Oblivion (Alphaholes #4)

11. Sammy

11

SAMMY

D rew’s arm, which is wrapped around my waist, tightens slightly as he squeezes me, a soft happy sound slipping from his lips as he holds me to his side close enough that I can rest my head against his shoulder as we walk out of the airport. The ring on my finger feels heavy, and despite being content with my decision to say yes, a shadowy sense of loss and longing has settled over me. Being in his arms is familiar, comforting, and…nice, the same way it has been since we were kids. He’s my family, he’s home. But as I squeeze my cell phone tightly in my hand, I can’t help mourning the loss of another family, the one I’m leaving behind in California.

Since Starling and I became friends, I’ve always known that my world in Cali would never fit with my home in DC. My friends are great. They’re fun and weird and crazy rich, but the moment I got to Kingsacre, I decided to draw a line between my new life and my old one to keep them separate. The divide between conservative, perfect Samantha and wild and free Sammy felt too wide, and I truly didn’t believe there was a way I could bring my two worlds together. More than once, I had nightmares that featured Mama meeting Starling and Sebastian and watching her eyes go cartoon wide as Sebastian manhandled and bantered with his wife. I’d wake up in a cold sweat at the thought of my parents waving me off as I boarded one of the guy’s private jets wearing bootie shorts and a crop top.

I can still taste the panic that overwhelms me when I think about having to explain to my parents that I don’t live in the house they’ve been paying for, and that all the stories I’ve told them about mundane and appropriate evenings with the Attingham triplets have been complete fabrications I’ve made up to make them believe that I’m behaving the way they’d expect me to behave.

My parents aren’t monsters. They wouldn’t be rude or nasty to my friends. My dad would probably pee himself with excitement at all the business opportunities being associated with the Morrises, Rossbergs, Jansens, and Lockwoods could bring him. But no matter how rich and influential they are, I seriously doubt my mama would approve of the way my friends dress or the flashy cars they drive.

Until I came home for summer break, I honestly saw nothing wrong with my two worlds never colliding. But while the others spent their summer in a house on the beach, playing in the sand, or traveling the world on private jets, my vacation time was spent interning at the mayor’s office and having formal family dinners with my family and Drew’s.

Suddenly crash-landing into reality after living in somewhat of a fantasy land at school made the disparity between me and my friends become even more apparent.

I’m not like them.

Sebastian, Clay, Hunter, and Evan know exactly what their futures will look like. All of them have been groomed since birth to take over their families’ businesses. Even though they’re all rich assholes with an over-inflated sense of self-worth, and in some cases even a mile long god complex, they all still have a plan. They have a future, goals, and a destiny.

As messed up as Starling and Sebastian’s past is, he made her a part of his future when they were just kids, and entwined their lives together so tightly, there has never been any chance for either of them to escape, no matter how hard Starling tried.

No matter what she wants to do with her life, it’ll always be a part of Sebastian’s, and as an extension of that, the guys’ world.

January and Bunny both married into the crazy, so their futures are set. Both of them tried life without their men, and both chose to go back to those crazy boys. And even though Evan is single right now, ultimately, he’ll settle down and find himself a wife who will become connected to them all too.

I know they’re all my friends. I know Starling is truly my sister in every way but blood, but the reality is that my world isn’t like theirs. Once I graduate from college, I have to get a real job. My family is rich, and I have a trust fund that will ensure I never struggle for money, but my family isn’t rich enough that I can just float through life without a care in the world.

When school is over, I won’t be moving into a custom-built house on a private estate with a private beach. I won’t be stepping into a role that was created for me when I was born. As much as I love them all, this summer highlighted the differences between us, and it made me see that as much as I’ve loved being one of them this year, my life isn’t a game, and I need to start living it, not playing pretend in a world that will never be mine.

As we reach Drew’s car, he pulls back and drops his arm from around my shoulders. Smiling down at me with his perfectly white-toothed smile, he leans in and presses a sweet, dry kiss against my lips. “Let’s go home. Our parents are all waiting to celebrate with us.” His voice is perfectly polished, his tone slightly smug.

I tense. “They all knew?” I ask.

“Of course. Our parents have always known we were inevitable. Both of our moms came with me to pick out your ring. My mom wanted you to have my grandma’s ring, but yours wanted you to have one that belonged to your great-aunt. I didn’t want to pick one over the other, so I thought it’d be for the best to pick something new, and then we can pass both of the family rings down to our daughters when we have them.”

“Daughters,” I croak.

“Of course. Four children, just like we talked about. Two boys and two girls.”

“Four,” I squeak. “I don’t remember us ever talking about four kids.”

His laugh is soft and melodic. “Goodness, can you imagine how perfect we’ll look outside the White House. Me and you and our impeccable family. I can’t wait. Obviously, we’ll have to wait to start a family until you’ve graduated, but perhaps we should look into freezing some of your eggs so we can guarantee we get our heirs before we have our princesses,” he says, opening my door and gently helping me into his car.

“Yeah, that’s something to think about,” I say, shellshocked, not agreeing but not outright dismissing the idea either, even though I have absolutely no intention of having my eggs frozen so he can pick which gender our kids will be.

As he closes my door, I press my knees together and place my hands in my lap, staring down at the knee-length skirt I’m wearing. I know I should be excited and brimming with ideas for our wedding, but all my mind can focus on is that I’m glad I hadn’t gotten changed into my California clothes yet.

In my carry-on is a pair of high-waisted denim shorts, a cute shirt, and chunky sandals. The outfit would be perfect for school, but I’d be completely out of place wearing that here. Much like the dusky pink pencil skirt that’s fitted but not too tight, white ballet-style wrap sweater, white wool coat, and nude pumps I’m currently wearing would look ridiculous if I wore them around campus.

There’s nothing wrong with either outfit, but yet again, it shows the divide between my two worlds. Since I moved away for school, I’ve enjoyed the freedom to experiment with my clothes, and this summer, I’ve missed my closet back at school almost as much as I missed my friends, even though I would never and could never wear those clothes here.

Circling to the trunk, Drew lifts my case inside, then climbs into the driver’s seat and calmly reverses out of the spot, following every single traffic law as he smoothly takes us home.

Both Drew and my family live in Hampson Rounds, a fairly large town not far from Spring Valley. It’s expensive and exclusive and small enough that even though not everyone knows everyone, they all still know my family, the Hartleys, and Drew’s family, the Merricks.

When he drives past the security checkpoint for the gated community where our houses are located, I look around me, wondering if this is what my future will look like. I know that Drew has plans that are bigger than this town, but all of those plans start with him taking over as mayor when his dad steps down.

“Where do you want to live?” I ask him, turning to look at him.

“Well, obviously, until we get married, it wouldn’t be appropriate for us to live together, so I’ve spoken to your parents, and we’ve agreed that you’ll move into an off-campus house with my cousin, Eloise. My aunt and uncle bought her a house to live in while she’s at Harvard Medical School, and she has a second bedroom that you can stay in. There’s also a pretty guest suite, so your mom and mine can trade off visiting you on the weekends. My apartment is not too far away, so we’ll still have plenty of time to spend together when we’re not studying.”

For a moment, I’m stunned. Since I came home at the start of summer, I’ve treated Drew as my friend. Sure, we’ve spent time together, and he was my rock when my dad was sick, but we haven’t kissed or fucked or behaved like a teenage couple.

Obviously, our families thought we were back together, and Drew just proposed, so clearly, he thought—or hoped—we were back together too. Am I the only one who didn’t know? I love Drew. I’ve always loved him. He’s been a part of my life forever, and us getting married, having a family, and him going into politics has always been the plan. It makes sense. I had a year to try something new. I loved it, but even before my dad got sick, I knew California wasn’t really my world.

So, this is right. This is good. Marrying Drew. Going to Harvard. Dressing like this. This is good. I jumped off this path, but now I’m right back on it, and that’s good.

“I think I’d rather live in the dorms. At least that will give me a chance to meet people. As a transfer, I’ll be pretty isolated if I live off campus,” I say, turning to look at Drew, his austere features just as attractive in profile as they are face on.

His brow furrows and his lips turn down into a frown. “Goodness, you’d hate the dorms, Samantha. There are far too many parties and far too much depravity for you. Living with Eloise will be much more suitable. Also, as you hadn’t declared a major at Kingsacre, I took the liberty of informing Harvard that you’ll be pursuing an English literature degree. You’ve always loved to read.”

Blinking, I frown. English literature? I have always enjoyed reading, but I’m not sure that alien porn and daddy dom romances are comparable to the classics and contentious modern literature. “I was actually planning to declare as an economics major,” I tell him.

His laugh is full of condescending amusement. “Sweetheart, let’s not over-reach. I promise that English literature will be much more your speed. You’ve missed almost a full semester while your dad has been sick, and I’m on track to graduate early. Majoring in English literature shouldn’t be too taxing for you, and with a little help, you should be able to graduate at the same time as me. The faster we finish school, the faster we can get married.”

“Wait? I thought you wanted to get married straight away?” I say, twisting in my seat to look at him. He’s the one who said he couldn’t wait. The moment he slid the ring on my finger, he literally said the words, “ Let’s not wait any longer. The sooner we get married the better.”

“Samantha, I’m sorry. You’d just agreed to marry me. I was excited. But you know that teen marriages don’t trend well with voters. It makes more sense for us to wait until we’ve both finished school. Then we can have a beautiful wedding before I officially run for mayor and take over from my dad.”

Before I have a chance to reply, Drew slows his car to a stop outside my parents’ house. Drew’s dad’s car is parked beside my dad’s BMW in the driveway, and it dawns on me that they all really did know about Drew’s plan to propose to me at the airport.

I guess I’d assumed that him rushing to the airport and getting down on one knee in the departure lounge was a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing. But it wasn’t. He told our families he planned to propose. He went ring shopping with our moms. He had this whole thing planned. So why not ask me before I left? Why make a grand gesture at the airport?

A thousand questions swirl through my head as Drew climbs out, circles the car, and opens my door. When cool air hits me, I tip my head up and look at him standing in the doorway, his hand held out to me. Exhaling, I place my hand in his and let him gently tug me out of my seat. The moment I’m standing beside him, he wraps his arm around my waist and guides me to the front door and into the house.

The moment we step inside, our parents rush toward us, surrounding us with offers of congratulations and well wishes while they all discuss mine and Drew’s future like I’m not even in the room. If this were California me, I’d be incensed about having my future planned out without including me, but oddly in this moment, I’m not angry. A surreal familiar numbness has settled over me, and I know this feeling. Just like in high school, I’ve become the second member of the couple that is Drew and Samantha. I’m Drew’s fiancée. I’m transferring to Harvard. I’m moving in with Drew’s cousin. I’m majoring in English literature. I’m graduating early, then getting married, and then I’m having four babies. And even though I haven’t been a part of any of those life-altering decisions, that’s okay…right? Because this is real life. This isn’t a fantasy that includes crazy boys and insane wealth and a totally different version of me.

I run on autopilot as my mom sends me upstairs to change before our parents take us out to dinner to celebrate. I smile and laugh and nod while my mom and Drew’s mom talk about the houses that are currently on the market in our gated community and how convenient the closeness will be once I’m pregnant.

When Drew drives me home after dinner, he kisses me sweetly, smiling at me like I’m his absolute world, and for the first time since I got into his car at the airport, I breathe and remember why I said yes when he asked me to marry him.

This boy is in every happy memory from the last ten years. He’s sweet and reliable and ambitious, but still grounded. He loves me and my family, and I love him and his. He’s husband material, and so many people all over the world never find someone as good and honest and kind as him.

“Mrs. Merrick,” he whispers against my lips.

“Not for a while,” I say with a smile.

“The future Mrs. Merrick,” he amends, laughing softly.

I nod. “Do you want to stay? I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind.”

“That wouldn’t be appropriate,” he chides me, his eyes narrowing in disapproval.

“We’re engaged. They’ve spent half the evening discussing baby names for our children. I really don’t think they’ll have a problem with you sleeping over.”

“I wouldn’t ever disrespect your parents by even suggesting it. Plus, I have my annual fraternity retreat this week. I’m going to be out of town for the next four days. I’ve already discussed the move with your dad, and he’s arranged for your things to be shipped to Eloise’s in the next few days. Then after my trip, I’ll fly home and then travel to Massachusetts with you so we can get you settled in at school next weekend.”

“So, we just got engaged, and now I’m not going to see you for a week?”

“The timing isn’t the best, but my retreat isn’t just about having fun with my brothers. This week is about making connections and networking with other future politicians. I know you understand how important that is,” he says, answering in such a way that I can’t protest his absence without looking like an asshole.

Inhaling silently, I nod. “I understand. I should probably go to California and get the rest of my things from school anyway.”

“Oh, there’s no need. I spoke to the school a couple of days ago and asked them to arrange for your things to be boxed up and transported home for you,” Drew says dismissively.

“Oh, well, I’ll just fly in and see my friends. I’m sure they were thrown when I called to tell them we got engaged.”

“Why?” he asks, like the whole idea of me wanting to see my friends is confusing to him. “You’ve only known them for a few months, and none of them even came to visit when your dad was in the hospital. Forget about them. I have so many more suitable people to introduce you to once we get to Harvard.”

Then he presses a chaste kiss to my cheek and leaves.