokes on a sob, and I step closer.
“I’m just glad that you took me back, baby.
I half-expected you to have moved on, to have fallen out of love with me.
But you welcomed me back and then… well, the last nine months happened.
And honestly, some days it feels like we can’t catch a damn break.
Like the universe keeps testing us and testing us and testing us again. ”
I take a deep, cleansing breath.
“I don’t care anymore. I don’t need any more tests. I spent an entire lifetime lost. And then you found me, which in turn allowed me to find myself. It took me a minute but… I know what I want. I know who I want. I want you. Forever.”
I pull the simple gold ring from my pocket, the single oval diamond grabbing all the attention, and get down on one knee. “And I want forever to start now.”
“Bobby, what is he doing? Is he proposing?” I hear Jen gasp somewhere behind me, but it’s like I have blinders on. All I see is Cat, her hands covering her mouth, her eyes wide and locked on mine.
“Baby, marry me. Please!”
She laughs and cries all at once. “Of course I’ll marry you, Ran!”
“Are you serious?” I ask, in complete disbelief.
“Yes,” she laughs again.
I slide the ring onto her finger before pulling her into my arms and kissing her like it’s the last breath I’ll ever take.
It doesn’t take long before we’re surrounded by everyone, giving and getting hugs. Jen and Penny swoon over Cat’s ring, which honestly cost me a small fortune. I figured since we didn’t end up having to buy all the baby essentials, I might as well spoil her.
“Bobby, did you know about this?” Jen asks him loudly when she catches sight of him grinning widely.
He chuckles. “Sort of. Ronan had the talk with me a few weeks ago.”
Cat looks at me, her eyes brimming with tears and emotion. “You talked to my dad first?”
“Only to give him a heads-up,” I say with a grin.
I had actually bought the ring the day after Cat came home from the hospital, her nineteenth birthday.
Yeah, I know we’re young, but we’ve been through so much shit together, that alone has matured us by at least twenty years.
I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
The only thing I wavered on was the timing of my proposal.
I didn’t want to overshadow the heaviness of our loss. I didn’t want to make Cat feel as though I was rushing that process. I wanted to give us time to grieve. And, yeah, I wanted to talk to Bobby.
It wasn’t about permission. Cat isn’t property.
She doesn’t need anyone’s permission but her own.
But given Bobby’s and my rather tense relationship in the past and how much better things have been between us lately, I thought I should at least provide him with the illusion of control rather than blindsiding him.
So on a Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago, I dropped Cat off at her parents’ home so she and her mom could go Christmas shopping together. I pretended to use the bathroom, lingering way longer than necessary so I could catch Bobby alone.
I waited for Cat and Jen to head out, then went to find Bobby. “Do you have a second?” I asked when I finally came back downstairs.
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I wanted to talk to you really quick.”
Bobby’s expression changed immediately. He nodded. “You’re going to ask me if you have my blessing to marry Cat, aren’t you?”
I fully expected him to launch into a tirade about why he didn’t approve of me asking Cat to be my wife, but he surprised me.
“I have been wondering when this would happen. You guys are so young, Ronan. Only nineteen. Are you sure?”
I almost reminded him that just months ago, he’d been trying to pressure me into “making an honest woman out of Cat.” But I figured now wasn’t the time to point out the hypocrisy.
“I’ve never been surer about anything than the fact that I want to be with Cat for the rest of my life.”
“You know, Ronan, when Cat was born and I held her in my arms for the very first time, I knew, absolutely, one hundred percent knew that no guy would ever be good enough for my daughter.”
He hesitated for a second.
“But I was wrong. I know it took me a while to come around. When Cat cried after losing her baby… your baby… she sought your arms. Not her dad’s.”
He quickly swiped at his eyes, trying to hide the emotion.
“I guess I finally understood that there were things I couldn’t fix for her, that there was pain I couldn’t take away.
But you can. You did. You do. That was a hard pill to swallow, because when she was little I was able to make everything better.
Even with that bastard Adam. But what Cat has with you is on a different plane.
She needs you, and, more importantly, she wants you.
You’re now the one she goes to first when she’s happy, or sad, or angry.
You’re her safe space. You’re her person.
She loves you. I see it. And I see how much you love her. I know you’ll keep her safe.”
He took a deep, steadying breath.
“So yes, you have my blessing to ask her to marry you.”
“Thank you, sir.” Even though his approval wasn’t a prerequisite to me proposing to Cat, I was still relieved. It was still nice to know we had his support after he had been less than supportive of me for so long.
He grinned. “What would you have done if I had said no?”
I gave him a one-shouldered shrug. I was ready to give him some control. Not all of it. “I’d have asked her to marry me anyway, but she would have been pissed at you, I’m sure.”
He laughed. “Fair enough. Do you know when you’re going to do it?”
I shook my head. “No idea. I figure I’ll know when the moment is right.”
“Do you have a ring?”
I nodded, reached into my pocket, and pulled out the dainty piece of jewelry.
Cat’s not a flashy person, so I made sure the band was simple—thin, delicate—just enough to seat the sparkly oval diamond.
I’d been carrying it with me everywhere I went, constantly afraid of losing it but too paranoid to leave it at home or in my car, where I was sure Cat would find it in five seconds flat.
I hadn’t told anyone else about it. Not my brother.
Not my dad. Not even Shane. He’ll probably give me shit for it later, be in his feelings about not knowing, but I didn’t want the pressure.
Didn’t want the opinions or the teasing or the weight of anyone else’s expectations stacked on top of my own.
So I waited. Just waited. Waited for my heart to tell me when it was time.
And tell me, it did.
I spent my whole life anticipating pain, hiding, running, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But now, for once, I’m not bracing for impact. I’m not waiting for the fall. I’m reaching for the future. I’m reaching for happiness.
I’m reaching for Cat.
This is the end of Ronan and Cat’s story… for now.