Omega’s Refuge (Rambling Cow Dude Ranch #1)

Chapter Twelve

When I woke, the first thing I noticed was the beeping sound. It was rhythmic, steady, almost soothing. The second thing I noticed was the sterile, antiseptic smell as I forced my eyes open.

The fluorescent lights above were dimmed, but their glow still made me squint. My throat felt dry, and my arm—my hand—throbbed with a dull, distant ache. I tried to shift, but my body felt leaden, like I’d been weighed down by sandbags.

A sharp prick of an IV line tugged at the back of my hand, leading up to a small device dripping clear fluid into me. I blinked, glancing down. My bitten hand was bandaged neatly, elevated on a pillow with a cold compress over it. The swelling was still there but had gone down considerably. My fingers were stiff and tender, but at least I could move them.

Movement near the door caught my eye. A nurse entered the room, her shoes squeaking softly against the linoleum floor. She was petite, maybe in her early thirties, with dark hair pulled back into a tidy bun. Her scrubs were a pale blue, and her eyes were kind behind her glasses as she approached my bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. “Any dizziness or nausea?”

“Uh, no… just sore. My hand hurts,” I croaked, my voice scratchy and dry.

She smiled sympathetically. “That’s to be expected.” She moved with practiced ease, checking the monitor beside my bed. “You’re past the worst of it now,” she said reassuringly, adjusting the IV line as she spoke. “The antivenom worked, and we’ve been giving you fluids to help flush everything out. You’ll still feel a bit weak for a day or two, but your vitals look pretty good, considering.”

“That’s a relief,” I murmured. “Where am I?”

“You’re at the Pioneer Medical Center in Big Timber, Montana. We’re thirty miles east of Livingston and about eighty miles west of Billings.”

I frowned. “Oh.”

“We’ve been taking good care of you. Worry not.” She smiled. “I told your alpha the same thing but he was terribly concerned about you. I had to chase him out of here last night. He didn’t want to leave your side.”

I frowned. “My alpha?”

“Yes. He was with you when you arrived. Rex.” She hesitated. “He’s your alpha, isn’t he?”

I blinked at her. “No.” She must have seen the bite on my neck and assumed Rex was my alpha.

“Oh.” She lifted her brows in surprise. “Well, you could have fooled me. ”

“I don’t have an alpha.” My tongue felt sluggish as I admitted that.

“No?” She knitted her brow. “But you have an alpha’s bite.”

“It’s… I… it’s complicated.”

She grimaced. “It’s not good if you don’t have an alpha.”

“It’s not?” Was she one of those purest who thought all omegas needed to have an alpha? Or was she just confused by the bite on my neck?

“Not in your condition, no.” She tapped her chin, studying me. “Naturally, we all assumed you had an alpha because you have an alpha’s bite.”

“Right, but I don’t so...” I cleared my throat. “It’s a long story and I’d rather not talk about it, if you don’t mind.” I wasn’t about to share the sordid details of my life. She could think what she wanted to think.

“You’re going to need a lot of help.” Her gaze was now more pitying than anything else. Why was that?

“I’m sure I can manage.” I assumed once my hand healed, I’d be fine. Why was she being so dramatic?

“You’re being very brave, but you have a lot of challenges ahead of you. Especially without an alpha by your side.”

Why was she so fixated on whether I had an alpha or not? “I’m doing okay, right?” I asked, feeling muddled. “You said my vitals were pretty good.”

“Yes. But complications can occur in situations such as yours.” She straightened the thin blanket that covered me. “You’ll have some soreness in your hand for a while.” She glanced at my bandaged arm. “But at least the swelling’s gone down, and you’re responding well to the treatment. We’ll keep you on antibiotics for a bit longer just to prevent any infection.”

“Okay.” I closed my eyes, feeling groggy, my mind sluggish as it tried to catch up with everything that had happened. “I definitely don’t want an infection.”

“No. Absolutely not. But don’t worry.” She patted my shoulder. “The antibiotics won’t hurt the fetus.”

The fetus.

My eyes flew open. “What did you say?” I assumed I’d heard her wrong. Why would she be talking about a fetus? I wasn’t pregnant. Was she getting me mixed-up with another patient? “I’m here for a snake bite.”

“Right.” She gave a confused smile. “I know.”

“But you said ‘fetus’ just now.”

She nodded, wrinkling her brow. “Yes. I was reassuring you that your baby is going to be perfectly fine despite what’s happened.”

My mouth fell open and I gaped at her in shock .

She took a step back, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh, no. Don’t tell me you didn’t know you’re with child?” Her voice squeaked.

“With child?” I mumbled weakly. “That can’t be right.”

Looking mortified, she whimpered, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I just ruined the surprise. That’s awful. What a terrible way to get the news.”

“You’re s… saying I’m… pregnant ?” My voice was close to a screech.

She nodded, looking embarrassed. “I’m so sorry I just blurted it out like that. I’ve never done that before. Please, forgive me. How tactless of me.”

I shook my head. “There must be a mistake. I can’t be pregnant.”

She grimaced. “You mean because you don’t have an alpha?”

“No,” I grated. “Because I just can’t be pregnant right now. That’s impossible. I… I can’t be pregnant.”

She gritted her teeth. “Well, according to the doctor, you’re two months pregnant.”

“Oh, god.” Panic washed over me and my body started trembling. There was no question the child was Steve’s, and that was an absolute disaster . I couldn’t have his baby. I’d never be able to do it alone, and I sure as hell didn’t want anything to do with my ex .

“It’s okay.” She moved closer, looking worried. “Calm down. There are many options open to you. You could give the baby away for adoption, or you could terminate the pregnancy. There are also lots of groups now to assist pregnant, single omegas. There’s no need to be upset.” She glanced around nervously as if worried I was going to get her in trouble.

When Rex appeared in the doorway, I wanted to slide down and hide under the covers. Did he know about the pregnancy? His expression was blank so I couldn’t tell if he knew or not. As he approached the bed, his expression changed from casual to concerned as he took in my flustered demeanor.

“What’s wrong?” he demanded, moving to take my hand.

The nurse wailed, “I goofed up. He… he didn’t know he was pregnant.”

My face felt like it was on fire as Rex’s gaze shifted to mine. I expected him to drop my hand like a hot potato, but he didn’t. If anything, he held on tighter. “You didn’t know, Tanner?”

My lips moved but no sound came out.

“It just slipped out,” she cried. “I assumed he knew, but he didn’t. And then he got so upset, I realized what I’d done.”

He gave the nurse and impatient glance. “Can you give us a minute? ”

“Absolutely.” She looked only too happy to have a reason to escape. She practically ran to the door, giving me a worried glance over her shoulder.

Once she was gone, Rex exhaled tiredly. “I’m so sorry you had to find out like that, Tanner. I assumed you knew already, but just weren’t saying anything to anyone.”

I swallowed hard. “No. I… they must be mistaken. I can’t be pregnant.”

He gritted his teeth. “I don’t think they’re wrong.” His thumb swept over my skin. “It’ll be—”

“Please don’t say it’ll be okay, Rex,” I growled, pulling my hand from his. “If I’m actually pregnant, it most definitely will not be okay.” I tried to sit up straighter, wincing when my injured arm throbbed painfully. “This can’t be happening. This absolutely can’t be happening.”

“It—” He grimaced. “You’re not alone, Tanner. Okay?”

I held his gaze, feeling like the world was ending. First a snake bite, now a pregnancy ? This was insanity. It just couldn’t be happening. The universe couldn’t be that cruel, right? There was no way the universe would allow Steve to get me pregnant, just as he abandoned me. That was too harsh.

“What am I going to do?” I whimpered, fear attacking me. “I… I can’t have a baby. I can barely af ford to feed myself. I can’t pay for childcare, not with the kind of jobs I get. I’m ruined. This is an absolute nightmare.”

“I’ll help you if I can.” Rex shifted uneasily. “I swear, I’ll do whatever I can to help, okay?”

“What can you possibly do?”

He raked a hand through his hair. “I… I don’t know, but anything you need. I’ll be there. Just tell me what you need.”

“You don’t owe me that, Rex.” As much as I appreciated how he was trying to comfort me, my pregnancy wasn’t his problem. We hadn’t known each other long enough to impose on each other with something this serious.

“This isn’t about whether I owe you anything. I care about you and I want to help you if I can.”

“Nobody can help me. I… I have to terminate the pregnancy. That’s all there is to it.” I wasn’t in a position to have a child. Even if I were strong enough as a single omega to face the disapproval I’d surely get from our puritanical alpha-omega society, I couldn’t handle the financial responsibilities of a kid.

“If that’s what you want, then of course.” He rubbed my shoulder. “You don’t need to make a decision right this minute. You should think things over and decide when you’re feeling calmer.”

“There isn’t much to think over.” I blew out a shaky breath. “I… I can’t keep this baby. ”

He hesitated. “Are you going to tell Steve? Perhaps he’d… step up and help you.”

I shuddered. “I don’t want to talk to him.” Guilt nudged me. “But… but maybe it’s the right thing to do? Should I tell him?”

“Whatever you think is best, Tanner,” he murmured. While his words were agreeable, he looked displeased.

“You don’t think I should tell him?”

“It’s possible he’d offer to help you with expenses. It’s the least he could do.” His mouth thinned. “But more likely he might use the pregnancy as a ploy to worm his way back into your life.”

The amount of rancor in his voice surprised me, although I felt as negative as he did. “He needn’t bother because I don’t want to have a child with him. He’s most definitely not father material.”

“You say that now, but he might talk you into keeping the baby.” He looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth. “I’ve told you before, he’ll regret abandoning you. He’s going to try and get you back.”

“Rex, I’m not a mindless idiot. He can’t talk me into being with him simply because of the baby. Besides, he doesn’t want kids. He made that clear when we last spoke. He’s not ready for a family. ”

Rex looked unconvinced. “He’s territorial. He’ll do anything to keep you away from other alphas, mark my words. Even if he didn’t want kids before, I’d bet money he’ll suddenly be ready.”

I studied his tense face, feeling confused. Was he right? Would Steve regret what he’d done to me and come crawling back again because of the child? “I could never trust him again. Never.”

He didn’t respond immediately, then he asked, “If Steve hadn’t done what he did, would you be happy about the baby?”

That was an interesting question. I hadn’t trusted Steve before, and now I truly didn’t. Would I have been happy to learn I was pregnant if I was still with Steve? Or would I have been horrified because I’d known instinctively that I couldn’t depend on him?

When I didn’t answer, he said softly, “It’s okay if you’d have been happy. I understand, Tanner. You have his bite. Being with him and having a family with him is the easiest path for you.”

I held his gaze feeling conflicted. “I don’t know how to answer your question. There may have been a time when I’d have been happy to have his baby, but now? I can’t imagine having babies with him. Not after what he’s done.”

“But it would be easier.” His voice was matter-of-fact. “Since you already have his bite. ”

“Life definitely wouldn’t be easy . Not with the way Steve is. A baby isn’t going to fix him. It would probably make him worse.”

“But, at least you’d have help with the money and the child.”

I frowned. “Do you think I should go back with him or something? Because of the baby?”

His face instantly hardened, “Hell, no. I think you’d be a fool to get back with him.”

I laughed gruffly. “Then why are you petitioning so hard for Steve?”

He hung his head, appearing muddled. “I’m not petitioning for him . I’m trying to think of what’s best for you .” He flicked his gaze to mine and there was pain there. “I hate the idea of you going back to him. But if you want to keep this child, I understand why you’d make that decision.”

I touched my stomach distractedly. “Even if I wanted to keep the baby, I… I can’t just think about what I want right now. I have to be smart. I have to face the fact that I’m not financially able to keep this child.”

“But if you didn’t have to worry about money, you’d want to keep the child? Even if Steve wasn’t in the picture?”

I hesitated as thoughts of being a parent washed over me. I’d always wanted kids. I’d been practical enough to know I hadn’t been in a position to have them yet, but I’d always planned on having a family with Steve.

“There’s no point in discussing hypotheticals. The fact is, Steve abandoned me. I’m not in a position to raise this child alone.” I hardened my jaw. “And, despite what you might think of me, I’m also not weak enough to run back to Steve simply because I’m pregnant.”

“I don’t think you’re weak.” He touched my arm. “I think you’re strong as hell, Tanner. But I also think you’re in a really hard place, and sometimes we make bad decisions out of fear.”

I shivered at the heat of his fingers on my skin, wrestling with my jumbled emotions. Rex was convinced that Steve would come back to me, and that I’d want that. What Rex didn’t realize was I’d barely thought about Steve since Rex and I had become involved. I didn’t want to admit that to him because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to look pathetic.

“Talk to me,” he urged softly. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Tanner.”

I met his gaze, tempted to be honest. His gaze was so warm and concerned, it tugged at my heart. “Okay, fine. I… I don’t want to get rid of this baby, but I have no choice,” I whispered. “I can’t support a child on my own. The sooner I get rid of this pregnancy the better. I don’t want to start bonding with the fetus. That will just make things harder. ”

He nodded, but before he could respond, a doctor entered the room.

The doctor was tall and dark haired, with a hint of silver at his temples. He smiled politely as he stopped near us. “I’m Dr. Jones. How are you feeling today, Tanner?”

“Rough.” I smiled weakly. “My arm hurts and I’m exhausted.”

“Sure. Sure. Don’t be alarmed about that. It’s normal after what you’ve been through.” He studied a clipboard as he spoke. “Hmmm.”

“Is something wrong?” Rex asked before I could.

The doctor glanced up. “Oh, nothing too terrible. It’s not uncommon following envenomation, particularly from species like rattlesnakes, for there to be significant interference with the body’s hemostatic mechanisms, resulting in coagulopathy.”

“Huh?” I frowned. “What does that mean?”

Rex scratched his head. “Yeah, I’m confused too.”

The doctor smiled patiently. “In layman’s terms, it merely means that your blood isn’t clotting properly at the moment. That will no doubt clear up in a couple of months.”

I widened my eyes. “It takes that long?”

“Well, sometimes it’s quicker.” Dr. Jones tone was reassuring. “But to be safe, you’d want to avoid anything that break the skin for a few months because there’s a significant risk of hemorrhaging. So no sports or things like that for a while.”

Uneasiness shifted through me. “What about surgeries?”

The doctor frowned. “Surgeries?”

I nodded. “Yes. I… I’m not sure I want to keep this baby. Would an abortion be risky?”

Dr. Jones recoiled. “Most definitely. That would be incredibly risky.” He flicked his astonished gaze to me. “Are you actually considering terminating your pregnancy?”

My face warmed at his accusing tone. “I… I… yes.” I wasn’t completely surprised by his negative attitude toward me terminating the pregnancy. Many of the older generation disapproved of ever ending any pregnancy, unless medically necessary. “I need to terminate the pregnancy.”

“But why?” Dr. Jones looked baffled. “You’re young and, once recovered fully, in good health. Why wouldn’t you want to carry the baby to term?” He glanced at Rex. “Are you okay with terminating the pregnancy?”

Rex stiffened. “It’s not up to me.”

“Of course it is,” exclaimed the doctor. “It’s a decision you both should make.”

Face red, Rex said, “I’m not Tanner’s alpha.”

Dr. Jones looked confused. “You’re not?”

“No.” Rex met my gaze .

Cheeks hot, I interjected, “My alpha abandoned me. I can’t keep the child.”

Dr. Jones looked even more horrified. “He abandoned you?”

“Yes.” I hated the look of pity he shot me, but it wasn’t a huge surprise. “So, I’m sure you understand why I don’t want to carry the baby full term.”

“Right. Of course. I… I suppose that would be impossible now. If you’re single, you definitely don’t want to have the baby. That wouldn’t be proper.” He huffed. “Your alpha should be ashamed of himself.”

Rex moved closer to my bed, almost protectively. “Getting back to the matter of an abortion, are you saying Tanner has to wait to have an abortion because of the blood clotting issue?”

Dr. Jones tore his pitying gaze from me and answered Rex. “Most definitely. There’s no way Tanner can have a surgical procedure at this time. He’d most likely bleed out on the table.”

Horrified at his words, I gasped.

Rex’s mouth tightened. “Maybe you could be a little more tactful, doctor?”

Dr. Jones blinked at Rex. “Oh, sorry.” He gave me an apologetic smile. “That was a crass thing for me to say. I’m simply trying to express that there’s no way you can have an abortion right now. Any respectable doctor would refuse to do the procedure. They could lose their medical license if anything bad happened. It’s far too risky.”

“How long do I have to wait?” Even I could hear the panic in my voice.

Rubbing his chin, Dr. Jones said, “Well, I’m not exactly sure. As I said, sometimes it can take months for the blood to return to normal. We’ll have to do periodic tests on you to see if your platelet count or blood clotting abilities go back to normal.”

“ Months . I… I can’t wait months.” My voice shook.

Rex put his hand on my shoulder, but he didn’t speak.

“I’m afraid you have to wait.” Dr. Jones grimaced. “I’m serious when I say only a quack would consider performing any surgical procedure on you in your condition. But regardless, I’m sure in a few months’ time, you’ll be fine and you can terminate the pregnancy then.”

I couldn’t speak because my throat was closed up with anxiety. The longer I waited to have an abortion, the more the baby would become real to me. Right now, it was a faceless nothing. But in a few months, my omega instincts would kick in big time, and I’d begin bonding with the unborn child. It was unavoidable. I couldn’t stop the maternal omega instincts from coming, even if I wanted to.

“Doctor, I can’t wait.” My voice shook with emotion. “It’ll be too difficult for me to go through with an abortion if we wait. You must know that.”

Dr. Jones shifted uneasily. “I… I do know it will be harder for you. Perhaps you’ll get lucky and your blood will begin clotting normally in a few weeks.”

Rex nodded, squeezing my shoulder. “That’s right. That could happen, Tanner. Don’t look so worried.” He attempted an encouraging smile, but it didn’t quite come off.

“But what if that doesn’t happen?” I mumbled, holding Rex’s compassionate gaze. “What if I’m forced to wait months for an abortion?”

Rex opened his mouth, but then closed it again. His expression was strained, and it was obvious he didn’t know what to say to comfort me.

“I’m sure it’ll all work out.” Dr. Jones said brightly, heading toward the door. Just like the nurse earlier, he seemed eager to escape. “Oh, I meant to tell you, we’ll be releasing you tomorrow morning, Tanner. Try and get some rest. You’ll heal faster.” He slipped out into the corridor.

I met Rex’s anxious gaze. “If it takes months for my blood to return to normal, I’m fucked, Rex.” My voice broke. “I… I’ll start bonding with the kid.”

“I know.” He let out a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry, Tanner.”

“I don’t know what to do.” My bottom lip quivered, and my eyes burned with tears of frustration. “How am I supposed to job hunt while healing from a snakebite and dealing with morning sickness? And even if I somehow snag a job, I’ll almost immediately need time off to recover from the abortion—if I’m even emotionally strong enough to go through with it. This is an absolute nightmare .”

“Yes.” Rex sat on the edge of my bed, his face tense. “Plus, I worry if you go back to Billings, Steve will talk you into reconciling because you’ll feel desperate.”

“No. I can’t trust him.”

“I agree, but you’ll be desperate to trust someone . I wouldn’t blame you for letting him back in, not in the situation you’re in. You need help, and if Steve is there, I fear you’ll let him get his claws into you again.”

Panic washed through me because I worried he was right. If Steve came back to me, I might cling to him simply because I had no one else. “Maybe I should just risk an abortion now,” I rasped. “If I die, then I die. ”

Rex shuddered and his face paled. “No. Absolutely not. You think I’m just going to let you do something that dangerous?”

“It’s not really up to you,” I mumbled, wincing at the angry glare he shot me. “You’re not my alpha.”

“No, I’m not.” His voice was hushed, his expression solemn. He took my hand and his throat worked as though he was trying to force words out. He let out a harsh breath and said hoarsely, “But what if I was your alpha, Tanner?”