Of Bone and Ash (Silverwood University Book 1)

16. Serafina

SIXTEEN

The stifling dominance in the air falls away as Teos flies us further into the night sky, and I finally feel like I can breathe again. I keep my eyes closed and breathe in Teos, letting his warmth seep into my cold body. For just a moment, I can forget everything that happened over the last four years and pretend that we’re back in high school. We’re simply heading to my house for our homework assignment due the next day.

I tuck my face into Teos’ neck, squinting against the blinding light of his wings. They’re even brighter in the night sky, making it almost impossible to see. I can feel the warmth from their flames, and I can’t stop the full-body shiver I get as I melt into him.

Warm hands are on my back, and a strong, hot body is pressed to mine. I think I’m in heaven. For the first time in three years, I can feel the bone-aching chill that lingers in my body slowly thaw, leaving me oddly vulnerable. I inhale sharply, hating how raw I suddenly feel. This is why I can”t be around Teos. He makes me feel things when I only want to coast through life in my numb little bubble.

Teos’ hands tighten on me when I tense against him, and he no doubt feels my change in mood as his wings propel us up and away from the school. “Bella?” he questions in my ear.

“I need to go back to my apartment,” I rasp, miraculously keeping my voice level despite how shaky I feel. Teos hesitates, but he eventually nods, shifting me upward so I’m more cradled in his arms. His hand grips the back of my neck, keeping my face pressed close as his other arm slides under my butt, encouraging my legs to wrap around his trim waist.

I do as prompted, not wanting to fall, clinging to him while trying to memorize his scent. I want to remember everything about this moment: how Teos feels against my body, how warm and safe I feel in his arms, and how good he smells. Because the moment he lets me go, I know this can”t happen again. Not because I don”t want to—it”s never been that—but because I will eventually lose control and hurt Teos again.

Teos circles around the school, avoiding Atlas’ giant blue dome-like shield still standing at the center of the courtyard. I watch the glimmering magic, both frustrated that I can”t see through it and glad of the fact. The way I handled Ryland was… well, shit if I’m being honest. I mentally facepalm as I think about the way I acted, wincing at how utterly idiotic I was when I saw him striding toward me. I even had a warning when Amell mentioned a Demonic Dragon, but I still wasn”t prepared. I shiver and feel Teos’ arms tighten around me, sending Ryland from my mind momentarily and back to the present.

“Are you all right?” he whispers into my ear, his warm breath drifting over my chilled skin, making me sigh and lean more thoroughly into him. I don’t respond, unsure how to answer his question.

Am I all right?

Physically, yes… I’m tired from all the magic use and feel like I could sleep for a month, but otherwise, I’m fine. Emotionally? Well, fuck I’m not sure. I’m angry, frustrated, and upset with myself, Ryland, and Teos, but I’m also fucking happy to see them both again. That”s the hardest part because I know I can”t keep doing this. I need to protect myself from Ryland and Teos from me.

“Bella?” Teos rasps, his voice cracking with actual worry, so I nod, keeping my mouth shut and breathing him in as the rush of his wings slows. I can feel us glide down and hold my breath, knowing my time with him is almost over. When I feel Teo’s feet hit the ground, I slowly unwrap my legs from around his waist and let my feet drop. I frown when I just hang there in Teos’ arms.

“Um…” I start to say as he chuckles and starts to walk, making me open my eyes and blink in surprise at how high up we still are. “Where are we?” I ask, craning my neck around to see my surroundings.

“The roof of the apartment building. You’re on the third floor, and your window is right here,” he answers with a smirk, nodding down as he stands on the ledge of the tall building. “I figured you didn”t want to deal with people right now, so it would be best to go through your window.”

“How do you know where my window is?” I ask, more curious than upset. Teos grins, pulling back and winking at me as he finally lets my feet touch the shingles of the roof below us.

“I pulled your school file and found it in there. You should really lock your door at night, by the way. Anyone could walk in while you’re sleeping,” he adds, and this time I scowl.

“Excuse me… what? How would you know if I lock my door or not? Did you sneak into my apartment? That’s an invasion of privacy, Teos!” I snap, making the smile fall off his face. I instantly feel like shit when he gives me a sad, puppy dog look.

“What? No! I wouldn’t do that,” he snaps back, crossing thick, muscled arms over his barrel chest and scowling down at me. His dark lashes frame his beautiful eyes, and I’m momentarily stunned at how beautiful Teos has become since I last saw him. His jaw is well-defined and covered in a dusting of black stubble that is the same color as his curly, obsidian black hair. His nose is perfectly straight, and he has a dimple on his left cheek that I can see even when he’s not smiling. He gives off the perfect boy-next-door vibes even while glaring down at me.

Speaking of which… Teos hit a growth spurt. The last time I saw him, he was only an inch or two taller than my five foot ten inches. Now he’s a good eight or more inches taller than me.

“Then how do you know I don”t lock my door?” I ask, tucking a long piece of hair behind my ear when the cold fall breeze blows it into my face.

Teos arches a brow at me, not answering my question as he shifts back on his heels, studying me with pursed lips.

“Teos!” I clip out in frustration when he stays silent.

“I didn’t go into your apartment, Bella. I promise,” he whispers, and my shoulders relax when his words sound sincere. I nod and turn away from him just as he mutters, “I watched you from outside your window all night.” I freeze, blink then turn back around.

“You what?!” Teos tosses his hands up in the air and shrugs when I glare at him.

“What do you expect me to say? You wouldn’t talk to me, then you disappeared with that weird red-headed clean freak?—”

“Don’t call Adam that!” I snap, making Teos’ face turn an odd shade of red as he steps forward and gets into my space.

“Adam? Adam! What the fuck, Bella!? Why can Adam touch you and talk to you, but you tense the fuck up when I’m near? You wouldn’t even look at me in that damn shop, and even now you’re trying to get away from me!” Teos snarls, fire dancing in his eyes as he steps even closer to me, making me all too aware of his big body and warmth. I take a step back and then gasp when my foot meets air. Shit! I’m on the edge of the roof.

I begin to fall backward just as Teos’ arms band around my waist and yanks me hard into his chest. “You’d really rather fall off the damn roof than talk to me?” he asks in a rough voice, his brows drawn together, pain etched onto his handsome face.

“No! I just… you got too close and—” I didn”t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to lose control.

“And what?!” he snaps when I stop, his hand reaching up and grabbing my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“I didn’t want to hurt you! So let me the fuck go, Teos!” I growl, shoving at his chest just as he scoffs and shakes his head.

“Over my dead fucking body, Bella!”

“Yes! Your dead body! I’ve already seen it once; don’t make me see it again,” I scream, losing my cool as I smack his chest and shove him again as hard as I can. I can feel my magic crawl forward, dancing in sick delight, and the feeling makes bile crawl up my throat. He’s too close. I’m going to hurt him! I can’t hurt him! Teos’ arms only band tighter around me, making me desperate.

“Stop!” Teos demands, keeping one arm wrapped around me as the other grabs both my wrists, pinning them together. I shake my head at a loss of what to do. I’m so fucking tired.

“Please!” I rasp, my voice cracking as my hands still. I mentally walk through the steps to get out of his hold. It would be easy, but it would risk spraining his wrist or hurting his ankle, neither an option. I drop my head to his chest, trying to control my rapid breathing.

“Serafina,” he whispers, his voice soothing as his big thumb strokes over the small sliver of skin at my waist. His touch sparks a thrill that races between my legs, making me release the smallest groan in frustration. “I will let you go, but you will not run.” I bite my lip and give a soft nod. “Words, Bella. I need to hear you say you will stay. I have no problem keeping you right here, with or without your permission.” I scowl at that, lifting my head from his warm chest and meeting his amused eyes.

“You would keep me here against my will?” I ask in shock. Teos nods, the amusement fading as he stares down at me with an intensity I’m not used to seeing from him.

“I will do a lot more than that. But I would rather you not kill me until I can talk to you. Then you can,” he adds, and I inhale sharply.

“That”s not funny!” I grind out through clenched teeth.

“I’m not laughing,” he points out. He wasn’t, which only concerns me more.

“Teos!”

“I don”t think you understand, Bella,” Teos rasps, stepping forward, hands moving to capture my face between his warm palms just as he leans down and presses his forehead to mine. He stares into my eyes, making my breath stall. “I’m a Phoenix, babe. You can kill me all you want. I’ll just keep coming back until I wear you down. I literally have nothing to lose. I knew three years ago you were it for me. Nothing has changed.”

I shake my head at the surety in his voice. How the hell does he have that much confidence? We were teenagers back then, and I killed him when we had our first kiss!

And even if he thinks he can come back from the dead… I’m not so sure about it. I don”t only have Reaper magic. I have more magic than I should, things I can do that I shouldn’t be able to—all of it forced upon me by my deranged father years ago.

The dark magic inside of me has shown time and time again that it”s not normal and that it will destroy everything in its path. What happens if I kill Teos and he doesn”t come back? I’ve already killed one friend years ago, and I know I wouldn”t survive doing it again. I’m not willing to risk Teos’ life on the chance that he might be able to come back.

“You don”t understand,” I whisper as Teos nods, drawing back just enough to look down at me with a serious expression. He keeps cradling my face in his hands as one thumb darts out, swiping across my bottom lip as he stares at me

“Alright. Explain it to me then. Because as of right now, I see no reason for the fear I clearly see in your eyes. Are you scared of killing me?” he asks, a look of determination taking over as he nods. “Do it. Kill me right now, Bella. I’ll show you it’s okay,” he breathes, and I tense as my magic lights up like a damn beacon. The thought of death sending a thrill down my spine and making me feel sick.

“I’m not killing you! That”s the whole problem here, Teos! I don”t want to hurt you!” I snap, yanking out of his grip, desperately trying to rebuild the walls he’s crumbling. I need to keep my distance. “My magic is unpredictable. It’s… it’s more than you think. I can’t risk it. You’ll forget I’m at this school. When you see me in the halls you’ll look the other direction,” I say coolly, holding a hand in front of me when he shakes his head, anger sparking in his hazel gaze. “This is best for us both.”

“You mean this is best for you! Because it’s sure as fuck not for me. You’re running scared and using your fear to keep yourself wrapped in a dark cloak of depression,” he accuses, his hands trembling with anger at his sides. “Just like you used to in high school. It’s time to grow the fuck up, Serafina.”

“You’re an asshole,” I snap, darting around him, eyes searching the building roof for a door to get down. I spot it on the far side of the building and make a dash for it.

“And you”re a coward!” Teos thunders, hot on my heels. I can feel his heat behind me, warming me as I fight to run away.

“Leave me alone, Teos. I won”t ask again,” I mutter as my hand wraps around the cold metal of the doorknob. I briefly worry about it being locked but sigh in relief when the doorknob twists easily allowing me to yank it open.

“Why? Just give me one good reason, and I’ll leave you alone.” I pivot on my heel, startling him enough that he jerks to a stop only an inch away from me.

“Because I don’t want you!” I hiss under my breath. “I want nothing to do with you, so stay the hell away from me.” I spin away from him as Teos steps back, my words acting like a physical blow. I ignore the tightness in my chest at the utter look of hurt and betrayal I see painted on his face as I let the door slam behind me.

One day, he’ll thank me for this. I’m far too damaged and messed up for a relationship. Hell, I’m too messed up to live my own life, let alone dragging another person into it. I can”t even go through the day without slicing my fingers open in a desperate need for the rush and the small amount of control the pain gives me. I need the pain. It”s a part of me. Sharing my life with a person would mean dragging them into my pain. No matter how nice it sounds to have someone there all the time and how much I long for it, I know it can never happen.

Teos deserves the world… a girl who will be there for him. Someone to cuddle him and share in the brightness he exudes from every pore. If he stayed with me, I would no doubt smother his light until it eventually extinguished. And despite all the guilt I carry from the shit I’ve done, all the horrors I’ve caused and lives I’ve stolen… Nothing would compare to the pain it would cause if I were Teos’ ruin. Taking away his light would be my undoing.

I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin up as I stride down the steps to my floor, taking all the pain I feel and shoving it down into a tiny box with everything else. I may not be strong enough to face it, but I am strong enough to ignore it.

I am not and will never be the girl Teos needs, no matter how much I wish I were.