55. Ella
55
***Ella***
M om looked my way but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Fisher.
The journalist smiled at the camera and looked back at Fisher. “Of course! I’m sure you’re elated. This is a big win for you guys. I know you felt cheated last year and you’ve surely redeemed yourself now.”
“Yeah, sure.” Planting his hands on his hips, he ducked his head. “Redeemed.”
“Fisher, I couldn’t help but notice that your usual flair was missing during the game today. The announcers pointed it out a few times. We’re used to seeing your signature grin after every score. Was today just a matter of being serious and staying focused for you?”
Mom swallowed so loudly that I heard it over the TV. “This kid’s making me nervous. He looks like he’s ready to cry.”
Fisher lifted his eyes to the camera. “You know, it’s hard some days to not let personal life get to you on the field. I fought for my team but I struggled today.”
I sat up, my heart lodged securely in my throat. What was he doing?
“Oh?” The journalist seemed as lost as I felt.
“Yeah. There’s this girl… She should’ve been here today. Usually after the games, she bakes me and my roommates cookies with our names on them. I never knew that someone could make a cookie taste so goddamn good.” Fisher was so in his head that he didn’t notice the panic on the woman’s face at his swearing. “She’s not here, though, and none of this is very much fun without her. It’s crazy how someone can come into your life and make things that seemed amazing before look so dull without them. You know? What’s the point of all of this if she’s not here?”
I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t sure Mom was breathing, either. The journalist looked thrown as Fisher just turned and walked away, leaving the interview as if he’d forgotten he was even doing it.
“Well, folks.” The woman was a trooper. She shook her head and smiled at the camera. “It seems that even the best quarterback in the division can’t escape love’s fickle ways. Let’s all hope that Fisher Hayes gets his happy ending because everyone here in Starn Stadium is cheering for him today. Everyone except for the Hanover Hooks, that is. This is…”
Her voice trailed off as Mom lowered the volume. She turned to me with wide eyes. “Okay. Wow.”
I wasn’t sure I remembered how to breathe.
“I mean… Wow.” She shook her head. “That changes things. I mean, this entire day changes things. I was imagining them playing today and being out there like a bunch of little shits, having a blast even though they hurt my baby, but they didn’t look like they were having fun, Ella Rae. They looked like they wanted to run away.”
I finally sucked in a shaky breath. “Stop.”
“No. I said we’re going to have a hard talk and we’re going to have a hard talk. Don’t interrupt me, either.” Mom turned so she was facing me head on. “I taught you that Daughton women never take men back. We are strong women who don’t need men and we don’t forgive easily. We suck at apologizing and we don’t do second chances. I accidentally taught you that men are not all that great most of the time. I brought home a lot of duds over the years. You never saw me have a reason to forgive a man, Ella. After your father left… I guess I just started going for men who I couldn’t love. Paul was almost the exception but even that was doomed before it started.
“I like my life. I like changing men like I change my panties. It’s fun and it keeps me on my toes. You’ve never been like me in that way, though, honey. You’re steady and strong. You crave something real and rock solid, probably from years of seeing man after man pass through here without any semblance of normalcy. I still don’t believe that most men deserve second chances. But…”
I saw the way she glanced at the TV and closed my eyes. Her words battered around in my head but I couldn’t make sense of them yet.
“Don’t get me wrong, Ella. I think that what they did was idiotic and hurtful. I think they deserved to spend the last month suffering because god knows you have. I’m seeing these kids on TV, though, and it’s probably one of the most exciting days of their lives so far, and they look beyond miserable.” With a heavy sigh, Mom reached over and took my head. “It’s been a long time since I knew Vaughn well, Ella, but I did know him very well for a while. He was a little shit but he was a good kid. He did stupid things sometimes, of course, but deep down, I never worried about him murdering us in our sleep.”
I snorted out a laugh at her unexpected ending. “Is that the bar we’re using?”
She smiled. “No. I just wanted to make you laugh. And it worked.”
I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. “So, I’m just supposed to unlearn the lessons you taught me and forgive them?”
“If you think that they’re truly sorry and regret hurting you, yeah. You know them, Ella. You’ve seen them during the last month. Do you think they’d repeat the same mistake?” Mom stood up and stretched. She went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water and I was still just staring at the spot she’d vacated when she got back.
“I think it would’ve been easier to forgive them if the entire school hadn’t gotten involved. Being harassed by everyone else made their betrayal so much harder to deal with.” I shook my head. “But the school did get involved. Because they lashed out at me in public.”
“Yeah, it turns out that men’s egos are pathetically weak and they go to extreme lengths to make them feel a little better.” Mom rolled her eyes. “Not an excuse. Just a fact.”
“They tried to fix it. Afterwards, they tried to make people leave me alone. I know they didn’t mean to cause what they did. The very next morning I had missed texts and calls from them.” I hugged myself tighter. “I just want out, Mom. That school turned on me so quickly. People think I’m some incest perv and they don’t even know I was with all three guys. That’s what this is. Me and three guys. That’s never not going to cause a ruckus.”
“Oh, now you’re just reaching for straws.” She stood up again and held up her finger. “Wait one second. I’ll be right back.”
I felt tears pepper my eyes when she came back a few seconds later with my gift bag in hand. “Mom…”
“I know it’s from one of them, with the way you carried it in here like it was made of glass. Open it.”
The thick paper of the bag crinkled in my hand as I clutched it. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because. If it’s what I think it is, I’m not going to be okay.” Tears pricked the back of my eyes anyway. “Vaught brought it to me. He said he tried his best to fix him.”
Her eyes went wide. “Open the fucking bag, Ella.”
“What if it’s him? What if it’s Connie?”
“Then you’re going to have to forgive him and the other two. Because if he saved Connie, he’s worth keeping, Ella.” She nodded at the bag. “Open the damn thing. I’m on the edge of my seat.”
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I opened the bag and reached inside. My hand was met with the familiar flattened fur that I knew so well but also something rougher, something that hadn’t been there before. I pulled it out and Mom gasped in horror. To be fair, Connie had seen better days. I knew he’d been ripped to shreds but Vaughn had sewn him back together. Not well, but it was Connie in my hands, in one piece.
“Oh, my god.” Mom covered her mouth with her hand. “I mean, it’s a beautiful gesture, but… God.”
I laughed through my tears and traced my finger down line after line of rough stitching. Lifting him to my nose, I inhaled deeply and smelled Connie, the same as always, with a bit of Vaughn. He was still mostly flattened in the middle when I squeezed him to my chest.
“Don’t squeeze him too hard, Ella. He doesn’t look built to withstand a lot.” She winced and tilted her head to stare at it from a different angle. “I mean… Bless him for trying.”
I clutched Connie even tighter. “Whatever happens to him, it can be fixed.”
“Yeah, but… Should we order a new one and put this one in a locked box so it won’t kill us when it comes to life?”
“Mom!” I laughed and stuck my leg out to gently kick her. “Connie’s perfect just the way he is.”
“Yeah, yeah. Vaughn did an amazing thing and I’m proud of him for doing it, but would it have killed him to watch a video about sewing?” She grinned and patted my leg. “Does that make your decision a little bit easier?”
My stomach twisted with nerves. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Don’t try to play it cool, Ella Rae Daughton. I can tell you’re already halfway back together with them in your head.” She stood up and clapped her hands. “Thank god. Thanksgiving won’t have to be so dark and moody now.”