Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Derek
“Happy birthday!”
I internally die inside as Constantine leads a singing line of restaurant staff from the kitchen and into the dining area. He’s holding a cake way too big for the two of us, and I want to crawl under the table and pretend like I’m not here.
That jerk.
I’m already physically sore from the football game with Manny and my other friends today; now, he’s going to make me emotionally sore from the betrayal.
The whole time they’re singing “Happy Birthday,” the smoke rising steadily from the candles, I glare at him. He smiles at me.
Who needs enemies, huh?
“Thirty-five, you old bastard!” Constantine shouts as the servers resume the not-a-spectacle side of their jobs .
“Say it louder. I think there’s an old lady in the corner who didn’t hear you.”
“Thirty-fucking-five!”
I drop my forehead into my hand. “Can I fire you yet?”
“Thankfully, you’re not my boss. Blow out the candles and make a wish, grandpa.”
“Original.” But I do it because I might be a whole decade older than Constantine, but I still know how to be a good sport. As for the wish? I don’t know where to start. But even as I think that, Xander flits through my mind.
Fuck.
I wish he’d fight for himself.
Maybe it’s a waste of a birthday wish, but it is what it is.
Even if it means never seeing him again, I’d be happy to know he’s not at the mercy of his anxiety, and while no one ever asked me to be, I’d kind of like to not be at the mercy of it as well.
“What did you wish for?” Constantine asks, helping himself to a large chunk of the rich mud cake.
“Nothing specific.”
He gives me a pointed look. “Lemme guess, it has something to do with an X.”
“Fuck off.”
“That’s confirmation.” He shoves a big bite into his mouth and keeps talking. “You’ve put your whole life on hold to be around if he needs you. Don’t think none of us have noticed.”
“Don’t know what you mean.”
“You moved a block from the pharmacy. We’re not idiots.”
“You sure about that?” I point my fork at him. “You’re spraying food everywhere.”
“I’m enthusiastic.”
“You’re an animal.” I’m also exaggerating, as gross as it is to watch him talk with his mouth full. Anything to get people off the topic of Xander, who already takes up too much space in my life as it is. I’m pathetic, and I’m wasting the best years of my life, but I can’t not do it. He needs me, and I’m full of stupid conflicty feelings over being happy whenever I get to see him and knowing that I’m only getting to see him because he’s sick. Which makes me a selfish bastard.
Reason number one for why a nurse shouldn’t fall for his patient.
And reason number one for why I’m not supposed to think of him unless he’s right in front of me.
“Still going out?” Thankfully, Constantine has remembered to swallow this time.
“Sure. Why not?”
“Not drinking though, are you?”
I hum noncommittally. “We’ll see.”
He snickers into his next bite. “Uh-huh. Sure.”
As the only two openly gay men at the pharmacy, we hit it off fast. It’s a large chain store that’s open round the clock, and statistically, there have to be more queer people working there, but he’s the one I’m stuck with.
As much as I might give him hell, and he teases me about being ancient, I’m glad to have him. Fuck knows without Constantine in my life, I’d be even more engrossed in my bugs than I already am. He reminds me to leave the house.
“It’s been about three months since I got laid,” he continues, like we’re not in the middle of a busy dining room. “This work schedule is bullshit.”
“That’s where saving for a house will get you.”
“My point is, don’t you dare stand me up. I need this, big D.”
“That’s a no on that nickname, but I will definitely be there.”
“Good. Wear something slutty for me.”
I flip him off and grab some cake for myself .
Given that I’ve gotten through the whole day with no phone calls from the pharmacy, I’m taking that as a good sign. Would I like to see Xander for my birthday? I’d like to see him every day, but it’s selfish of me. The longer it goes between visits, the better; I just wish I wasn’t always waiting around for them. At one point, my life used to be fun.
In college, I was constantly at frat parties and hooking up. I took road trips at a moment’s notice, stole mascots from our rival school, was always up for a dare or a stupid decision … when did I get so old ?
“I’m stuffed more than a star stripper’s thong,” Constantine announces. The couple beside us glances over, and I give them a tense don’t listen to him wave.
And there I go being an old man again.
It’s almost instinctual at this point, and I wonder if I can get that fun guy back or if he’s well and truly dead.
“Question,” I start cautiously, half-convinced I’m going to fuck myself over with this. “Want to check out a different club tonight?”
“New dick pool? Sure.”
“Do you know of any with … cage dancing? Or stages? Platforms? That anyone can use?” It’s been a long time since I made a spectacle of myself, so why not now?
The smile that stretches across his face is wicked. He’s trying to grow a mustache that hasn’t completely caught on, and instead of making him look older, it makes him look maniacal.
“I bet I could find one. Are you going to give me a show?”
“Not sure yet.” I rub at the stubble on my jaw. “I want to try something different, maybe get back some of the fun I used to have.”
“Before a certain blue-haired man turned you into a prisoner in your own house?”
“Shut the fuck up. This was way before Xander. Before I started working in a pharmacy and realized how messed up things are for people. Maybe I grew a heart. Or got jaded.”
“Well, I’m going to find your jaded ass a club where you can get up and shake your chaps to your ass’s content.”
“I won’t be wearing chaps, but thanks for assuming I own some.”
“A harness?”
That gets a laugh from me. “What part of my vanilla, boring-as-hell existence do you think took a break to buy a harness?”
“I’ll bring one for you. Show off that chest—you’ll have all the gays drooling.”
Well, if I don’t get in a cage, that’s a mild way to draw attention amongst all the other men who’ll be wearing one. “Fine. It’s my birthday, fuck it.”
Constantine fist pumps. “Wait until Susan finds out about this.”
“Susan will not find out about this.”
“I’m going to take pictures, just for her.”
My hand slides over my face as I remind myself he’s teasing. Susan is a constant thorn in my side and the only customer assistant rep who refuses to call me when Xander comes in. She’s made it clear she thinks there’s something untoward going on between us, and I hate that she’s not completely wrong. I also hate that of the two of us, she’s the one in the right.
So tonight, I’m giving myself a fuck it moment. I’m going to pretend I’m back in college again. No responsibilities. No constant worry about the future and what’s next. No yearning to travel and not being able to leave a ten-minute radius from my house.
Mid-life crisis, here I come.
I might even turn my phone off.
There’s no way I will , but I can pretend .
Constantine and I part ways after he pays for dinner, and I head home to get ready.
A harness and cage dancing. Hopefully, a hookup.
What else are birthdays for?