Not So Easy (The NOT Series Book 4)

Chapter 14

I couldn’t believeI was about to do this.

“Are you nervous about something?” Calvin asked as we climbed the stairs up to Josie’s apartment. I’d hoped he wouldn’t notice all the twitching.

“I’m fine,” I replied, far too snippy to be true.

Because Josie lived on Mount Washington, which was the prime spot to watch the fourth of July fireworks thanks to the main drag looming high over downtown, we were all gathering for a chill celebration. The baby turned two months old the day before, and Jacob’s older daughter Sophie was also tagging along. She adored watching the fireworks right in front of her instead of having to crank her neck to see them high up in the sky.

The kids, of course, didn’t bother me. My agitation stemmed from the person beside me. I hadn’t brought a man to a friend group gathering in… I couldn’t even remember how long. When was the last time I’d even dated? This should not have been a hard answer to come up with, but I had nothing. Either way, this was big for me.

Not that Calvin and I were officially dating. We’d only had the one meal at Rosalie’s. But throughout the week since, I found myself coming up with varied, and often thin, excuses to stop by the house.

Not that I didn’t get a kick out of watching the place come together, but Calvin was the real reason I kept dropping in unannounced. To his credit, he never mentioned my frequent visits or asked why I was there.

“You don’t seem fine.” We reached the first landing and turned to take the next set of stairs up to Josie’s floor. “Is there something I should know about what we’re walking into?”

The last thing I needed was for both of us to be freaked out.

“This is just a casual gathering of my friends. You know them all, though you’ll get to see Becca in person this time instead of on a phone screen. And their significant others are here, of course.” I was babbling but my mouth and brain had now disengaged. “All but Lindsey, of course. She’s the other single one. Other than me.”

We finally reached the apartment door and before knocking, I spun to face him, took a deep breath, and confessed the truth.

“The thing is, I haven’t brought a…friend around in a long time.”

Dark brows furrowed. “These friends don’t let you have other friends?”

“No, that’s not it. A male friend.”

Rationally, this statement cleared up nothing, but the more I talked the more pathetic I sounded so I shut up.

Seconds passed until he finally caught on to what I wasn’t saying. With a broad grin, he nodded. “That kind of a friend. I got you.” Calvin looked at the closed door, then back to me. “I’ll play this however you want.”

Of course, he would. What else would Saint Calvin say? He’d ditched the overalls for jeans and a blue button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The Nikes, along with a tiny gold hoop in his left earlobe—which I had never seen before—made the look classy and casual at the same time.

One thought went through my mind. I’m happy he’s here. I’d never felt that way about anyone, so this was a big revelation. The girls already knew how I felt about him. Why was I making such a big deal of this?

Before I could change my mind, I said, “You’re here as my date.”

Based on his reaction, I’d taken him by surprise. After rubbing his hands on his thighs, he flexed his shoulders like maybe he planned to carry me over the threshold.

Confused, I said, “You know you aren’t carrying me through this door, right?”

“I hadn’t planned on it. Not yet, anyway.” What did that mean? “Should we go in?”

Hit by a sudden urge for a drink, I lifted my hand to knock. My knuckle had barely touched the surface when the door flew open to reveal Megan, Josie, and Lindsey staring back at us with knowing smiles on their faces.

They’d clearly been listening from the other side. “Can you guys not embarrass me right away, please?”

“We make no promises,” Josie muttered as she pulled my date into the apartment. “Guys, you have to meet Calvin.” She dragged him into the living room with Megan hot on her heels, leaving me standing in the hall.

I turned to Lindsey. “They’re going to make this as painful as possible, aren’t they?”

“If by painful you mean fawn over your boyfriend and tell all sorts of humiliating stories about you, then yes. Yes, they are.”

“He isn’t my boyfriend,” I said, stepping inside. “Is everyone else here?”

“We’re waiting for Becca, Jacob, and the kids. Turns out having a baby requires bringing lots of stuff and makes you late.”

We stepped into the living room to see Josie showing Calvin the photo album from Becca’s wedding in January. A blizzard blew up out of nowhere that day, nearly preventing the bride from reaching the church, and resulting in all of us looking worse than we’d have liked by the time the ceremony started.

Leaning closer, Lindsey said, “There’s wine in the kitchen.”

Turning that way, I muttered, “Thank God.”

“You’re really good at that,”I said an hour later, taking a seat beside Calvin on the couch. “I think he likes you.”

The baby squirmed, stretched, then settled back into the strong hands holding him. Every time I saw him, I marveled at how tiny Noah was. Becca assured me all newborns were this small, but I still couldn’t get over it. The itty bitty fingers and toes and the way his limbs seemed to bend like a contortionist.

Watching Calvin hold him so confidently shouldn’t have surprised me. Where I was deathly afraid of dropping him, the calm carpenter acted as if he did this every day. Leaning forward, elbows on his knees, he slowly swayed the child back and forth.

“I like kids,” he said, eyes on the infant. “And they like me.”

So did I.

“Becca said he was fussy earlier. Doesn’t seem to be the case now.”

He shifted from swaying to lightly bouncing. “My cousins call me the baby whisperer. When they couldn’t get their babies to sleep, I’d come over and have them out in no time.”

Feeling brave, I asked, “Do you want your own some day?”

Continuing to coo at the infant, he didn’t answer right away. When I was about to withdraw the question, he said, “Maybe I can change the pattern from how I grew up, but is maybe good enough?” Calvin looked my way. “Babies shouldn’t be guinea pigs, you know?”

What I was about to say had nothing to do with my summersaulting ovaries.

“You’d be a great dad, Calvin. I’m absolutely certain of it.”

For the first time ever, I saw doubt in his eyes. “What makes you so sure?”

“You’re one of the most selfless, even-keeled people I’ve ever met. You naturally take care of people. It’s your default setting.” Reaching out, I let the baby wrap his perfect little hand around my finger. “This little one clearly agrees with me, and I trust his judgment.”

“Maybe he’s just a really chill baby.”

“Not in my experience.” I loved the little stinker, but the handful of times I’d gotten to see him, he was always upset about something, and loudly making his feelings known.

Pulling Noah up to his chest, Calvin cradled him in one arm as he leaned back on the couch. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You want kids?”

I hadn’t considered having the question turned back my way. “I’m on the fence,” I said honestly. “Seems cruel to have a kid then say ‘By the way, the planet might cough you off before you reach middle age.’”

Calvin nodded. “Good point.”

“I didn’t like being an only child, so I wouldn’t want to have just one, but I’m not getting any younger.”

“You didn’t like being an only child?” he asked.

Leaning back, I pressed my shoulder to his and stared at my fingers. “I was pretty lonely.”

He let that one sit for several seconds before saying, “I’m sorry.”

I shifted to look at his face. “Why are you sorry? It wasn’t your fault.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be sorry. I guess neither of us had a perfect childhood.”

The details of his younger years were still a mystery. I understood what he’d left unsaid that day at his house, but only in that something bad happened to him. Did I want to ask? Should I? He’d alluded to his childhood twice now so maybe he was open to the subject.

“This might be none of my business, but what happened back then?”

His deep breath lifted the baby, causing him to squirm. With a soft bounce, he settled the child, then met my gaze.

“Mom was young when she had me, and she wasn’t equipped to be a parent. Her parents weren’t great, so she didn’t know how to be any better. I think she was overwhelmed when I look back on it now. She’d either withdraw entirely, or lash out without warning. Hard to be a kid in that situation.”

My heart broke for the little boy he was. “I had no idea.”

My only memories were of us all running through the neighborhood when we weren’t hanging on this person’s porch or that street corner. Calvin had been the natural leader, full of confidence and seemingly more mature than the rest of us. Now I knew why. He had to grow up faster than we did.

His lips curled into a sad smile as he brushed Noah’s hair off his forehead. “No one did. I worked hard to keep it that way.”

“Why, though? Why not tell so that someone could have helped you?”

“Because help would have meant taking me away. From Mom and the neighborhood. Better to stay where I knew who and what the dangers were, and where I had places I knew were safe. Even if my house wasn’t one of them.”

My heart broke even more. No kid should have to make that choice. At the same time, that experience made him the person he was today. Empathetic, generous, and kind. So kind. Calvin had beat the odds in every possible way.

“I hate to break this up,” Becca said, interrupting our conversation, “but it’s feeding time.”

He lifted the baby up to her. “Can’t have him missing a meal.”

Becca kissed her baby’s head as she walked off, and Calvin and I sat back in a comfortable silence. As the others around us ate chips and chatted away, I wrapped my pinky around his and whispered, “I’m sorry, too.”

Squeezing my finger with his, he whispered back, “Thanks.”

Since the baby was sleeping,Becca stayed at the apartment while the rest of us walked the four blocks down to Grandview for the fireworks show. Sophie bounced along, riding the sugar high from eating too many desserts, with Jacob holding one hand and Lindsey holding the other.

Though Linds taught high school, she was good with kids of any age. Much like Megan, who ran the children’s reading program at her library. I’d spent time with Sophie during these gatherings, but we hadn’t bonded like she had with the others. She’d recently turned eight, and my busy schedule had kept me from attending her birthday party.

As we squeezed in where we could along the overlook, I felt a pat on my arm. Looking down, I found Sophie’s big brown eyes looking up at me.

“Thank you for the camera,” she said. “It’s really cool.”

Not attending didn’t mean I hadn’t sent a present. What else would a photographer get a little girl than her own camera? This one spit out tiny little Polaroid pictures, and Jacob had given his approval ahead of time for her to have it.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I brought this to show you.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out one of the Polaroids. “What do you think? Did I do good?”

Pulling out my phone, I switched on the light to examine the image. Sitting in the bright yellow petal of a flower was a ladybug, just off center. She’d framed it perfectly.

“Sophie, this is really good.”

“Really?” she asked, and I realized this was important to her.

I leaned down to her level. “The red on the yellow is a lovely contrast, and you did a great job of making the ladybug the focus while still showing the beauty around it.” Handing the picture back, I added, “You’ve got a talent for taking pictures.”

She looked up with a proud smile. “You can keep it if you want.”

Straightening, I returned the smile. “I’d like that, thank you.” Happy to foster her interest, I came up with an idea. “Maybe we could visit the botanical gardens one day and I could teach you how to take pics with one of my cameras.”

Her eyes went wide. “You’d do that?”

“Sure, but you have to make sure it’s okay with your parents.”

She jumped for joy, but before she could fully celebrate our potential day out, the first firework of the evening lit up the sky. Though we’d found a rare spot on the railing, Sophie wasn’t tall enough to see over the heavy fencing.

Instead of reaching for her father, Sophie tugged on Calvin’s shirt. “Pick me up, please!”

He looked to Jacob, who laughed and said, “You don’t have to. I can lift her.”

Calvin shook his head. “I don’t mind.” With one quick move, he swept the little one up onto his left shoulder like a stack of lumber. “Can you see?”

Sophie clapped excitedly. “I can!”

Another firework filled the sky and she squealed with glee. The next half hour was filled with lots of booms, countless oohs and aahs, and endless joy from the child perched high above the other onlookers. Halfway through, Jacob offered to take her, but Calvin waved him off. She was comfortable and he didn’t appear to be straining at all.

Then again, the beams and tools he carried probably weighed more than Sophie did.

When the show ended, she skipped over to hold hands with Megan and Ryan for the walk back. Little Sophie had no lack with social skills, which reminded me off her mother. Jill had once mentioned how she enjoyed throwing large gatherings while she and Jacob were married, but he’d merely tolerated them.

As we made the walk back, ears ringing and enjoying the light breeze, Calvin slid his hand into mine. I looked over to catch a glimpse of his face in the glow of a streetlight. Without a word, he squeezed my hand, gave me a wink, and continued to walk in silence.

My heart skipped a beat as warmth danced up my cheeks, and in that moment, I knew that nothing would ever be the same again.