Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Two
Xander
Seven’s holding me from behind, a little for support and a little to stop me from running through the front doors of the airport like a wild person. Derek should have landed almost an hour ago. Does it really take this long to get through customs? I have zero desire to leave the country, so I’ll never know, but it’s feeling really, really long.
Did the plane even land? What if it went down somewhere and it’s plastered all over the news and we’re standing here like fucking muppets waiting for a man who’s never coming?
What if?—
I grip Seven’s hand and take a long breath, remembering to ground myself before I let the thoughts go any further.
The automatic doors slide open again, and a group of people walk out. They head in all different directions, but one slows. Cranes his neck above the people around him. Looks around until he spots us .
It’s fucking him.
I break free from Seven and bolt. I’m running faster than my cardio-deprived body really should be running, and maybe I’ll die from oxygen depletion, but I don’t even care right now. I need to get to Derek.
I slam into him so hard an ooompf leaves his chest, and he stumbles backward a step. But he drops his bag from his shoulder to wrap both arms tightly around me.
“Fucking finally.” His deep groan fills my ear as his face buries into my neck.
I can’t let him go. I’m going to be glued to him for the rest of our lives because that four months was brutal. There is no fucking way in the history of ever that I’m going to be able to do that again.
“I was starting to think your plane crashed and you were stuck in the mountains and were going to have to eat one of the other passengers to survive …”
He chuckles and presses a kiss to my throat. “You do know that I flew across an ocean, right?”
“You do know my catastrophizing isn’t logical, right?”
Derek squeezes me harder. “I missed you so fucking much.”
I pull back, needing to see his face. Just like last time, he’s scruffier, his hair is longer, and he’s way more tanned than he was when he left.
And he’s still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.
“I didn’t think you’d ever get home.”
He brushes my hair back with his big hand. “Nothing would stop me. And …” His eyes search both of mine, drinking me in, all the longing and need and love I feel reflected back at me. “Fuck it.”
Derek’s mouth crushes down on mine. I squeak into the unexpected kiss, opening for his tongue, toes curling in my shoes, and I swear my head goes so light I might float away. My hands wrap fists into the front of his T-shirt, and when Derek finally pulls away, my whole face feels flushed.
“I needed that,” he sighs.
“ You needed that? I was a second away from begging for it.”
His smile is broad and free as he kisses me one more time, takes my hand, and then grabs his bag again. He leads us over to Molly and Seven, who both swamp him in a hug.
“It feels fucking good to be back.”
“Thank crickets,” Seven says, taking Derek’s suitcase from him. “Now Z can stop his wallowing. I swear I haven’t had sex in a month.”
Molly scoffs. “I blew you in the bathroom yesterday.”
“Fine. I haven’t had sex in my bed in a month. You need to come over and remind Xander where his own darn bedroom is.”
I’m way too happy to give a shit about the teasing. My hand is securely in Derek’s, and I can’t stop staring at him. At his green, brown, yellow messy eyes. At his hair that needs a serious wash. At what’s almost a full beard. At the kind lines by his eyes and the way the veins in his hand stand out when he squeezes mine.
We slide into the back of Seven’s car, and I don’t stop until I’m pressed up against him. Derek wraps his arm around me and kisses my head, but it’s not enough. I need more.
I need to wriggle into his skin and live there.
“You want to head to your place?” Seven asks, glancing in the rearview mirror.
“Yeah. I need to shower this plane off me.”
My gut sinks. I’d been hoping Derek would come over and that I’d be able to convince him to stay, even if it meant me having to take the couch. If he’s heading home, I’m going to have to say goodbye. Again. Seven’s already given up half of his day to pick Derek up; I can’t ask him to drive back out to Derek’s house to grab me later.
Even I know there are limits.
But I’m not ready to say goodbye already. I don’t think I can. If Derek goes home and then I go home, how do I trust that he’s really back?
It’s been a few days since my last attack, but before that, it was almost a month. I’m working hard to go longer and longer, but this is exactly the type of thing that will send me spiraling again.
And I remind myself that’s not on Derek. I’m in control.
“Hey.” He squeezes my side, and I look up. “You going to come with me?”
Fuck, I want to more than I can say. “I don’t think Seven will come back and get me, and the thought of getting an Uber …” Trusting a stranger to drive? No way in hell.
Derek shakes his head. “First, I would drive you home before I let you do that, and second … I don’t want you to go home.”
I perk up. “What?”
“Stay the night.”
“At … your place?”
“Yup.”
“But … the rules …”
Derek’s teeth scrape his bottom lip. “You know what, Xander? Fuck the rules.”
I can only blink at him. “Oh … I’ve heard about this.”
“About what?”
“Those bugs that lay eggs in your ears that burrow into your brain until you slowly go insane.”
Molly giggles.
Derek uses all his energy not to react. Probably. “I’m ninety percent sure that isn’t a thing, but I’m one hundred percent sure I don’t have an infected brain. But Cambodia was really fucking good for me, and now that I’m back, I’m doing some reevaluating. Starting with you.”
“If you break up with me?—”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” He tugs my hair playfully. “I’m not breaking up with you. The opposite, actually.”
“Which … is?”
His eyes soften. “Will you be my boyfriend? Officially?”
I’m too stunned to speak. Because that’s exactly what he went away to avoid. “I’m confused … I thought … there’s, like, six months, and then?—”
“Fuck it. Fuck them all. Maybe they find out and I lose my license and do something else. Maybe I quit. Maybe I … I don’t know. All I know is that not being with you doesn’t make sense. If I’m fined or stripped of my license … I’ll figure it out. I love you, Xander. And the fact I had to be away from you for so fucking long doesn’t make sense . I want to make you happy. That’s it. That’s top of my dream board.”
“Shiiiirt sleeves,” Seven groans. “You better say yes, Z, or I will.”
“Not if I get there first,” Molly adds.
But even with their threats, I can’t make the words form. I fall against Derek, face in his neck, cursing the stupid damn stupid seat belts for making it impossible to crawl into his lap.
“What do you say, bug? Can we make this work?”
“We always could.” I grit my teeth so I don’t do something annoying like cry. Again. I’m so sick of crying. “I love you too. I love you so much it might kill me.”
He chuckles, hand a steady anchor on my back. “Let’s call that plan B. For now, tell me you’ll be mine, and we’re good.”
“I’m yours. I’ve always been yours. I can’t believe you finally caught up.”
I’d been prepared to stick it out another six months. Another year. Another ten. It didn’t matter to me. Public or not public. I’ll take whatever I can get. Sherwin can tell me that’s unhealthy all he likes; he doesn’t know Derek.
“Thank you for waiting for me,” he whispers. “I’m going to spend forever proving I was worth it.”
Derek doesn’t need to though. “Dare-bear, I’ve always known.”