33. Beth
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
BETH
“ B eth!”
I whirled around near the school gate at the sound of Amanda’s voice. Her face was wreathed in smiles as she bounded toward me like an excited wee kid. I couldn’t help but grin in return.
“What’s happened?”
Amanda grabbed my biceps and squealed with glee. “I just met the most gorgeous guy! He’s new!”
My smile fell and a sense of possessiveness I didn’t understand caused me to blurt, “Callan?”
She slumped at my tone, all joy leaving her face. “You saw him too.”
“I spoke to him.”
“So did I.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I fancy him. Do you fancy him?”
“I liked him, aye.” I crossed my arms, mirroring her.
Suddenly out of nowhere, rage flooded her expression. Before I could compute what was happening, she slapped me. Hard.
“Amanda?” I pressed a palm over my stinging cheek. “What the hell?”
And then she punched me. I stumbled back, but she kept coming.
“Amanda!” I cried out in horror as her fists rained down on my body.
I tried to protect myself, falling to the ground in a ball, but she seemed to grow a hundred arms and legs as she continued to punch and kick me.
“You stole him!” she shrieked. “You stole everything from me!”
Sobbing, I shook. “Please, Amanda …”
“You took my life! You took my life!”
My eyes flew open as my body gasped awake. Chest tight, I sucked in air as terror held me in its nightmarish grip. As the now familiar room came into focus, I shook as realization hit.
It was a bad dream.
Tears flooded my eyes as the tightness in my chest increased. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath as my heart thundered in my ears … tingles exploded across my face and all I could think was:
I’m going to die.
I’m going to die.
Silent, salty tears slid down my cheeks as the night closed in on me. My fingers curled in the sheet beneath me as the panic attack seized control.
What do you see?
I glanced at the beautiful man asleep beside me.
Callan. Bed. Side tables. Bathroom. Walk-in. Doorway. My underwear and clothing scattered on the bedroom floor.
What do you hear?
He snores a bit. I hadn’t noticed that before. It wasn’t awful, but there was definitely some noise going on there.
Faint sound of light traffic.
My heartbeat.
My shallow breaths.
What do you smell?
I inhaled through my nose and out through my mouth. Callan’s aftershave. Sex.
The room was musky with sex.
Finally, the attack let go of me. But my heart still raced and I felt clammy and shaky as I quietly eased out of bed.
Callan and I were certainly making use of our six-week contract. If things had been hot between us before John’s birthday at the club, they’d gotten even more so over the past few nights since. We were doing things to each other’s bodies I’d never done with anyone. Somehow, at least with this, I trusted Callan. He made me feel … free. In a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Amanda’s face flashed in my mind and renewed tears burned my eyes.
But clearly being with him was also raising old ghosts.
The dream played over and over in my mind as I quietly dressed and slipped out of his bedroom and apartment. My legs shook as they took me downstairs to my own place. The replay in my head spiraled, memories pushing in, battering me with images and feelings I’d rather forget. All through my shower, I couldn’t switch off the thoughts and I couldn’t make my bloody heart stop racing. After peeing, I realized my period had arrived. Hormones sometimes triggered anxiety for me, so that made sense.
Knowing I was heading straight for a spiral if I didn’t get it under control, I took my anti-anxiety pills and headed into the kitchen to brew a chamomile tea. Sometimes it helped relax me and slow my heart.
Flicking to the mindfulness app on my phone, I sat cross-legged in the living room and sipped my tea before I began listening to it.
After a while, the inner trembling I experienced during anxiety had dissipated. I was much calmer as I fought off the intrusive thoughts.
Even though it left me exhausted, my brain was still wide awake, and I knew if I couldn’t sleep, it would be so easy for my mind to go where I didn’t want it to. So I switched on my laptop.
On Monday, Tellie Sutton emailed to inform me Sheera would not be pursuing a relationship with Social Queens. Though unsurprised, I was, of course, disappointed. But also determined to not let my efforts go to waste. Attending the Aura Beauty launch party wouldn’t be for nothing. I’d gotten up the nerve to contact Iain Erstwhile and ask if he was willing to take a meeting with me about social media management for Pennington’s. He seemed to like how ballsy I was, but explained he already had a top company in London handling their social media. Having looked through their socials, however, I reckoned they were missing a trick for their Edinburgh location. Scotland was massive on socials. It was hashtagged nearly thirty million times on Instagram. Our country had a presence on socials, and Pennington’s Edinburgh needed to capitalize on that.
I said as much to Mr. Erstwhile and suggested he might want to think about working with local media management companies for focused marketing on particular stores.
He’d agreed to meet me so I could pitch Social Queens to him.
Working on my pitch was the best distraction. I’d barely started it when my phone binged.
It was Callan.
You okay?
I’d never snuck out of his apartment after sex before.
I was still a bit shaky as my thumbs hovered over the screen.
The truth was, Callan had been my best distraction lately, but I didn’t want him to see that side of me. He was attracted to confident, cocky Beth. He didn’t need to know there was a whole other side that wasn’t quite so fun.
Got my period.
It wasn’t a lie.
Have cramps. Needed my own bed.
I could see he was typing. And then:
No worries. Feel better.
Thanks.
I turned my phone on silent and switched back into work mode, where I needed my mind to be right now.