Chapter Seventeen
T he way Alli saw it, she might as well try and save herself four thousand pounds. So the very first thing she did was to sneak into the now dark yoga room and call Darren.
“Al,” he said cheerfully when he picked up. “Haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, hard at work there?”
“What do you think?” she snapped.
“I think that I’m very proud of you for sticking it out,” he said with a smile in his voice. “It takes guts to do something like that, like going to rehab, you know.”
“I’m not in rehab,” she said, stung by the implication.
“That’s not what I meant, I just…” She heard the sound of a deep breath being taken and slowly exhaled.
“Alright, fine,” she said grudgingly. “You didn’t mean it. But I think you’ve had your fun now, don’t you?”
“My fun?”
“I’ve been stranded here for three days, I’ve been a good girl and gone to all my classes, I think we can say that I’ve learned my lesson and I won’t be shouting at clients anymore. So it’s time for me to get out of here.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone.
“Darren?”
Another long inhale and exhale. “You’re not a prisoner there, Alli,” he said finally. “But just to be clear, if you leave, you will not be coming back to Warren and Colman.”
“Oh, come on, you’ve made your point.”
“Have I though? Have I really? Because it very much sounds to me like you haven’t understood the point at all. Yes, partly this is to satisfy the higher-ups. But mostly, this is about you, Alli. You can’t go on living life the way you’re living it, something has to change. You need this help and if forcing you to get it is the only way you’ll get it, well, then I’m alright with that.”
“I thought you were my friend.”
“I am.”
“That’s not how things sound.” She started to pick at the wood around the window, looking out onto the cold, dark grounds of the building.
“Alli, just complete the program. Just keep your head down and do what you’re supposed to do and then we’ll talk. If you need to hate me to get things done, then fine.”
“Fine—” But he’d already hung up.
Alli rubbed her face.
Maybe he did think he was helping her. Or maybe he was just being an arsehole. Either way, being treated like a child sent off to boarding school wasn’t doing her any good at all.
Was it?
The door opened. “Oops,” Izzy said, making to close it again.
“No,” said Alli. “Come in for a minute.”
“Do you want to do something?” Izzy asked hopefully. “We could play cards if you like. Or… I don’t know, make some hot chocolate?”
“What’s with everyone’s obsession with making things here?” Alli shook her head. “If you want hot chocolate, just ask for some. And I’m sure there’s biscuits too, you don’t have to make your own.”
“It’s something to do with the time, I suppose,” Izzy said.
“Do you feel different here?” Alli said.
“What?”
“Do you feel different here? Like, has something changed about you. Are you feeling some effects after all this hocus pocus and meditation?”
Izzy shrugged. “I feel more relaxed, better rested.” She laughed. “I feel smarter, but I think that’s from being surrounded by adults all day.”
Alli thought about this. It was true that she also felt better rested, sexy dreams aside, she was sleeping well. That wasn’t much of a change though. Although, now that she thought about it, she hadn’t taken an antacid in days. Her stomach seemed more at ease. Probably just because she was eating three meals a day instead of surviving on coffee.
“What about being angry?” she asked. “Do you feel less angry?”
Izzy flushed and sniffed. “Yes, obviously, of course.”
“Huh.” Alli didn’t think that she felt less angry.
She felt less tired and she felt more… more sexy, maybe. But that wasn’t quite the word she was looking for. She felt more aware of her body, perhaps. Something like that. All of these things seemed normal for someone who wasn’t working though. She had more time to think and feel things, that was all it was.
“Right,” she said. “Go on then, off you go, find yourself some hot chocolate.”
“You’re not coming?”
Alli sighed. “I’ll catch up.”
Izzy grinned and left, and Alli pulled her phone out again. Might as well get this done. Bea had really come through for her, which was surprising. For an instant she thought about Bea’s hands touching her phone, thought she could feel warmth in it. Her insides got all jumbled up at the idea of Bea’s hands.
Good lord. The faster she was out of here, the better.
She keyed in the ID for her online banking and pulled the paper Daria had given her out of her pocket. Pricey, but worth it if she got to go home .
“IT’S NOT THAT I don’t miss them, I do, but having a little time alone is quite wonderful,” Izzy was saying when Alli got to the kitchen.
“I wish I could see mine more often,” said Charles.
Eugh. Great, they were talking about their kids.
“There’s a lot to be said for being comfortable alone though,” added Julia, spraying whipped cream on top of a cup.
“I don’t know, I’ve always liked having someone else there,” Izzy said.
“Because you’re happily married,” said Charles.
“In love,” added Julia.
“There’s no better feeling,” Marcus said.
“What does it feel like then?” Alli asked.
Everyone turned to look at her. Julia smiled. “You know, I’m sure you’ve been there yourself.”
“Nope,” Alli said. Quiet Leslie appeared at her elbow and gave her a mug of hot chocolate. “Never fallen don’t really plan to. What’s it like?”
“You get… warm inside,” Charles said.
“And you can’t stop thinking about them,” Izzy said. “Like they’re the only thing you can think about.”
Julia smiled. “That’s falling in love, not being in love.”
“Alright then,” said Alli. “What is being in love like?”
Julia smiled again. “Like coming home. Like sliding on a comfortable pair of shoes. Like feeling more yourself.”
“That makes no sense,” Alli said, somewhat glad that she didn’t have to go through this.
“It does,” Julia said. “You know how sometimes mixing two foods together makes one taste stronger. Like mixing balsamic vinegar and strawberries, it just makes the strawberries more… strawberry-y. It’s like that.”
“Huh.” Alli sipped at her hot chocolate. It was fresh and good. She wondered how long it would be until Daria came for her. Maybe she should go up to her room and get her things together. “ It all seems like a pain in the backside to me, having to consider someone else all the time.”
“It’s not like that,” Marcus said. “You don’t mind considering them, you want to consider them. Their emotions and feelings matter to you more than your own. Like when you see them cry, you can’t help but put your arm around them, like you want to soak in their sadness and take it away from them.”
Alli had a sudden image of Bea crying. Twice now she’d cried. And twice, Alli had touched her because of it. Which was odd because she wasn’t normally a toucher.
“The falling in love part is the best part though,” Izzy said. “That wild, exciting part when you can stay up all night and still dance away the next day.”
“I always found it slightly terrifying,” Charles said. He had a whipped cream mustache.
“Here,” said Izzy, pulling a tissue from her pocket and dabbing Charles’s mouth with it.
“Wait,” said Julia. “Are you two…?”
Izzy and Charles stared at her in horror. “N-n-no,” stuttered Charles.
“I’m married!” Izzy cried.
Julia looked sad. “Oh well. I suppose someone else will.”
“What are you talking about?” Alli asked, curious even though she didn’t want to be.
“In situations like these, there’s always at least one love affair,” Julia said. “I don’t suppose it’ll be me. I’m far too old for that sort of nonsense.” She turned to Marcus. “What about you?” Then her eyes went to Leslie. “And you’re always so quiet, dear. Do still waters run deep?”
“Julia,” Izzy said. “Stop it, you’re embarrassing people.”
“I don’t mean to,” said Julia.
“Just as long as it’s not me,” Alli said, taking another big gulp of chocolate. “I don’t have time for that sort of thing, nor do I have the inclination.”
“You’re a bit young to be an old maid,” Julia said.
“Never had an interest in men,” said Alli. “Don’t have the time.”
“What about women?” Izzy asked.
Alli froze for a second. “What?”
“Sorry,” Izzy said. “But we are supposed to be inclusive. Inclusivity and representation are important.”
“Right.” Alli shook her head. Izzy was… special. Having all those kids had dislodged a few brain cells, obviously. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll have an early night.” Better to go and prepare herself.
“Night, Al,” Charles said, more cheerful than she thought she’d heard him before.
“Night,” Izzy said. “Shall we have breakfast together tomorrow?”
Alli, who wasn’t planning on being there tomorrow, just shrugged. “Let’s see.”
Izzy seemed happy with this and it struck Alli that this would be the last time that she saw them all. Which shouldn’t be that sad and yet was just a tiny bit. She’d spent every waking hour with these people for the last few days.
“Good night then,” she said, lingering for just a second.
When she finally went upstairs, she packed her things and sat on her bed to wait. It was long after midnight, and far too late to do anything about it, by the time she realized that Daria wasn’t coming at all.