15. CT
15
ct
I lean against the wall outside of the arena doors and listen as Dani works with Graham. She doesn’t want me in there when they work together, which I can understand, but I have a fierce need to listen, to be near her as she works.
For as long as I’ve known Dani, she’s always been extremely gentle and patient with people. Something I severely lack when it comes to people.
We balanced each other well.
When she was being stubborn about something, I was able to cool her temper. When I was being a hothead, she was able to distract me and make sure I didn’t do anything stupid.
Regret slams into me again when I think of how badly I destroyed a good thing. I loved that woman. I loved the plan we had for our lives.
Then I had to go and let grief take hold of my actions and throw it in her face. The plan, the love we shared, the good times and the bad, all of it down the drain thanks to grief and fear.
“That’s it, good work. Just breathe. Deep breaths will relax you, and it’s one of the most important parts of getting back on.”
My ears perk up at Dani’s voice, and if it wasn’t obvious, I would peek around the wall to see if my brother was finally on a horse again.
I knew that my brother was hurt in the Army, but he’d gone through the work of recovering his strength. He hiked regularly and worked tirelessly at his job as a handyman. So his reluctance to ride was more than the pain of his leg but also tied to a bunch of memories he probably didn’t want to remember.
Sounds familiar.
I think of what Dani said down by the river last week about my mom not wanting me to give up my passions. It’s stirred up all kinds of thoughts and realizations that I’ve had to work through.
Dani has been here every day, working with Lady and practicing on the cows. She was amazing, had gotten a hell of a lot better in the last six years, and I was sure she was going to do well at the show.
Another thought occurred to me, Tommy fucking Smith was going to be there, and I don’t know how I felt about her being around him without someone with her.
I shake my head. Well, I won’t let that happen.
I hear the clank of the fence and move away from the door toward the tack room, where I have a chair that sits against the wall in the alleyway for downtimes.
I pick up a stick and grab my knife and pretend I’ve been whittling this whole time instead of eavesdropping.
Graham strides out confidently with General behind him, and I feel a thrum of happiness at the sight of him looking so sure of himself. He’s got his old boots on and looks just like the big brother I grew up with.
“How’d it go?” I ask casually, stripping another slice of wood off the stick.
“Great.” Graham nods, and Dani comes up behind him, leaning against the wall near the tack room door, keeping the open doorway between us.
“He’s doing great,” she compliments, a little smile on her lips. “I think your niece is going to be thrilled.”
I grunt and smile, thinking of Alex. That little rug rat really has her claws in our hearts around here. “ Not my niece yet.” I lift a brow at Graham as he ties General up to unsaddle him. “When is that status going to change?”
Dani smiles at my prodding, and I relax into my chair, feeling a nostalgic air around the three of us, as if we’ve been transported to the past.
“Soon enough,” Graham replies, shocking no one. It was no secret that Graham and Quinn would eventually end up married with probably another kid or two in the future. They were close to moving in together but hadn’t yet, deciding that they wanted to be engaged before they did to give Alex more security. According to Graham, anyway.
“What’s soon?” Dani says teasingly.
“Soon like…July. Probably.” He averts his gaze and focuses on his horse.
“Ah, first year anniversary.” I take a guess, nodding my head. “Nice touch. You bringing Alex along?”
He nods and says, “Yeah, she came and helped me pick the ring.”
I lift a brow, surprised. “You have the ring? And you shared that with a toddler?”
Graham laughs at me and shakes his head. “She’s nine, brother.”
I wave my hand and continue whittling. Dani cracks up at our antics, and I smile, watching her chuckle.
“So, what happened to Trent?” Dani asks when we move on from teasing my brother.
I roll my eyes and sigh. “Didn’t work out.”
“The new barn help?” Graham clarifies. “Already didn’t work, huh?”
I shrug. “He ghosted. Just never showed up.”
“He did not,” Dani replies, shocked. “He didn’t even text to quit?”
“Nah.” They never do. Or they do, and it’s some outlandish excuse why they can’t possibly be bothered to come to work. “Doesn’t matter. I was going to fire his ass, anyway.”
“Not made for it?” Graham asks, moving his gear to the tack room and coming back out to brush General down.
“Not even close. I shouldn’t have bothered, but I thought if I put in a little effort, he might too,” I admit, wondering how I was ever going to hire people to work for me if I was this bad of a judge of character.
“You still have a few nice bones in your body,” Graham says jokingly, and Dani smirks.
“Eh, I should get rid of them.”
“Hey, you know,” Dani says, looking like she is debating what to say. “I think Logan is looking for some more work.”
I frown at the mention of my friend and her cousin. “He is? He didn’t mention anything.”
She shrugs. “He’s probably too proud.”
I get that. He’s a trainer, not a stall cleaner. People somehow take offense to the thought of cleaning stalls, though I never had. It’s all a part of the process. Cleaning stalls is part of living life on a ranch. We spend over half of our time cleaning up after animals, not riding or chasing around women like it’s depicted on TV.
Plus, Logan was a dad. I highly doubted it took much convincing to do the shitty jobs when it comes to providing for your family.
“I’ll give him a call.”
A short while later, Graham is putting General away and gives Dani a hug goodbye, shaking my hand before he heads out for dinner at Quinn’s house. They started their own family dinner nights, which occur about six nights a week.
Dani stands like she’s getting ready to leave, and though I know better, I ask what I’ve been dying to get a yes answer to. “You wanna get some dinner?”
Dani smiles at me, and hope rears its head again, hope that she’ll say yes, hope that she’ll forgive our past and continue making plans for the future we once had.
“Sorry.” My chest deflates at her words, and I rein in a sigh. “I have plans with my folks tonight.”
I don’t know if it’s a lie, but I appreciate that she’s willing to try to make me feel better about letting me down.
“It’s all right.” I smile at her, hiding my disappointment. “Another time.”
She doesn’t say no but doesn’t say anything else as she sends me a small wave and makes her way out of the barn and into the cooling summer night.
I have no idea if she’ll ever say yes to me again, but until it’s a solid no, I won’t stop trying.