Chapter Three
The brown and white mare I was sitting on looked a bit like she was napping. She twitched her withers occasionally, and whipped at the flies with her long black tail, but other than that she could have been snoozing.
“You said her name is Spitfire?” I asked, frowning.
Rex nodded, a little twitch of humor moving his lips.
I scratched my head. “I think you should rename her.”
“What would you suggest?” He asked, watching me with his bright gaze.
“Probably Snoring Suzy or Comatose Connie would be better.” I stroked her rough hide as I spoke.
Rex grinned and I felt like I’d won the lottery. His smile was beautiful; an amazing display of straight white teeth and dimples. I knew he didn’t smile easily, so it felt like I’d managed the impossible.
My happy thoughts were interrupted when Steve began grumbling next to me. His horse was the complete opposite of mine. His mount was a big black gelding that couldn’t seem to keep still. It kept prancing around, nudging at everyone else’s horses .
“Tighten up on your reins.” Rex addressed Steve calmly.” You’re giving him way too much lead.”
Steve obeyed, and the gelding seemed to settle down a little. “Thanks,” he said grudgingly.
“No, problem.” Rex gave a curt nod.
Steve gave me a surly glance. “How come you got such a tame ride, and I’m stuck with this punk of a horse?”
I shrugged. “Luck of the draw?”
Giving a suspicious look toward Rex, Steve muttered, “Luck my ass.”
“Do you want to trade?” I offered. I didn’t really want to trade horses. Steve’s gelding was a little too wild for me. But I also didn’t want Steve to be complaining the entire ride.
Before Steve could answer, Rex addressed the group. “How are we all feeling today, folks?”
A happy murmur went through the group.
“Hopefully, you got some rest last night. Today, we’re going to move some cattle from that pen over there”—he pointed toward a large enclosure in the distance that held livestock—”out to the northern pasture. It’s beginner stuff, so most of us should make it back alive.”
Everyone chuckled.
“I’m just joshing. The boys and I will keep you safe. No need to worry about anything. We’re here to have fun, right?” Rex smiled.
“That’s right,” Joe called out cheerfully .
“Okay, then, first we’ll ride to the pen, and then get to movin’ the cattle. Everyone just follow me.” Rex kicked his horse gently and set off, and we followed, showcasing varying degrees of skill. My mare seemed content to trail Rex’s horse, so I didn’t have to do much in the way of steering. Steve’s horse, however, wanted to stay at the barn. It was surprising, seeing as he’d been so frisky, but he didn’t seem to want to budge from that area now.
Rex had to ride back to help Steve out. He circled the black gelding and gave it a hard slap on its ass. The horse took off at a trot, and Steve gave a loud whoop and hung on for dear life. Rex flashed his smile again, apparently finding it funny to see a city slicker almost fall on his butt.
It didn’t take too long for me to settle into the rhythm of the horse’s movements. I’d worried I wouldn’t remember how to ride, but it all came back quickly. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed riding, and I couldn’t help smiling every few minutes. It just felt so awesome to be out of the city.
We were surrounded by green grass and yellow-leaved trees, while in the distance, purple-tinted mountains rose from the land. The sky was a crisp blue, with white cotton-ball clouds drifting across. The gentle calls of the cattle and the cool breeze gave me a feeling of serenity I hadn’t experienced in ages .
The ride to the corral wasn’t long, but even if it had been I wouldn’t have minded. I was truly enjoying just being out in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t have to smell any smog or worry about traffic. There was nothing but the sounds of the cattle and the rhythm of our horses’ hooves thudding on the rich earth.
When we reached the corral, the cows obediently wandered out of the pen when one of the ranch hands opened the gate. It was obvious the cattle knew the drill. They docilely trailed after one another in the direction Rex started them. A few of the cows were a little ornery, which gave me a chance to watch Rex as he rode after the strays, cutting them off adeptly and returning them to the herd. He demanded a lot from his horse as he circled around behind the cattle, galloping after the stragglers. His skill was impressive, and I couldn’t stop furtively watching him.
My sleepy little mare decided at one point she wanted to be at the front of the pack. Maybe she’d been reserving her energy for the ride all along, because she seemed much friskier once we were out in the open grass. When he was done catching the strays, Rex rode up beside me. His horse snorted and bounced around full of energy, apparently not liking the idea of slowing down one bit. But Rex easily controlled his mount, looking unconcerned at how rambunctious the horse was.
“See, she’s a little perkier now,” he murmured, eyeing me and Spitfire. “Maybe we don’t need to change her name after all.”
“Yeah. I guess she woke up.” While I liked having Rex’s attention, I did worry Steve might get jealous if he saw us. But when I glanced over my shoulder, I saw that Steve was riding next to one of the ranch hands named Tony. Tony was a friendly blond omega, and Steve looked flushed and happy to have his undivided attention.
Rex followed my glance. “Tony will take care of Steve.”
That’s what I’m afraid of.
I faced forward, trying to ignore the uneasiness fluttering through me. Steve had a type and Tony was definitely that. “Is Tony single?”
Rex looked puzzled by my question. “Yeah, why?”
“Oh, just curious,” I murmured.
Rex was quiet for a few moments, then he said, “Tony won’t cross any lines. If he does, his ass is grass.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about anything like that,” I lied.
His eyes flickered. “Okay. Good. ”
I cleared my throat, hoping to change the subject. “How long have you worked at the ranch?”
“Four years.”
I nodded. “I thought you’d say you’d grown up here on the ranch. You seem really at home.”
“I am at home here.”
I sighed. “Must be nice to like where you live. Sometimes I just want to leave the city behind and live someplace more remote.”
“Is that right?”
“Yep. Waking up to the sounds of the ranch beats honking horns any day of the week.”
“Maybe you should move somewhere more rural?”
Smiling, I said, “I’ve toyed with the idea, but so far it’s just a pipedream.” Steve would never leave the city, and I didn’t want to leave Steve. So I was stuck for now.
“Hey, we only get one shot at life. If you want to live somewhere other than the city, you should do it.” He met my gaze. “Happiness is important, don’t you think?”
“I’m happy.” I frowned.
“Are you?” His gaze was piercing.
“Yes.” I felt like he could see right through me. I didn’t want him or anyone guessing how worried and nervous I was about my relationship with Steve .
“I’m just saying you should live the life you want to live, Tanner.”
“What makes you think I’m not doing that?” I frowned.
He lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know. Just a feeling.”
I avoided his gaze. “Well, you’re wrong. I may not love living in the city, but I’m perfectly happy .” My tone was snippier than intended.
He narrowed his eyes. “Did I offend you by suggesting you move somewhere you’d love to live?”
“No. Of course not.” I avoided his gaze, embarrassed I’d reacted so touchily. He really hadn’t done anything other than suggest I live a happy life.
What a monster?
He murmured, “You seem defensive.”
I grimaced. “Sorry, but it’s not always so easy to just pick up your life and move. It’s a nice thought and all, but sometimes there are things that keep you where you are.”
“Sure.” He shrugged. “But sometimes we’re just afraid of change.”
He wasn’t wrong. I was afraid of change. Or more to the point, I was afraid of doing anything that might make Steve leave again. If I dared to suggest we move to a more rural location, Steve would freak out. It didn’t matter if I liked the idea of living outside the city; insisting on that with Steve could cause issues in our already shaky relationship.
Perhaps because I didn’t say anything, he picked up on my reticence to continue the conversation and changed the subject. “Do you have family back home? Where is home, by the way?”
“Steve and I are from Billings.” I stared out at the mountains in the distance. “As far as family goes, my parents are gone. I was an only child, so I don’t really have any family to speak of—just a couple of aunts and uncles sprinkled around the country that I never talk to.”
“I see,” he murmured. “So, Steve is what keeps you in the city.”
“Not just him. Work also keeps me there.”
He wrinkled his brow. “But if you’re freelance, couldn’t you work from anywhere?”
I patted Spitfire, running my fingers through her coarse mane. “Yes and no. It’s easier to find work in a city than in a rural area. There are just more opportunities. Billings is one of the top cities for graphic design in Montana.”
“I see.”
“I doubt I’ll ever leave the city.”
“I hope you’re wrong.” He met my gaze and his eyes were as blue as the sky. “We don’t know the future, Tanner.”
“No, that’s true.” I pulled my gaze from his, my pulse spiking more than I’d have liked. I cleared my throat nervously. “Anyway, I’m glad Spitfire ended up being more energetic than I thought she’d be.”
He nodded, going along with the change of subject. “Yeah. Horses are like people.” His husky voice was just loud enough to be heard over the cattle. “You can’t tell much from the first meeting.”
“Oh, I can read people the minute I meet them.” I grabbed at my hat when a gust of wind tried to blow it off my head.
“You think so?” He arched one brow.
“Sure. It’s easy for me.” I gave a cocky smile, happy we’d moved on to a safer subject. “It’s a gift.”
Rex’s lips twitched. “Okay, so, what have you been able to discern about me?”
His question allowed me the chance to stare at him without having to hide my curiosity for once. I took in his strong jaw with just a hint of stubble and his thick black lashes that seemed ridiculously long for a guy. “Well, first of all, you’re obviously one of the smarter cowboys because you used the word ‘discern.’”
He laughed. “Oh, I get it. You think cowboys are dumb?”
I lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know many cowboys who use the word ‘discern.’ ”
“Should I have phrased it differently? Maybe I should have asked, ‘What did you done did guess ‘bout me, y’all?’”
I tried not to laugh. “Of course, and it would have been a nice touch if you were picking your nose while you did it.”
He chuckled. “You’re mighty judgmental.”
“Nah. Just observant.”
“Oh, really?” He twisted his lips. “Would it surprise you to know I read a lot? Or even that I can read at all?”
I smirked. “You mean like cereal boxes?”
“Very funny.” He narrowed his eyes as he watched me, and I felt a little pulse of attraction snap between us. “I’d be nice, if I were you, Tanner.”
“Why? You gonna tie me up and learn me a lesson in manners?” I asked with an exaggerated Texas drawl, having fun teasing him.
“Hmm.” He ran his eyes over my body and didn’t try to hide it. “Tempting idea.”
I snorted at how obvious he was being, but I’d have been lying if I didn’t admit his flirtatious tone excited me. “Tony won’t cross any lines. How about you?”
“Nah, you’re safe,” he said softly. “For now.” He gave his horse a gentle kick and he took off after a steer that was breaking off from the herd.
I blew out a shaky breath, trying to ignore how attractive I found Rex. He was the first alpha I’d been tempted to flirt with in years. There was just something about him. I’d felt it the minute we met. Then I’d had my little sexual fantasy about him last night too. He was definitely hard to ignore. When Steve suddenly rode up beside me, I jumped guiltily.
“I hate this place,” he announced, scowling at Rex’s back.
I immediately shut down my attraction to Rex. “What’s wrong?” I asked innocently.
“For one thing, I’ve discovered I hate horses and cows with a passion.” He screwed his face up in distaste. “And it’s dusty and smelly here.”
“You’re not enjoying this at all?” I gestured to the wide open space, and the gorgeous mountains that encircled us. “It’s breathtaking.”
He shot me a cynical glance and nodded his head toward Rex. “Don’t you mean he’s breathtaking?”
I flushed, but countered with, “Don’t start, Steve. You seemed to be enjoying Tony’s attention just fine.”
His face tensed. “He was helping me with my piece of shit horse.”
“Sure he was.”
His cheeks had a pink tint. “You’re imagining things, T. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Neither did I. ”
He blew out a harsh breath. “Okay, good. So neither one of us is doing anything wrong. But I still hate it here.”
I gritted my teeth. “You do remember you picked this place, right? This certainly wasn’t my idea.”
He looked irritated. “I know, but it isn’t turning out like I’d hoped.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. We can’t just have nonstop sex. You’re the one who signed us up for horses and cows. Now we’re stuck here.”
He lifted his chin. “Why don’t we leave early?”
I was shocked how much I disliked his suggestion. It sent a wave of disappointment through me that took me completely by surprise. Especially considering I hadn’t wanted to come to a dude ranch to begin with. “You want to leave?”
“Yeah. Why not?” His gaze was intent. “What’s stopping us?”
“But we just got here.”
He scowled. “So?”
I grimaced. “You… you already paid for the trip, didn’t you?”
“It’s only money.” He impatiently waved off a fly that was circling his head.
“Only money? Since when aren’t you worried about money?”
“That’s what credit cards are for.” His gaze was pinned on Rex now .
I frowned. “It’s just a week. Can’t you stick it out? Why would you want to waste money by leaving?”
“Because, I just do.” He flicked his irritable gaze to me, back to Rex, and then to me again. “Why was he hanging around you anyway?”
My face warmed. “We were just talking about work and stuff.”
“Maybe I should complain to Mrs. Rodwell about him.” Steve chewed his lip distractedly.
“For what? Talking to a guest?” I grated. “He hasn’t done anything wrong. He didn’t do anything that Tony didn’t do with you. You’re fixating on Rex because you’re in a bad mood.”
“Yeah, I am in a bad mood.” He scowled. “I’m trying to tell you I’d rather go home, and you’re dismissing me.”
I sighed. “I’m not dismissing you. I’m trying to reason with you. We literally just got here. This is the first vacation I’ve had in years, and I don’t want to go home yet.”
“Oh, really?”
I held his frustrated gaze. “Yeah. I need this break.”
“T, you have all the time in the world right now. You got laid off, remember? I’ll book us a cruise or something. You wanted to go to Hawaii, so let’s go there instead.”
“Just like that?”
“Sure. ”
“I don’t understand you. You booked this vacation, not me. You could have taken me to Hawaii, but you wanted to come here. We’re here now, and I think it’s silly and a waste of money to just leave.”
“You weren’t exactly happy about this idea in the beginning.” He gave me a surly look.
“I agree, but so far this place is better than I expected.”
“Yeah, I have a feeling I know why too,” he mumbled, once more glaring at Rex who was up ahead of us.
“Knock it off, Steve. You’re projecting.”
“I wasn’t born yesterday. Cowboy Rex is into you, and you’re not playing as hard to get as I’d like,” he growled.
I leaned toward him. “We were just talking , same as you and Tony. You need to chill, and try and enjoy yourself.”
“Not going to happen.”
I pushed my hat down firmly on my head. “Well, I don’t want to leave yet.”
He studied me, his jaw hard. “You really want to stay, even though I’m not having any fun?”
“It’s just a damn week, Steve. If you’d stop being so paranoid about Rex, I think you could enjoy yourself.”
“I doubt it. I’d still be stuck here where it stinks and I hate it. ”
“So what should we do? Are you going to sulk the whole time if I insist we stay longer?”
He pressed his lips tight, eyes glittering with frustration. “You’re actually enjoying this trip?”
“Yes.”
A muscle worked in his cheek, then he shrugged. “Fine. Seeing as you don’t care a bit about my feelings, I suppose I have no choice other than to give it a few more days.”
I rolled my eyes. “That isn’t what is happening, but thank you for agreeing to stay.”
He grunted. “You didn’t give me much choice.”
Even though he’d given in, my stomach churned with stress. I knew Steve well enough to know that, while he’d acquiesced, he wouldn’t bother hiding that he was unhappy about staying. I was proven right when he immediately began sulking.
It was hard not to resent him as he glowered at the hills, the cows, and the people, without speaking. If our positions had been reversed, I’d have done my best to try and at least pretend I was having fun. Not Steve. He just traveled beside me in silence. Even when I tried to start a conversation with him, he ignored me. I tried not to let it bug me too much, but it was irksome that he was such a baby.
By the time our group reached the pasture where the cattle would stay, it was late afternoon. Once the cows were settled, Rex and the other ranch hands set out chairs for us, and brought out sandwiches and cold drinks. Steve sat beside me, his expression sulky. He remained as quiet as a monk, but I didn’t have the emotional energy to worry about it. I did notice, though, that Rex mostly kept his distance. He was polite and professional as he handed out the food and drinks, but he didn’t flirt with me anymore.
After we ate, Rex entertained us with some rope tricks to kill time until sunset, when the ranch planned to build a campfire for us. He demonstrated beginner tricks like the flat rope and the merry-go-round. He even let us try some tricks. None of us did very well, but we had a lot of fun trying—everyone except Steve, that is. He didn’t even join in, opting instead to sit in his chair, looking glum. He perked up briefly when Tony came over to talk to him, but otherwise, he just stewed.
Once the sun went down, and the fire was built, Rex pulled out the ingredients to make s’mores. We layered graham crackers, marshmallows, and chunks of chocolate and melted them over the campfire. Then the group bonded through laughter and gooey snacks as we sat around the fire.
Steve sat beside me, but he didn’t join in much. I didn’t care. I’d made up my mind that I wasn’t going to let him ruin the moment. I wasn’t doing anything wrong by having fun. Besides, Steve was a big boy, and he’d have to work through whatever he was going through on his own. I didn’t have the inclination to babysit him.
At one point, Rex came over to me. “Tanner, you want to help me gather some more wood for the fire?”
Surprised he’d asked me to help, I stood awkwardly. I avoided looking at Steve, but I could feel him watching us. “Me?”
Rex smiled. “Sure. Joe helped me earlier, but we’re running low again. I like to spread the work around. I can ask Peter if you don’t want to help.”
“No, that’s okay. I’m happy to help.” As I followed Rex toward the trees, I met Steve’s sullen, suspicious gaze. I smiled at him, but he didn’t return the smile.
Baby.
When we entered the trees, I stayed near Rex. I didn’t know the area at all and felt safer near him. Eventually, I began to relax and wandered a little ways from Rex. The full moon made it easy to spot kindling scattered on the ground.
At one point, Rex neared me, his arms full of wood. “You good?”
“Yep. I’m finding lots of kindling.”
“That’s great.” He shifted his stance, adjusting the wood in his arms. “I heard a rumor your boyfriend wants to cut your vacation short. ”
I was surprised he knew about Steve’s desire to leave. “How did you hear about that?”
“Mrs. Rodwell mentioned it to me.”
I frowned. “But, he only mentioned it to me on the ride out here.”
His gaze flickered. “Apparently he talked to her about it this morning, before we left for the cattle drive.”
Surprise and anger fluttered through me. “Seriously? Without talking to me first?”
He seemed to relax a bit. “I had a feeling you didn’t know.”
“No, I didn’t,” I murmured. Why hadn’t Steve run that idea past me before talking to Mrs. Rodwell? Going behind my back like that was disrespectful, if you asked me. “I don’t get it. This entire trip was his idea. I wanted to go to Hawaii.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah.” I grimaced. “But now that I’m here, I’m having a good time.”
“I’m glad,” he said quietly. “You fit in nicely.”
We held each other’s gaze for a moment. The trees kept most of the light out, but there was just enough to see his face. He looked emotionless, and his eyes glittered in the dark.
“Can I be honest with you?” he asked.
I shifted uneasily. “I guess.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t see you two together. ”
I frowned, not sure I’d heard him right. “What?”
“You two don’t make sense,” he said gruffly. “You know, as a couple. I don’t see him as the right kind of alpha for you.”
I laughed awkwardly. “Okay.”
“None of my business, I know. It’s just an observation.”
To distract myself, I grabbed a branch off the ground. “It may look that way on the surface, but we’ve known each other since we were teenagers.” I straightened and met his gaze. “He’s my alpha, but we were friends first. I understand him.”
“Hmmm.” He wrinkled his brow. “To be honest, I don’t even see you two as friends.”
I laughed uneasily. “Well, tell me how you really feel, Rex.”
He grimaced. “You two don’t seem in sync. You don’t like the same things. He looks miserable, but you seem to be fitting in and having fun.”
I felt disloyal not defending Steve. “To be fair, Steve isn’t at his best this trip. He’s just out of his element. It’s complicated, but he’s… he’s not a bad guy.”
Rex narrowed his eyes. “Kind of get the feeling he ain’t a good guy, either.”
My face warmed. “You don’t know him. ”
“Yeah.” Rex once more adjusted the firewood in his arms. “But I know his type.”
“You shouldn’t judge him.”
“Life’s too short to beat around the bush.” His voice was husky and he inched closer.
My pulse raced at his close proximity. I could feel the heat of his body, and smell his clean, woodsy scent. Rex was a very attractive alpha, and probably used to getting any omega he wanted. But as much as I was drawn to him, I wasn’t the type of person who cheated. Even though Steve had betrayed me, tempted or not, I’d never do the same to him.
I said softly, “I’d never cheat in a relationship.”
He smiled, but he didn’t move away. “I know.” I could see his white grin in the moonlight. “Did you think I was going to try and tempt you to stray?”
“I wasn’t sure,” I said weakly. “You make me nervous. I just thought I should make it clear that I’m not like that.”
He leaned in, and I thought for a moment he was going to kiss me. Despite my words about not straying, my heart beat sped up, and I didn’t move away.
“I wouldn’t try to get you to cheat, Tanner,” he said softly. “I’m not like that .” He moved away from me .
I ignored the oddly deflated feeling I had when he moved on without making any attempt to kiss me. I didn’t understand my own emotions. I’d made a big point of declaring I was no cheater, but then I felt disappointed Rex hadn’t tried to make out with me? That made no sense.
I followed Rex out of the woods, feeling muddled. Steve glared at us when we returned. It annoyed me he didn’t trust me , when he was the one who’d betrayed me. Still, once I’d dropped my wood off at the pile near the fire, I sat beside Steve. Maybe he was acting like an idiot on this trip, but he was still my alpha.
When it got close to midnight, Rex and the crew packed everything up, and we began the trek back to the ranch. As I rode along, I stared up at the dark velvety sky and watched the stars twinkling like little birthday candles. Coyotes yipped somewhere in the distance, no doubt chasing dinner.
Joe and Martha started singing “Tumbling Tumbleweeds” and harmonizing with each other. Some of the others joined in, and while I didn’t sing along, I enjoyed the song. Not counting Steve, overall we were a cheerful group. In fact, as I thought back over the day, I had trouble wiping the grin off my face.
We helped Rex unsaddle the horses when we got back. He showed us what to do, and we brushed down our ponies and fed them their hay. Rex’s gaze seemed to linger on me as he promised he’d help us clean and oil the tack another time. We said our goodnights and went to our respective cabins.
Once we got inside our cabin, Steve stomped around the place like an elephant. He was obviously agitated and kept banging doors and muttering to himself. I took a quick shower, and when I came out of the bathroom, he was sitting on his bed with a bottle of whisky.
His expression was disgruntled, and he slurred as he demanded, “So, did you fuck him?”
I widened my eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” He narrowed his eyes. “When he took you out there into the woods, did you have sex?”
“Wow.” I glared at him. “You seriously think I’d do that?”
He flushed, but doubled down. “You were gone long enough to get the job done.”
“Well, if anyone would know about slipping in a quick fuck, it would be you, Steve.” I slammed the drawer to the dresser. “But for the record, some guys take longer than two minutes to get off.”
“Oh, so now I’m a crappy lay?” he growled, standing unsteadily.
I moved toward him. “Where the hell do you get off accusing me of cheating? I’ve never once cheated.” I jabbed my finger at him. “You should be careful about opening that can of worms.”
Guilt washed over his tense features. “Why did he pick you to get the wood?”
“I don’t know. Joe helped him too. I didn’t see Martha losing her mind with jealousy.”
“He had Joe help him too?”
“Yes,” I snapped, pulling my clean T-shirt over my head.
“Well, I didn’t know that.”
I said in exasperation, “That’s still no excuse to accuse me of cheating on you. For goodness sake, Steve. You’re acting like a lunatic on this trip.”
“No, I’m not. I just don’t like that Rex guy sniffing around my omega.”
“Yeah?” I snapped. “You know what I don’t like? The fact that you talked to Mrs. Rodwell about leaving the ranch before you even mentioned it to me. You don’t think you should have talked to me first?”
He winced sheepishly, and then pushed his hand thorough his brown hair roughly. “Well, I just wanted to know if we could get a refund, that’s all.”
“I don’t believe you. I think you’re not thinking straight right now. You’re jealous and unreasonable. It’s starting to really piss me off.”
“You’re pissed off?” He sounded incredulous. “Dude, I can barely walk after riding that smelly creature all day. But you don’t care about that. You still don’t want to leave. I can’t believe you like this place. I’m being tortured, and you’re having the time of your life.”
“I’m not having the time of my life, but I am enjoying trying something new.”
“Well, I’m not. I fucking hate it here and I want to leave .” He plopped onto the bed, reclining against the headboard, arms crossed.
“I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. You booked this trip. I’m just trying to have a good attitude.”
“No, you don’t care that I want to leave. That’s hurtful.”
I stood over him, uncertain of how to continue. “Steve, what’s really going on with you? I don’t believe for five seconds this fit your throwing is just because you’re jealous and you don’t like it here.”
He wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Then you’d be wrong.”
I sat on the edge of his bed, studying his pinched face. “Talk to me. What’s at the root of all these insecurities? I haven’t done anything to cause so much friction between us. Since last night, you just seem mad all the time.”
He turned his face away. “I thought we’d grow closer on this trip. I feel like we’re growing apart. ”
Uneasiness ate at me. “I’m trying my hardest to have fun with you. It’s like you just don’t want to be happy. If I’m honest, the only time you seem happy is when you’re talking to Tony.”
“Yeah? Well, he’s nice to me.”
I narrowed my eyes. “And I haven’t been nice to you?”
He harrumphed impatiently. “You’ve been distracted by Rex. I’m surprised you remember I’m here.”
“Bullshit. I’ve been good to you on this trip. I’ve tried hard to make you happy. The only thing I don’t want to do is leave. I want to actually have a vacation. If we leave early and go home, we’re never going to book that trip to Hawaii. We both know it. You’ll push it off and then it will fade into oblivion.”
Like so many of your promises.
His eyes were dark and difficult to read. “Why did you take me back?”
Surprised at the question, I hesitated.
“Was it pity?” he asked.
“No.” I frowned and reached for his hand. “I love you. I told you that the night you came to see me and ask for forgiveness.”
“You still love me?”
“Yes.” I sighed. “Steve, why would you doubt that?”
He bit his bottom lip. “I worry you have regrets. ”
His words made me uneasy. “Why? Do you have regrets? Do you wish you hadn’t come back to me?”
He didn’t respond immediately, which only gave me more concerns. Eventually, he said gruffly, “Relationships are so much work.”
A chill ran through me. “Right. Of course they are.”
His gaze was fixed on the bite mark on my throat. “I remember the night I gave you my bite,” he murmured. “It felt so right at the time.”
I slowly pulled my hand from his clammy grip. My heart thudded against my ribs, and I felt breathless. “But not now?”
He licked his lips. “Making things work with us is definitely harder than I thought it would be.”
“What are you saying?” I asked softly. “You want to split up?”
His cheek flinched. “No.”
“Then what are you saying?” I felt sick holding his confused gaze. “Because it sounds to me like you regret coming back to me. You regret giving me your bite.”
“I don’t regret that. I love you, T.” He wrinkled his brow. “But… don’t you ever wonder what else is out there?”
His words were like knives in my heart. I was so hurt, I couldn’t even speak. I just stared at him, my eyes stinging with unshed tears .
He exhaled and sat up. “I don’t want to break up. That’s not what I’m saying, T.” He pulled me into his arms, but I kept my arms limply at my side. “I’m just tired, and I hate this place. It’s messing with my head, that’s all.”
I wanted to believe him, but my gut swirled with stress. I wanted to pull away and scream at him that he’d once more wasted my time and broken my heart. But instead, I stayed where I was, inhaling his familiar scent and trying not to give in to my roiling, angry emotions.
His warm mouth found mine, but I couldn’t muster any affection or desire. I felt numb. I pulled away and stood near the bed, watching him with my heart aching. I didn’t know what to think about all the stuff he’d said. I felt like puking, and I just wanted to go to sleep and pretend things were fine.
But of course, they weren’t.
He patted the mattress. “Get back on the bed with me. You’re misunderstanding what I’m saying, T. I’m just tired and stressed out. I’m not articulating my feelings well. You know how I get when I’m exhausted.”
I didn’t move, even though I wanted to believe him. It would be so much easier if he was just tired and confused, but still in love with me. I didn’t want to go through the pain of breaking up again. That had been horrible. Gut wrenching. I’d been so happy when he’d come back to me. Wary, but happy.
“Babe,” he whispered, “Don’t look at me like that. It breaks my heart. Come here. I didn’t mean anything by the stuff I said. I love you and I want to be with you.”
I had two choices: reject him or go to him.
“T, come on,” he coaxed. “Let me show you I love you.”
Instinctively, I moved to him. He was my alpha still, and it was hard to ignore him when he pleaded for me to come to him. I felt robotic as I got on the bed and laid down beside him. He took me in his arms and held me tight. My eyes burned with tears, but I refused to let them fall. There was a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball, and I was scared and uncertain of what came next.
He stroked my back, and I just stayed where I was, listening to his racing heart beneath my ear. He rumbled words of comfort, but I felt empty hearing them. I closed my eyes and tried to relax against him. After all, he was my alpha, and I was supposed to trust him above all others.
But the sad truth was, I didn’t trust Steve.
When you loved someone, you weren’t supposed to “wonder what else was out there.” That wasn’t love . When you loved someone, you were supposed to cherish them. Hold on to them and never let go. You weren’t supposed to envision a future without them in it. That wasn’t love. It certainly wasn’t the sort of love I wanted.
However, I wasn’t able to verbalize any of those thoughts because of the giant lump in my throat. Tomorrow, when I felt less emotional, I’d try and talk to him again and figure out where we should go from here. Tonight wasn’t the time for that.
So, I pushed all the hurt and pain down and I forced myself to drift off to sleep in the arms of my imperfect alpha.