55. Callan
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
CALLAN
I t would have been so easy to go back out on that pitch and fall apart. To let fear and frustration and grief for Baird take us out at the knees.
But Caley United returned to the pitch four days later to the roar of not just our fans but Kingston fans too. Kingston supporters led the way, clapping us onto the field. Our fans followed. Their compassion made me proud of our sport.
We played for Baird who was recovering in hospital but out for the rest of the season.
And we played with a fierceness that stunned our worthy opponents.
That first game was a draw.
The next a win.
The next after that a win.
A draw.
A win.
A win.
A draw.
A win.
The new year sped toward us, passing us by. Beth and I had been set to attend her parents’ New Year’s Eve party, but we’d stopped off at Baird’s flat in Dean Village first, only to find him holed up there on the couch with his mum, sister, grandparents, and John. John was flying home to Canada after the third for the week we had off from training. For now, he spent all his time at Baird’s.
The flat had never seemed so mammoth and empty with only the seven of us situated around Baird’s huge TV with snacks. He wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol.
And he wasn’t himself.
Everyone assured me that was normal, and we’d get Baird back.
But I wondered if we would.
He was withdrawn, frustrated, and I was afraid he was depressed. While he couldn’t play for the rest of the season, the team doctors wanted to ease him back into training in February. I was worried my mate might go off his nut until then.
Beth and I ended up staying, spending New Year’s with them instead of her parents.
By the end of January, we were back on the field, playing in several tournaments at once and smashing it for Baird.
Whenever she could get there, Beth was in the stands. Braden, Adam, and a couple of Beth’s uncles and aunts joined her sometimes. One day I told Beth it was like having family at my games.
She’d said, “Not like . Is. You do have family at your games.”
When February hit, Baird seemed to pull himself out of his black hole. His training regimen was gentle. But that wasn’t what he threw himself into. He threw himself into our real estate company. And our deal with Braden. Rather than buy Blantyre Castle, we bought into it, and Baird was now working closely with Braden on it. I was relieved. He seemed happier, if still not quite the Baird I was used to. He was far more serious about life.
There was no sign of Gavin.
Whatever Braden said to him that night outside the restaurant, he took it to heart, and he left me alone. I hadn’t realized how much his presence in my life weighed me down until I no longer had to deal with him.
As for Beth, I finally mustered the courage to ask her to give up her flat and move in with me. It made sense. We were always in mine, anyway, and I wanted her there permanently. I wanted to know that I was coming home to her, and she was coming home to me.
She didn’t disappoint in her answer. “It took you long enough,” she grumbled, teasing, before she threw her arms around me and kissed me like her life depended on it.
I knew mine did.
Instead of feeling like we were settling into ourselves, I felt uneasy. Like any second now, she might disappear. Like … I needed absolutely everything I could get from her. And I wondered even then if it would ever calm this thing inside me that needed her beyond anything else.