20. Dani
20
dani
Riders and their horses circle each other in the warm-up arena and my turn draws nearer as the show goes on. I sit quietly on Lady, letting her take a few moments to breathe and relax before our run.
I can feel my own anxiety and fear pumping through me and worry that Lady is feeling that energy. I take a deep breath to steady myself, trying to concentrate before my turn.
This is a part of the horse world that I both love and hate. I love showing. I think it’s fun to see both me and my horse improve the more we work together, but on the other hand, having judges watch us and tell us if we’re good or not makes me a little insane.
You don’t want to overwork yourself or your horse, but how do you know you did enough? How do you know when you’ve done absolutely everything in your power to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself ?
“You feel good?” I feel the tension ease out of my shoulders as Cade comes closer, and I smile when I look down at him standing by my side. His hand goes to my knee, and I spend a few more seconds than I should wondering if he realizes he’s doing it or not.
I shouldn’t feel anything from the touch—not with jeans and leather chaps over them—but something about his touch, even a minuscule one, makes me break out in goose bumps.
“I’m okay,” I say, my voice not as confident as I would like. “I’m nervous.”
Cade smiles at my admission and lays his other hand on Lady’s neck, giving her calming reassurance, something that I’m not doing a very good job of right now. “Just breathe. Take your time. You won’t get any higher marks on your pattern if you push too hard, too fast. Ease back into it.”
I nod, agreeing with his words. For all this show is, it’s not a huge deal. More of a schooling show, easing our horses back into the season and letting them get familiar with the atmosphere.
“Hey.” Cade rubs his hand over my leg, and I glance down at him again. He nods his head reassuringly. “You’ve got this.”
I open my mouth to say something, to thank him, maybe. But right then, the announcer says my name, and I have to line up in the tunnel that leads into the arena.
I nudge Lady forward, and she gets antsy, a thrum of excitement pulsing between the two of us. This pattern requires that you gallop into the arena straight away and then stop, sliding your horse as far as you can until you come to a complete stop. The longer you slide, the better your marks are.
I’m glad I bought the new leather sliders that act as protection on her hind legs.
Something in me clicks, and the moment Lady and I enter the arena, we fall into our old ways. She does as I tell her, and I’m able to block out every negative emotion, every bit of anxiety.
Occasionally, I’ll hear Cade whistle or yell words of encouragement when I ride near the end he’s standing on.
But otherwise, we’re focused, in the groove. We both lean on each other, rely on each other. Before I know it, our patterned reining portion of my run is done, and they let a cow into a pen.
We box the cow at the end one, two, three times before I send the cow down the wall. Lady keeps up with it, no problem. We cut it off at the wall a few times before we push the cow toward the center of the arena, and Lady seems to get a surge of energy, pushing herself to move on the cow.
I hear whistling from various people watching and yelling from Cade, “Yeah, baby! You got this!” and a blossom of pleasure erupts in my chest right as the judges blow a horn, telling me my time is up, and I’ve done what is asked.
I pull Lady back, stopping her from chasing the cow, and the cow runs off to the end it came from, immediately rejoining the herd through the open gate.
I smile as I lean down and pet Lady on the neck. “Good girl,” I tell her breathlessly, nudging her toward the end of the arena we entered.
You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if you tried.
After I’ve exited the arena, another rider enters, and I hop off Lady, taking off her bridle to show the bit judge what I’m using. Their job is to make sure we aren’t using anything that would hurt our horses or be illegal in the show world. When I’m cleared, I walk a step forward before someone comes up and scoops me into their arms.
Cade’s scent envelops me, and I laugh as he hugs me close. “Fucking hell, that was amazing.” He pulls back slightly, keeping his hands on my hips and surprising me with a kiss to my cheek. His beard scratches at my cheek, and I smile.
I’m ashamed to admit how much pleasure I found in that tiny show of affection.
I’m breathless—though from my run or from the kiss, I don’t know. “It felt really good.”
He stares at me, and I look into his hazel eyes. “You were amazing.”
We walk up the tunnel, and I remount Lady, getting ready to cool her down. “Your turn.” I wink at Cade playfully, and he chuckles.
“Not sure I’ll be as flawless as you,” he replies smoothly.
I give him a cheeky grin, feeling a playfulness between us that I haven’t felt in years, and say, “Never know until you try, Trevors.”
He winks at me as I ride away, and I think about our little exchange, about him cheering me on and calling me baby, about the hug, the kiss on the cheek and the flirty banter…
We were falling back into a pattern, back to our old ways.
Before we broke apart, those old ways suited us just fine. In fact, they were some of the best times of my life.
I longed for the times when Cade would tease me, hold me, flirt with me. It was his way of showing his love for me, and I ate it up.
I wonder if we are headed back to that familiar territory the longer we spend time together. I wonder if I am ready for that.