On Screen & Off Again

Then Daxon

Then DAXON

F or the last two weeks, we’ve gotten really good at pretending I’m not leaving, that summer won’t ever end.

Tonight is it, though. Where we have to end it.

Tomorrow, I’m leaving for Yale.

I didn’t tell Wil that it was me, that I was the one who set things in motion to end Marnie . I should’ve. The second that acceptance email came in and I knew I wouldn’t be renewing my contract with Magicworks, that’s when I should’ve told her. I know that. But when I look at her face, when I think about what she’s up against, combined with the fact that I’m about to pop our perfect bubble of summer and loving each other out loud, I can’t.

I pick Wil up around four, and we go to the beach. The weird thing about LA beaches is that during the day they’re like the surface of the sun, and then right around late afternoon/early evening, somebody turns the temperature way down and you need a sweatshirt, maybe a blanket. Wil is wearing my sweatshirt not fifteen minutes after we get settled on the sand.

I’m sitting with my legs wide and she’s sitting in front of me, leaning back against my stomach. The breeze coming off the water sends the smell of strawberries from her hair up into my face, just to make this that much worse.

“First break is in November. I’ll come back then,” I say.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Winter break is longer. I’ll be back then, too.”

“Dax...” Wil sits up and pivots around towards me. Her eyes hit mine and I know what she’s going to say.

“I know,” I tell her. “But maybe we can...”

“Maybe.”

I lick my lip. Suddenly, every organ in my body weighs a ton. “Because I don’t wanna not be... us.”

“Daxon,” Wil breathes. She reaches out for me and pulls me close to her, arms wrapping around my neck, and everything goes still—even the roar from the waves diminishes. “That’s all I wanna be. Us. Always. You’re the only thing I have left.”

“Me, too.” My arms fold around her and we sit like that for a long time, breathing each other in, trying to memorize how the other feels in our arms.

We’re out all night, under the stars, walking the shoreline in bare feet, pointing out the winking lights of ocean liners, wondering where they’re headed. Pretending nothing is going to change, but being so fucking aware of it that the passing seconds hardly feel real at all.

At six the next morning, we wake up in my car, sunrise drenching the windshield. I squint against the color if it. “We should go,” I whisper.

Wil looks at me from the passenger seat, lowered flat the same as mine. She reaches for my hand and holds it tight and fast to her chest, tucking her chin around it. “Don’t go to Yale.”

I blink at her. “What?”

“Just... stay. With me. Maybe we can call Harris and Bill and the Magicworks team and save Marnie . Maybe it doesn’t have to be over.”

Slowly, I adjust the seat so it’s fully upright and take my hand back from her gently. I would follow her into space without a helmet, into an inferno without a drop of water. And for a second, I’m about to tell her okay , I’ll stay.

But I can’t obliterate a dream before I’ve even given it a chance to fly or fail. My jaw is locked tight as I stare out across the sand towards the waves. I want to go to Yale. To learn how to do this right, to make a meaningful career out of acting.

“The movers are coming at eight to get my stuff. I gotta get back.”