26. Chapter 26
26
What followed was a week of almost bliss. Only ingrained beliefs stopped me from taking the plunge. I couldn’t let myself drop fully into the waiting arms of Ruck and Oliver, even though they offered it many times.
There was a giddiness that bubbled under my skin, danced in my stomach, and made me restless. There was so little for me to do, and so the jittery energy built. I didn’t see Hale, but he was everywhere. In the swept floors, the tidied pantry and clean sheets drying on racks in front of a roaring fire.
His atonement took the shape of menial labor.
There was also something else. A crystal glass vase sat on a yellowing doily in the middle of the table. Steadily filling with feathers. The first one appeared the day after I’d accepted their insane offer. Snow white with a red smear on the edge. It was soft like velvet, with little fluffy feathers close to the base of the shaft. Now, there were two more, a shorter beige one with mottled brown dots and an amber one with a black and white tip. I reached out to touch the soft side. They were ethereal.
“Do you like them?” Hale’s rough voice rolled over me, and I shivered. My shoulder blades jammed together, but I eased them down and filled my lungs with a steady breath. I heard the echo of his desperate words as I took in my disheveled husband. His thick beard hid so much of his expression, but I could sense the longing in him.
“Good morning, Hale.” I prodded him with his name. I still couldn’t believe what they’d offered me. The moment of passion that followed. Worse, I still didn’t believe he was truly sorry. The corner of his lip ticked like he was fighting a smile.
“Do you like the feathers?” he asked again, letting his gaze drift over me like the sight fed him. “I remember what you said when you revealed your scars, about freedom. You have that here and I hope they remind you. Plus it's too cold for flowers, and Oliver threatened to break my fingers if I brought you pretty stones. He's claimed that gift idea for himself.”
I brushed my fingers across the white one, the first one he’d left. Was there anything as free as a bird catching the breeze? My ribs pinched together.
“I do. I’ve never seen birds like this before and the vase. It’s so lovely.”
The previous Mrs. Hartlock kept a beautiful home, and they were wealthy by wildland standards. But the vase was an extravagance. It looked out of place amongst everything useful. A pure feast for the eyes. As Hale’s gaze roved over me, I wondered if he viewed me like the crystal vase.
Pretty, but useless .
It wasn’t my voice that whispered my hidden fear, but Daniel’s. I shook off his clutching grip; I didn’t have to worry about him anymore.
“The white one is from a hawk. I must admit I found that one a year ago, but I thought you would like it. The vase belonged to Mama. It was a gift from my father. After Oliver arrived. I can still remember the night he arrived. His shirt clung to his back from sweat, and he trembled on the doorstep. Our parents sent us to the barn. The fabric of my world tore that night, and I never stitched it back together again. They fought so rarely it stuck in my mind. Even the winter he’d spent the money on Oliver’s ma, she hadn’t raised her voice. But it was like winter snuck in from that day. Everything was colder than a blizzard. The only other time I saw her breakdown was when he died.”
The lines of pain on his face made me drift toward him. A purr hovered in my throat, but I hoarded it. This thing between us had been a tender plant shoot, and Hale ripped it from the ground. Time would be the only thing to grow our roots again, to heal the hurt.
If that was possible.
I would give him the grace of an open mind. I was interested to know more about his parents. How must it have felt for Oliver to lose his only family and destroy the one that took him in? The big man was so quiet like he held his breath in readiness for rejection.
My heart ached at the idea of him swallowing his voice because it was the only way he could exist safely. He was the unwilling symbol of a betrayed love. I knew his brothers cared for him, but I was glad I could lavish him with the love he deserved. Hale brushed his fingers over the rim of the vase.
“She never used it. Not once. The vase sat in a cupboard for years, gathering dust. I’ve been doing the same thing, shoving down old hurts until there was no space for them anymore. But I’ve decided, no more regrets. We’ll use the good crystal every day. Life is too short to hold on to hate passed down by others. It feels heavier, seeps deeper. I’m going to root it out, Esta, I promise.”
His earnest words made a knot swell in my throat, and I fidgeted with my apron.
“You can start by stopping doing my chores. How will I earn my keep?” I passed by him into the sitting room. The sheets were nearly dry, crisp, and clean from Hale’s toil. He followed me, close enough that I could feel his breath puff against my neck. Or was that my overactive imagination?
“It’s going to snow soon. Once that happens, it will be the five of us in this house for weeks, maybe months. Last year, the season wasn’t so bad, but the year before we were snowed in for a long time. Soon Ruck and Oliver will return with the last of our supplies. Winter in the wildlands can be brutal, and there won’t be much venturing outdoors. Now, it’s a waiting game, and I need to keep myself busy. I’m not above doing anything that needs done in the house. We all pitch in and have for many years. Besides, you should be cared for.”
I imagined Hale and his brothers the first winter after their mother passed away. Considering how I still felt her warm, homely touch in every corner of the house, I knew it would have sent them reeling. But they’d endured, and I felt some satisfaction knowing my presence helped steady Bram, at least. I wasn’t used to working for anything, which made me wince internally. I took great pride in contributing to this house. If we were going to fix this, I needed to be honest and open with Hale.
“My father never let me lift a finger growing up. He wanted so desperately to be upper class, like the humans he admired. Being idle should have been a pleasure, but it left me alone with my thoughts. I always felt insecure and useless. When Daniel courted me, he quickly reached underneath my facade, where I was riddled with self-hatred. But coming to the ranch was a revelation. I belonged somewhere. An integral cog of machinery rather than an ornament. It’s important to me… to feel useful.”
Hale rolled his spine until he was standing alert. My throat hurt from the stark honesty. Everyone wants to feel needed.
My beauty was supposed to be enough if I went by what society dictated to me.
But I rubbed the calluses on my hands with deep satisfaction. Gained from hard work, caring for my pack. Pride swelled my chest, almost full to burst.
“I want to take care of you.” Hale scrubbed his beard, blinking slowly as my words hit him. “Even before I knew you were an omega, the instinct drove me beyond measure. I apologize if my efforts made you feel unwanted; it couldn’t be further from the truth. But I hope you know how much you give us all and how much we appreciate you.”
There was a flicker of warmth at his gruff compliment, delivered with such earnestness.
But I needed him to understand how it couldn’t be just my presence that soothed them. It was too close to what my father asked of me. A pretty omega who served porcelain skin and demure smiles. It took monumental effort to maintain that level of masking.
I wasn’t her.
I belonged on the land, with my hair whipping in the wind. Crowned by the stars and sprawling midnight canvas.
“Perhaps we can discuss what needs to be done before the snow comes and divide the chores between the five of us?”
Look at us, being so mature and civil.
Hale nodded, pursing his lips as if he wanted to argue for a moment. We both existed on a tight thread, the one strung between us, frayed with everything we’d gone through. But he nodded. His gaze drifted over my shoulder.
“There may be no need for it. Soon, you’ll be forced to rest, like we all will.”
I turned to see snowflakes drifting past the window. We both headed toward the door. Hale flushed as we squeezed down the narrow hall, stuttering as he opened the door for me.
“Perfect timing,” he commented as Ruck and Oliver returned with the cart, the back overflowing with goods. Bram burst from the barn, his hands outstretched with a silly grin. He whirled around in circles, trying to catch the lazy snow, but it melted before it hit the ground. My breath puffed in front of me, and I sighed as Hale tucked a warm shawl around my shoulders.
“Can’t have you getting sick before we decide what jobs you’re stuck doing.”
I let out a soft snort, admiring the clench of Ruck’s jaw as he drew the horses to a stop. He was wore leather gloves, a fur lined hat and a wrap of material over his nose. Oliver was dressed similarly to ward off the biting chill. I breathed deep, loving the feeling of the brisk, stinging air.
“How did you go in town? Did you get everything we need?” Hale peered over the side of the cart, reaching out to rifle through a few bags. He drew out one with a velvet bow and raised an eyebrow.
“What necessary provisions for winter are these?”
Oliver scowled, snatching it from his hand with a possessive growl. He carried the prettily wrapped parcel over to me, holding it out tentatively. Bram skidded over and tried to grab it, but Oliver held the package out of reach.
“This is for you.” Oliver pressed it into my chest, and I struggled to contain my glee. Presents could turn my insides to jelly. I was an omega, after all. Ruck tugged his neck scarf down, reaching into the cart to hoist up a barrel.
“That’s from both of us. Don’t be taking all the credit.” He pressed a featherlight kiss to my head as he walked past. I froze, aware of Bram standing beside me. Our arrangement a secret, our affections hidden, up until this moment.
There were many reasons. Mainly my shame, which resurfaced almost daily. But also, safety. Bram was too young to understand the importance of keeping the arrangement a secret. And technically, we were breaking the Hierarchy Laws. Underneath the slick oily shame hummed a well of contentment. I might have moments of brief discomfort, but I worked through them. When they passed, I knew what we were doing wasn’t wrong. It was as natural as the snowflakes drifting from the gloomy clouds. Bram tugged at the ribbon, impatient with my dawdling.
“Can I keep this?” He bundled it tight and tucked it in his pocket before I could say no. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, and I urged him to go inside and warm up. He pouted and was about to argue when Hale pinned him with a glare.
“He can help carry the bags in, just like the rest of the family. We all contribute.” It was a small thing, but the declaration buoyed me. I pulled aside the thin paper to behold a length of burgundy material. I rubbed it between my fingers, humming in delight at the quality.
“Did you get this from Misery Creek?” I didn’t remember them having anything so fine, and I was already imagining the suits I could make of this material. Oliver shook his head.
“We ordered it special from Breton City. After we saw your pretty peach dress, we decided we fellas needed something fancy to be able to stand next to you. Ruck and I thought it could be a winter project, and hopefully, we can wear the suits to the Spring Dance?”
Ruck strode back out, and, not content with a kiss, his hand grazed my behind. I squeaked and collided with Oliver, crushing the lovely bolt of material between us. Oliver steadied me, his fingers wrapped around my elbow.
“What’s the Spring Dance?”
“It’s only the most important social event in Misery Creek. It even draws out some of the Designated from the wildlands. It’s a chance to reconnect after winter and socialize after being frozen and housebound for so long. What do you think? Do you like it?”
“I love it, and I will make the most handsome suits you’ve ever seen. I’m a much finer sewer than I am a cook. Although I’m not sure this will be enough for three suits?” I cradled the material to my chest, careful not to put too much pressure on it.
“Don’t worry, we bought plenty.” Ruck held up another string-tied package from the cart with a grin. Hale opened his mouth as if he was going to berate them both, but he swallowed his words at my wide smile. Oliver squeezed my elbow, urging me toward the house.
“Come out of the cold. We only just beat the snow, but I imagine we’ll have a fine powder this afternoon. Winter is well and truly here.”
I dug my heels into the soil, my omega instincts pleased by his fussing, but my conversation with Hale was fresh on the forefront. If I let them, these brothers would lock me in the house like a princess. Like Breton City, watching out the window while a house full of beta staff did every job for me.
I wouldn’t be useless.
If they wanted us to be a pack, they would have to accept their omega demanded calluses. I broke out of Oliver’s grasp and trudged toward the barn; I waved my hand over my head.
“Come on, Bram, while they unload, we’ll check on the animals before the snow hits us.”
Oliver’s disgruntled growl followed me, but it didn’t deter me. I couldn’t help tossing him a mischievous look. His eyebrows jammed together. Bram’s hand sought mine. The barn was musty with the overwhelming scent of straw. The body heat of all the animals kept the cold at bay.
“Let’s check on Charlie,” I said, but Bram was already tugging me toward our pet bull. He wasn’t equipped to winter with the other cattle. Too domesticated and spoiled. Charlie let out a low noise, not unlike Oliver’s disgruntled growl. His long, black lashes brushed his ruddy fur as he waited to be led out into the field.
“He wants to play.” Bram reached out and let Charlie snuffle at his flat palm.
“It’s too cold out there for you, precious boy.” Charlie flicked a look over our shoulder, and I wondered if he missed his stall mate, Dalton. The wild mustang haunted my thoughts every now and again.
I would not waste the second chance he gave me. My life was going to burst with joy, adventure, and accomplishment. I would grasp, beg, and steal every scrap offered to me until my heart was glossy and overflowing with everything good and gold.
“I’m glad you stayed.” Bram stroked Charlie’s nose as I leaned on the stall.
The barn was unofficially Ruck’s arena, and he kept it tidy and organized. There was a loft with beds, a seated area with several rough wooden stools, and a small round table. They looked hand-carved and well-used. All the horse’s tack hung gleaming from the effort it took to keep it oiled and clean. Bales of hay crowded the barn, along with bags of lupin and other grain. Ruck even added a ceramic container full of sugar cubes because he knew I couldn’t help spoiling the animals.
“What do you mean?” I gave Charlie a scratch on his forehead.
Bram shot me a look like he wasn’t sure what I was trying to achieve by playing dumb. I barely recognized the boy from when I first arrived. Dirt still darkened his fingertips and behind his ears. But it wasn’t his appearance that changed, but his air. He used to bristle at everyone like a little cactus. Intent on sticking me with his barbs. Bram had been a little wild, brash, and boiling with anger.
“Ruck would never have let Dalton go for anyone but you.” Bram pursed his lips. “I know I’m a kid, but I’m not stupid. I don’t believe he escaped on his own, and you chased after him, hurting your ankle. It don’t make sense.”
“I—” The sanitized story we’d told Bram sounded silly when he regurgitated it to me, and I scrambled for a way to save it. But Bram waved my protestation away, hopping off the stall and wandering over the stockpile of sacks. He checked the tops with a discerning eye.
“I wasn’t very nice to you when you came, but I like you now. Everyone likes you a lot. Even Hale, although he tries to keep it in. You’re not my mama. But I like you just fine, and I’m sorry for all the names I called you and the pranks. Just don’t leave again, please?”
His fingers darted over the food stores, searching for holes or evidence of vermin. I joined him, testing each opening and the sides for marks made by little teeth. Bram’s lower lip shivered momentarily as he scowled down at the bags of grain. He was an active boy, rarely sitting still for long. I forgot how young he was when he was constantly racing around. So much child still in him. Hurting Bram was never my intention. I reached out and tugged Bram into my arms. He resisted, making a noise under his breath. But I held on, letting him wriggle against me in mock disgust.
“I’m not going anywhere, Bram. Hartlock Ranch is my home, and so are you.”
My words did the trick. The boy melted against me; his scrawny body snuggled closer, and his arms snaked around to squeeze my middle.
“If Hale gets mean again, I can pour snow down his trousers.” He made a muffled promise to my belly. I giggled, imagining the look on Hale’s face. He would be furious.
“I might take you up on that.” I stroked Bram’s tangled hair.
Bram pulled away, scrambling over the bags to check the ones at the back. A brief moment was enough to make him feel better. I promised myself I would do better with the boy. He’d been through so much, and he deserved more from the world. Losing his parents at such a young age was a terrible loss.
My mother’s absence haunted me like a shadow still. There were so many milestones and moments I craved to hear her soft voice, thick with affection. I vowed to show him softness and be the sister he’d never had.
As we worked together, I filled my lungs with the comforting scent of hay, animals, and soil. It was earth, it was alive, and I needed it in my veins. It wasn’t the ranch itself, but this work, this family, what we were building together.
I’d never been so excited about the snow before.