31. Between A Rock and A Bottom
CHAPTER 31
between a rock and a bottom
MICK
C ato, Franco, and RiRi wasted no time in tearing into me as if I'd personally wronged each of them.
"You're what?" Franco sputtered, practically choking on his drink. "Mate, did you knock your head when you came up with this plan?"
RiRi crossed her arms, fixing me with a sharp glare. "Letting her go? Mick, you don't bring a woman like that back here, say all the right things, and then just… push her away. Have you completely lost your mind?"
I sighed, running a hand through my hair, feeling their collective judgment in full force. "Look, it's not like I didn't think this through. She was doing great, and now she's not doing well… again . She's working all the time. She's not even drinking, and I've tried to get her drunk. She wants to go back to Cambridge."
"Then go with her," Cato suggested.
"I don't want to. If this is going to be our life with Belle working all the time, I can't do it. And I can't stop her from doing what she wants. Belle is meant for something big. Bigger than Reef Harbor. She's out there changing lives, moving mountains. I'm here, drinking at a beach bar and dragging lizards off the porch every morning." In the past three weeks since she was arrested, it was becoming clear to me that Belle wasn't meant for the life I wanted to live—a life with balance or rather more of a tilt toward living than working. Belle liked to go on vacation; I wanted to live my life like I was always on vacation and wanted to work to challenge my mind. I was excited about the prospect of doing more than being a beach bum thanks to my sojourn to Cambridge, but I wouldn't become who I used to be, who Belle, I feared, was.
Cato raised an eyebrow, his expression more bemused than angry. "And you don't think she could maybe use a little of the Reef Harbor simplicity?"
"That's just it," I said, trying to make them understand what I'd finally realized myself. "She's not wired for a simple life. She's destined to do incredible things. I'm not dragging her down to my level."
"But you said you were going to consider being some hotshot consultant?" Franco reminded me.
"Yeah, but I won't give up my life to be a workaholic ever again. Belle refuses to learn balance. So, I'm going to get her out of here and… ." Break my fucking heart.
RiRi let out a sharp laugh. "Dragging her down? Mick, do you hear yourself? Since when is living a happy life going in a downward direction?"
I didn't respond right away. RiRi, Cato, Franco—they'd all chosen lives that suited them, but I couldn't help seeing things from a different angle. "You know what happened to me. I got burned out. Lost my sense of purpose. I'm just…" I hesitated, the words tasting strange even as I said them. "I'm trying to do the right thing for Belle, but she's not working with me."
Cato let out a long sigh, shaking his head like I'd missed the mark entirely. "So your answer is to let her go without even telling her how you feel?"
"Oh, she knows how I feel," I muttered.
RiRi reached over and gave me a light slap on the arm. "You're an idiot, Mick Bottom. You think you can just love someone from afar and call it doing the right thing? People don't just get over love like that."
I knew that was true. I wouldn't get over Belle. But it was starting to feel like a one-sided relationship.
"She loves her work more than she wants a life with me."
Franco snorted, raising his drink with a wry grin. "If that's what you believe, you, mate, are an even bigger idiot than we thought."
I chuckled despite the knot twisting in my gut. "Hey, at least I'm a well-intentioned idiot."
Belle didn't know what to make of me. She was used to people who stuck around, who fought for things no matter how impossible. And I knew that, in her world, my life might look like I'd simply given up. But I hadn't. I'd made choices—choices to walk away from a life that had chewed me up and spit me out. Reef Harbor had been my salvation, and I wasn't about to leave it behind, not even for her, not even because I loved her.
"She's got so much left to do, you know?" I said quietly. "I want her to do it. Hell, I'll support her from here. I'll donate to her cause and fund whatever new project she's got up her sleeve. But I'm not about to drag her into my version of paradise and tell her it's enough. It wouldn't be fair."
Cato and Franco exchanged a look, but RiRi softened, sighing as she reached over and patted my shoulder. "You're making it harder than it needs to be, Mick. But if you think it's best…"
"Sometimes the right thing isn't the easiest thing," I replied, shrugging, though my heart didn't feel half as casual as I sounded.
They all stared at me, each of them with their brand of pity mixed with frustration, and I couldn't tell whether they were about to hug me or drown me in a margarita. But I knew one thing: I wasn't backing down. I'd make sure Belle knew she could go after every dream she had, whether I was in the picture or not.
And that's when I saw her stepping out of the bar's shadow and looking right at me, shock and hurt flickering in her eyes. She must have overheard our conversation; actually, I was pretty damned sure she had. I could only hope she'd understand why I was choosing to let her go—even if it was breaking me in the process.
Belle looked as wounded as I felt. And if I was being honest, that's the last thing I wanted to do. But then again, I had a knack for ruining the things I loved by overthinking them. She stepped forward, her sandals quiet against the creaky wooden floor of my hut. Cato, Franco, and RiRi were smart enough to scatter.
"Mick," Belle's voice was low, edged with something raw and jagged. "Is that really how you feel?"
I swallowed, glancing around like I might find the right words lying somewhere in the cluttered corners of my place. "Belle," I started, my voice rough. "I didn't think you'd…hear all that."
Her arms wrapped tightly around her middle, her mouth a hard line. "You didn't think I'd hear, or you didn't want me to hear?"
I took a breath, bracing myself. "I didn't want you to hear."
She shook her head, a bitter smile flickering on her lips. "So you just made this decision for me? Decided to play the noble martyr? "
"It's not like that," I said, but even to my ears, it sounded weak. "I was trying to think about what's best for you."
Her eyes flashed. "What's best for me? Mick, I am perfectly capable of deciding what's best for myself."
A laugh slipped out before I could stop it, bitter and unplanned. "Are you, though? Because every time I look at you, Belle, you're exhausted. You're pushing yourself to the edge every damn day. Do you think I don't see that? I know what that path looks like. I know where it leads."
She took a step closer, challenging me. "And what if I want that life? What if I like the edge? That doesn't mean you get to make this choice for me."
"Maybe it's just not a choice you'd make if you were seeing things clearly," I countered, my voice coming out sharper than I meant. "You work like you're chasing something you'll never catch. And I'm not—I'm not going to sit here and be a consolation prize for you. I'm not gonna be the thing you settle for when the work gets too hard."
She flinched, and instantly, I hated myself. But I couldn't take the words back now.
"So that's what you think I'd do? That I'd settle for you because I fail at work?" Her voice cracked, but her eyes were fierce, holding me in place. "Do you think that little of me?"
"No," I said quickly, stepping forward, trying to close the distance. "No, Belle, that's not it. I think the world of you. I think you're incredible. I just…I want you to be happy, Belle. And I don't think I can make you happy—not the way you need."
She looked at me for a long moment, like she was trying to peel back my layers and see what was hiding underneath. "You're so scared of being left behind," she whispered, "that you're running away before I can even try to stay."
I opened my mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn't come. She wasn't wrong. I was terrified. Terrified that someday she'd look at me in Reef Harbor, content with my simple life, and wonder why she ever thought she could be happy with a guy like me.
Belle took another step closer, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off her skin and smell that faint trace of salt and coconut from her hair.
"You don't get to make this choice for me, Mick. You don't get to assume that I'd be miserable just because you were once."
I looked down, letting out a shaky breath. "I don't want you to wake up one day, trapped here, hating me for it."
"And you think I'd hate you less for pushing me away now?" Her voice was barely a whisper now, but it cut through me like a blade.
I didn't know how to respond because I knew she was right. I could feel it in my gut, twisting there, reminding me that I was standing on the edge of losing her, all because I couldn't shake the fear that I'd somehow hold her back.
"I've worked my whole life to build something," she said, her voice barely above a murmur. "And yes, I work hard. Yes, it's exhausting. But do you really think that means I can't love you, too? That I can't find space for you in that life?"
"I don't want to be something you have to make space for," I said, my voice thick with emotion I'd been trying so hard to suppress. "I want to be…I want to be something you choose. Because you want me, not because it's convenient, or easy, or something you feel obligated to keep."
Her face crumpled, and she took a shuddering breath. "Mick, I wouldn't be here if I didn't choose you. I wouldn't have stayed as long as I have. But…you keep pushing me back, shoving me into a box labeled too ambitious for love . That's not fair."
"I do love you, Belle."
"And I love you, so I don't understand?— "
"I can't become Dr. Nicholas Augustus again, and you're all into that world. I am who I am now, and I like who I am. I don't want to change."
She took a shaky breath, her voice softer now, almost pleading. "I don't need you to change who you are. I don't need you to leave Reef Harbor or give up your life here. But I need you to let me decide if I want to be a part of it. Can you…can you at least give me that?"
I felt my defenses start to crumble. She wasn't asking me to give up my life, my sanctuary. She was asking to be let in.
I took her hand, rough and calloused against her softness. "Belle…I don't want you to regret this. I don't want you to ever look back and feel like you gave up more than you got."
She looked down at our joined hands, her thumb brushing over my knuckles. "Maybe that's a risk I'm willing to take. But it has to be my risk, Mick. Not yours."
I nodded slowly, feeling the weight of it settle in my chest. I wanted her. God, I wanted her more than anything. But wanting her and believing I deserved her were two different things.
"Okay," I whispered, my voice barely holding steady.
"I will get better at work-life balance. I promise."
"And I'll try to get better at not making decisions for you without your input."
She laughed softly, and her eyes filled with hope. And in the quiet that followed, with her fingers laced in mine and the ocean whispering just beyond the walls of the hut, I let myself hope, too.