Not Safe For Work: A Steamy Fake Dating Romance

Chapter 9

32 Months ago

Another one?I’ve already done four interviews today and I’m damn near exhausted. I really do try my best to be engaged with each person, but recruiting has passed through some major duds lately.

Sure, sales development roles are entry-level, but the goal is to promote them over time. Experience isn’t necessary. I just need someone who can carry on a conversation. The airport test is my rule. Could I be stuck sitting next to this person in an airport, waiting out a delayed flight? If yes, they might make it in sales. We can teach the product, but we can’t teach having a personality.

Just before I get up from my desk, my cell vibrates in my pocket.

Gabby:

I got in!!! I can’t believe it but I actually got in. I’m GOING TO STANFORD!!!!

Holy shit. My baby sister is getting her MBA from Stanford. Her dream is finally coming true. I feel like I might cry.

Me:

You’re amazing. I never doubted you

Gabby:

You totally doubted me

But I love you anyway! I’m making you alfajores tonight – don’t work too late!

Before I realize what I’m doing, the cell is ringing in my ear.

“Wow,” Gabby’s voice comes through the phone. “My brother actually has time to call me?”

“I needed you to hear how proud of you I am. You amaze me. Truly.”

“Shut up! You’re gonna make me cry. Are you sure about paying the tuition? I’m twenty-one now. I can take out a loan.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. There’s nothing I hate more than lying to my sister, but there’s also nothing I won’t do for her. “Don’t you dare. I make more than enough to cover it. We’ll be fine.”

“I love you! Hey, before you go, how was the date last night?”

Ugh. Gabby and her friend Kadesha have made it their mission to find me a girlfriend. Every time we go out, they fight over who’s the better wing woman.

“It was fine. Don’t think I’ll be seeing her again though.”

“Why not?” Gabby screeches into the phone. “She was gorgeous. And she spoke Spanish!”

“And she was exactly the same as every other girl I’ve gone out with.” I don’t know if it’s a San Francisco thing, but all the women I meet seem to blur together. Is there some sort of rule that requires them all to order espresso martinis and work in marketing? They all wear the same Bay Area uniform, listen to the same music, and the only weekend activities they know of are brunch and hiking. It’s not that I have anything against hiking, I’m just…bored.

Mainly, I get the sense that they’re all just telling me what I want to hear, like it could take years to puzzle out who they are beneath the curated version they show me.

Maybe I’ve been in sales too long.

Or maybe it’s that I don’t have space in my chest to care about anyone besides my sister. Maybe I don’t want to. As long as I know Gabby is safe and happy, there’s little else I need.

“I know you have these incredibly high standards, but I’m worried my brother will be alone forever.”

“I’ll never be alone. I have you,” I quip.

“That doesn’t?—”

“Gotta go Gabs. Have another interview. See you tonight.”

Luckily this wasn’t a lie. I’m even two minutes late. I march back down to reception to grab the next candidate while I peruse over her resume. Olivia Diamond. Damn, what a name. Sounds like a popstar or something.

Business major, Sonoma State, captain of the archery club? Okay, that’s pretty cool. No work experience at all. The only thing listed is her certification as a service dog trainer. Might not be relevant but that’s really fucking cool.

“Olivia?” I ask, seeing a few people sitting in the waiting area. The girl who stands up is breathtaking. Red hair hangs down to her waist, layered over a black sweater and sparkling black skirt. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was applying for a job at a fashion magazine, not Sizzl. I’m tempted to peek at her resume again. Sonoma State is a mostly local college, but she’s got to be from New York, maybe Boston.

“Hi, that’s me.” She offers a little wave. Her face is veiled in soft features, smooth skin, a smile that makes me want to say “yes” to anything she asks. And her curves. I stop myself just in time before doing a full once-over and hold out my hand instead.

“I’m Gavin Scott. I’ll be interviewing you today.”

“Great. Nice to meet you, Gavin.” Fuck, even her voice is sexy.

I lead the way up one flight of stairs to the main office. We start every interview with a quick tour.

“All our sales and customer success teams are on this side. Kitchen’s in the middle. Then the rest of go-to-market here.” I say it all while walking, anxious to get my last interview of the day over with.

“Go-to-market?” she asks.

Right, because she has no experience in tech. “Just means all teams that have a hand in the customer experience. So all the customer-facing teams like sales and support, plus marketing and product.”

“That makes sense. Thanks for explaining it.” She lowers her gaze when we stop walking and I wonder if I made her feel like she should have known the answer.

“It was a good question, Olivia. No one else ever asks it but I have a feeling most candidates don’t know all the terms we throw around here.”

She smiles up at me and I’m a fucking goner. I want to offer her a job on the spot just to see her face light up again.

“Cute skirt!” Our tour is interrupted when Andie, our solo marketing team, pops into the kitchen. “Are you interviewing here?”

“Yeah, for sales,” Olivia clarifies.

I let them chat for a minute while I check my email on my phone. I’ve been waiting for two days to get this latest contract signed and the quarter ends tomorrow.

Andie grabs a pack of carrots from the fridge before leaving. “I like this one,” she says on the way back to her desk. “You could use some feminine influence on your team.”

Shit. Most of the female candidates become wary once they hear we’re still trying to hire the first. It’s not that I don’t want to. There are just a lot less women who want to sell software, less who have experience, and unsurprisingly not many who want to be the first one. They must think we have one big circle jerk at lunch every day.

Honestly, I’m kind of desperate to hire a woman. It doesn’t look good that we don’t have any and it comes up every quarter when HR releases our latest diversity report. But I also refuse to hire someone just because they’re a woman. Isn’t that just as bad?

I do my best to ignore Andie’s comment and show Olivia the rest of the office.

“Do you really train service dogs?” I start once we’re seated in the conference room. I’m too curious not to ask.

“Yeah. My whole family does. As part of a charity organization they run.”

“That’s so cool. I love dogs.” I was hoping we could move up to Marin at some point, get a place with some land, maybe a dog or two. Now that Gabby will be commuting down to Stanford three days a week and I’ll be paying off loans for eternity, that seems unlikely. At least I have the world’s greatest hedgehog for now.

“Me too. I grew up with golden retrievers. They’re the best.”

It’s difficult to stop myself from asking about them, because I find myself wanting to know more about Olivia, but none of the questions on my mind are related to the job.

“So, tell me why you’re interested in sales,” I pivot, quickly. “It’s a grind.”

“I think it sounds exciting.”

“It can be, but it’s a lot of rejection. It gets draining, trust me. Are you sure you’re up for that?”

“Are you trying to sell me against the job?” she asks, with a healthy dose of incredulity.

“Not at all. But you haven’t worked in sales before. I feel like it’s my duty to warn you of the pitfalls. Closing deals, even just securing a meeting can make you feel like you’re on top of the world. But as soon as the celebration’s over, you’re back to an eighty percent rejection rate.”

She purses her lips and when she looks back at me, I can see a hundred thoughts floating through her eyes.

Finally, she says, “Do you have an eighty percent rejection rate?” I force myself not to grin. That was unexpected.

“Mine’s closer to fifty, but I’m the best.”

She straightens in her seat, placing her hands on the table between us. Her nails are dark blue and as glittery as her skirt. “Then I’ll be the best too.”

I laugh. “Love the confidence, but even fifty percent is a lot of rejection. It’s grueling.”

“Why do you do it then?” she asks. I’m starting to feel like I’m the one being interviewed. Maybe that’s a good sign. The best salespeople get their prospect to do all the talking.

“Money,” I say plainly. And it’s true because there are a million jobs I’d rather do if I wasn’t so focused on getting paid. Sales equals survival for me and Gabby right now. “Are you motivated by money?”

“I guess so. Well, not really.” Wrong answer. She just dug her own grave because that’s the dealbreaker in any sales interview.

“But I’m motivated by power,” she continues.

That’s one I haven’t heard before and I’ve been doing ten plus interviews a week for months. Power? I’m definitely intrigued.

“This is an entry-level job, remember?”

“Yeah, but, doesn’t sales give you a sense of power?” She crosses her legs and pins her eyes on me. They’re this bluish gray color that I swear didn’t exist until today. “You’re the face of the company. You represent every department when you’re the one selling. You’re influencing how much money comes in, what everyone’s paycheck looks like, even how good the benefits are. There’s power in that. I mean, at least I think there is.”

“Yeah, I never thought of it that way, but it’s nice calling the shots sometimes.” There are a million questions I want to ask this girl but none of them are appropriate, so I go with an old standard. “Do you see yourself as a leader?”

“Umm…I was captain of the archery club in college?” Her gusto is fading. As much as I want to believe she has what it takes for this job, confidence is the most important asset. Well, that and wanting to make money. “And I like to boss around my brothers.”

I can’t help but laugh at that one.

“Where are you from?”

She lets out a long sigh. “So that’s it? You’ve already decided I’m a no and now I get the fluff questions?”

She’s not entirely wrong, even if I was asking more out of curiosity than killing time.

“Olivia—”

“This is my tenth interview, okay? I’m desperate. And I know I shouldn’t say that, but it’s true, and it doesn’t make me any less qualified for this job. I already got an apartment and if I don’t get a job soon my parents will make me move back home. I refuse to give up. I need to live in the city and work in the city and just be a part of this city.

“I know I don’t have any experience, but I work hard. Harder than anyone. I want to learn and grow and be the best salesperson here, even better than you. I just need someone to believe in me. I need someone to give me a chance. You want to give me a chance, don’t you Gavin?”

As far as a hard close, it’s not bad. I’m not sure if Mitch would be impressed, but he handed off hiring responsibilities to me when he decided hiring sales development reps wasn’t worth his time.

I’m trying my best to imagine Olivia saying all of this, without her being the first woman I’ve been attracted to in months. I’m even trying to imagine her with a beard and a combover in my attempt to be objective.

But the truth is that the world isn’t objective. Especially in sales. People buy from people they like, and if there is one thing I’m sure of today, it’s that I like this girl.

In fact, I can’t seem to find anything I don’t like. Nothing at all.